Photo geeking warning for this chapter! Not too much though :)

********

 

"So? How did it go?" Jimin asked him a few days later.

Taehyung sighed a little, rolling his eyes as he finished replying to a customer question on the store's Facebook page. "It's literally none of your business."
"Oh, come on! I helped you! You know you wouldn't have texted him otherwise and you would be torturing yourself over it still."
"..."
"Come on. I just want to know if it went well. I don't need the deets."
"Fine, whatever. It did go well."

After Jungkook had offered to be a listening ear, Taehyung had assured him that he was fine. No need to burden Jungkook with this. He wasn't even a friend yet. Just a customer he happened to go shoot with. A very kind, very sweet, very beautiful customer he happened to go shoot with. That didn't mean anything though. Not like that, anyway.

"Think he can become a friend?" Jimin asked after a minute.
"Why would I know that?"
"I dunno, gut instinct? You're good at spotting annoying people before they even speak. Very useful skill to avoid y customers when you have the ability to drop them on someone else, by the way."
"I can spot s, yes, but I can't differentiate friendly people from just polite people. And you know what 'good' that instinct gave me before."

Jimin was the only one at his job who knew about Taehyung's insecurities. Probably, the only reason they weren't friends was because Taehyung didn't dare call anyone a friend anymore. It hurt less when they left if they had been nothing to him before. Otherwise it just made him feel angry and empty and in need of what he called a rat-therapy - an entire evening spent sitting in his babies' play area with them climbing all over him and trying to gnaw on his shirt's buttons.

"I suppose," Jimin sighed, understanding. "Sorry. It's just that you seem so lonely all the time. Jungkook looks like a good guy. I'm sure he'd love being friends with you."
"You don't know that."

Jimin sighed again, but stopped arguing. He went back to do this own thing, which at the moment seemed to be just reading the latest news on DPReview and PetaPixel, and Taehyung groaned. Damn that Jimin. Getting his hopes up. He knew this was a bad idea since he would most probably be disappointed, but he couldn't just tell that to his heart.

Especially when he could feel that Jungkook was a very sweet person. Especially when he could imagine Jungkook smiling at him the way he had done before.

He had been absent-mindedly staring at the screen in front of him, so he had to look up when the store's door opened. He opened his mouth to greet the customer.

"Hel-"

Oh.

"Hey!" Jungkook greeted him with a bright, beautiful smile. "I was nearby, so I figured I should come over and say hi while I was there."

There was nothing interesting nearby except a bike store. At least nothing that didn't already exist closer to where Jungkook lived. Weird.

"Well, we're always glad to see you here," Taehyung said cautiously but happily. He wasn't sure what else he could have said, but he was indeed glad to see Jungkook. Very glad, although this was giving him hopes and giving Jimin reasons to bug him. But Jungkook chuckled a little, amused by Taehyung's awkwardness with words.

"Good. While I'm here, I might as well get some prints done. I've done a little processing of the shots we got the other day when we went to shoot. Wanna see them?"
"Sure."

They went to the ordering booths and sat, Taehyung being a bit hesitant. He felt... weirdly hopeful. Jungkook was there and willing to spend time with him. If it were only about the prints, he could do it himself, without Taehyung being around. But he had asked Taehyung to come with him.

"Here we go," Jungkook said softly as he opened his photos on the screen. "This is it. I didn't get anything amazing, but I still quite like them."
"They're good. What's this? Where did you get that?" Taehyung asked, pointing at some really pretty flowers that Jungkook had apparently somehow found during their photo walk.
"That's the flowers right next to the tattoo place. They weren't hidden or anything."
"The tattoo... oh. The one near the donuts place."
"Exactly."
"I had never noticed those flowers."

Jungkook offered him a little smirk.

"Too busy thinking about the donuts?"
"Exactly. When I go there, I have my mind focused on donuts. Or on tea. Or lemonade. Or on the fact that I gotta make it and back in less than ten minutes because I generally go at the end of my lunch break."
"No worries, I would do the same. Luckily, we were during a photo walk, so I was focusing on photos instead, and it allowed me to see this."
"Yeah, it's really good, because those shots are great. That's with the kit lens? Sharper than I thought a kit lens could ever be."
"What, are you a pixel peeper?"
"I'm terrible. I pixel peep everything. Is this thing not as sharp as it looks here?"
"It's sharper than I thought it would be. But then again I read a lot of reviews afterwards, trying to confirm my choice, and I guess better or at least more experienced photogs can see the difference? But for me it's really good. I like this lens, personally."
"It looks plenty good enough for most people. Most kit lenses are terrible. This one is good though."
"Have you never actually used it? You have a Fuji too."
"I've used a kit lens before, back when I used Canon. Nowadays I only use prime lenses."
"Prime lenses. The ones that don't zoom, right?"
"Exactly. Their optical performance is generally better because of that. They're also usually smaller and less expensive. It really depends on their maximum aperture. A bright prime lens can get bigger and much more outrageously expensive than a lesser quality zoom."

Jungkook looked a little thoughtful, absorbing that information.

"What was your lens? The one you used the other day."
"A 35mm f/2. It's a great little lens, you barely notice you have it on. Optical performance is really good, although it's pretty bad when you meet certain conditions."
"Certain conditions?"
"Yeah, shooting a close subject at full aperture. If you get back a bit, or if you stop it down, the sharpness is back. I only noticed because I shoot a lot of macro."

They talked lenses and photography terms for a while, Taehyung feeling strangely... happy. It was a very particular feeling. He hadn't felt this peaceful in forever and a half. Eventually, Jungkook had to leave after placing his photo order, but Taehyung still felt the same once he was gone. Happiness, uh.

"Told you," Jimin chuckled once Taehyung was back at the front. "He could be a great friend. You just gotta let him in. And trust him to be a genuinely good person."
"That's asking a lot. Mostly of him. I am not a good person. Nobody has ever endured me for long, not even my parents, and you know that."
"Oh, Tae."
"I'm fine. It's just a statement, like saying that the sky is blue. It's the way my whole life has been. I'm not trying to be pitied or anything. I'm just stating the truth."

Jimin didn't say anything to contradict him, so Taehyung huffed. Yeah. He didn't need pity. He didn't need someone else to be sad for him. It was just the way his life was and he had known for a while. Didn't mean he liked it, but it wasn't like he could force people to love him.

He went home once the store closed, walking there, which unfortunately gave him plenty of time to think. Being on foot most of the time generally meant that he had half an hour to get home while thinking, and he often got bitter during that time, thinking and rethinking every relationship that had ended in a terrible way, and wishing he had detected the fake "friendship" way before then so he could have been the one leaving them behind instead of the opposite. It might have been less painful that way.

He headed to the living room once he was home, sitting near his babies' cage, opening the wide bottom doors to welcome them on his lap. He cuddled them for a moment, lifting them and breathing the scent of the fur on their back. It was a comforting scent to him, one that reminded him that at least someone would stay with him and love him. But even then, his mind kept seeing the photos that Jungkook had taken. They had been so beautiful, considering the subject, and so... full of life. Jungkook had made a brick wall and a dying plant look alive. The reason was probably that Jungkook was more alive than Taehyung. He was happier. He had a life. Friends, most probably. At least one roommate/friend he seemed to get along well with, although that roommate had to be kept far away from photographic gear. A family. A lot of things Taehyung didn't have. A lot of things Taehyung wanted.

His phone suddenly started ringing and he picked up without checking the caller ID, one of his boys - named Acros, which was a Fujifilm-related name - snuggled against his neck, another one - Chrome, also inspired by Fujifilm - trying to make his way under his hoodie, and the other two - Raf and Fuji, equally inspired by Fujifilm, duh - munching on puffed rice on his lap.

"Hello?"
"Hey. It's Jungkook."
"Oh. Hey." Awkward. Now he felt bad for being jealous.
"Are you okay? Sorry, I know it sounds weird, but you looked a bit tired earlier, and maybe a bit sick? I just wanted to make sure you're doing fine."
"I'm okay. It's very sweet of you to worry about me, but there's no need."
"You sound lonely. Terribly so."

Taehyung closed his eyes, feeling the words like a punch in the gut. Yeah. Lonely. He was. It was always present, this loneliness. More so lately when he had an example of a happy person showing up at his job all the time, and he knew he was living a terrible life in comparison.

"I... yeah. I guess you're right." He pushed Acros a little when he felt the little animal trying to chew on his phone case, and figured it couldn't exactly hurt to lower another barrier between him and Jungkook. Better do it now and get it over with if it was bound to crash like everything else. "It's pretty much always the case, to be honest. Just a bit more lately. It'll pass. No need to worry about me."
"There might be no need, but I want to. You don't seem like you do enough worrying about yourself."
"Jungkook. Please. I'm fine."
"Taehyung, you're not fine. Let's meet up somewhere. Restaurant. Okay?"
"Jungkook."
"I'm going anyway. I'll be there in half an hour whether you decide to show up or not."

He then told him the address and hung up. Taehyung got a text message a minute later with the same address - so that he would have it there, written down, even if he didn't remember what Jungkook had said. And Taehyung sighed as he put his babies back into the cage, one by one, coaxing Chrome out of his hoodie regretfully because that cutie had decided it might be comfortable to sleep there, and Taehyung loved it when his boys felt comfortable enough to be lap rats. He'd go to the restaurant out of guilt. Jungkook apparently knew that, and apparently knew him too well already.

He got prepared quickly after that, changing form his work clothes that might smell a tiny bit like ratties to other, more casual clothes, and headed to the metro station. The address Jungkook had given him wasn't exactly close by, but it was easy to get to by metro. It took about twenty minutes for him to get there, and he stepped into the all-you-can-eat Korean barbecue restaurant, looking around for Jungkook. He found him already sitting, leaning back ever so casually on his chair, his phone in hand, and he joined him with a heavy sigh. That cute little dared smirk at him.

"Good, you're here."
"You guilt-tripped me."
"Absolutely and I'm not ashamed of it."
"Jungkook..."
"What is it? If you really want to go home and spend the evening all alone, like you seemed to be doing, feel free to leave now. Otherwise, allow yourself to relax with someone else for one evening."

He wouldn't have been entirely alone, but yeah, indeed, his rats didn't speak to him, so it was a bit like being alone, except for getting smothered by four pounds of ratties trying to give him love. But fine, he'd stay. And he'd force the barriers down. Fully, if he could help it. It would either make Jungkook leave - which, given his past experience, was the option that would most likely happen - or make him stay - but Taehyung doubted this would be the case. Either way, he kicked the barriers down one by one, and then mentally stood with nothing between him and Jungkook, ready to tell him what was on his mind and potentially watch him leave. He was already prepared to erase that phone number from his phone.

"Fine. What do you want to know?"
"A lot of things about you," Jungkook chuckled. "Starting with what you'd like to eat tonight. Here's the sheet."

They chose food and then waited, Jungkook being cheerful, which surprised Taehyung. Anyone else would have felt like he didn't want to see them, considering his attitude. But Jungkook seemed to... not mind? Or at least understand his way of doing things. It was refreshing, albeit very weird.

"So, what do you like doing in your free time?" Jungkook asked, and Taehyung looked a little thoughtful.
"Ah. Um..." Sheesh, what did he like doing? "Shooting. Photos, I mean."
"I had guessed that. What else?"
"Ah... not... not much. I'm usually... well. I don't really... do much."
"Days off? What do you do during those?"
"I clean my apartment. I cook for the upcoming week. I sleep. I clean my pets' cage and I take care of them. I nap. I go shoot sometimes."
"On your own?"
"Yeah. I don't... really have friends. I have acquaintances I guess, but nobody to exactly spend much time with."
"Oh. Oh wow. But you have pets?"
"Pets are awesome. They're not gonna leave me behind." He realized how bad this sounded, so he figured he should explain. "I mean, sometimes I have 'friends', but they never last. Eventually they get a lover or they find new friends and then I'm alone once more. That's just how it is. I'm used to it. I'll be better soon, and I have my pets to help."

He tried not mentioning that they were rats, when he could help it. Most people hated rats. And Taehyung definitely hated to see Jungkook look so... angry? He could feel the words coming. When he had told people before, they had replied that it was probably his fault that people left him because he was annoying. He could hear the words already.

"What. The. . Are these people thinking?! That's no way to treat a friend. And you sound like it happens often," Jungkook growled.
"I mean, it happens all the time. I've never kept a friend for more than maybe a year or two, if I'm lucky and they don't find anyone new to hang out with during that time."
"People are so ing stupid. Not you. But those other people."
"I don't know about that. Everyone did that, so I'm probably the problem. I tried being different once, and it did get me friends and even a boyfriend until I couldn't keep up the act. I guess I'm just not naturally made to have friends."

Jungkook tightened his fists on the table, eyes dark and angry. This time his anger seemed directed at Taehyung, who just sighed and shook his head. This was such a bad idea. Such a bad, bad, bad idea.

"What?"
"Am I supposed to just, agree to what you've just said, like it's a statement? It's not. Bull is what it is. Not naturally made to have friends, my . You shouldn't be saying stuff like that."
"But it's true."
"Look. I don't know exactly what happened every time for you to believe this, but let me tell you: those people who dared leave you behind weren't ever worthy of your kindness. You're a good, fun guy. I know that."
"Apparently you're the only one who thinks so."
"Taehyung."
"What? It's true. I'm not saying this to be pitied or anything. I'm not saying this to play the victim. I don't feel like a victim." It was his fault that people left, or else some would have stayed, right? Sheesh. Lowering those barriers was just so much harder than he had thought it would be. He didn't want Jungkook to leave him like everyone else did. But hope, this stupid feeling, was right around the corner, poking at him ever so slightly, and making him want to believe that Jungkook was different. "All I'm saying is, this is just a statement, plain and simple. Just like when you told me about what you can do. Except that you're incredible and super talented and awesome, and I'm very obviously not."

Jungkook shot him a reproachful look, arms crossed on his chest, muscles bulging. Taehyung forced himself not to stare, and he instead looked away, sighing.

"Taehyung. First, let me be angry at all those idiots who made you feel terrible. Second, I won't just silently accept your 'statement' because it's not one. No hard facts. You're a wonderful, really kind person whom I truly appreciate, and nowhere near as horrible as you probably think you are. Don't bring yourself down. Please."

Taehyung looked down and scowled. Geez. He wasn't bringing himself down in any of those statements. He was just telling Jungkook the truth, the facts, as much as Jungkook didn't want to believe them. Some people insisted that planet Earth was flat, but that didn't change the fact that it was a sphere. Jungkook insisted that Taehyung wasn't a bad person, but it didn't change the fact that he couldn't keep anyone close to him no matter how hard he tried, which made him stop trying altogether.

"I can't promise that I won't do it because that would be a lie, and I'm not a liar. Believe me when I say I wish I could just obey and stop doing it. But I can't. I was thrown out at sixteen because my parents wanted me out so they could stop needing to take care of me, since I was an accident to begin with, they didn't want to have a kid. Ever since I was a kid, every friend I've ever made just left or ghosted me until I gave up ever seeing them again. As kids it was because they found better friends than me, and later on it was usually because they found a lover and forgot I existed, and didn't bother talking to me again when I reminded them that I was still there. I can only conclude that I'm just not good enough, that I'm not supposed to have friends, that-"
"Well then, I'll have to change that. Will you let me, Taehyung? Will you allow me to show you that friendship, lasting friendship, does exist? That it's nice, and that not everyone's an ."
Taehyung huffed. "Don't do it just because you're pitying me. You'll find me annoying eventually, and you'll leave too."
"Just answer the damn question. Will you let me be a friend?"

He inhaled deeply. Released it into a long, shaky breath. He then looked up at Jungkook from under his lashes, defeated.

"Okay. You can try."
"Then it's settled. I'll be your friend, unlike all those idiots who pretended to be. A good friend. If you need me for anything, text me or call me. If I can, I'll try to help you out. I can't, like, exit the classroom, but I can text from under the desk if you feel bad and you need someone to talk to. Like, I can be there for you to talk to, or I can be there if you want to hang out, or if you're in a pinch. It's up to you, really."

An actual friend. A real friend. What the heck was a friend even supposed to do for him? What could he tell one? What was sharing, versus oversharing? What would be weird? Was it strange that he wanted to hug Jungkook and cry? It probably was. Nothing was clear and defined, and Taehyung had never had anyone to really learn the boundaries of friendship with. He felt terribly dumb, hesitating like that and wondering about stuff that seemed obvious and simple for everyone else.

"Jungkook," he sighed softly after a minute. "You don't know me. You can't just... promise stuff like that."
"Then let me in, let me know more about you. Before you try to convince me otherwise, let me tell you that I think you're kind, and sweet, and a little socially awkward, but that's really cute and it's not a problem. I also think you've been broken and traumatized by horrible people, but I can help you heal, or I can at least try. I know you're applying your past experiences to me, and you told me that's all you've known before this, so I'll do my best to give you a good friendship experience. If there's something I do that you don't like, you can tell me, and I'll do the same with you, but I won't ghost you or just leave you, that I can promise. Okay? No, don't answer, you've agreed to this already anyway, so you're stuck into this until you're stick of me," Jungkook said sweetly with a little smirk.
"Okay," he puffed out. "Okay."

A friend. Wow.

A friend.