5:32 A.M 

Jinyoung was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. How had he managed to up one of the best things that happened to him in a long time? He and Mark were getting closer, and he had made new friends. God, he really enjoyed Mark’s company. He found Mark attractive from the first time he entered Pepi’s Café, but he expected the attraction to be a one-time thing. He was so wrong. His feelings for Mark were blossoming and he couldn’t do anything to stop them. He had kissed Mark because he wanted to, but he had been so selfish and terrified afterwards. He couldn’t tell Mark he remembered no matter how much he wanted Mark’s lips back on his own. Jinyoung didn’t want to ever let his guard down after his last relationship, but Mark was unknowingly breaking down Jinyoung’s walls, and for the first time in a while, Jinyoung didn’t mind it so much.

He couldn’t sleep. He kept seeing Mark’s hurt face and couldn’t help the tears that were threatening to fall. Jinyoung was lost in his thoughts until his ringtone grabbed his attention. It was Mark’s choice, he had chosen it for him when they went out for dinner at the new Japanese restaurant in town last week. “Did you really just make ‘Shoot me by Day6’ my ringtone?” Jinyoung asked and Mark giggled in response. Who would be calling at this time anyways? He sniffles as he checks his phone. Jackson W., the caller ID read. Why would Jackson be calling at 5 in the morning? Did Mark tell him about their argument? Was Jackson going to beat Jinyoung up for hurting his bestfriend? He gulped and answered the phone call.

“Hey, Jinyoung?” Jackson asked, he sounded stressed and frantic. “Is everything okay? Wh-where’s Mark?” Jinyoung questioned. “No, Jinyoung. Mark was in an accident.” Jackson words came out a little choked, probably trying to stifle a sob. When Jinyoung’s brain processed the information, he suddenly couldn’t formulate a single thought. Mark was in an accident. Mark was hurt. When Jackson didn’t get an answer, he continued, “P-please just come here I don’t know when we’ll be able to see him.” Jinyoung nodded, even though he knew Jackson couldn’t see him. Jinyoung asked Jackson for the location of the hospital as he hurriedly put on a random shirt and walked out of his apartment. He didn’t bother putting on something to keep him warm, he just wanted to see Mark and make sure that he’s okay. Please be okay. Jinyoung took a taxi to the hospital, and throughout the whole ride the only thing he could think of was ‘This is all your fault’.

Jinyoung paid the driver and ran into the hospital’s reception. The receptionist led him into a waiting room where Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom were seated. They all looked distraught and worried. Jinyoung felt like as he realized that if he just told Mark the truth, this wouldn’t have happened. Mark would be well and happy, he would’ve been with Jinyoung right now, they would’ve cuddled and slept peacefully, they would’ve woken up the next day and made breakfast together. He sat beside Bambam who offered him a small smile and squeezed his hand. He stared at the blank white wall in front of him and took a deep breath. He could feel the tension and anxiety bubble up as he stared blankly. Please be okay, Mark.

A bit later, Jaebum and Youngjae join the rest in the waiting room. Youngjae looks like he’s on the verge of tears, and Jaebum was trying his best to calm him down by rubbing his back. Jinyoung was just a mess at this point. His hair was sticking up in every direction, he looked exhausted because of the lack of sleep, and he wasn’t even dressed properly. Jaebum whispers something into Youngjae’s ear and Youngjae nods. Jaebum then gets up and signals for Jinyoung to follow him. They make it away from the waiting room and Jaebum gives Jinyoung a look over before he asks, “How are you holding up?” Jinyoung sighs and shakes his head, trying to stop the tears from falling. “This is all my fault, Jaebum. I should’ve listened to you guys.” Jinyoung sniffled and tried to regulate his breathing. Jaebum wrapped Jinyoung in his arms and squeezed him. Jaebum rarely hugged anyone that wasn’t Youngjae but he would always be here for his best friend, he always was there to comfort Jinyoung through everything. Jinyoung let the tears stream down his face as he clung to Jaebum. “I lo-love him.” Jinyoung choked out in between sobs, Jaebum didn’t react to Jinyoung’s confession because it was already obvious, and it was about time Jinyoung realized his feelings. Jaebum had one hand wrapped around Jinyoung and the other at the back of his hair. That gesture always managed to soothe him a little bit. They stay like that until Jinyoung was ready to pull away to go back to the others.

Later that day, the doctor let them know about Mark’s injuries and how he’s currently doing. According to the doctor, Mark had broken a couple of ribs and dislocated his shoulder. He’s currently stable but they had to keep an eye out in case his organs, or more specifically his lungs, start failing. The doctor said that one of the broken ribs could’ve punctured his lung but they couldn’t be sure for now. They were allowed into Mark’s room and Jinyoung couldn’t stop the sob that escaped his lips, quickly covering his mouth as he saw Mark lying helplessly on the hospital bed. Jackson put a comforting arm around Jinyoung and pulled him into his embrace. Jinyoung thought about what would happen once Mark’s friends find out about what Jinyoung had done to their best friend. He shoved those thoughts away and tried to think about Mark. He’s going to get better. He had to get better.

11:12 P.M, that same day;

Jinyoung made the others go home to eat, shower and get some rest. He tried his best to convince them that he’ll watch over Mark until they were back. Everyone agreed eventually except Jackson who refused to leave Mark’s side. He knew Jackson and Mark were extremely close, no doubt about that, but he was still very happy to see how much Jackson cared for Mark. He kept thinking back to all the stories Mark had told him about Jackson, about their arguments and how they would immediately make up, not being able to stay mad at each other. Or how Mark had to be there for moral support when Jackson was trying to flirt with Bam at a party. According to Mark, Bambam was supposed to be a one night stand but Jackson swore it was love at first sight and wouldn’t let go of Bam, kept showering him with affection and cheesy pick-up lines until he agreed to date him a few weeks later. Jinyoung smiled at the memory and thought about how fond Mark looked whenever he talks about his friends.

Jackson walked out of the room to use the bathroom and Jinyoung took this chance to shift his chair closer to Mark’s bed and held his hand. Jinyoung sniffled before he raised Mark’s hands and kissed his knuckles. “I’m so ing sorry. I’m so sorry I was an idiot. I’m still an idiot. I’ve only known you for a couple of months but it feels like I’ve known you for years. And I couldn’t help but fall for you, Tuan.” Jinyoung chuckles and takes a deep breath before continuing, “I love hearing your laugh, and I mostly love being the person who makes you laugh. I love being around you even when we sit in absolute silence. I love hearing you talk about our stupid friends. I don’t even know if you can hear me right now but I’ll keep talking and apologizing.” Jinyoung gave Mark’s hand a squeeze. “Please, be okay. Not just for me, but for all of our friends. I’m sorry. I wish I told you how I truly felt about you. Please make it through so I can tell you how much I love you.” He kissed Mark’s hand one more time.

He was about to sink back in his chair until he hears a different kind of beeping coming from Mark’s machines. Mark was coding. no. Jinyoung throws the door open in a hurry and yells for a nurse or a doctor for help. One of the nurses who walked into the room yells ‘CODE BLUE IN 209’. Jinyoung watches in fear as a couple of nurses along with a doctor rush into the room to resuscitate Mark. “Don’t ing die on me, Mark!” Jinyoung yells, his voice coming out a little croaked, tears streaming down his face as he gets dragged by one of the nurses into the waiting room. Jinyoung moves backwards until his back hits the same white wall he stared at when he first arrived, and sank down onto the floor as he sobbed and mumbled, “Mark, p—please.” 

All Jinyoung could hear was the chaotic situation inside the room as the doctor yells ‘Charge to 200!’ and then the sound of the doctors shocking Mark. Jinyoung clutches his head and his thoughts start to race. This is all my fault. When Jackson comes back, Jinyoung was still on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest, mumbling incoherently to himself. He was in no way able to answer Jackson’s questions as he kept asking Jinyoung about what happened, it was until one of the nurses explained the situation to Jackson and tried to calm down Jinyoung. 

The doctor finally walks out to update both Jackson and Jinyoung. “He’s stable for now, but we have to keep an eye on him for the next couple of days, until he’s conscious.” He explains and walks away after Jackson thanks him. Jinyoung was about to start panicking and he did NOT want Jackson or anyone else to see him. He couldn’t face Mark. He told Mark he regretted the kiss and Mark got in an accident. He confessed his feelings out loud and he starts coding. Jinyoung just assumed he was a dose of bad luck when it came to Mark. He got Mark into this whole thing in the first place. If he walks away now Mark will never know about Jinyoung’s feelings. Mark could move on and find someone better. Someone who isn’t a coward, someone who isn’t afraid of love. And that is exactly what Jinyoung does, he walks out of that corridor, ignoring Jackson’s concerned gaze. He just walked out on one of the few people who love and care for him truly. He knew he couldn’t go back home while Jaebum and Youngjae were there so we wandered around aimlessly. Mark deserves better, he tried to convince himself.