Scrolling mindlessly through Netflix, I wait for Jisoo to come back from the bathroom. We’ve just had our dinner and talked about everything we’ve missed about each other’s lives these past few months. Well, everything if what happened between her and Suho doesn’t count. It’s quite obvious she still doesn’t want to talk about it yet and I didn’t and won’t force her to.

“So, what will we watch?” I ask as soon as Jisoo occupies the other end of the couch. I’m thinking anything but romance, considering the situation she’s in, but then she surprises me when she answers Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

A bittersweet romantic film, but a romantic film nonetheless? I might have raised an inquisitive brow. “You sure?”

“I said what I said. Just play it,” Jisoo answers nonchalantly, so I just shrug off my disbelief and do as I’m told. Besides, it’s one of my favorites, so there are no objections.

I found myself distracted, though. I keep stealing glances to check up on Jisoo but she just seems normal, very much entranced by the movie... like she’s not going through anything. She could’ve fooled me if only she wasn’t just crying earlier.

To be honest, the news still hasn’t sunk on me yet. They’ve been together for more than four years. What could’ve possibly gone wrong? Thinking about an answer that doesn’t come, my heavy eyelids droop and I can feel myself giving in to the fatigue I’ve accumulated for the entire week.

“I wonder if I'd do the same,” Jisoo speaks and that wakes me up. Her voice is right next to my ear, so I fathom she’s moved closer to my side. “Would you?”

“Huh?” is the only response I can give with my mind still disheveled from my slumber to understand what she’s asking. I take a moment to shed the sleep from my brain, noticing the credits rolling on the TV screen.

“Great, I slept through the entire movie,” I groan.

“Not like you haven’t seen this before,” Jisoo chuckles and scoots even closer, leaning on my shoulder. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I yawn. Her hair tickles my nose when I nuzzle my cheek on her head. “What were you asking again?”

“I mean if Lacuna Inc. does exist, would you have the memories of the person you loved erased because you can’t handle the pain? The person who broke your heart.”

“The person who broke my heart,” I muse.

She’s asking me if I’d choose to forget about her. I never thought about it but now that she’s made me, I realize that maybe a part of me wants the easy way out because, honestly, I’m just truly one big mess inside. I mean just hours ago, I was condemning how she is inside my personal space, but here I am now basking myself in excellence that is she.

“Maybe.”

I hear her breathe in sharply and raggedly. I do that too when I try to lessen the sting in my chest sometimes. She’s hurting more than she cares to show and that’s a confirmation.

“Maybe I would too.” Jisoo pauses for a moment and sighs. “You know how much I love him. I was the happiest girl when he proposed but everything… just went downhill from there.”

“But I thought you were… Weren’t both of you busy planning your wedding?”

The laugh that comes out of her was no less than lugubrious.

“Not we, I was. I wish he cared even the slightest bit. He’s just not interested. When I ask him about stuff, he’d tell me just to pick what I want like I’m a bother. It’s our wedding and it’s appalling how there’s no single bone in his body that seems to care. I’m not asking for too much. I just wanted to at least be one of his priorities.”

“Aren’t you? I mean, one of his priorities?” I ask, then she shakes her head again. And, I can’t believe it. All this while I thought she was living her best life. She never mentioned it in any of her messages. “Maybe he’s just busy? Didn’t you say he’s a workaholic? And that you actually admired that about him?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think it was a problem before since I was also busy with college. We were both occupied with our own. I mean I’m busy with work too, but I still find time. There’s literally no effort on his part in everything, actually. Not just the wedding stuff,” she sighs heavily. “I guess I just never really noticed how distant our relationship was and how I probably wasn’t his priority even then...”

I nod. That makes sense. That’s the reason why I didn’t want her to cancel her plans with Suho when Joy and I broke up because they barely get to talk and hang out.

“Yeah, like, I wasn’t even being subtle about how I thought it was weird but you always said it was okay because you love him.”

“Then you call me a stupid .” I nod again and she chuckles, “But don’t we all do stupid things for love?”

“I guess…” Oh, don’t I know it. “Yeah, I guess we do.”

Jisoo leaves the comfort of my shoulder and hugs her legs tightly, her chin tucked on her knees— all balled up like she’s locking herself away from everything that hurt. It’s such a heartbreaking sight. She’s a strong woman and seeing her this fragile breaks me.

“It was okay since I thought it would be for our future but now, I can’t see myself in the future, living a happy life with him anymore. I’m just… there.” She shudders and I ball my fist. Just how terrifying is the thought of having a future with him to make her shudder?

“I feel like I don’t know him anymore. He stays in the hospital mostly. He’s barely at home and when he is, he barely gives me attention, and somehow, he makes me believe like it’s my fault. I let him gaslight me because I’m stupid and I love him. I tried to be as understanding and tolerant and passive as I can be but…”

“But you’re only human,” I finish her sentence when she obviously can’t quite place the right words.

Jisoo nods. “So, we fight and we broke into our worst one this morning just because I said I miss him. He told me I was becoming too needy, whiny, and demanding. Tons of he already called me before but what hit me this time was when he said I wasn’t the woman