“There’s so much sad, gonna flood the ocean.” – We Cry | the Script

Chaeyoung and Momo | December 25, 2018

Chaeyoung – Jeongyeon, Dahyun, and Tzuyu: “I always wished that the last page of the calendar would just run away.” – Merry & Happy | Twice

There was something familiar blooming in her chest today.

The easily recognized buzz of excitement fluttered within her stomach in a manner that reminded her of what it was like to be a kid. It made her feel a little bit closer to the feeling of being alive, something that she hadn’t felt since she was.

It was Christmas!

(Also known as the best time of the year in Chaeyoung’s humble opinion).

Christmas was her favorite time of the year and that still remained very much so in death – even if she wouldn’t celebrate it the same.

She still bathed in the atmosphere with the same wide eyed excitement. She still got giddy looking at the lights that resided within the confines of their home. Of the small Christmas tree that sat on the end table that obscured Dahyun’s view of Tzuyu but not the reversal.

Chaeyoung was a little more than surprised that any of them had made the effort to decorate the house because it was usually something that she enthusiastically asked of them while they begrudgingly did as she requested.

Yet the three of them – Jeongyeon, Dahyun, and Tzuyu – had done it without even discussing the matter amongst themselves.

(Dahyun and Tzuyu had shown up at the door of her former residence the day before with a small tree and some ornaments in tow when Jeongyeon was stringing a few multicolored lights up around their home. Jeongyeon had let them in without question and they decorated in silence).

Chaeyoung was glad that they did and she could tell that Jeongyeon was too.

So there she sat on the coffee table in the middle of the room – with the occasional shoulder shimmy shaking its way from her in her pure excitement – watching one of her sisters and her bestest of friends share presents with one another.

Jeongyeon was the last one to open up her gifts – and from her place on the floor and resting between Dahyun’s legs, she seemed reluctant at best to do so.

The reluctance gave way to an impatient Dahyun.

“Why are you so hesitant to open up my gift,” a petulant sounding Dahyun asked the lazily moving woman resting a cheek on her thigh. She tugged once at the woman’s ear – who was doing her best to ignore her – before resuming her ministrations of massaging the skin surrounding said woman’s scar.

Jeongyeon peered up at her from the one eye that could actively see Dahyun before her gaze settled back onto the small present resting unopened in her hands.

“I have not trusted a single one of your gifts for over a decade.”

Tzuyu snorted a laugh at the same time that Chaeyoung had, a murmured “with good reason” leaving the youngest woman’s mouth intermingled with Chaeyoung’s chuckles.

“I resent that,” Dahyun responded to the remark as monotone as she could manage, the tone being disrupted by the growing smile on her face.

Jeongyeon had finally began to open the gift presented to her at speed only moderately faster than that of a snail – the “let’s get this over with” not escaping anyone’s hearing.

Chaeyoung leant forward when she noticed Jeongyeon’s immediate frown settle on her face once the small packaging was opened. Giggles immediately erupted from her when she took note of the contents inside.

Her peals of laughter only being head to herself and it did nothing to drown out Jeongyeon’s displeased groan and the incredulousness that surrounded her lightly annoyed sounding out of the word “really?”

Dahyun didn’t bother to say anything just yet, only chuckling to herself, while Tzuyu looked on in confusion and Jeongyeon carelessly tossed the empty gift box onto the table across from her.

The action itself caused Chaeyoung to momentarily frown as the box had passed through her for an instant before skidding to her side after it landed. The unpleasant feeling of the motion was lost just as quick as it was gained and her attention was back on the other occupants of the room.

Jeongyeon had help up the offending item to the room for a now laughing Tzuyu to see, having had moved from her previous comfortable position to scoff out towards Dahyun.

“An eyepatch??” Her voice sounded rough and slightly annoyed as the words left .

Tzuyu continued to laugh at the so-called present, turning more towards Dahyun with a glint in her eyes as she tapped a disjointed rhythm on her own present for Jeongyeon resting in her lap.

Dahyun balked for a second at the withering look Jeongyeon gave her only to break out into a smile when she realized that the imprint of her own jeans resided on the right side of the woman’s face causing her to look rather adorable.

“It’s a perfectly good present for someone with a singular sensitive eye. When the brightness gets too much, you can just pop –,” and she paused for a moment to click her tongue to the roof of to symbolize said pop “– that er right over it.”

Despite the innocence in which she gave the explanation, as well as the innocent way she replied “yes?” to the hard lilted way Jeongyeon said her name in response, the sentiment wasn’t at all believed.

Mainly because, “there is a giant bedazzled ‘J’ on this eyepatch.”

She was met with a teasing smile and a “well how else would I keep the other one eyed pirates from taking yours?”

It was with that comment that both Tzuyu and Chaeyoung ultimately lost it with joint deep belly laughter filling the space around them.

Tzuyu’s own laughter came to an abrupt halt once she spotted the glare being sent her way. Yet, her dimpled smile remained fixed in place.

“There’s also a standard, boring eyepatch resting under the cushion of the box had you actually wanted one. It’s a fairly comfortable one I was told via Amazon reviews,” Dahyun inputted.

She smiled, satisfied, at the soft look building on Jeongyeon’s face.

“Thank you Hyun,” Jeongyeon began. She paused for a moment to let out a fond chuckle, “that was oddly considerate.” As an afterthought she added, “In a very annoying way.”

The small moment between the two was interrupted by something smacking off of Dahyun’s arm with a somewhat excited, “me next,” coming from the remaining physical occupant of the room.”

Picking up the item that had landed next to her, Jeongyeon opened her last present with no hesitancy in her movements as pointed out by a mildly bitter sounding Dahyun.

She held up her gift to the room with an impressed coated coo sounding throughout. “These are some really cool shades Tzu.”

The sunglasses gleamed a little in the dull lighting of the room, earning a gasp of appreciation from Jeongyeon and Dahyun – and even Chaeyoung.

Tzuyu motioned at the glasses with a hand before beckoning with both for Jeongyeon to pull at their lenses. In doing as told, the lens flipped up to reveal a pair of ordinary glasses underneath.

“They’re flip up sunglasses. They pretty much have the same purpose as Dahyun unnie’s eyepatch,” Tzuyu began. She paused to throw a teasing grin at Dahyun as she added, “just less embarrassing.”  

The younger woman paused a second time to giggle at the scoff thrown her way before continuing.

“But, yeah. I asked your doctor for your prescription so you can actually use them in place of the ones that you’re currently wearing,” she finished.

The three of them watched as Jeongyeon pulled off the pair of glasses that were previously perched on her face in favor of the new pair. The older woman blinked a few times at the change of vision. An astonished “whoa” left as she looked at Tzuyu and then pulled back to gaze at Dahyun.

“I love these so much – yes, your gift too Dahyun-ah. Stop pouting. Thank you guys, I appreciate it,” Jeongyeon said. Her bottom lip quivered a touch and the younger members of the room all cooed at the motion.

Dahyun carded a hand through the other woman’s hair as she leant back into her. “You’re welcome unnie, I love you.” She punctuated the end of the sentence by leaning forward and leaving a kiss atop the older woman’s head.

Tzuyu walked over to the two of them and sat in the space next to Dahyun. Leaning into the other woman’s side, she muttered “same here, I love you.”

 

Chaeyoung – Nayeon: “You try and mask your pain in the most postmodern way.” – Sincerity is Scary | the 1975

If Chaeyoung were to describe the atmosphere present to her, the best word to assign to it would be familiar. But it also wasn’t. The room was silent and tense, yes, but it had less to do with biting words being exchanged and everything to do with the foreign presence settled at the opening of the room.

Jeongyeon stood meekly at the frame of the hospital room with her head lightly bowed. Her hands were nervously fiddling with the neatly wrapped present resting within them as Nayeon leveled her with a gaze that no one could really decipher.

Tzuyu took notice of the glimmer in Nayeon’s eyes – the flicker being an all too familiar one that typically preceded an outburst from her – as she stepped closer to the eldest woman’s bed with Dahyun following in her wake.

Tzuyu settled on the side of the bed that wouldn’t block Nayeon’s view of her sister, bending down to speak to the woman lowly so that only the two of them could hear.

“It’s Christmas, please try,” Tzuyu spoke into her ear. She moved a hand to smooth out the frown lines between Nayeon’s eyebrows before dropping a kiss to her cheek in greeting. She moved to sit in her usual chair some paces away from the bed while Dahyun saddled up next to the older woman.

Dahyun gave Nayeon a kiss on the temple in lieu of saying “hello” but left a whispered “Merry Christmas” against her skin before moving away. Nayeon finally pulled her eyes away from her sister to return the greeting to the younger woman as she sat in the chair directly next to the bed.

She looked at Dahyun’s eyes that held a slither of hope in them before in a breath. She didn’t take her eyes off of the younger woman as she finally addressed the figure still standing at her door.

“Where’s your coat Jeongyeon? It’s cold outside,” she said in a voice that was void of emotion. She turned her head to once again face Jeongyeon – who was trying her best to dial back on the look of surprise on her face.  

No one said anything as Nayeon sized her up for a moment, eyes running over her full frame before honing in on the large scar that adorned her face.

Chaeyoung didn’t know if anyone else could tell, but she could easily see the slight softening of Nayeon’s eyes before she finally spoke in the same emotionless tone.

“Sit in the chair Tzuyu’s sitting in,” she began, momentarily interrupted by the grumbling that immediately spilled from the youngest woman’s mouth. “It’s closer to the heater,” she finished, not exactly leaving much room for an argument.

Jeongyeon opened as if she were prepared to do just that but the protest died on her lips as Tzuyu moved to take a seat in the chair next to the one she was previously sitting in. The action left her with no choice but to settle in the newly vacant chair.

The four of them resided in the room bathe in sporadic bouts of silence in an atmosphere that was just a degree less tense.

Jeongyeon remained silent, almost making her presence in the room seem nonexistent. She continued to fiddle with the package in her hands as Dahyun and Tzuyu struggled to find purchase in small conversations with Nayeon.

The eldest of the room answered the questions in simplistic ways as she stole glances at her sister. Chaeyoung rolled her eyes in pure frustration at the four of them as this carried on for almost half an hour.

Her saving grace would come in the form of cheerful knocks on Nayeon’s door that resembled a Christmas tune they’ve all heard once upon a time ago. Nayeon snorted a laugh at the same time that Chaeyoung did as the two recognized the knocks of Doctor Kim.

“Stop playing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on my door and come in already,” she laughed out. Her demeanor melted into a much more relaxed one as the Doctor stepped into her room.

Doctor Kim was paired with his usual Cheshire grin as he walked through the threshold. A lightly surprised “oh, hi girls,” left him as he gave a friendly wave to the other three occupants scattered throughout the room.

He settled his eyes on his patient who held a soft smile on her face that quickly schooled into one that was more serious in nature. He quirked an eyebrow at her before she spoke, “what’s up Doc?”

He could hear her family groan and chuckle lightly at the question as he struggled not to chuckle as well. He mimicked his face after her serious one before he replied to her.

“I’m under contractual obligation to not laugh at those kind of jokes.”

Nayeon rolled her eyes good naturedly before questioning him on his reasoning, “what contract would allow for you to ignore the joy of a pop culture phrase?”

A mischievous smile grew on the Doctor’s face as he answered: “the accidental one I signed when I befriended Doctor Jeon when we were first year undergrads.”

Nayeon giggled briefly as her eyes softened considerably at the name of her physical therapist. “How’s she holding up,” she inquired.

Doctor Kim’s smile dimmed noticeably but it remained fixed on his face as he answered, “she’s doing somewhat better.” He regarded the questioning looks of Nayeon’s company but said nothing about it.

“She told me to tell you Merry Christmas when I stopped by to give you your present by the way of good news.”

His smile brightened again when the curious excitement became visible on Nayeon’s face. He started to answer her unasked question when he noticed her hands fidgeting in interest against her blankets.

“Guess who gets to stop living in the hospital in two weeks’ time,” he riddled out to them.

His smile was cheerful and he chuckled lightly at the silent shock that encompassed the entirety of the room. He didn’t say anything to cut through the silence but he did jokingly look at his watch while he waited.

A sniffle rippled through the sound barrier before a watery and questioning, “I can go home,” met the occupants’ of the room respective ears.

Doctor Kim gave her a gentle smile before he answered her. “Yes. We’ll work out the details on a later date. But yes, you can go home.”

The room was once again silent for a moment before excited exclamations promptly erupted from every corner, somewhat startling the Doctor. He coughed out a laugh as he made his way over to the woman propped up on her bed with a look of disbelief that never wavered for a second.

He gave her shoulder a strong squeeze once he noticed the tears that accumulated at the bottom of her eyes. He didn’t say anything to her for a second before giving her his proudest smile and a quieted “Merry Christmas Nayeon-ssi.”

Nayeon, in turn, patted the hand on her shoulder a solid time, mouthing “thank you” to him before he turned to leave the room.

Before he left, Doctor Kim turned towards the other occupants, giving them a wave in departure and a Christmas greeting. He, as well, remarked that it was nice to see them again especially “Jeongyeon-ssi who usually comes so early in the day” and it was “nice to see at normal visiting hours.”

The others startled at the comment, particularly Jeongyeon – who stopped in place – and Chaeyoung who for her part, groaned into her thighs that she was resting her head on.

Nayeon followed the Doctor out the door with her eyes before turning to the room with an expression devoid of emotion. She tilts her head carelessly to the side before she throws a question to Jeongyeon.

“Have you- have you been coming to see me during the mornings while I’m asleep? For how long?”

Jeongyeon looked more than caught, shuffling on her feet – (she, Dahyun and Tzuyu had all stood up with the previous news) – hesitating to answer.

“Jeongyeon,” Nayeon spoke again, a slight fire in her eyes with the repeating of her questions.

Jeongyeon closed her eyes and rocked on her feet for a second. She opened her eyes before answering but kept her eyes on the floor. “Yes and a week after I ran out the last time. I visited a few times a week. Sometimes on therapy days sometimes just because,” she paused to look Nayeon in the eyes.

“Just because I missed you.”

Nayeon balled up both of her hands into a respective fist, bits of her blanket still resting in both. Tzuyu having seen her do so, moved to placate the storm she was sure to follow. However, she was cut off before she could even get pass an utterance of “unnie.”

“What’s in the box Jeongyeon?”

The others of the room were bewildered by the abrupt change in topic, let alone the many emotions that flickered across Nayeon’s face – never resting on one too long.

Jeongyeon stayed looking at her, mild concern making up her features. She made no move to answer the question nor give her the box that rested in the chair that she previously sat in.

“Jeongyeon-ah,” Nayeon said, much quieter than they expected, “what’s in it?”

Her sister swallowed obviously before turning around to grab the wrapped present. She walked a few paces forward before handing it to Dahyun to give to her sister.

Nayeon eyed the box in her hand, shaking it lightly to see if whatever was in it rattled – (something she’s done since she was a kid). No sound came from the box nor the inhabitants of the room as she tore into the gift wrapping.

She uncovered a box with the label Tempur-Pedic ViscoRide on it in dull grey lettering. She looked up to Jeongyeon in thinly veiled surprise once she recognized it as a cushion for her wheelchair.

Jeongyeon gave her an unsure look and a bashful shrug murmuring, “I know you’re gonna spend more time in your chair than not so I figured you could use something comfortable. It’s self-adjusting as well as memory foam. Doctor Jeon recommended it to me a few weeks ago.”

Nayeon gaze got considerably soft to the point that it was noticeable to all iaround. She put the half wrapped box on the floor to the left of her bed before turning back to her sister.

“Come here.”

Jeongyeon looked hesitant at the instruction as she looked at Dahyun and Tzuyu nervously for guidance.

“Don’t look at- I won’t- I won’t hurt you. So please,” Nayeon pleaded. She looked frustrated but it didn’t seem completely directed at Jeongyeon. She also looked sincere and it was this sincerity that pushed Jeongyeon to walk towards her.

Nayeon pulled her sister into her once she got close enough, Jeongyeon landing in her arms with a soft “oof.” She tensed when she realized that her sister was hugging her. Regardless of her own arms remaining to her sides, Nayeon was hugging her.

Jeongyeon stood there awkwardly, letting Nayeon squeeze her a little tighter. She didn’t return the affection until she could feel the dampening of her shirt where her shoulder was. She wrapped her arms around the crying woman’s frame, giving her a squeeze as she could feel her own eyes grow watery.

She had missed her a whole lot.

Nayeon started speaking to her as they hugged. The words were disjointed because of the crying and muffled because of her shoulder but she could hear her as clear as day.

“I don- I don’t know how to fix any of this. I don’t know how I’ll f-feel about you tomorrow,” she began, giving her another squeeze in apology. “But today, today I’m sorry. I’ve been really mean and unfair and I’m sorry.”

She pulled back to look at Jeongyeon, moving her hands from around her neck up to her face. She traced along the bottom of her scar briefly, smearing the tears running down her face in the process. A sob escaped her lips before she pulled her back into a hug.

“I- I love you and I’m so sorry.”

 

Momo – Sana, Jihyo, and Mina: “Feeling sorry for myself when I remembered someone’s kid is dead. Jesus Christ, I’m so blue all the time.” – Funeral |Phoebe Bridgers

It’s been awhile since she felt like this. Felt like she was home. It was like she never left- like she never died. It was weird what a simple holiday could do to their home.

And as she watched Sana sitting on the couch with Jihyo’s legs on her lap, gliding a finger along the sole of said woman’s feet. As she watched Jihyo squirm every now and then at the action but was otherwise consumed with cooing at Ray lying on her stomach. As she listened to Mina bumping around in the kitchen – because the two of them were the only ones who could cook – there was a warm feeling bubbling in her chest that meant a lot to her.

Meant a lot to someone who wasn’t there but could pretend that she was. And it felt okay.

“Hey Sana,” was what interrupted her musings.

Momo looked up from her place on the arm of an adjacent couch to see Mina somewhat leaning over the countertops to peer more into the open floor of the living room. “Can you or Hyo set the table? The food is just about done.”

Sana answers her with a “yeah,” tugging at one of Jihyo’s sock covered toes before removing the woman’s legs from her lap and setting them on the cushion previously below her. She grabbed the two wine glasses on the table top in front of her before heading into the kitchen.

Momo moved to sit atop the back of the couch so that she could see into the kitchen much easier. After situating herself, she looked up to see Sana gazing at Mina with a small smile on her face.

Mina had her head aimed downwards, not paying much attention to the stove top other than stirring the sauce meant for the dumplings rather slowly.

Momo couldn’t see what she was doing nor what she was looking at, but she could hear her small titters filtering throughout the room. She continued watching on curiously as Sana pulled her phone out from her back pocket and took a picture of the giggling woman.

After placing her phone back in her pocket, Sana wandered over to Mina and placed a kiss on her cheek. Both she and Momo laughing lightly at the woman being startled by Sana’s appearance.

Sana continued to move around the kitchen, tossing a few items into the sink before she grabbed the silverware and dishes to be placed on the currently bare dining table. Mina joining her halfway through as she began to place the food on the same table.

Xuxi followed after her for a moment before trotting over to where Ray and Jihyo were in the next room. He paused for a moment to stare at Momo, tail wagging excitedly when she waved at him before trotting forward to lay on the floor next to Jihyo.

Jihyo reached down to scratch behind his ears before she rolled over and placed Ray on the floor next to him at Sana’s call that they were “just about done.”

Momo entertained herself by sliding onto the floor in front of her, gaining the attention of the dogs lying a few spaces from her. She could hear the others talking to one another but she kept her attention on the puppies staring at her.

She moved her hands around in jerky, fast motions, giggling as they followed her hands around earnestly. She’d hover her hands above them, laughing as they hopped up attempting to grab hold of her hands. They would nail where they were every single time but because she’s a ghost, the attempts were futile. She had fun anyway.

She continued on for a while, her chuckles mixing with occasional excited yelps, before she found her attention pulled to the small dining room some feet away from where she sat at the utterance of her name. She moved into said room accordingly.

Perching atop the mantle behind the dining table, Momo turned her attention to the conversation being had in front of her.

Reaching out for her glass of wine, Mina turned her attention towards Jihyo – who sat to her left, Sana across from her on Mina’s right.

“Thanks for spending Christmas with us Hyo,” she said, taking a sip of her drink when she was finished.

Jihyo gave her an offhanded shrug, pushing her food around by the tips of her chopsticks. She gave Mina a sad smile before replying to her around a slight stutter, “I uh, promised Momo I would spend Christmas with you all when she asked me last year.”

There were three things that caught Momo’s attention after that sentence passed through Jihyo’s lips.

The first being the slight tremble to Jihyo’s frame that started from her bottom lip to the tips of her fingers at her name being spoken.

The second being sad glint in Sana’s eye but was at least accompanied by a small smile and nod.

The third being the way that Mina downed the rest of her drink and reached for the bottle across from her, almost knocking her glass over in the process.

Sana reached over almost immediately to steady her, carelessly dropping her spoon onto her plate. Her hands settled onto the other woman’s waist until she moved to sit back down accompanied by the wine bottle.

“Are you okay,” Sana asked her as she settled down in her seat, sharing a concerned glance with Jihyo.

Mina offered them both a measly attempt of a smile and an utterance of “I’m just fine.” She turned her attention to the bottle in her hand and carefully reached out for her glass. She filled her glass halfway and took a healthy sip before filling it all the way.  

Momo, Sana, and Jihyo all continued to observe Mina momentarily. Mina who tried very hard to pretend as though she could not feel their gazes on her.

The latter two pulled their attention back to their respective plates once Mina went back to her own. Momo, for her part, kept her eyes on her little sister observing the stilted manner by which she moved.

It was peculiar to her to see how negatively Mina had reacted to her name, as if it was the first time she had ever heard it uttered since she had died. Mina had always reacted less positively to her name but it was typically less obvious and more on the passive aggressive side. It wasn’t this.

It wasn’t her clenching her jaw and taking another sip of wine as she was doing now when Sana spoke her name in whatever quieted conversation she was having with Jihyo.

It wasn’t this odd mixture of anger and anguish that settled in her eyes.

Momo supposed all those times before weren’t on the days of a holiday celebration – this was the second one but they spent Chuseok back home – nor was there alcohol involved.

Even with that in mind, it didn’t make her prepared for the “can we stop talking about Momo” that flew from the youngest woman’s mouth.

The question came out not as harsh as assumed nor as loud – it was desperate sounding and muted – but it was enough to immediately halt the conversation at the table.

Mina wouldn’t meet either woman’s eyes, keeping them on her plate. She closed her eyes for a second and clenched her fists before speaking, “I didn’t mean to say that.”

Sana spoke to her in an unsteady tone, “but you meant it didn’t you?”

Mina gave her a pleading look, “Sana.”

“Mina,” was the biting response she earned.

Jihyo took one look at the both of their faces before making up her mind. She rubbed one of Mina’s clinched hands before standing up from her seat holding her mostly empty plate.

Sana quirked an eyebrow but didn’t remove her gaze off of her sister. Jihyo continued to move, stopping to kiss Sana’s head and telling her to “go easy on her” before she left the room.

Sana took a shaky breath before softening a bit – not a lot but just enough to not look like she was about to start yelling. Even still, the voiced “what’s your problem,” came out unforgiving anyway.

“I don’t have a problem,” was the meek and slightly defensive answer to that question.

“But you do, though. You think I don’t see how you react every time Momo’s name is said when you aren’t necessarily prepared for it to be,” Sana said, her own hands bawling up to match Mina’s.

Mina cut her eyes at her then, the slight twitch of her eye being noticeable to the remaining occupants of the room.

“See,” Sana exclaimed. “That right there.”

Mina gave her a careless shrug and spoke with a defensive edge, “I don’t know what you want me to say Sana. What do you want from me?”

“I want you to stop hiding. You hide all the time and sometimes you lie when you do. Stop hiding how you’re feeling. Stop hiding that you have not once successfully moved forward since Momo died,” Sana said. Her tone was much gentler than expected but it was aggressive enough that it didn’t matter anyway.

“It’s hard okay,” Mina yelled as she stood up so abruptly, her chair swayed in its place. She moved to where Jihyo previously so she could face Sana easier.

“It is so hard. I don’t know how to do this Sana. I don’t know how to do this without her. My very first memory involves her and so does every single one afterwards. She’s the first person I knew. It was me and her before there was ever a you.”

Sana bitterly chuckled at that as she stood up from her chair as well. “I always felt that I was second to you when it came to my relationship with her,” she began, tapping on the hardwood below her hands. “It’s nice to know you thought the same. It’s hard for me too Mina.”

Momo looked towards Sana affronted because she never thought that she would have ever questioned her position in her life. She couldn’t even reassure her on the opposite.

“That’s not what I said Sana nor is that what I meant,” Mina pleaded with her hands held up palms forward.

Sana looked down to the table, watching her fingers trace along the top of the table. “Then, what did you mean?”

“I meant that Momo,” Mina began, a sob stopping her in place. “I meant that she is so ingrained in me that I don’t know how to proceed. It’s not like anyone expected her to be gone so soon, she just… was. And sometimes it’s just easier to play pretend than it is to acknowledge that fact.”

Mina flattened her hands on the table before she added almost as an afterthought, “and I know it isn’t easy for you. I hear you as clear as day on the nights that you sound like you’re in the middle of a fight you constantly lose. I know Sana.”

She could only watch as the tears fell down the sides of Sana’s face matching her own.

“I’m sorry,” Mina said in an almost whisper. “I’m sorry that I’m not handling this well and I’m sorry that how I’m coping with it is hurting you.”

Sana just shook her head before approaching her for a hug, “don’t worry about it. I’m sorry for pushing.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Mina said amid a watery chuckle, swaying within the hug she was receiving. “Although, we should probably apologize to Jihyo for ruining her first Christmas dinner with us.”

The two of them rested in their hug for a moment longer before breaking apart and heading into the living room where Jihyo was. Momo followed some strides behind them dejectedly.

Upon entering the room, the three of them were surprised to find Jihyo with her face in her hands causing them to stop in their tracks momentarily. The stood there for a second too long before a muffled cry making its way to their ears cause the corporal two of the sisters to move into action.

Sana, being the first to move, picked up her pace to reach her a little quicker. The dogs that were resting against Jihyo’s legs moved out of the way so that she could sit down. Sana pulled her girlfriend into a hug just as Mina had sat down on the other side of Jihyo.

“Hey baby,” she cooed out. She kissed the top of the woman’s head as Jihyo’s cries could be heard more openly throughout the room.

They settled on the couch like that for several minutes with Mina joining in at a point to rub Jihyo’s back as Sana shushed and reassured her.

Eventually, Jihyo pulled away from Sana’s arms, leaning into Mina slightly while she wiped at her face with the sleeves of her sweater and turned to face forward. A muffled “sorry” leaving her as she does so.

Mina grabbed one of her hands allowing her fingers to glide along the back of it as Sana asked her why she was crying.

Jihyo sniffled a bit, sagging down into her seat on the couch and hunching over somewhat. She seemed as though she didn’t particularly want to answer the question but she knew that she had to.

“I just miss Momo,” she started, a chuckle devoid of humor escaping her. “Turns out, Mina wasn’t the only one hiding how she was feeling.”

She sighed out dejectedly before she continued. “I don’t think I actually ever really allowed myself to feel as much as I was supposed to about… everything.”

Sana nudged her arm lightly in agreement and looped arms with her afterwards.

“I never really thought that it was my place, to grieve the same as you two. The three of you are sisters, you know? You’re family. I’m just someone you have all befriended over the last couple of years.”

Mina shook her head at the woman, frown marring her features that Jihyo could see out of her peripheral.

“No Ji, you were never just anybody to any of us. You’re my best friend and you were– are Momo’s too. Sana is disgustingly in love with you,” she gave out a chuckle with a little more life in it at Sana’s faux offended look directed towards her.

“We’ve spent more days with you than we have anybody else. Don’t you see,” she paused when teary and red rimmed eyes met her own, “you were always family. And you always will be.”

Sana moved forward to kiss Jihyo’s temple and then her forehead when she had turned to face her. “We love you, it’s okay to grieve.” Sana pressed a chaste kiss against her lips before she added a final thing, “you can let go.”

And she did.