Day 45 (June 3^rd 2011)

I’m not sure how to start this log out for you father, but I’m going to assume as long as I write to you, it doesn’t matter how I start it. I know you’ve been anticipating the news about the girl I somewhat mentioned in the last log. But, don’t you worry, I’ll write a ton about her later. There’s just a lot of things I need to get off my system right now.

When I received your last letter, I didn’t know how to feel to be honest. My body is at its peak exhaustion because of these back to back photoshoots. Apparently, we’re the promising up and coming girl group of the century. Maybe because your gorgeous daughter is in of course. Don’t you laugh, because I can tell, we’re the same after all…

I know it’s not my place to be saying this stuff but I’m only writing how I feel to you, so I think it should be okay… But, is being an idol all it’s cracked up to be? I mean people will generally like us if we’re pretty, dance in synchronization, and have good vocals. But, like anyone that’s not an idol can do that, but those people are not being recognized for it… Do I deserve all these fans over the next person, should I even be happy? Or should I be undeserving? There are a lot of things I don’t understand father. I feel being an idol limits us on how we should behave normally, less organic so to speak. But I want to change that standard, I want us idols to be recognized for being ourselves, not someone who our companies or society wants us to be. I’m the biggest goober of Busan, Jeong Eunji and I think everyone should know that.

The other girls find me strong willed, like a mother. Is that true? I don’t really think so. If anything, mother was the definition of strong willed. Definitely a woman worth respect, as I grow up I wish to be more like her. I do want to be more like you as well father, but you’re a man… You know how that goes right haha.

I got exciting news for everyone back at home and for you! I’ve accepted a role as one of the MCs of a drama. I don’t know too much about the role or the drama, but apparently the setting is in Busan, so I’ll be around home when I do all the shooting for it! I’ve never thought about becoming an actress ever, but this seemed like an opportunity I shouldn’t pass up! It sounds like a bunch of fun and the best part is I also get to sing the OST for it as well! I guess the next time you see me, I’ll be a super star…

I forgot to mention the name of the drama, but it’s not clicking in my head at the moment… It’s… Hold on I had it on my phone somewhere.

Reply 1997… That’s what it was. It’s a weird name but it is what it is.

Okay. Okay. I know you really want to know about the girl I mentioned in my last log. And yes, she’s one of the members… Before I say her name, I must tell you about her, I’m sure you’ll like her.

I guess the first thing that comes to mind about her is that she’s young, but very mature for her age. I know the members look up to me as someone whom has a motherly feel, but for her it’s different. Whenever we talk, our difference in age never shows, we can carry on conversations with each other for hours on end. I’d crack a joke from time to time, but she’d always laugh. When she smiles, I can’t help but crack one as well. I always look forward to practice, because it’d give myself more chances to see and talk to her. We’re in the same group so obviously we’re going to see each other a lot… But you know what I mean father… You’ve always taught me to be on the aggressive side so obviously I’ll take any change I get! Because we’re all girls here and are basically a team or family, that means I can always get away with holding her hand. But I always make sure to cover a little bit of my face as I reach for her hand at first, or else the red starts showing…

As of right now, we have moments of rest, so I’m able to keep up my logs every so often! Don’t worry father, you don’t have to be anxious for my letters now! They’ll keep coming…

But until next time.

Wait.

Silly me, I forgot to say her name.

Her name…

Oh Hayoung.

Cute right?