Jongin slides the door close, hearing the thud of the closed door behind him. Sehun sits on the edge of the hospital bed, forehead glistening in the dim light as sweat paints his forehead. With his head hanging low and his breathing getting irregular, Jongin drops his bag of clothes on the floor, slowly. He rushes to Sehun, and he shakes the latter very gently.

“Hun, you sure you can go home alone?” Jongin exhales through his nose, a pointed frown digging its way in between his eyes.

“Are you going to be okay?” Jongin skips over to Sehun, looking back at a visibly restless Soojung. She’s already starting to fidget around just because Jongin’s taking too long to make sure Sehun’s fine.

“Come on, Nini. He has other friends, hasn’t he?” Soojung’s tone rides up according to just how much she decides on stressing on how impatient she’s getting. “He’s a grown man. He’s fully capable of taking care of himself.”

Sehun’s shoots a glare right when Soojung shifts her line of sight to him. He doesn’t falter, and the same goes for her. They keep a gaze filled with mutual dislike connected between the two of them. He’s glaring because she called him Nini, and the name felt funny leaving her lips. She’s glaring because Jongin’s doing it again, he’s prioritising Sehun over her again. She should be of more importance, right? When Jongin speaks, Sehun’s the first one to look back at him with a softer expression.

“Where are they?” Sehun looks confused at the question so Jongin rephrases his question. “Where are your friends?”

“I’ll call them later.” Sehun stretches his lip far up. “You can go first. I can handle myself.”

“Call them now. I’ll wait with you.” Jongin starts patting the side of Sehun’s shoulder. “You’ve had a rough day. You shouldn’t be alone.”

“You have a girlfriend to attend to.” Sehun gestures to Soojung who’s now given up on persuading Jongin to hurry it up. “You do this and she’ll hate me for life.”

“She’ll hate you anyway. There’s no point worrying about it.” Sehun laughs. Jongin copies him. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

Sehun nods, ignoring the headache ramming the inner walls of his skull the best he could. “Thanks, Nini.”

Sehun didn’t want to stay in the hospital any longer. Two days is enough for his temperature to subside to a mild fever, but he still feels a little woozy when he stands up. It feels like he’s going to topple right over. He likes being in the hospital, yes, but not when he has to stay in it for such a long period of time.

“I can. I can call a cab,” Sehun huffs out, chest constricting at the way his lungs give in. It’s hard to breathe, almost feels like he’s choking on his words when he speaks, but one harsh, deep breath resets it all. “It’s fine.”

Last time, Jongin would’ve insisted that he has someone accompany him home. Jongin would’ve fussed so much over the littlest sufferings that he knows Sehun is going through. Now, however, just proves that everything has changed. Completely. Jongin feels worried, scared that Sehun might fall flat on his face on the side of the road somewhere, but he can’t manage to go the extra mile to send Sehun home himself.

“You sure?” Jongin asks one more time. He knows what Sehun’s answer would be, but he just wants to hear it once more to ease his heart. He wants to know that if anything happens, it won’t be his fault.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Sehun laughs. “If I fall and hit my head, that’ll be on me. Don’t worry.”

“Please go,” Sehun begs. “I don’t want to be the reason Soojung leaves you to wait here with me like some loser.”

“Your friends aren’t here yet,” Jongin retorts. “I’ll go when they come.”

“Soojung’s about to burst. You better go.” Sehun shoves Jongin aside, laughing as the latter gives him a scandalised look. “You should worry about her more. If my head explodes and my face falls off my head then it’s because of me. Don’t worry.”

Maybe not everything changed.

Jongin sighs and calls for Sehun’s attention, making the latter look up at him. “You want me to send you home?”

“What? No, no—” Sehun doubles over as a set of coughs explodes from within him. “It’s— ugh, it’s— fine—”

“But you look like you’re about to either combust or black out. And I’m convinced you will.” Jongin takes a seat next to Sehun, a small gap separating them. Jongin doesn’t know why but he knows they should still have some distance between them. It’s like a reflex decision. Even after deciding that he will slowly forgive what Sehun did to him, it feels right to make sure he doesn’t get too close once again.

“I’ll call a cab.”

Perhaps it’s just how strongly Sehun refused his help, but Jongin finds himself walking away, head still craning to keep an eye on Sehun. It’s hard not to worry when Sehun said it himself, that his head’s about to explode. Soojung tugs on his arm, grabbing his attention for a second or two. He smiles at her before it completely drops. He looks back at Sehun.

“He’ll be fine,” Soojung tries to ease his heart, or prevent him from running back. Either one.

“His friends don’t do for him,” Jongin reasons out. “They’re there for s and giggles but they really don’t care enough to see him home safely.”

“What are you trying to say?” Soojung halts in her tracks, turning around to place her delicate hands on Jongin’s shoulders. “Are you trying to say that you’ll go back? You’re worried, that’s it? Because if you go back, Kim Jongin, I will call this off.”

Soojung doesn’t even have to explain herself. Jongin’s run off quite a number of times to help Sehun with something, and half of the time it’s just him making sure Sehun’s doing fine. He’s left her alone all the while, and he knows that no matter how cool Soojung might be with everything, she still has a limit. And now she has reached it.

So Jongin thinks that it’s right if he ends her torment right now.

“Call it off.”

“You’re really going to break up with me over him.” It’s not a question. More like a statement that she’s accepting whether or not she’s bitter about it. “That’s something else.”

“It’s not him,” Jongin provides. “It’s just me. I can’t make you wait for me any longer. I don’t have my priorities straight.”

“Even when we’re breaking up, you still defend him.” Soojung laughs. “I wish you good luck getting into his pants. At this rate, I think it’ll take you around 4 to 5 years.”

“I don’t think of him that way.” Jongin frowns. “And it’s me. I don’t treat you right. You deserve someone better than me.”

“You obviously think of him in some way, Jongin, and that’s why you would travel to the moon and back for him. For me? What would you do for me? You’d go around the world for me, but that’s the thing, isn’t it? You’d still do more for him. It’s him, not me. It’s him, not you.” Soojung shakes her head goodnaturedly. “I ask you for a dollar and you give me 5. He asks you for a dollar and you give him a hundred.”

“No, please don’t,” Sehun’s practically begging.

The look on Jongin’s face must have been too obvious for him to pull a last minute shift of expression. Sehun gives him a nervous chuckle and clamps his palms down on his thighs.

“I’ll go home on my own. Just leave me be.” Judging by the look in Sehun’s eyes, the raw desperation that he’s unabashedly displaying, Jongin takes it as the better thing to do if he doesn’t question anything. “Thanks, Nini.”

Maybe Sehun’s just uncomfortable. Maybe he just doesn’t like it when anyone sees him in such a weak state. Maybe it’s just a small case of a wounded pride and a harmed ego. Maybe.

That foreign feeling thumping against his ribcage, slowly imprinting in his chest, it doesn’t go away. It’s like last week all over again. It’s like when he chose to leave Sehun’s place but decided to look back just once and he finds Sehun’s almost inconspicuous pained expression. His heart kicked, and now it’s kicking again. It didn’t go away, it doesn’t go away.

The smile Sehun shoots in Jongin’s direction as he gets in a booked cab is comforting. Jongin even smiles back wholeheartedly. But it’s short-lived because as soon as the car speeds away, Jongin finds himself frowning and kicking stones the rest of his walk to the bus stop. There’s a slight chance that he’s upset Sehun didn’t want him to send him back home. Perhaps he’s just used to taking care of everyone around him and now that he can’t it throws him off. Yeah, that should explain the constant jab gradually spreading around the rest of his abdomen. His whole body hurts.

When Saturday comes, he starts aching again. He doesn’t manage to call Sehun over before his mother goes, and it’s saddening. His mother gets sad, and he gets sad. At the end of the day, when his mother has left, Jongin ends up dialling Sehun’s number. It rings a couple of times but Jongin ends it. He has better things to do.

         “Taemin, I need a pick-me-up.” Jongin stares up at the door to the club. It’s not that crowded at this timing, but there’s still a swarm of people inside. The music blares through the entrance, reaching Jongin’s ear and he finds himself already wanting to be completely faced. “Let’s do stuff the old fashioned way, shall we?”

“You’re really going to— I’m not going to ask, it might change your mind.” Taemin drapes an arm around Jongin’s shoulder. “You ready?”

They share one last look together, a smile exchanged between just the two of them. It’s supposed to be like this, isn’t it? If Taemin hadn’t left to move to another city, they would still be best friends. It’s fate. Their paths were meant to be side by side, occasionally crossing over and overlapping. Taemin’s the best he could ever get, and the best friend he will ever have. Jongin couldn’t ask for more.

Drink after drink, music and more people coming and going. Jongin remembers it all as a blur. He remembers laughter, his own voice screaming at the crowd to hype it up. He remembers opening a bottle for the crowd. He’s gone full out. At one point, he even gets a call from Sehun, and Jongin doesn’t know if he answered it or rejected it. Actually, he’s not sure if Sehun called him or he called Sehun. He doesn’t remember anything either way. He doesn’t have any control of what he’s doing. His impulse control is shut off and Taemin’s passed out. Luckily enough, Jongin’s not too drunk to forget that they shouldn’t pass out on the side of the road.

They get home safely, like they always do. Taemin cuddles up next to Jongin as Jongin lays the both of them down on his bed. His breathing slows down and his eyes droop to close. Before he knows it, he’s fast asleep.

The next morning comes quite fast. Jongin sits up slowly as his eyes scan the tidiness of his room. His gaze lands on Taemin’s still asleep figure. Patting the latter’s hair a few times, Jongin decides to make himself something to ease the pain that makes his whole body throb. He heats water up to bring it to a boil and as he waits, Jongin checks his phone. He has a lot of missed calls from Chanyeol, one missed call from Sehun, about 300-plus texts from Chanyeol and 2 from Sehun. He checks Sehun’s texts first.

Sehun: sorry, you called?

Sehun: i was taking a nap.

That was last night. Quickly, Jongin’s thumbs fly across his keypad to explain himself, saying he was drunk and must have pressed Sehun’s number by mistake. Almost immediately, Sehun replies.

Sehun: oh, okay.

Sehun: i thought there was something wrong.

Jongin: nah sorry

Sehun: its fine.

Jongin clicks on Chanyeol’s text after that, not bothering himsef with reading the preview of the texts. He probably should have because what he’s reading, what his eyes are running through strikes him as a case of emergency. Jongin calls Chanyeol, hearing the latter’s voice greet him a cheerful good morning. It’s sarcasm, though, and Jongin recognises that when Chanyeol turns to raising his voice.

“What were you thinking?” Chanyeol asks, now furious at the thought that Jongin could have possibly ruined his own life. “How did you even get that drunk? How do you decide on just another day that you want to get so drunk that you call your old crush and tell him how much you want to bone him? Fine, that’s pretty normal, but out of all your crushes, you thought that calling Sehun was appropriate?”

“I know, I know!” Jongin holds his head in one of his hand while the other holds a phone to his ear. “I don’t know why I did that, I’m sorry!”

“You’re lucky I was over at Sehun’s house a