“Body of mine finally went numb. And I’m finally done, all I feel is numb.” – Numb | Sabrina Claudio

Chaeyoung | November 24, 2018

She was accustomed to the biting chill of the room; the silence that wedged within the cracks of the walls and stuck to any tangible surface. But it didn’t make it any easier.

And if it wasn’t easy for her to withstand, it certainly couldn’t have been easy for the physical occupants of the room – even if they were the ones causing the room to feel like a stifled box.

She turned to the eldest occupant of the room, catching sight of restless limbs moving in jerky movements.

Nayeon’s jittery hands fluttered along the blanket that covered her legs. Fingers toying with the various and ragged strands of strings that adorned the item as decoration or other.

Chaeyoung followed a finger twirling one of said strands around before loosening it from the grips of her fingers. It was eventually pulled towards the anxious woman’s chest in an unraveling fashion.

Dropping the string from her hand, Nayeon started tugging at the blanket as a whole. She slowly pulled it off of her legs and then covered them once more before repeating the process for what Chaeyoung knew would be a few more times.

The stoic woman located to her right observed her carefully, a hint of concern and curiosity danced across her sight. But still, she didn’t bother to say anything to the clearly agitated person.

Nayeon huffed in mild irritation at her once again uncovered limbs. She pushed forward slightly with a bit of aggression that caused her to wince lightly but soundlessly. She began to messily move her legs that would remain unmoving otherwise.

She rolled the left one from side to side to the best of her ability, scoffing lowly in disgust at the lack of weight that made up the once fairly toned limb and the many scars that littered the surface.

She turned her attention to her right leg, flicking at it and making an indistinguishable sound in the back of when she still couldn’t feel the sensation of doing so.

The agitation that she felt only increased before she pulled the same leg that she was prodding at up off of the bed. She spoke out a “you useless ing limbs” in between slowly clinching teeth before a voice interrupted her (weekly occurring) impending meltdown.

“Nayeon,” the attempt at being stern voice rung out.

The namesake dropped her leg back to the bed, moving to fit the blanket back around them – which was admittedly pointless considering the time.

She slid backwards a touch after she was satisfied with the arrangement of her legs, leaning against the several propped up pillows. A sigh left before she spoke in a tone wrapped in exhaustion, “I know I’m not your favorite person these days Tzuyu-ah, but I’m still your unnie.”

Tzuyu answered the retort with a much softer tone than previously used, “Nayeon-unnie.”

Said woman met the younger woman’s eyes for a brief moment, pain flickering within both irises but neither acknowledging it. A whispered out “thank you,” went unacknowledged as well.

The room was silent once again and Chaeyoung only sighed carelessly, shoulders coming up for in an exasperated shrug at the forthcoming quiet.

It was a constant of the room, the quiet that is. Where the permanent occupant of the room and her temporary counterpart often resigned themselves to residing in silence ever since Nayeon’s outburst that drove Jeongyeon – and admittedly Dahyun – from the room.

(The former woman actually stopped by within the early hours of the morning on the days that she had therapy, unbeknownst to her older sister).

Chaeyoung was frankly tired of the stillness that surrounded only Nayeon’s presence within – but not limited to – their group. The silence only ever cracked with flares of angers from said woman.

The fissures of her silent disposition only occurred on the days in which she would have her wellness check.

(Occurring twice a week, the checks were in addition to her daily physio stretches. The checks would determine the motor functions of her legs and the extent of both the damage and repair of the nerves that existed from her belly button to her toes).

Those checks were on days like today and usually threw Nayeon into an irritable and anxious state before she was even checked over.

Both Chaeyoung and Nayeon perked up at the sound of Tzuyu getting up from the chair she was sitting in – simultaneously tilting their respective heads to the side in question.

“Where-,” Nayeon began, but was caught off by Tzuyu’s already prepared answer.

“I’ll see you shortly. I have to check on something, but I’ll be back in an hour or two,” the younger woman answered, making her way toward the door. She didn’t spare the woman on the bed a glance as her hand met the knob of the door.

Nayeon narrowed her eyes for a moment, before resigning herself to the dismissive treatment. It wasn’t new to her after all. She just watched as the other woman left and didn’t say anything when she did.

The door opened once more, catching the remaining occupants’ attention. Nayeon had small hopes that it was Tzuyu coming back but the hope fizzled away with the appearance of her doctor and physical therapist walking into the room.

She was approached by her doctor and his soft smile of encouragement first. Doctor Matthew Kim was the second youngest of the doctors that she’s met since she was admitted to the hospital. He was also the one that worked with her the most out of the group of six.

“Hi Nayeon-ssi,” the doctor spoke out, an inflatable cuff within the grip of his left hand. “What’s your number for today,” he asked, gesturing for her to hold her an arm out.

“Today’s a six,” Nayeon began as he wrapped the blood pressure cuff around her arm. “The pressure at the base of my back isn’t as tight today but it still hurts if I move too aggressively,” she finished.

Her voice was more than a little on the mechanical side, as per typical of it whenever she’s asked about her injury. She eyed the doctor as he wrote her blood pressure on the dry erase board across from her, the 130/85 replacing the 140/90 from the last week.

She narrowed her eyes at the numbers before asking the room if that was a good range.

“It is. It’s still on the high side, but it’s at least within the range of normal. You’ve begun to settle into your new prescription it seems, which is good,” was the answer she received and she gave a small smile at the progress.

Unknowingly to the room, Chaeyoung gave out a sigh of relief. She was more than aware of the issues that stemmed from her last prescription – more so than any of their family or friends.

(Competing with two other prescriptions, her pain meds caused her blood pressure to spike to dangerous levels to the point that she was at risk of falling into a coma or suffering a seizure).

She, much like Nayeon, was very relieved that they promptly switched it.

The other occupant of the room made her presence known with a question laced in confusion, “wait, Nayeon? Did you say that your back hurts if you move too aggressively?”

The question caused Nayeon to grow sheepish, shooting a demure smile towards her therapist. Doctor Jeon Somin was a touch more on the serious side than Doctor Kim and regardless of her being the youngest of the bunch, she still intimidated Nayeon quite a lot.

Doctor Kim snorted a laugh at the deer caught in the headlights look that Nayeon sported. The two tangible individuals cutting their respective attention to the doctor who was making sure Nayeon’s files were sorted out.

He raised his head to the duo after realizing that silence had settled around them. A knowing look crossed his features before his eyes focused in on Nayeon. He gave her an entertained smile before speaking. “Don’t stop on my account,” he said amusedly, beginning to walk towards the door.

“I’ll see you after your session Nayeon.” He paused his movement to nudge at the physical therapist when he got to her. A “stop scaring her” leaving him accompanied with a chuckle. Both sounds being lost with the closing of the door.

The two remaining occupants looked at the door for a beat longer, until Doctor Jeon put her focus back on the woman who found interest in the blanket covering her legs.

She stood there scrutinizing Nayeon for a moment – free of judgement – before soundlessly making her way over to the contemplating woman’s side.

She began delicately peeling the blanket from off of Nayeon’s legs, said woman working with her mutely. She took note of the sound of what she suspected was the woman’s teeth clinching together when the limbs were free.

She started massaging the slacked muscles with a medicine that quickly began to permeate the air of the room – moving the limb accordingly as she did.

“It bothers you a lot doesn’t it,” was what broke the silence of the room. Nayeon snapped her attention to the woman working meticulously and the therapist continued once she felt Nayeon’s gaze on her.

“You feel out of place and helpless because your body doesn’t work as it should nor as it did. And you feel a little more than useless when you need assistance with something that was once so easy and so simple,” she paused for a moment to connect eyes with Nayeon.

The eye contact was held briefly before the younger woman cut her eyes to look at the leg being manually pulled back and forth. A look of disdain flashed across her face, not escaping the watchful eye of her therapist.

“You’re angry and you’re angry in a way that you can’t particularly manage.”

Doctor Jeon seemed as though she had more to say but was interrupted by a displeased huff from her patient.

“I’m not a fan of being psychoanalyzed, specifically from people who can’t possibly understand,” Nayeon spoke. The words weren’t particularly aimed to sound mean, but there was a hardened edge to them.

The therapist didn’t answer, opting to move to Nayeon’s opposite side and begin work on her other leg.

“Here’s the thing Nayeon, I understand significantly more than most doctors here,” was the quieted response that she got.

Nayeon watched her with curiosity, defaulting back to her usual demeanor of quietness.

“I have a little sister around your age that suffers from multiple sclerosis. Her motor functions are not-,” she pauses to look up at Nayeon for a moment.

“She spends more time in a wheelchair than she does out of it. Spends more time needing assistance with things even simpler such as writing when an attack hits her. So yeah I understand, even if it’s not on a first person scale.”

Nayeon bites her lip for a moment, a look of remorse washing over her features. “I’m sorry.”

The therapist gently sat Nayeon’s leg down, covering both of them lightly with her blanket. She turned towards Nayeon, putting out a hand for her to grab and pulling her headlong when she did.

“Don’t be. Seriously. I understand and it’s because I understand on both a personal and professional level that – lean forward a bit – I get the emotions that come with it and that you’re struggling with. Those same emotions are valid, even if they’re more along the lines of the uglier shades of emotions. We call that empathy in medical school,” she finished.

She smiled briefly at the chuckle Nayeon let out.

“So, what’s the verdict?”

Nayeon twisted her body to the right for a moment before turning to her left thereafter and holding the position. Twisting to the front, she leant onward, carefully this time. “It’s a five.”

The doctor walked over to the dry erase board, writing something that neither Nayeon nor Chaeyoung could currently read. Turning around with a smile plastered on her face, she moved towards the door with a “wait here” floating over her shoulder as she reached it.

“That was a little insensitive but okay,” Nayeon said. She cracked a smile when the departing woman cut a glare towards her. The smile grew slightly more at the cackle she was sure came from Doctor Kim as he walked pass the open door.

Chaeyoung chuckled to herself with a soft smile being welcomed onto her face. She liked that Nayeon sounded a little lighter than usual – at least enough to crack a joke.

Doctor Jeon came back into the room with a delighted smile still in place. However, she didn’t move away from the door when she fully entered but instead held it open.

“Why are you so smiley,’ Nayeon asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

Doctor Kim entered the room with his own beaming smile in place to which Nayeon would have questioned him as well had she not noticed what accompanied him.

“Is that,” she whispered out in a weird mixture of disbelief and muted excitement. Chaeyoung started shimmying in place with her own anticipation.

“It is,” Doctor Kim answered before Doctor Jeon interrupted him.

“You’ve made very good progress, Nayeon. You’re able to sit up for almost half of the day now with proper support and for almost two hours without it,” she said before the doctor next to her took over in his excitement.

“We figured you would appreciate a little mobility,” the excited man added. He started veering the wheelchair over to her as he spoke and reached her by the time his sentence finished.

Doctor Jeon started lowering her bed to a suitable height to transfer her into the chair. She looked up to see Nayeon eyeing the chair in both excitement and nervousness.

“Would you like to try?”

Nayeon pulled a lip in between her teeth for a brief moment before giving a small nod in agreement. Not really using her words but both doctors understood.

“Don’t be so nervous. We’re with you,” Doctor Kim said as they worked on getting her situated in her chair.

Chaeyoung watched her sister in awe as she easily sat in the chair – a worried look flashing briefly at the wince the older woman let out.

“Are you okay,” Doctor Kim questioned her when he noticed the look of discomfort that momentarily encompassed her face.

“Yeah,” she pauses for a moment to clear . “Yeah, it was just uncomfortable for a second.”

Doctor Jeon nodded in agreement, hearing the complaint pretty much anytime someone is put in one for the first time. She squeezed Nayeon’s knee in awareness, as she rearranged the woman’s legs in her chair – since Nayeon halfheartedly fell into the chair.

“Okay so,” the doctor began, standing up from her squatting position. “We’re going to start by letting you stay in the chair for thirty minutes today, just so that you can get a feel for it.”

She paused, allowing for Nayeon to nod in understanding before continuing. “Now for some instructions. You push forward on both wheels to move for- don’t roll your eyes Nayeon, it’s important.”

Both Chaeyoung and Doctor Kim stifled their laughs at the impatient whine that left Nayeon and the equally petulant one from her therapist.

“Now, pull backwards on both wheels to move backwards. If you want to turn right, push the left one forward and the same goes for turning left and its inverse. Keep both wheels on the ground, no tricks in your chair. Don’t speed and slow your wheels down before you abruptly stop so it won’t jostle you too much nor hurt your hands… I can hear you grumbling under your breath, you have the patience of a toddler but it’s a good thing that I’m finished.”

Doctor Jeon lightly tossed her arms in the air, jokingly so, gesturing for Doctor Kim to take over.

“Want to go to for a spin in the garden down the hall?”

Both Doctors stared at Nayeon expectantly as she met their stare with a blank one of her own – she was very clearly trying to process.

“And this- this is real,” Nayeon asked in a shade of wonder, earning two nods a few degrees short of excited. “I can actually leave this room?”

“Yes,” Doctor Kim began only to be cut off by a “but only under direct supervision” from Doctor Jeon.

Chaeyoung chuckled at the tired look that suddenly made its way onto Doctor Kim’s face.

“Yes but, only under direct supervision,” he said, prodding the therapist out of his way and laughing when she swat his hands out of the way.

He made his way behind Nayeon, lightly resting his hands on the handles of her chair. “So have we reached a consensus on the garden or do you want to stroll in a circle around your room,” he said, laughter lacing his tone.

“The garden is,” she hesitated for a moment, “it’s fine.”

Doctor Jeon squatted down in front of Nayeon, searching for the eyes that connected to the ground. “Why are you hesitating so much,” she asked, softness flanking each individual word.

Nayeon shrugged a singular time, an unsure look crossing her face. “I just- it doesn’t feel real? I’m just so accustomed to being bed bound that I guess forgot that I was working to not be. So this doesn’t feel like my reality. If that- that doesn’t make sense does it?”

Doctor Jeon smiled patiently at her before remarking. “Kid, this is as real as it gets. You earned this and it’s only up from here.” She wrinkled up her nose for a moment before adding: “Yeah no, we’ll leave the optimistic pep talks to Kim.”

“It wasn’t so bad. Maybe a 6 out of 10,” Nayeon said amid a small laugh watching the therapist as she stood up.

“So, to the garden?”

Chaeyoung watched the three of them leave the room. Playful bickering from both doctors and a giggling Nayeon were the sounds the trailed them in their wake.

The remaining figure in the room crossed her legs and sat her arms on top of her thighs. Closing her eyes for a moment, she materialized into the garden.

Opening her eyes after a second, she took in her surroundings including the person in the vicinity that was not her eldest sister.

The blonde woman was wheelchair bound herself. Her chair was parked within the grassed section of the area and she seemed to be focused on something; a white butterfly that fluttered along the top of her hand. Both she and the unnamed woman smiled at that.

Chaeyoung turned her attention away from the woman and onto the entrance of the garden with the sound of the doors opening.

Doctor Kim was pushing Nayeon along the smooth bricked path – it was just the two of them – before reaching a more open zone. The doctor then pulled away from her. He waved a hand in her direction in a gesture before speaking.

“Alright, let’s see if you got a handle on how to maneuver around in that thing.”

Nayeon wordlessly looked at him for a bit before she began to skim her hands along the wheels of her chair. She pushed herself forward and pulled herself backwards a few moments later. She then turned herself in a small circle before pulling herself back in the position that she was deposited in. She looked up to Doctor Kim with a smile that settled into a mischievous one at his perplexed expression.

“Why are you good at that?”

Nayeon gave out an airy laugh before answering: “my grandma had one when I was younger and my sisters and I spent a lot of time clambering all over it when she wasn’t occupying it.”

The nostalgic and faraway look in her eyes was reflected in Chaeyoung’s own.

(Memories of various combinations of her and her sisters trying different ways to wind up in the chair after jumping from surfaces – it usually ended with said person on the ground – played behind her eyes).

She laughed at how reckless and troublesome they were as kids – not noticing that the woman who had her previous attention honed in on the sound with a frown. She turned her attention back to the two in front of her.

“Doctor Jeon would like for me to advise you to stay on the pathway,” he began, fondly rolling his eyes. “But since you seem to have it under control, feel free to move into the grass area. Either of us will come and grab you in fifteen minutes.”

Chaeyoung’s attention went back to the woman from earlier who seemed to be lost in her own thoughts. She sat some paces away from Nayeon yet seemingly obscured from her view by a couple of young evergreen trees.

She tuned in to see Doctor Kim trek towards the two glass doubled doors. His attention was averted for a moment, noticing the woman sitting off to the side. He gave her a friendly wave and a soft smile, “Hi Jiwoo.”

The woman – named Jiwoo – distractedly waved at him before giving him a just as soft smile, “hi Matty.”

The doctor rolled his eyes at the nickname for its lack of formality but fondness crinkled along the edges of his gaze anyway.

Chaeyoung turned her attention back to her sister as the opposite pair chatted for a moment. She tilted her head in confusion as to what her eldest sister was doing.

Nayeon had settled on turning herself in a small circle once again, swapping between clockwise and counterclockwise rotations. A small smile settled onto her face and it slowly increased in its size.

She settled her chair still as the smile on her face beamed brightly. She tossed her arms in the air after a moment with a happy smile in place, gleeful giggles following along.

She looked positively carefree for the first time in a very long time and if Chaeyoung was capable of doing so, she would have cried at the view.

A sharp “woo” pierces the air from the exhilarated woman, followed by more giggles – from both her and Chaeyoung.

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” the woman said to herself, laughter still lacing her words and smile still in place as she rolled onto the grass. She moved towards the open clearing with her head bouncing side to side with an invisible tune playing in her head.

She stopped in place when she noticed a figure looking at her sheepishly. Jiwoo gave her a timid wave at the stare she received from Nayeon – who had come to the realization that she was heard giggling like a maniac as clear as day.

“Uhh, hi,” the blonde woman spoke out unsurely. “I feel like I should apologize for overhearing your celebration but,” the sentence trailed off into a shrug.

“No it’s fine,” was the reply she got, tone equally unsure. Nayeon shook her head to herself for a moment before rolling a bit closer to the other woman: “I’m Nayeon.”

“I’m Jiwoo,” the other woman spoke. She eyed the approaching woman carefully and her eyes landed for a moment too long on Nayeon’s legs – noticed by both other occupants of the space – before making eye contact.

Nayeon paused in her approach, feeling the urge to push her gown over her legs a little more – a sentiment that was understood.

“I’m sorry, that was a bit rude,” Jiwoo said, guilt crossing her features.

“It’s,” Nayeon began only to cut herself off with a huff. “No, it’s fine. I’m just not very accustomed to people not related to me nor a doctor seeing my legs.”

She could see the unspoken question glistening in the other woman’s eyes and she offered her a quick to the point answer: “car accident and potentially temporary paralysis.”

Jiwoo nodded in understanding, a look of sympathy encompassed her face before she asked, “potentially temporary?”

Nayeon answered her, a bit of confusion finding place in her words: “yeah. Something about the signals from my brain to anything at my waist and lower don’t fully flow. Hip displacement and a shifted lower vertebrae doesn’t help either.”

Jiwoo flinched at the idea, whistling lowly. “That’s rough. I hope you get full mobility of your legs eventually.”

She received a small “thank you” in reply before gesturing at her own currently immobile legs. “Multiple sclerosis flare up. Currently dealing with high muscle weakness in my legs and balancing issues, hence this rolling contraption.”

Nayeon scrunched her nose up, offering Jiwoo a genuine sounding, “that .”

The other woman chuckled at the comment, “yeah, it does.”

She began balancing on the tires of her chair, spinning around fast enough to look impressive but slow enough to be mindful of the grass that she was on. Nayeon watched after her in muted awe.

Settling back on the ground fully, Jiwoo gave Nayeon a goofy smile. “Although it does have its perks. This is your first time in the chair I take it,” she asked, pausing to allow for Nayeon to confirm the statement.

“I’ll teach you some cool tricks when you’re used to it a bit more.”

The duo’s – and Chaeyoung’s – respective attention was called towards the entrance of the garden as someone aggressively cleared their throat to earn it.

Jiwoo had the decency to at least look bashful as Doctor Jeon and an unknown male approached the two chatting on the lawn.

“Hey unnie,” Jiwoo said, adoration coating her tone in an attempt of aegyo. She puffed out her cheeks to increase its effectiveness, swatting a hand in Nayeon’s direction at the snort that left .

Doctor Jeon pinched the bridge of her nose in lieu of replying to the woman and acknowledging her attempt. She then pushed the chuckling male next to her in their direction before speaking to him only. “Taehyung oppa please take my sister home before she convinces my patient to grind down a railing in her wheelchair.”

Jiwoo chuckled at both the comment and the mildly shocked look on Nayeon’s face before looking up at Taehyung and accepting the kiss that he pressed against her.

“It was nice to meet you Nayeon. I definitely won’t try to teach you any cool tricks the next time our paths cross,” she said, sending a poorly crafted wink in her direction.

Nayeon laughed at the remark before sending an “it was nice to meet you as well” her way as she, and who Nayeon assumed was her boyfriend, retreated towards the door.

Before she got too far, however, Jiwoo turned her attention towards Chaeyoung and raised an eyebrow at her. She gave the “who should not be seen woman” a subtle wave before continuing to leave the area.

Chaeyoung blinked after her, astonished where she sat. Her body tensed up at being so openly acknowledged by someone who was very clearly still alive. Exclamation points and question marks danced through her head as she tried to understand the implications of what occurred.

(It was weird to consider the idea that there were people who could openly view ghosts. Although, it never seemed weird to her that she was in fact a ghost – odd but not weird).

By the time she landed on the solution to just simply ask Momo, she was the only remaining entity in the garden.

She entangled her legs much like she did earlier and closed her eyes, waiting to materialize into Nayeon’s room.

It took a bit longer for her to get where she needed to be as she was more than distracted. She opened her eyes once she felt the air change dissipate around her – and when she did open them, she was met by the unusual sight of a panicked stricken Tzuyu sans Nayeon.

She watched as the younger woman strode back and forth between the door to the room and Nayeon’s bed, muttering unidentifiable words under her breath all the while. The look of worry was palpable on her facial features and were similar to Chaeyoung’s own.

Her frantic back and forth movements didn’t cease until the previously mentioned door was opened.

Nayeon entered the room coupled with Doctor Jeon, who was pushing her chair through the threshold. The older woman was too preoccupied with massaging her aching arms to notice her not quite unexpected visitor. Doctor Jeon, on the other hand, was not.

“Hi Tzuyu-ssi,” she cheerfully spoke out, causing the seated woman to snap her attention to. The previously cheerful woman’s face contorted into one of blankness as she locked eyes with the younger woman. She took note of the panic slowly seeping out of her eyes and making way for poorly concealed confusion.

Nayeon took the reins of her wheelchair, rolling herself out from under Doctor Jeon’s grasp – grunting at the slight burn of her limbs, but ignoring it in full.

Doctor Jeon picked up on the tension (it wasn’t easy to ignore in any rate anyway) and soundlessly helped Nayeon back into her bed.

She moved to put the blanket over the younger woman’s legs but Tzuyu had beaten her to it. She nodded to the younger woman and walked over to the board in Nayeon’s room. “What’s your number?"

Nayeon gnawed on her bottom lip for a moment before giving out an answer, “not including my arms, it’s an eight. The seat isn’t entirely uncomfortable after a while but it’s not comfortable either. And the bumps on the way to and from the garden, certainly didn’t help.”

The Doctor scribbled down the information reiterated to her before turning her attention back onto the seated woman. “Okay. With that in mind, we’ll try again on Friday if you’re feeling up to it and if not, there’s always the next day. Sound good?”

Nayeon nodded her agreement and watched as the therapist made her way towards the exit of the room, grabbing her wheelchair along the way. She threw a “don’t forget to take your medicine for today” over her shoulder as she left the room.

For quite a long moment, the remaining three occupants of the room remained in silence aside from the rustling of the corporal bodies as they shifted around.

Nayeon slid her body down her bed a touch more, not quite laying down but close enough. She raised her gaze to the ceiling and listened to Tzuyu finally move to sit into her usual chair. She peered over to the younger woman after a beat and could see her with her head in her hands.

Expelling a deep breath from , she bit the metaphorical bullet and asked her what was wrong.

Tzuyu’s answer came muffled by the hands covering her face and Nayeon rolled her eyes at that (but, she waited her out in silence because it was an act that younger woman often then when she was stressed).

Subsequently, Tzuyu removed her head from her hands and proceeded to unceremoniously slouch into her chair.

“Nothing is wrong per se, I was just worried because I couldn’t find you when I came back into the room,” she admitted.

Nayeon in a breath that sounded strained, “why?”

Tzuyu gave an uncharacteristic shrug before answering the pensive eyes that were on her. “I didn’t expect you to not be where I left you so it made me nervous and I immediately jumped to the worst case scenario. I was worried.”

Nayeon sounded exhausted when she asked “why” for a second time.

Tzuyu tilted her head to the side, “why what Nayeon-unnie?”

“Why does that matter to you if I was still here,” she asks, the self-deprecation is palpable in her tone and straining her words.

Chaeyoung stilled at both her sister’s tone and the words that she said because god, she didn’t expect to hear the same thoughts that Jeongyeon shares with herself in her eldest sister.

Tzuyu takes in a sharp breath for that same reason, but there is no hesitation in her answer no matter how shaky it comes across, “because you matter to me.”

And Nayeon has the audacity to laugh at the remark. She begins pulling herself into a more seated position, carelessly so.

Tzuyu shoots up at the haphazard movements the second a grimace crosses Nayeon’s features.

At her side in an instant, she grabs the arm that began to fail in holding up Nayeon’s body weight much to the woman’s utter annoyance. She gently maneuvers her into the position that she wanted all the while dealing with loud protests from the older woman.

She doesn’t let go when she’s finished, but she does move a touch closer so that they are almost nose to nose.

Nayeon attempts to back away from the fire that she can see swimming in Tzuyu’s eyes, but the grip on her arm doesn’t allow her to: “You can let me go now Tzuyu.”

Tzuyu doesn’t and anger floods her tone when she asks her to let go for a second time. She doesn’t let go and Nayeon attempts to tug her arm free from her grasp – to no avail. “Tzuyu, let go. That hurts.”

It didn’t but she hoped Tzuyu would buy that.

“I’m not letting go so, stop asking,” was the response that she received from the younger woman.

(She did, however, loosen the grip that she had on her arm – regardless of the fact that she didn’t actually believe that she hurt her).

“Why did you laugh unnie? What did you find so funny with what I said,” the younger woman asked. Her tone was the same feathery soft one that she used but coupled with a thinly contained temper following in its wake, it sounded hardened.

“I don’t matter to you,” Nayeon said, making eye contact with Tzuyu at the statement.

“You do.” “I don’t.”

A breath of frustration left Tzuyu before she reeled the feeling back in. “You do, stop disputing with me and saying that you don’t. You do. I’m just mad,” Tzuyu began.

A flicker of vulnerability incased Nayeon’s face before it was gone in that same instance, “at me?”

Tzuyu blinked in understanding before giving her an answer she could cognize, “yes, at you. I’m mad with how you talked to Jeongyeon-unnie the last time you saw her.”

She recognized the dangerous glint in her eyes that arose whenever the name was said.

She tugged on the arm in her grasp – softly so and pleadingly, “stop that. You were about to insult her, I saw it in your eyes.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Nayeon began only to be interrupted immediately afterwards.

“That’s the problem, you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. You’ve justified treating her like crap when it’s not justified at all. And you know that. Somewhere in that bullheaded cranium of yours, you know that.”

Nayeon scoffs in disagreement and Tzuyu drops her arm in frustration. She stalks off towards the chair she was previously sitting in and Nayeon panics.

“Don’t,” the older woman begins, closing her eyes tightly. “Don’t leave. Please,” and the words are jagged. But Tzuyu sits in the chair instead of doing what she originally planned to do.

“I’m tired unnie,” Tzuyu said, sounding utterly defeated.

Nayeon wipes at her face harshly so and sniffles once before addressing Tzuyu. “I’m tired too. I don’t- I don’t know how to not be angry at her. In my head, it feels right; like I’m supposed to be.”

Pausing to rub tiredly at her face, she continues. “I’m sorry,” she raises a palm to Tzuyu knowing that the woman had something to say. “I’m not apologizing for how I treat her because we both know it wouldn’t be genuine. I do apologize for putting you and Dahyun in between us.”

Tzuyu doesn’t look entirely satisfied with what she’s saying so she tacks on, “I will try harder.”

Tzuyu exhales and throws her arms in the air for a moment before dropping them to her lap. “I guess that’s the best that we can do for today.” She looks at Nayeon in a mixture of irritated fondness and Chaeyoung isn’t sure how she managed to encompass both emotions.

“This conversation is definitely not over though, unnie,” she adds on.

Nayeon waves her hand dismissively before settling further into her pillows with her right arm cascading over her eyes, “I’m sure it isn’t kid.”

Chaeyoung grunts at how the two settled into a lighter air than they’ve resided in for the last couple of weeks. She was definitely not okay with the conversation being left as is and she complains about it under her breath as she made her way to the crook of the room.

She settles on the floor before pressing herself against the wall. She rubs her eyes once before fluttering her eyes close for a much needed nap.