When the alarm goes off, if y'all wanna be dramatic, play Novo Amor - Faux

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  The crowds applauding, the lights are suddenly not as blinding, and my nervousness completely flushes down the drain as I finish my presentation. They're cheering! They love my idea, love Fredrick! This is amazing! My heart is racing, my nervous sweat in the desperate heat of the exhibit hall is disappearing.

  I walk off the stage to make room for the next presenter and see Tadashi running up to me. I gasp, getting the breath knocked out of me as he throws his arms around me.

  “You did it!” He exclaimed excitedly. His arms move from around my shoulder as he pulls back, cups my face in his palms. “They loved you! You were amazing!”

  Before I could further scream in excitement cause I know, isn't this incredible, he pushes his lips against mine. All of a sudden it's like the crowd got louder, cheering us on, but it was most likely my imagination, cause wow, Tadashi's kissing me. It's relatively short and only lasts a few seconds, practically just a hard press of skin on skin, but it feels like the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced. It completely embodies my whole experience here at the showcase. I never want it to stop, but it does. He pulls away, eyes wide and shining, probably because of the lights, and cheeks flushed, but I'm not sure if it's cause of the kiss or because of how hot it is in here. Either way, he looks perfect.

  “Um…” he starts and I stop him with another kiss. He makes a noise of surprise before quickly kissing back and honestly? I'm more nervous kissing him than I was on stage. This was our first kiss. Yeah, we'd been on a couple “dates” but we'd never done anything traditionally considered romantic, unless studying and building robots was an old version of courtship that I didn't know about.

  Despite neither of us having much practice, it's the feeling that counts. And right now? I'm feeling pretty ing giddy.

  Until Fred jumps on me and congratulates me with a wide hug using his entire body, including locking his legs around my waist like a toddler.

 

  When I wake up this time, it's not desperately hot and I don't need to vomit and I don't have a raging headache. I'm not even sleepy anymore. The moon's still up, Tadashi is laying in the crook of my arm, and Hiro is snoring on his side of the room.

  All is well.

  I sigh, get comfortable under the sheets, and admire Tadashi's face before I drift off to sleep.

 

  I don't dream but I sleep well enough. The regular things happen- Hiro groans when he sees me and his brother cuddling, I tell Mama Cass about the proposal, and we go to the arcade. I'm glad I'm not the least bit affected by the flashing lights and loud dings common to the place. It's always crowded in here. Always kids running around, sticking coins in slots, dancing on multicolored pads. All the games are packed so close together you can barely breathe. There's so much humidity in here that no wonder I felt hot last time around. I can feel people's sweat through the air, smell it. Frankly it would be disgusting if we weren't having so much fun. Or we as in everyone else around me. I've gone through this same day so many times that I can't find it in myself to enjoy it anymore. It's the same thing over and over. The same conversation. The same ending.

  I'm praying that it's not going to be this time. Still, I have to wait a whole week for it to happen. Thankfully I have patience. Everything feels so much calmer now, for some reason. I'm sure I know why. My consciousness and the things I carry are the only thing that go back in time, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense but I've stopped questioning it. The ring I always carry in my pocket is always there when I wake up in Tadashi's bed, but my clothes are just the same as the first time. It doesn't make sense, I repeat to myself, but it happens. And I'm glad I didn't take my chemical imbalance with me.

  I don't feel that panic from before. The constant terror or depression. There not here, at all. It's like...like when Hiro started crying that day. He was completely ok until his emotions from the timelines before had hit him. Today, it's like the loops from before were changing my emotions, fixing the imbalances. I'm the inverse of Hiro.

  “Whew!” Wasabi slumps down on the floor beside me, pressing his back against the dark pink wall I'm currently leaning against. He's sweating.

  “Tired?” I ask.

  “You have no idea. I just beat a twelve year old at Pop Lock Revolution.” he breathes out, eyes blown wide before he briefly closes them.

  I raise an eyebrow. “You mean Dance Dance-”

  “Ssh!” He chastises. “They're trying not to copyright anything. I just saw a machine called Ukulele Savior.”

  I grin and nod slowly, looking up and over the clustered field of games and children.

  “Where's Tadashi?”

  “Went off to play some games. You know. Like you do inside arcades.”

  Wasabi scoffs and I peer down at his grin. “And you?”

  “I'm not good at games. Or anything really.”

  “Whoa there!” Wasabi's thick, black eyebrows shoot up toward his dreads.

  “Wait a minute,” I put up a hand to stop him before he goes on a rant like the amazing, supportive friend he is. “I mean, I know I'm great at, like, robotics, or whatever. And that's a great feat!” He's looking at me flabbergasted and I put up a finger, giving him my best “I know” face. “But! Normal things, extracurriculars, recreational stuff, no. Except for like, hiking. And boy scout stuff.”

  “You were a boy scout?”

  “I went to summer camp.”

  “See, look, learn new things everyday.” Wasabi slaps his hand on his thigh, then looks down to something in front of him.

  “Yooo, what's happening over here?” Fred comes walking up, arms wide as if to ask for a hug. “Wasabi and Mn? Talking? Alone? What is this new development?” Fred points down at Wasabi. “Wasabi, you better not be trying to replace me!” He reaches us and hugs me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders possessively. I hug him back with one arm, though the way he's holding me is very awkward.

  “Oh, yeah, that's me.” Wasabi says awkwardly, giving us a thumbs up.  “The one who replaces everyone else.”

  I pull up my bottom lip and furrow my brows. Fred's still holding onto me. “No,  no, I'm pretty sure Fred's been replaced by Tadashi years ago.”

  Fred pulls away abruptly. I shrug at his offended face.

  “I'm never anyone's first choice…” Wasabi's mumbles sadly. And oh, that's kinda sad.

  Me and Fred talk over each other trying to comfort him, despite the fact that he was probably kidding. “No, no, that's not true, probably.”

  “Dude, you're amazing, anyone would be lucky to have you.”

  “I'd date you, bro.” Fred gave him a thumbs up.

  “No, I'm ok.” Wasabi nods incessantly with wide eyes, putting a hand on the wall to help lift himself up.

  “We love you, that's all that matters.” I say. Wasabi laughs, head falling back between his shoulders and dreads knocking together. “I'm sure somebody here likes dark chocolate.”

   He doubles over laughing, arms wrapped around himself. Fred follows him and I can't help the grin on my face.

  Fred had a point. Me and Wasabi, despite knowing each other for more than two years, didn't talk much. Him and Honey are more like friends of a friend. Honey and me had gotten closer in the past loops but I still wouldn't consider us best friends. Either way, that's all over now. None of that stuff happened. Maybe she'll remember it and we can get that friendship back but who knows?

  Wasabi though? He's always just been there. Like, around the area. He's like that guy I would partner up with for a class assignment because we snuck looks at each other a couple times. Actually, I don't really see him specifically hanging out with anyone. Maybe he hangs out with Fred or Honey when I'm not around but we're all usually together or I'm with Tadashi and everyone else is wherever. Huh. Weird.

  “What're you laughing about?” Honey walks up from behind me, momentarily giving me a fright. She's also sweating profusely; most of her makeup has come off.

  “Chocolate thunder,” Fred says, and we burst out laughing with Wasabi.

  Honey looks confused and I can't blame her, I'd be confused too.

  “Honey, you should know by now not to pay these idiots any attention.” Gogo joins out of nowhere, scaring me again. God, I should be used to this.

  “Hey…” I pout.

  “That's not nice,” Fred says. “Tell her, Honey. That was rude, right?”

  “Um,” Honey giggles nervously, ignoring our eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

  Gogo rolls her eyes.

  “Us blonds stick together!” Fred says, wrapping each of his arms around me and Honey.

  I furrow my brows together. “I'm not blond.”

  “You're kinda blond. Like almost blond. Dirty blond.”

  “I'm not blond, I'm-” I pick at my hair, pulling a lock in front of my eye. As if I don't know what color my hair is.  “It's light brown- and so is yours!”

  “Please don't tell me you went your whole life thinking you were blond.” Gogo crosses her arms and leans to the side. Honey moves beside her.

   Fred pauses and inspects a lock of his hair between his thumb and forefinger. “I was blond as a kid.”

  “I've never had blond hair.  No one in my family has blond hair. Maybe Shrade-” I start.

  “Ah!” Fred points at me.

  “But Shrade doesn't count. He's my brother in law.”

  “Still though!”

  “Maybe Asher- well, Canba may have blond hair when he's older but he's a brunet for now.”

  “Asher?” Wasabi asked.

  “Asher, Canba, same person.”

  “Your brother never officially named him?” Wasabi asks, horrified. “He's three!”

  “No, his name is Asher but he only responds to Canba. It's his nickname.”

  “That's weird.” Cheese and crackers, when did Tadashi get here?! Why is everyone sneaking up on me today?!

  “We're a weird bunch.” I say after I cool down. “ I think he got it from Star Wa-”

Wasabi points at me, wide eyed.

  “Galaxy wars, shiz!” I correct myself.

  “You can't use that! That's from ISpencer!”

  “What's happening?” Gogo asks, eyebrows furrowed and lips quirked up in confusion. Her arms are still crossed as she tilts to one side, eyeing Wasabi and me.

  I sigh, rub my hand across my face. “The copyright challenge. We made a bet a couple years ago over who can last the longest without saying the name of any name brand or tv show.”

  “We were reading on fanfiction.net and noticed how the copyright infringement thing was so strict,” Fred explains. “We thought it was funny, so we made a game out of it.”

  “But wouldn't fanfiction.net be a name brand?” Gogo interrupts. “So didn't you just lose the bet?”

  “……..”

 

👥👥👥👥

 

  Tadashi hugs me as I walk in the door to the cafe, just as every other time. It's Sunday morning and not too many people are here just yet, but there's enough to not feel empty. I love coming to this place in the mornings. It's the most relaxing place in the world to me. It's bathed in a golden aura this time of day, shines through the windows down on the wooden floors, over the light green walls. It's a nice mix.

  “Hey,” Tadashi pulls back, hands on my shoulders and eyebrow furrowed in confusion. “When did you get taller than me?”

  I look down at him and raise an eyebrow. I look down at him. Holy , I did get taller than him! When did that happen? I didn't even notice.

 We've always been the same height, 5’10. Even when we first met. Standing next to my brother, Chase, last timeline was confirmation that I hadn't gotten any taller. He's 5’10 too. And I'm twenty-three so I stopped growing a long while ago.  So what sense…?

  I gotta learn to stop questioning everything.

  I shrug. “I dunno. Maybe you got shorter?”

  “You Scandinavians have weird genes.” He pulls back and walks to our table, right smack in the middle of the cafe. . “How is the average height for Dutch men 6 feet?”

  “How is the average height for a Japanese male 5’7?”

  “That's a normal height, though?”

  I shrug and sit down in my seat just as he sits across from me.  We talk and eat until Gogo and the rest get here. I invite Honey over, and just for the heck of messing with fate, Gogo too. Then Fred said he was coming over and I said he wasn't invited. Then he said he was going to crash the party and I said I'll call the police and get him arrested before he can do any damage. Then Wasabi said he'd feel left out and I shrugged and Fred looked ready to fight him.

  “He's replacing me!”

  “No one's replacing you.” I groaned.

  Then Hiro. He's been...rather unusual. Not in personality or anything, but in how the loops are affecting him. He's been more susceptible to the Mandela effect than anyone else, though I should probably stop calling it that. This doesn't seem like that theory anymore. It's more than just messing up the name of a comic book character, this is legit memory swapping. Yeah, Honey remembered the movie night, and yeah, Tadashi felt something from that night we spent together, but it seems like Hiro's remembered more. He feels emotions more intensely. He started crying in the middle of a conversation!

  This time is the same as every other, though. Hiro cries, I comfort him, we search the internet, then we talk about Tadashi again, and then he asks me about my name, again, and Tadashi bails me out like the amazing boyfriend he is. Tadashi said he wanted to come over too, so it's gonna be him, Honey, Gogo, and me cuddled up in the living room watching movies all night.

 

  And we are. Gogo and Honey brought cupcakes like the angels they are and we ate to our hearts content while we watched our movies. Tadashi snuggles up against me after handing me my fourth cupcake and I wrap us in my fluffy and hard pink blanket. He lays his head on my shoulder with his arm around my waist, and I sporadically lay soft kisses on his forehead. Gogo and Honey are entranced by the movie, sitting on their side of the blanket. Gogo's legs are crossed and her arms are spread out on the cushions of my couch. Her eyes are wide open through most of the movies, but by 2 AM they start to droop, her head starts to tilt, and despite the fact that she calls me babyface, she's looking very similar to one herself. Honey is wrapped up in another blanket beside her. She's actually managed to stay up this time. Tadashi, though, is sleeping peacefully on my shoulder. By four in the morning, we're the only ones up and barely half way through the movies. I didn't actually realize how long these were- I always fell asleep, like, two movies in.

  “We're not gonna finish this, are we?” Honey asks, voice strangely awake.

  I look over at her. Gogo is sleeping with her head back against the couch cushions and her arms crossed. The bright light of the TV is reflecting a light blue on our faces. Honey looks so tired that she has bags under her droopy eyes and a soft frown on her face. At some point she pulled her hair back into a messy blonde bun.

  “Yeah,” I look back at the TV, the credits rolling on this one, sinking our surroundings into a dimmer light. “Should've read the book..!” We chuckle tiredly.

  “I think we did a good job!” She says, facing me with those big green eyes and a lazy grin. Suddenly, she doesn't look as exhausted anymore. Her grin drops naturally, but it becomes a small frown. Her eyes drop to her lap and she tries for another smile, dark eyebrows knitted together as she scratches the nape of her neck.

  When she didn't say anything, I goad her. “Yeah..?”

  She makes a noise in the back of and sighs, finally looking up at me. Her hand makes a muffled slap on her clothed llama ‘jama's.

  “I'm just...really glad we could hang out together.” She says. “For a long time, for whatever reason, I thought you didn't like me?”

  I raise an eyebrow at her. “No, of course not..! Why would you think..?”

  “I dunno,” she shrugs, hand now on her neck. She looks to the side, tilts her body side to side in her cross-legged form, absentminded. “It just felt like you ignored me most of the time? We're never actually alone together- not in a weird way!” She quickly adds, holding her hands out in plea. I nod in understanding. “Just that we've never really talked one on one. So I guess that's..it? I just wanted to say thanks for inviting me.”

  “Yeah, of course.” I try to give an encouraging smile in my drowsiness. “I couldn't let a fellow nerd miss out on such a important part of geek culture.”

  She laughs. “Yeah, not like I went twenty-one years of my life without it.”

  “I'm sure those twenty-one years have been absolute hell until now so you're welcome.”

  We spend about thirty minutes talking about the movies while I make a bed on the couch and lay Tadashi and Gogo as comfortably as I can on top of it. Tadashi makes a small noise but falls back asleep as quickly as he woke up. Same for Gogo. Tadashi is spread out on one side, against the back cushions while Gogo is his direct inverse, on the other side in front of him. Good thing she's small and my couch is meant for four people.

  “Hey, I didn't get to say it yesterday, but thanks for telling us about your mom.” Honey says into the eerie quiet after I finish setting the two others down. “It must have been hard.”

  I sit down beside her now that the others are out of the way. The TV is off and it's completely dark aside from the light outside my window from a street light. It feels like it's gonna get awkward any time now. I feel like anywhere I go, any situation can magically get awkward, just from me standing around. A crying baby would go silent for how awkward it is.

  I take that thought out of my mind and turn my attention back to Honey.

  “Very hard. It was…a big step for me. I don't like to talk about her,” I look over st the picture frame sitting on the small table next to the couch, but I can't see it from here. “But it's something I really wanna work on. This was just the first step.”

 She nods. “Yeah, I mean, I can't pretend to know how you feel. My parents are both alive and well.”

  “Which is good.” I nod and smile at her, leaning against the edge of the couch, careful to not disturb Gogo.

  “Yeah, of course. I love my parents. They've always been supportive of me, and I'm grateful for that. I'd have no idea how to deal with losing them both that young…”

  “I was eighteen, practically already an adult, but yeah, it was..hard, for a long time. Gladly, I never knew my dad. Never seen any pictures, or maybe I did? When I was young? I don't know. My mom never really talked about him and I never brought it up.”

  Honey hums and we fall into silence again.

  “What happened to her…?” I feel my entire body freeze. For a second I can't breathe, but a hand reaches into my hair and I let out a deep breath, starting up again and relaxing instantly.

  “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked, it was none of my business-”

  “No, no, it's ok, it wasn't your fault.” I breathe and tilt my head back into Gogo's hand. I don't know when she woke up but either way I'll have to remember to apologize later.

  “Sorry…” she says one more time, and I can hear the guilt in her voice. I want to comfort her more but thoughts completely leave my head for awhile as my drowsiness and Gogo's magical hands put me in a state of paralysis.

   “It's ok,” I whisper after a while when the hand stops. I look up to see Gogo's asleep again. I move her hand beside her, careful not to wake her up again. A question pops into my head, one I've been thinking about for a long time but have never asked, and now that we're both here and I'm drowsy enough to say stupid things, I should probably let it out. “How long have you known Tadashi?” I ask. “And Fred and Gogo and them.” Wasabi, there's only one name left, Wasabi. I stop myself from facepalming physically, so I do it mentally.

  “Oh, uhm, about three and a half years?” She answers. “For Tadashi. I've been at SFIT for four years now, actually, and I saw Tadashi around, but Fred and Wasabi and me became friends before we met Tadashi, and then Gogo joined the group a couple months before you did.”

  That makes me raise my eyebrows. “Really? I always thought you all just came together as one the moment you laid eyes on each other.” I'm too tired to laugh, and apparently Honey is too, but she has an open mouthed smile on her face.

  “Yup, no, you're completely right. That is exactly what happened. I was lying.”

  “I knew it.” I breathed, yawning and arching my back, waiting to hear a pop that never came. “What was your first impression of Tadashi?” Here it goes.

  This time she does laugh, soft enough not to wake anyone. “Don't worry, I know what you're getting at, and me and Tadashi never had a thing.”

  “Oh thank God.” I let out an exaggerated breath.

  “Haha, I mean, I thought he was cute, but I had a boyfriend at the time.”

  “A boyfriend?”

  “Yeah, but we ended it before Gogo came along. We weren't very…” she goes silent, scratches her arm. “healthy..”

  “Oh,” I sit up straight, give her every ounce of my attention.

  “You don't have to worry about me. It's been over for awhile now,” she whispers.

  “I know, but still..” I reach a hand over to her, but I don't touch her. Her hand is tight on her arm and she is looking down at something, dazed. She sees my hand and takes it.

  “...Thanks.”

  I nod and squeeze her small fingers together. We decide to go to sleep from there, so we curl up on the floor with a comforter as a blanket and sleep until twelve. We wake up to the smell of eggs and pancakes, made by the bestest boyfriend ever.

 

⏰⏰⌚⌚

 

  It's two o'clock on a Monday and I drive the kids to school. It's become a habit now, on this Monday, every three months, that I come to this room and glare miserably at the time traveling machine. A few things have changed over the months- one of them being my impulsive behavior. I've been told that it's not a bad trait that I have, that I don't do as crazy stuff as others do. Some people sell their cars, I get tickets to go ziplining that cost well over two hundred dollars for the entire gang to go. At least I had money to do that sort of thing. I mean, that was only once, so…

  But still, I think I've gotten better at controlling it, especially since Tadashi..passed. I mean, I can even think about it now. That’s progress, right? I mean, in the beginning, I went back in time just so Tadashi wouldn't have a scar that would only have lasted a couple months. I've gotten better. Way better. I'm glad I'm getting this out of the way.

  So, this is it. I sigh and give Fredrick a sad smile. “I know we didn't get along much, but I'm still glad I made you.” It doesn't say anything back. “I guess this is it...you did your best, buddy.” I say as I unplug the wires, all of them, watch the thing shut down and then take all the parts off and break them apart, rip them to pieces, put them in a trunk and take them to my car to drive to the dump.

 

  “Does anyone get the feeling that this lab is too empty?” Wasabi asks, laying on one of my bean bags.

  “Yeah,” Gogo looks around from her(my) rolly chair. “Where's all the stuff for Fredrick?”

  I take a sip of the soda I got from one of the vending machines downstairs, lounging on my bean bag beside Gogo near the middle of the room. “Scrapped it.”

  I'm ready for their subsequent gasp. “What the hell?!” Gogo exclaims, disgust and disapproval plain on her face.

  “What? When?” Honey asks, concerned. She's sitting in the beanbag next to Wasabi with hot chocolate in her hands.

  “This afternoon.” Classes are over for the day so we're just chilling in my room, for the most part. Chilling is done for now I guess.

  “I was wondering why it was so neat in here.” Wasabi comments and I snort. “Are you ok?”

  “Yeah, I'm fine!” I shrug, arms behind my head and closing my eyes. “They were just the wrong parts, or weren't working right, one of them. I'm gonna get different, better, safer parts ordered in.”

  “But did you really have to scrap the whole thing?” Wasabi asks.

  “There was nothing I could do with it.” I say, relaxing into the bag. “Chinks in the armor.”

  “Mm, Callaghan's not gonna like that..” Gogo says. “Just sayin’.”

  Callaghan's a liar and a cheater. I resist the urge to say. I don't know much about what happened, but Callaghan was the one responsible for Tadashi's death and that's all that mattered. He got put in jail that first loop, and no word from him since the loops started has been uttered by anyone. The bastard. He got what he deserved. I hadn't even thought about him since this started. Every time I'm in the, the fire...I always end up in the hospital for a week and whatever news about Callaghan has already shot through the school by the time I come back. I watch sci fi movies, ok? I know revenge isn't the way to go. Isn't the right way. But he at least deserves one punch. And fifty years jail time for setting an entire building on fire, holy . With people still inside, too. What the ?

  Still, it's a thought I'd rather ignore. Not like I can do anything about it. All I want is Tadashi alive.

  I smooth my thumb over the case in my pocket.

 

🍃🍃🍀🍀

 

  “Where are you taking me?” Tadashi asks. He's yelling into the air, holding onto me as I speed down the road. This day I switched things up. Today we're riding my motorcycle, it keeps me more focused, more alert. Trees blur passed my peripherals, and the road seems endless, but it's a beautiful day outside and this morning there is miraculously no traffic.

  “You'll find out when you see it!” I yell back at him.

  He gasps as we slow to a stop. “This is where-”

  “Yep.” I smile as I get off the bike, setting my helmet down. Where we first met.

   In front of us is a large concert hall. The building is huge and split up into sections and in front of it is it's long and full parking lot, filled with cars of people who actually work there when it's not booked. Across from it, in the parking lot where we are, is a empty open park. This area, when we first met, was filled with booths from street to street. The whole place was cut off so that no one in a car could get anywhere. It was here, right here, that I met Tadashi for the first time.

  He's grinning, looking around. It's not as stunning as the convention weekend, actually, it's just a normal building in the civil part of town, but the nostalgia is overwhelming. “It's not our anniversary, but, Fred invited me almost 3 years ago to go to a comic convention, and when I got there, he introduced me to you.”

  Tadashi turns around and smiles. “And Fred needed us to hold his spot in line to go search for Wasabi with Gogo and Honey, and we got his autograph for him and started talking over some ridiculously tasty nachos,”

  I laugh. “Yeah, and it turned out Wasabi ate some bad candy and threw up in the bathroom.”

  “It's such a him thing to do!” Tadashi laughs. He places the leftover helmet on my bike. His laugh softens into a smile and he gazes at me charmingly. “What's the occasion? What are we doing here?”

  I smile, and reply cheerfully, “It's just a date.”

 

  I take him to the movies and we finally see Electro-Beam together.  Honestly, it's been months and I'd completely forgotten about the movie, aside from the inside jokes me and Hiro had in the loops before, after the hospitalization phase.

   After that we went to a fast food restaurant, ordered to go, and set a picnic out on the lawn of the park outside the concert hall. It was different. It was fun. Sad that we didn't get to flirt with some strangers while we ate fries and burgers from twenty feet away, but you gain some you lose some. Things were great, until Tadashi unexpectedly asked, “What happened to your mom?”

  He had the softest tone, his hand on mine, and the most sympathetic face, but I couldn't talk. My throat wouldn't let me. My brain shut down and I could only stare, wide-eyed.

  “It's ok, you don't have to tell me.” He says comfortingly, patting my hand before pulling away. There was the most dramatic breeze and I grab it back. I owe him. He deserves to know. Out of anyone, he deserves to know the most. He knows what it's like; he lost two of his parents.

  It was only two words, right?

  “No, I want to.” I say, clearly, loudly, but it sounds too low for me to hear. Sounds far away. There's too much noise in my head, and none all at once. It's been more than five years, damnit! “Ground one.”

  Realization dawns on his face, before he gives me that look: pity. The event no one talks about, no one thought would happen after all these years.

  The first terrorist attack in America in more than fifty years, I read on the news days after my mom died in the hospital. A woman with explosives taped to her chest walked right up to the office building the mayor worked at, my mom worked at, and set it off. It was a large building, but it stood on a very fancy but well-built column foundation. There was a government meeting held later that day, but apparently the woman got the time wrong, and the hundreds packed in, the citizens, were all crushed under the weight of a 60 meters tall building. No one was caught, she either was alone in her plans or no one could be found. There was no group association with her, no one to claim victory, no one to blame or set off a war. No names.

  No words.

  People forgot about it as soon as it happened. San Fransokyo is a big city, but it seemed like no one was affected. No one wanted to talk about it. Me least of all. It was a sensitive subject for so long. Maybe people did talk, and I blocked it all out. Three years in isolation could do that.

  Tadashi had gone silent, or maybe it was me, and I suddenly realized how hard I was grasping his hand. I let go and he didn't stop me. Strangely, I didn't feel anything. Not like crying, or being angry, or happy to have gotten it out. I felt numb. No underlying pain, like the loops before, but numb. I guess I've had years to cry about it, already.

  Seconds pass and Tadashi's arms are around me. “I'm sorry…” he whispers.

  I hug him back. “It's fine, I've had years to get over it.”

  “But you haven't.” He says softly. He squeezes me as he says, “and that's ok too. Take your time.”

  “Tadashi?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you.” And I'm an . For what I'm about to do, what I will do.

  But of course, he doesn't know that yet. “I love you too.”

 

  “Do you ever think about moving out?” Tadashi asks, cuddled up against my side now that we were in bed and procrastinating sleep. He was shirtless, having just pulled back on my sweatpants again a couple minutes ago. This house is too big, he said earlier.

  “I used to.” I pick at his hair using the arm he had his head on. “Not anymore though.”

  “Why?” His tired voice was a perfect groan. He'd fall asleep any minute now. Always did. “Is it because of what happened? Because it's your mom's home?”

  “No...well, that too. But it's my home too. I grew up here and the mortgage is already paid off and there doesn't seem like much of a reason to leave. At least, not just yet.” I say. His arm over my waist squeezes me tighter for a second. “But I used to want to leave. Not that long ago. I mean, in the end, it's up to me and my brothers to decide. There would be a lot of stuff to pack up and put in storage some place. Chase and Kachi's stuff are still here. Some of them at least. Kachi could still live here with all the stuff in his room.”

  “So basically it's too bothersome?” Tadashi grins into my chest.

  “Yup,” I chuckle. “And you?”

  “Hm?”

  “Are you gonna move out of the cafe?”

  “I mean...at some point.” He murmurs. He's tired.

  I kiss his forehead. He moans deep in his throat. “Not sure when? When you get out of college?”

  “Yeah...I haven't been thinking about it much. I should, though. I'm already in my third year now, aren't I?”

  “You asking me?”

  He breathes into my neck, having moved up a bit.

  After a few long seconds of silence, I ask him, “Would you move in with me?”

  I catch the way his breath hitches for a second, just before normalizing again. He pulls back to look at me. “Are you seriously asking?”

  I hesitate. “Yeah…? I could tell Kachi to come get his and go.” I grin lazily as he laughs.

  “I dunno, maybe. When we graduate and don't have to ride forty minutes to the school.”

  I shrug as best as I can and he lays his head on my arm again. “Actually, it's only thirty minutes. From here to the cafe is the same distance as here to the school.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Backtracking.”

  “Get some sleep, dork.”

  “You're the dork,” I say, a little offended.

  “I was complimenting you. Dorks are adorkable.”

  “That was awful and never again.” I wrap my arms around his neck. Apparently he forgot about sleep because now he's wrestling me. He rolls on top of me and throws fake hits. “No one wants to date dorks.”

  “Well I'm dating you, so..” he says as I catch his hands in mine and interlink our fingers.

  “Then no one wants to marry a dork.” My heart pounds.

  “Aww,” he flops down on me, knocking the breath out of me. “I'd marry you.” He says in a pouty playful voice into my neck. I wrap my arms around his waist this time and throw him off on the bed beside me. He laughs.

  “No you wouldn't,” I fake pout and turn my back to him so he can't see how freaking nervous I am just touching the subject.

  “Yes I would.” He leans over my arm and hugs me weirdly, kissing my face. I turn my face away from him but he just ends up kissing my neck and making me laugh. My face gets hot really quick.

  “You're just saying that.” I murmur and he stops with one last wet kiss to my neck.

  “No, I would.” He says and I feel his weight lift off me, him plopping down behind me. “Just not right now.”

  I open my eyes-when did I close them?- and look back at him. His eyes are on the ceiling before he turns to me. There's a small smile on his face.

  “I mean, you're cute and a dork,” he smiles a bit more at the word. “But there's a lot going on and there's college and Hiro and, really, we've only known each other two and a half years. Maybe when I'm a bit older and together.”

  “Are we for real, now?” I have to make sure to ask.

  He shrugs. “Maybe in a couple years, if we're still together?”

  I gulp, nod, and realize I've probably been staring, wide-eyed at him for a while now and look down at my hands, picking at my nail. “Yeah...sounds like a plan.” A few deep breaths. “Would you say yes?”

  I look up at him. His eyes are glittering from the ounce of light coming from the window behind me.

  “If I proposed,” I explain. “would you say yes?” Do I sound desperate? , I'm a train wreck. Way to be subtle, idiot. “I mean, a wedding and a engagement don't have to be close together-” Don't ing mansplain, what the -

  “Yes.” I stop. “I would.” Tadashi's staring at me, brown eyes awake and sure. Voice treading but confident in his words. I almost say what but he goes on. “In this highly hypothetical situation, I would, indeed, say yes, to said engagement.” And he's saying it lightly, but there's sincerity in that voice. I've heard it a million times by now. A joking tone to a serious situation, just to not bring anyone down. To be able to go back in case everything goes wrong. To say, it's just a joke, so that we can ignore the truth if that's what we both wanted. He knows. He knows, and he's saying yes.

  I'm quiet for too long, I suppose, because Tadashi takes me into his arms and we end up cuddling again, half , until we fall asleep for the rest of the night.

 

💍💍💍💍

 

  Hiro's a little rage basket. Usually he's a really chill kid, besides when he gets a look at new tech, and he only really seems challenged when I'm around, which is understandable- I'm a really testy guy- but right now he's glaring at me with the strength of a thousand suns, and I don't even think he knows it yet. It's like we started over from the beginning. Like, the beginning beginning. We're all just sitting, eating breakfast, like normal, yet he is really staring me down right now. Tadashi hasn't even noticed yet. Frankly, it's kind of hilarious. The kid looks like he really wants to fight me.

  “Hiro?” I ask.

  His face clears up instantaneously. “Hm?”

  “Are you alright?”

  He looks confused. He looks down at the table with his eyebrows furrowed and a slight frown on his face. “Yeah...Yeah, I'm fine.” He answers in a low tone. He sounds unsure. It makes sense, considering the situation he's in.

  I let it slide and get back to finishing my food.

 

  I'm nervous. I can't believe after all this time that I'm nervous. I've run straight into a exploding building multiple times, and this is what makes me uneasy? Surely I'll be fine. It doesn't need to be physically perfect, it doesn't need to be overtly romantic… yes it does, yes it does. Ugh! What am I doing?! This is probably the most unromantic place besides a bathroom. Tadashi won't care about that, but we'll look back at this and-- and probably laugh, oh my gosh, this is perfect. This is us. It'll all work out, Mn, you got this. He's practically already said yes. And if he doesn't, there's always, possibly, a next time.

  “Tadashi,” I call. He turns around to look at me and my heart starts pounding. Like, really hard. In just one second my hands get as sweaty as a ocean, and I excitedly bounce on my feet. My voice is shaking. I am shaking.

  “Hm?” He hums, lips tucked in between his teeth and thick eyebrows arched under his cap. The cap I got him for our anniversary. He is wearing my green hoodie, yet completely unaware of what is coming next. At least, I think he is.

  I take a quick glance around the almost empty courtyard of the robotics building, only a few stray people were walking into the building, but that is all the confirmation I need before, on shaky legs, I bend down to one knee.

  That made his eyes widen. I let out a shaky breath and reach my hand out to him. He smiles awkwardly, eyebrows furrowed up over wide monolid eyes, and gives me one of his hands. He's confused. You're not the only nervous one, buddy.

  “Tadashi,” my voice cracks but I ignore it. “You have made me the happiest guy on earth,” his smile widens into something more sincere and a grin crosses his face. I feel myself instantly relax, my shoulders slump over a little bit more. “I've been through so many trifles in my life, and for as long as you've been here with me, I've been able to get through them one by one. You've motivated me to become a greater person. Every time I look at you, I can't help but think you are the most beautiful, thoughtful person I know and the best thing that's ever happened to me.

  “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know it's only been two years, and of course we're both too busy with school to have a ceremony now of all times, but when we're out of here, I'd like to stay with you forever. Frankly, I can't think of a life without you. I have faith that whatever comes our way, we can get through it together. I can only pray that I can make you just as, or even more happy than you have made me. So, C.C,”

  “Oh my God..” He says quietly, amusement in his voice. His eyes are watery and his free hand is cradled over his mouth.

  I grin, tears I didn't even realize were there rolling down my face as I reach into my pocket and fish out the small box, opening it for him to see. “Will you continue to make me the luckiest man on earth? Will you marry me?”

   Then there's that long pause, that three second silence that seems to last longer than life itself. The slow in time before everything picks back up. His eyes are red, and his hand still covers his mouth as he stares down at me for the longest, then looks up around us, the bright blue sky crowning his body from my position, the sun shining only on him. And it's just for a second, one second, before he looks back at me, eyes glistening, and pulls his hand away from his face.

 

  I have no idea where they came from, but a crowd cheers in the background as I rise up to embrace Tadashi after slipping the ring onto his finger. I wrap my arms around him and he holds me tight. He said-

 

  “Ahh!” Gogo hears Honey Lemon scream from across the room. Gogo looks back from her bike at the girl on her phone, apparently watching a video.

  “Yes!” Honey screeches, then looks at Gogo. “He said yes!”

  Gogo has no idea what the blonde is talking about or why she is crying, but then Honey runs up and shows her screen to Gogo. Her eyes widens at the sight.

 

  The whole school knows about the proposal already. Various people got it on video and sent it out on their social media. I've been crowded by people congratulating me all day, people I've never even met! It was cool at first but now it's just making me feel bad. Turns out Tadashi has been mobbed multiple times already in class. I've been ignoring classes all day for just that particular reason. When Fred found me some time during the day, he was balling crying- snot coming out of his nose and everything. It was kinda funny but at the same time very heartwarming, and the big sap that I am I got a little teary-eyed too. Gosh, I cry a lot. Need to get myself together. Really need to get myself together.

  I'm an , I think as I stride with a purpose to Tadashi's lab. It took all this just to propose, and then for what? I was so determined that this was what I wanted, but now I'm not so sure. It should all work out in the end, but what if it doesn't? There's no more second chances! This is it.

  “Huah!” I groan as I run into something hard. A wall? When was this hallway this short? No, there's arms around me, and...crying?

  I look up from what I now see is a chest and up at the face that belongs to the strong body holding me. There's a black goatee and dreads and oh it's Wasabi.

  Wasabi is holding me tightly to his chest as he sobs, tears rolling down his dark cheeks. “I've been waiting...so long for this day to come…!” He whimpers.

  I laugh and hug him back. “You and me too, buddy.”

  “I'm so happy for you!” His voice is high as he says it, sobbing and holding me even more.

  “Gosh, was the video that emotional?” I struggle to ask, beginning to suffocate.

  “Yes! Yes it was!” A different high pitched voice says before I felt a pat on my back and a hug from another tall body. The arms were way thinner in comparison and from the smell of her hair I could tell it was Honey Lemon.

  “Aww, you guys!” I say.

  “Please don't tell me your crying too.” Yup, that's Gogo. I can't really see her from under Wasabi's huge muscular arms and Honey’s long hair riding over my shoulder, but that's definitely her.

  “I'm not!” I reply. “At least, not right now.”

  The two cuddlebugs finally let me go and I breathe in a deep breath, gaining back my footing.

  “Ah, it was so romantic!” Honey wipes a stray tear from her eye.

  “Why didn't you tell us you were going to propose?” Gogo asks, crossing her arms and smiling.

  “Can I be a bridesmaid?” Honey rose her hand excitedly.

  “Oh! Oh! I want bestman!” Wasabi says, grinning and hopping on his two feet like a kid about to get a lollipop.

   “Ah, too late, dude. Fred already called it.” I say, giving him a sympathetic smile.

  “Ok, but I can be Tadashi's bestman.”

  “What about Hiro?” Gogo reminds.

  “Yeah, he's probably gonna ask him.” Honey says.

  “You better run,” I laugh as Wasabi starts running off down the hallway, probably to go find Tadashi. “Hurry!”

 

😠😠😠😠

 

  A high pitched scream makes me jump. I'm shocked two inches off my bed, heart pounding for a second before I realize it was probably just Aunt Cass getting excited over a soap opera again. Quick footsteps rush toward my room and stomp up the stairs, interrupting my game. Aunt Cass appears around the corner with the giddiest smile on her face. She was practically jumping out of her skin.

  I gave her a curious look, waving my controller at her. “What's up?”

  She pauses, still smiling as she turns her back to me, phone in hand and lifted up to her chest. “Nevermind, I'll let him be the one to tell you.” She then squeals, hops down the stairs, and then promptly leaves.

  That was weird. I don't care enough to question her on it though. One more loud scream of excitement came from the living room, but I decide to ignore it.

  A few hours pass by with me mostly just playing my video game and waiting for Tadashi to get home to do some last minute testing for my microbots. I'm laying in bed when I hear Tadashi's loud footsteps rush up the stairs from the cafe and into the room. He must be really tired to be rushing to bed this early. His footsteps are usually so quiet that you don't even hear them, unless he's so tired that he passes out as soon as he hits the bed.

  The big nerd reminds me of Aunt Cass when he comes into the room with the biggest grin on his face. His cap's in his hand as he pants and starts to run towards me, tossing the hat to his side of the room before getting ready to jump on my bed.

  “No no no!” I say as he jumps and lands right on top of me, taking the breath out of me. I grunt and gasp for breath as he hugs me.

  “Hiro! You won't believe what happened today!” He exclaims practically right into my ear. He's shaking me in his bear hug and I remember I should probably start pushing him off. He laughs and lays at my side.

  “No, what?” I pant, closing my eyes and focusing on breathing. Dang, he weighs a lot. First Cass, now him? What the heck happened?

  “This!” He says and I feel him hovering something over my face. “I'm engaged!”

  A chill runs down my spine. I open my eyes, frozen, speechless as I look at his hand, more specifically his ring finger. There it is, right there, a silver ring with three diamonds in a row, the one in the middle small but still slightly bigger than the others. It sparkled in the dim light of my desk lamp.

  The sudden realization that this was real hit me like a bus. My heart began pounding as I stared at it, uncomprehending whatever Tadashi was spouting next to me. He's getting married? To...to who? No way. No way. Not to him. But it was irrefutable. Who else? This has got to be a prank. A promise ring, a chastity ring or something. He can't be engaged.

  “When...when did this..?” I stutter, barely able to speak.

  “This afternoon, after lunch. We were walking back from the cafeteria-”

  I zone out almost immediately. No, this is still a prank. There's no way it happened this quickly. They've only known each other, what? Two years? Is that long enough to get married? I only met him a few months ago! Weeks ago? It's only been a few weeks, hasn't it? Right?

  “You..you said yes?” I look at him as he pulls his hand back and admires it, twisting the ring around his finger. He looks at me and the smile fades off his face.

  “Yeah,” he says, furrowing his eyebrows. “Of course I did.”

  I sit up in my bed and look down at him. “But, you've only known each other two years..!”

  Something changes in his eyes. He's tensing up. “Yeah…? We've been dating for two years. I've known him for three.” He sits up. “Why does that matter?”

  “I just think…” I look down, unable to take his intensifying gaze, “that you may be making too rash a decision. Don't you think this is going too quickly?” I glance at him again. He looks angry. Or sad. Or both. Agitated. “I mean, you haven't been together long, and me and Cass just met him the other day-”

  “The wedding, if we actually decide to have a wedding, is way far off from now. We've both decided it would be after we both graduated.”

  “But still-”

  “But what?”

  I flinch. He's right, but what? What's my problem? The fact that I practically just met this guy and he's about to become my brother in law? That two years, somehow, doesn't seem long enough? That makes sense right? I mean, how long should a couple wait to get married? At the very least, more than a month since the boyfriend met the family! I'm not the unreasonable one here!

  “Look, Hiro.” Tadashi sighs. “I know I messed up not telling you about Tyrone sooner, and that it's mostly my fault you don't like him. But he makes me happy, Hiro! Doesn't that mean anything to you?”

  “Of course it does!” I turn to him. “You're my brother!”

  “Then be happy for me! Support my ability to make decisions on my own. I know you don't understand these types of things, but Tyrone means a lot to me, and I really just want you to accept him.” he sighs. “He's amazing, Hiro, and one day you'll see that.” Tadashi stands up with one last pitying look my way. “I'm going to go eat dinner. Think about it, will you?” And with that, he leaves.

 

💥💥💥💥

 

The day of the showcase. Huh, I didn't expect there to be so many people. The exhibit hall is way bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. The others and me are pulling my dumpsters full of microbots to an empty space in the area. We got here late and almost every available space was taken up already. I look around at all the other competitors and their projects as we walk around for a place to keep my stuff.

  “Wow, there's some amazing tech here today,” Tadashi says, pulling me out of my thoughts. He elbows me. “You nervous?”

  “Ha, I don't get nervous.” I say, rolling my dumpster away from everyone elses tech.

  “Aw, he's so tense! It's ok, Hiro! You're tech is amazing!” Honey says. “Tell him, Gogo!”

  “Stop shaking, woman up.” She says before popping her gum and continuing to look around.

  “I'm fine!” I assure, despite the fact that I'm more nervous than I've ever been in my entire life. The group goes on as we finally find a place next to the stage to set my microbots.

  “Dude, that's disgusting,” Tyrone says to Fred.

  “It's called recycling,” Fred replies.

  “No, it's called being nasty.” He says as a speaker comes on.

  I'm next. Holy crap, I'm next.

  Honey and everyone gather for a picture before they leave to join the audience, wishing me good luck as they walk away. Tyrone seemed to hesitate before he walked off with them.

  “What's up?” Tadashi puts his hand on my shoulder and looks at me worriedly.

  “I... really wanna get into this school.” I admit, staring up at him with wide eyes.

   “Hey,” he says softly, looking into my soul. “You got this.”

     Everyone was waiting for me, but most of all, Aunt Cass and Tadashi were rooting for me. That thought was enough to get me on stage and let it happen.

 

  As soon as I got off stage I was bombarded with hugs and fist bumps. Honey lifted me off the ground as she told me how amazing my invention was. And then Alistair Krei, one of the richest technological geniuses in San Fransokyo, walked up to me, no joke, you can't make this stuff up, and said he wanted to buy my invention! Of course I said no, but still! The fact that he'd even want it is over the top cool! Then professor Callaghan handed me a acceptance letter and said “see you in class” and I just can. Freaking. Not.

   “And congratulations to you two, as well.” Callaghan nodded and smiled at Tadashi and Tyrone. Tadashi's grin grew times ten at the reminder, but Tyrone didn't seem impressed with Callaghan for whatever reason.

  We cheered as we skipped out of the exhibition hall. Aunt Cass said something about free food on her, and Fred went wild. Tadashi stopped me and Cass.

  “We'll catch up with you later,” he said to Cass. Then he looked at Tyrone, “We'll meet you at the cafe.” And kissed him.

  Aunt Cass buried me in her hug. “Ugh! I'm so proud of my two boys!” She exclaimed, then walked off with Tyrone.

  Tadashi led me to a bridge a few yards away from the exhibit hall entrance. It gave us a view of the whole campus.

  “Let me guess, you're proud that I'm finally using my big brain for something good.” I imitated his deep, responsible sounding voice and gave him his own cocky face.

  “Nah, I was just gonna tell you your fly was down the entire time.”

  “Haha.” I say sarcastically, then look down on instinct. “What!” I zip myself up and hit him in his arm.

  He faked a hurt noise and stood up a little straighter. “But yeah, I'm proud of you, little brother. Welcome to nerd school.”

  Gosh, this was really awkward to say but, “Well, you know...thanks for not giving up on me. Nerd.” I added quickly. He laughed. “And also...if Tyrone makes you happy, then..then I'm happy. Go for it, I guess.”

  He smiled at me, his eyes softening and there's something of pride in the way he looks at me.

  Then a alarm goes off.

 

  

  Tadashi screws up his face and in seconds he's off in a run toward the sound. I follow him, panicking a little bit. We turn the corner to the exhibit hall, and there it was, in flames. The exhibit hall was coughing smoke, along with people running out the entrance and down the stairs.

  Tadashi stops someone running towards him. “What happened?”

  The girl, panicking and coughing, says that a fire started somehow and that Callaghan was still inside, then ran off.

  “Tadashi!” I turn around to see Tyrone running up. “Take Hiro and get everyone out of the area.”

  “Callaghan's still in there!” Tadashi tells him. He grabs me by my shoulders.

  Tyrone looks at the fire and puts this determined look on his face. He takes something out of his pocket and hands it to Tadashi, then looks back at the fire. He's not thinking about-

  Oh my gosh, he is.

  I reach out for him but he's too fast. He's already up the stairs and inside the burning building. Tadashi's grip on me tightens. I look up at him, about to tell him that we gotta go, but he has this look on his face. He's staring at the door, mouth parted, eyes glinting from the reflection of the fire...and his ring is biting into my shoulder.

  He looks down at something in his hand, whatever Tyrone gave him, and in seconds, Tadashi's at the bottom of the stairs.

 

  I sigh as I close the door behind me. I take out my earplugs and phone from my pocket and put them back in my ear. The song I was listening to just a few minutes before the alarm rang is still playing, probably because I put it on repeat, so I mouth along to the words for the last time. I stare deep into the fire as it draws closer, and closer, and-

 

   The building explodes. I watch it with my own eyes. It's only five seconds after Mn runs in that it happens. The blast blew me and Tadashi back, and when I was able to gain my bearings and look up, Tadashi was standing a few steps in front of me, facing the fire and screaming something. I couldn't hear it.

  As I stand up, my hearing slowly starts to come back from under all the ringing.

  “Tie...own…” I hear faintly. “Tyrone…!” A bit louder. “Tyrone!” He was screaming.

  Tadashi drops to his knees before the flames, shoulders slumped, head still up, right in front of me.

  He says something so quiet I barely hear it. “Filnic…”