My ...

 

That late Saturday morning finds Jihoon lying sideways on his bed. His blond hair framing his face, his bangs covering his eyebrows, making his sleeping appearance look softer under the warm hue of sunlight infiltrating their bedroom.

Their.

Lying in front of Jihoon, is another man with his eyes closed shut, still sleeping peacefully despite the sunlight lay out its radiance directly on his face. He has a quite long hair that some of its tips almost reach his bare shoulders. Its soft curl catches the light differently that seems like each strands has varying shades of brunette.

This scene looks so peaceful that no one can think that it is started, or early started, by a surprise. That event happened 5 months ago.

 

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Jihoon has been leading a good life. He has a job which he really likes, one that he can work from his apartment which is located in one of the high end areas with top tier security and comfort. And on top of that, his lover, his beautiful adorable independent omega is really supportive about his choice of life. Altogether, he is happy and content.

That was until he heard Hansol’s word ringing through their call that noon when he was lounging comfortably in his luxury apartment.

“Hyung. I’m pregnant.”

That announcement makes Jihoon’s shocked brain to reel out any cause of that in a state of panic. They have always been careful when they have . Even though not any of them on birth control or suppressant because of health reasons, they always make sure that Jihoon used protection. Even more careful when they are either in heat or rut. That plan should be pregnancy-proof, years of not impregnating his omega are enough proof but there they are, standing frozen with their phone pressed to their ear.

 

“I have been feeling unwell lately but nauseous. Today, I fainted at work and was sent to the hospital by my colleague because I didn’t wake up. Then when I woke up, the doctor said that I’m 3 weeks pregnant.” Hansol says once he sits inside Jihoon’s apartment, less than an hour after making the call from hospital. The younger has been fidgeting on the sofa, big soft hands fiddling with the hem of his oversized tartan jacket while his teeth biting his bottom lip so hard that Jihoon gets worried the younger might bruise his lip or bleed.

Doing a mental count, Jihoon remembered that it was when his very late rut accidentally triggered Hansol’s heat. His rut arrived so late because of stress, and the pent up energy and the pheromones he exuded prompted Hansol's heat to arrive roughly three weeks earlier. To make it more problematic as they are completely not expecting that situation, they happened to run out of protection. Because of their condition, none of them can make the trip to convenience store, they thought they can manage it by Jihoon not coming inside Hansol but combined with their addled mind, that was a secret recipe for pregnancy.

Sighing, Jihoon scolds himself for his unwarranted assumption. Not that the alpha despises this situation. His omega carrying their child is a blessing to him. He likes kid and the prospect to build a family with Hansol has always been happily floating steady in his mind for a quite long while. But…

His thought halts when he hears Hansol calling him. Turning his head to face Hansol, Jihoon raises his brow when he meet Hansol's gaze. Raising his brow is his usual attempt at responding because he rarely vocalizes his word right away, mostly hums, grunts or just turns his face and raises his brow. Seems negligent and heedless, but his friends are used to it and Hansol understands it too. But thinking back about the situation at hand, he realizes that Hansol may yearn for more response than that.

“Please don't make this face.” he asks gently, turning and moving to sit closer to Hansol who is surrounded by his own stress induced scent. Seeing from his crestfallen expression, Jihoon is more than able to know that there are a lot of things Hansol wanted to say. But among all of it, there is one thing which makes a lost stricken look to surface on the younger’s face. Whatever it was, Jihoon doesn’t like it.

“Is this alright for you?” Hansol’s question gives way for the elder to understand what's haunting the omega.

“Why is this not alright for me?” he asks back, hand instinctively reaching for Hansol’s and caressing it gently on his thigh.

Looking down to his own lap, Hansol’s mutters. “This is really out of our plan. If only…”

Drawing continuous circles on the back of Hansol’s hand with his thumb, Jihoon answers honestly. “Well, this is indeed surprising. I was totally shocked when you informed me. But it has happened. We can only continue moving forward.”

“But, we aren’t ready for this. This is too soon.”

“No one is really ready when things happen, and we aren’t too young for this, we are already adults. I believe we can do this together.” Jihoon is not really ready for this but just as what he has said to Hansol, he think if it is with Hansol, he can do that. He’ll do anything to make Hansol and their baby happy.

As believable his word sounds, they don't erase Hansol's scared expression. Raising his hand to cup Hansol's face, he asks, leaning closer while sending a smile. “Hansol?” He calls gently, trying to comfort the distressed omega.

“This..” Abruptly, Hansol raises his teary gaze to meet Jihoon and the alpha suddenly feeling scared of what Hansol is going to say. He stutters, “Should I abort..”

“No no no. Hansol.” Collecting the younger onto his laps, Jihoon hugs the taller man tightly. Even though this is purely unexpected, the thought of their children losing their chance to see the world, to see their parents, them; it pains Jihoon. He doesn't want to not be able to see their child. “Don't say that. I love you.”

For a while as he waits for Hansol to calm down from crying, Jihoon sprays kisses to Hansol's face, presenting and caressing Hansol with his love confessions. Telling him that he won't leave Hansol alone.

“What will people say?” Hansol sobs, clutching onto the last piece of his self-consciousness. “They will talk about this.”

Directing Hansol's nose to his scent gland, Jihoon pumps out his scent to calm his omega. Unfortunately, his scent can't calm Hansol as it is tainted by the tenacious smell of fear. He is afraid that Hansol might not only harm the baby.

 

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Upon waking up, the first thing which registers into Jihoon’s mind is the scent of chocolate. Without needing to open his eyes, the alpha nuzzles forward, burying his nose onto the bundle of hair before him, inhaling the sweet alluring scent of his omega. Hansol smells like chocolate, a sweet one, with fruity hint when he is happy. Jihoon loves it and never once he minds about surrounded by that scent.

Then, a little taut between his brows emerges when he catches the hint of bitterness in it, following that, his arm instinctively tightens around the Omega's waist and he presses himself closer while increasing the outlet of his alpha pheromones. For a while, their bedroom smells like a forest, the woody scent lays claim upon the room and the occupant inside. Under his strong scent, Jihoon tries to push down the bitterness.

 

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Looking at the male beside him, Jihoon can smell the haunting stress and fear from Hansol despite the younger’s attempt to hide it with scent blocker, honestly, this makes the older man to feel incredibly anxious too as they wait for their turn to send in their marriage application two weeks after the announcement Hansol made.

After lots of talking from both sides, Jihoon’s family and Hansol's, the two families decide with numerous reasons that letting the two get married is better than letting Hansol abort the baby.

Jihoon agrees with that choice too, he wants to give the baby, a new life, a chance to live. But, he is too also aware of Hansol's condition.The young omega continuously says that he isn't ready, and through the discussion, he has been absent minded as if he has lost his own voice, overpowered by other's louder and commanding voice. He thinks Hansol doesn't want the baby, at least that is why he is so adamant in going against the marriage.

“Hansol.” He calls, hand taking a hold of the fidgeting hands, grasping it with gentle caresses as he spews out his scent to fight the bitterness.

That action wakes Hansol up from his stupor, his head tilts upward and his eyes widen as if he has just realized where he is and then he turns his head to look at Jihoon. “What?” He stutters and that's enough giveaway to Jihoon.

“If you don't want to, we can leave.” It hurts the alpha to say this, he feels like he fails to protect his omega and their soon to be child, but for him, Hansol's happiness comes first. He is willing to do anything, even though that means killing the baby inside his omega's womb. “I'll look for a… You know..”

Hansol seems to notice the anguish look in Jihoon because he looks away, he pulls his gaze toward the floor in front of him and not meeting up with Jihoon’s gaze anymore since that afternoon. Their marriage application are abandoned on the lonely blue stainless steel bench at one corner in the office.

 

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Inhaling a big share of chocolatey air, Jihoon hums a song as he absentmindedly his palm carefully along the stretch of skin of Hansol's bare stomach. Gently as to not wake the younger, Jihoon nuzzles his claim mark on Hansol's neck, relishing in his omega's presence. 
 

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Hansol breaks down when they are back in Jihoon’s apartment, his stormy sanctuary after the discussion between their families. It wasn't heated, the discussion. Both side, albeit surprised, accept the baby rather easily and will their sons to marry soon.

“I want to cradle my grandchild soon.” Hansol's mother said encouragingly, she has been listening the news of her friends has had grandchild, and even though she never pushed Hansol about it with Jihoon before, she was the happiest person when they talked. “We will help you.” She added when Hansol argued that he wasn't ready to have a baby. His mother was too happy at that time that Hansol couldn't find it in himself to not agree. He doesn't want to disappoint his mother, and with that thought inside his mind, he nodded and unable to take part further into the discussion.

Dropping onto the sofa, Hansol curls, crying to himself, for himself, for Jihoon, their families and also for the baby. He hasn't cried since that day he heard the doctor telling him that the reason he fainted at work was because of stress and overworking during the first weeks of pregnancy, and he has been holding himself back from uttering his voice out loud since the start of discussion with their families. All of his emotions well up and now the dam is broken after Jihoon dropped the application and took him home from the administrative office.

So he cries that afternoon and can't stop until evening. Jihoon stays beside him, hugging him tight and never once he let go or leave him. Hansol is really grateful to have him, to have this soft gentle alpha as his mate. He thinks he won't be able to do anything if not for Jihoon.

It is later after he is calm enough that he realizes that along with Jihoon’s shirt, his own shirt is wet too around the shoulder, and that's where his alpha rested his head.

 

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When his body decides that he has had enough sleep, Hansol's eyes fluttered open slowly and at the same time the omega is aware of the gentle on his belly.

“Did I wake you?” He hears Jihoon's gentle voice asking from behind him and his hand doesn't cease caressing. Grunting, Hansol stirs trying to turn to look back at Jihoon, but the elder’s hold around him prevents him to do so.

“Morning.” He mumbles instead, hand reaching up to rub the sleepiness from his eyes, willing himself to be more awake while his other hand reaching for Jihoon. Resting over it before clasping their fingers together, Hansol asks. “What time is it?”

“Hmm?” Glancing back behind him, the alpha peeks at the clock before nuzzling his nose onto Hansol's hair again. “Nine twenty something.” he mumbles against the bare neck, placing a lite kiss on his mark. “Why? Do you have to do something?”

“No.” The younger sighs, absorbing the pine scent as his body relaxing more against his alpha. A moment passes before he adds. “Maybe I do.”

“What it is?”

“Going back to sleep. This pregnancy make me lazier than ever.”

Chuckling after he hears that, Jihoon squeezes Hansol's hand. He doesn't say anything beside cooing Hansol back into his much needed rest. Last night, the younger has broken the rule which states that he can't overwork himself, he stayed back at the office to re-check the monthly report which has been entrusted to him. “You know, you can bring those reports home and work on it here.”

“I thought you'd rather me not bringing my work home?” Hansol nudges Jihoon with his elbow after failing to turn around again. For someone smaller than him, his alpha surely holds more power than him.

There is a sigh from behind the omega, a little puff of defeat against his brunette hair. “I take it back. I'd rather you working from home where I can watch you.”

“Okay then. I'll bring those documents home.”

“But not too often, okay? I still forbid you working too much.”

“Okay.” Huffing out a chuckle, Hansol stirs a bit to get to a comfortable position, he lets go of Jihoon’s hand and place his hands on the pillow where he can see them.

 

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“Let me think.” Hansol gasps, clutching Jihoon’s shirt. “This is too much… I… I don’t…” the omega stops talking as he tries to calm his breathing, his glazing eyes meet his alpha. There are so much things he wants to tell, but doesn't know how to let them out, how to share his thought without possibly hurting his alpha's feeling, without hurting his own feeling. He can't find a way to tell that he doesn't want to marry Jihoon yet. It’s not that he hates his alpha, Hansol loves Jihoon so much he wants to be with him. But, he doesn’t want the arrival of this baby becomes the main and sole reason for their marriage. He can't bear the weight of this future when all he can think about now is they get married because of the baby, not because they want to.

 

Even though Jihoon has to wait for some long hours, Hansol finally opens up to him in the middle of the night after lot of coaxing, sweet words and promises from him. He surmised, it is because Hansol is really tired and stressed that the lock to his heart cracks and all the bottled up feelings and thoughts floods out from the omega’s mouth. Jihoon listens to everything his omega says, making a long note of reasons Hansol stores in his head.

And at that very time, all the buried thoughts inside Jihoon also sprouting. All his worries and anxiety which he has pushed down because he wants to be strong for his omega and their baby, they show themselves to his consciousness, requesting him to properly look at them and to think this situation through again. Despite the different wording, they completely mirrors Hansol’s.

With those knowledge in hands, both can’t force the marriage to happen.

 

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“When will you take your leave?” Jihoon asks, hand rubbing the protruded belly with as much caresses, fully aware of the presence of their baby growing inside.

Turning his head a bit even though he can't see Jihoon behind him, Hansol considers it for a moment. “Maybe a week or two before the due date.”

“Are you sure?” Propping himself up, Jihoon looks at his omega's face. “Won't it be difficult for you?”

“It's alright. I can manage.” Tilting his head back, Hansol meets Jihoon’s worried stare. “That way, I can rest lot enough after delivering.”

“That's true. But the final month is important too. It's hard and tiring to move around and you can't get too tired.” Jihoon reasons, not wanting his pregnant omega to work too much. He wants Hansol to take proper rest and away from stress. If he could, he would have made Hansol resign completely because his income is enough to provide for their family. But knowing that Hansol wants to work, albeit for his own insecurities reason, he can't force the younger to let go of that. He too, is always careful choosing his word whenever addressing this issue, not wanting his omega get unnecessary stress thinking that he is deemed incapable because of his gender. He wants to talk about it with Hansol, but he guesses that will have to wait at least until they get the baby settled in their home.

“Don't worry. I'll be alright.” Raising his hand to touch the alpha's face, Hansol smiles to assure the elder. “Beside,  you are here.”

The tentative touches on his face and the soft determined expression displayed on Hansol's face make him nod. He trust Hansol that he will make the decision when the time comes, hopefully it won't affect their life's in a bad way. “Okay. But if I think you should get more rest, you will take earlier leave.”

Chuckling at Jihoon’s protectiveness, Hansol places his hand over Jihoon’s hand on his belly. “Okay.”

They spend the rest of their late morning laying there, just cuddling, talking, humming a song, all the while cradling the baby bump with care and love.

There is no ring present on their hand. They are not registered legally as a married couple. But, is it really important? They are comfortable with each other right now. And this gives Hansol a confidence to be himself. Other people may ask, other people may frown upon them. But Hansol won't care. Because for Hansol right now, taking care of the baby is more important than listening to other people's opinion which mostly won't matter. And having Jihoon beside him, no matter in what status, is more than enough.

Marriage? They can do that later when they feel the right time has come. They are not each other’s husban, but, either way, Jihoon is still Hansol’s Alpha and Hansol is still Jihoon’s Omega. Isn’t that enough already? For now, they will just enjoy their life as an independent couple and also soon to be fathers to their child.

 

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Endnotes

yes.. They don't get married. At least, not yet..

I'm sorry. And, Thank you.