Different people live for different things. Who are you to tell them it’s not worth living for?

I think the reason I became a doctor is different from the reasons people expect it to be. I want to be a doctor so my mum can raise her head around people.

She was looked down at as a single mother. Even when she was married to uncle, she was still being mistreated. I avoided family meeting, not only because I’m not family, but I just don’t want to see the way they act around us.

She said it’s fine since family meeting only happen once or twice a year, but her eyes said different.

On her wedding, except for long-time friends, no one else was there. Even at that age I know we are not loved and welcomed. They think we are an embarrassment to the family, and we are ruining uncle’s future.

Life is short so we move on.

I rent this apartment from uncle’s best friend for a reasonable price and he even renovated the house for me before I move in. It has 2 beds and 1 bath with a sizeable kitchen and a connected living room.

I call Minho as I’m walking home, I decided to buy some more stuffs at the convenient store before coming home so I told him to come straight to my house instead. I want to cook something nice and fast then send him home, or so I thought.

He picks up at the 5^th ring, his voice sounds sleepy and grumpy: “What??”

“Sorry I didn’t know you’re sleepy Minho-ah. Go back to sleep.” I said quickly. It’s not my fault, you’re the one who insisted we meet today, I thought to myself.

“Jinwoo hyung? I thought it was some else sorry. I’m not sleeping, I’m on my way now!” He said as I heard him rustling around getting ready.

I giggled: “Are you sure? Just go back to sleep. We can meet some other day.”

“Who is it?” I heard a girl’s voice on the background, she too sounds grumpy.

“Shut up! Get dress and go home.” He said angrily: “Hyung I’ll see you in 10 minutes. Wait for me.”

I stand there and stare at the phone emotionlessly. What am I supposed feel? He’s a man after all I laugh bitterly.

I throw the thought of cooking something to the back of my head and pick up some soju instead. I arrived at my home less than 20 minutes later with a bag full of soju and a small bag of grocery. I picked up some food after all.

I saw Minho leaning against the balcony in front of my door. He was smoking. He looks so much more mature, maybe it’s because of the black circle under his eyes or maybe it’s because of his stubble.

“Hey!” I said cheerfully, trying to gain the usual enthusiasm: “Have you been waiting long?”

“Hey hyung! No, I just got here.” He quickly put out his cigarette. He hugs me by my shoulders as we head inside.

The apartment is cold and dark. The sun rises later in the winter. I turn on the light and the heater as I can’t stand the cold. I took off layer after layer of jackets as Minho watches amazed.

“I hate the cold.” I explained: “Go sit inside I will make us something quick. You can put your stuffs on the hanger there.”

“I want to help.” He kicked off his brown boots as he takes off his long black jacket. He keeps his beanie on though.

“It’s still so early in the morning so I can only make something simple.” I the stove as I speak: “I’m sorry I wake you up earlier.”

“No hyung don’t be silly. I want to come here more than anything.” He smiles gently.

“It seems like interrupt something though.” I awkwardly said. I was trying to make it sound like a joke but my voice came out more bitter than I thought.

“It was nothing. It was just some chicks.” He said absentmindedly: “Can I help with anything?”

“Do you know how to do anything?” I teased.

“Well I can follow instruction.” We both laughed.

I can cook very well. I always have to make food for both me and my dad when my mum work till late. But when mum and uncle got married and my mum became a housewife, she never let me cook again. Even when I’m living by myself now, she would always pack food and stocks up my fridge every other day.

The mood is cosy. We are like two long-time friends that see each other every day. Everything already seems so normal and relax. We chat about nothing in particular, like the weather, and my fear of the cold, or his smoking.

“You’re still the same Jinnie-ah.” He said as we both sit down on the small dining table.

“You’re not.” I smiled as I lowered my head to avoid his gaze. I can’t control my emotion very well. I always have a lot in my mind and people said it show right through my eyes.

“This is so good.” He said admiringly at the food: “I didn’t know you can cook.”

“Then who do you think make you all that food back in the day huh?” He said teasingly.

“I always think you buy them cause they are that good.” He smiled happily as he continues to shove food in his mouth. I can’t do anything but laugh.

“What exactly are you doing Minho-ah…?” I said awkwardly. I know he’s doing something dangerous remembering how we first met. But I just need confirmation I guess.

“Would you be scared if I tell you?” He said as he rubbed his stomach in complete bliss. He doesn’t take what we are saying seriously at all.

“I don’t know. How about you tell me and we’ll find out.” I look straight at him.

“You’re smart hyung. What do you think?” I was about to answer but his phone rings loudly interrupted our conversation.

“Hello? … … Is he okay? … Where is it? … I will be right there. Tell everyone else.” He hangs up. He furrows his eyebrows angrily then look over to me: “Sorry hyung I have to go. Can I come back when things are done?”

“Just give me a call whenever you want to come over.” I said as we walk together to the front door.

“I will finish this up quick and come back. Do you have to work anymore today or tomorrow?” He looks at me hopefully.

“I don’t.” I have a feeling Minho clings onto me a lot. We meet again not too long ago and I now have a human tail.

“ I will be back soon.” He surprised me as he gives me a kiss goodbye and runs off.

Minho-ah, what are you even doing? I sighed heavily. If he keeps doing this it’s gonna be hard on me. But whenever I see that hopeful look on his handsome face I can’t bring myself to say no.

I changed into a navy color pyjama. They have little white rabbit all over it. My mum would stock these up for me as I usually don’t have to time to shop for my own clothes. She loves playing housewife and as her son I let her play to her heart content.

I plop down onto my bed and breathe deeply into the pillow. The sun is shining brightly outside. I lay there looking at the sky as I can hear kids laughing and talking on their way to school. The soothing sound sends me to sleep.

I have weird sleeping habit. I must listen to something in order to fall asleep. If there’s a silent I will start to think about everything then end up not be able to sleep. And noise makes me feel like I’m not alone.