Day 62 (June 20^th 2011)

Something… Something… How to start this diary log…

Don’t get me wrong father, I love writing back and forth with you but I’m never good at starting these things. But besides that, how have you been? Well? Oh. I thought so. Well… Things haven’t been going my way either, but the days are easier to get by than before. But it’s okay, life was meant to be like this, not everything will go your way every day, or else it wouldn’t be rewarding when it does right?

Oh yeah, the girl I keep talking about, Hayoung! We just had lunch together, now I’m back at the dorms writing this log for you. Spending time with her always drown my sorrows away. Sometimes she’d tell me about her past and I try my best to listen and offer my wisdom, but I can’t help thinking how pretty she is. I feel bad sometimes having her repeat some stuff too. I must keep reminding myself, she’s a member before my crush…

I forgot to tell you father, I made a new “spot.” The place I will always go to when I need to lose myself in thought. It used to be that big tree by our house. Now it’s different. But not the same.

On those cluttered night sky, she comes up, I think I miss her. Even when I see her, there’s something I want to say, but I think to myself. I can’t do it. When will I be able to do it? Tomorrow? The days busily passes by, will tomorrow go by just as quickly? I take a step around my room and then it becomes a loop. The tic toc sound of the clock that gets louder by the second. When will it stop? That’s something I wish to know myself.

Do you know my dilemma father? Or are you just hearing me out? It’s fine if you don’t know, I’ll figure it out eventually…

Seoul is a lot different from our home. The town where I can see the biggest stars, they’re small here. In spring when the sun shines warmly and the flowers bloom, that doesn’t happen here. Every time I write back, I get a little homesick. The memories of being poor, that was when I was happy.

When will it be the same?

Do you know?

Or.

Does mother know?

Or.

Does the person you have now know?