I love you, too
Present

Joohyun knows that this isn’t easy for Seulgi.

It sure as hell isn’t simple for her either. After all, what used to be so easy has taken a rough turn the last couple of months. At this point, Joohyun isn’t sure anymore what she thinks is right to do.

She had been doing a lot of thinking these few hours. What is right? What is wrong? Is this worth salvaging or should they just lay everything to rest?

There hasn’t been a clear answer for her yet because the fact is that Seulgi had made her feel very insecure lately. Spending all her time away, forgetting a date, not always explaining everything or being completely open with her. They used to share everything before, whispering secrets underneath the covers during rainy mornings and telling each other their honest thoughts. Now she spent her time recently with someone else, and sure Joohyun knows she was really jealous. And maybe that angered her more than she should have, made her irrational, but it still made her feel as if she were unsure what was the right thing to do.

Days like these, with the rain crashing through the windows and melting away the snow that barely set onto the ground… It does take her back to when these days usually meant spending the entire day in bed or in the sofa. Watching nostalgic movies, eating snacks until they got so nauseated that all they could do was complain, and laughing all about it.

Now, instead, Seulgi is holding her hands into hers and looking at her with the most intense gaze she had ever seen. Joohyun could tell that she wanted her back, that she actually was sincere and meant everything she said. That she really does mean business.

It almost warms Joohyun’s heart, that felt as if it had frozen over. Still, it was also the fact that something still holds her back. At this point it wasn’t the question if Seulgi wanted to continue this, she understands that she does miss her. And Joohyun misses Seulgi a lot too. There is nothing more she wants than to hold onto her and never let go and tell her that it will all be forgotten.

Still, is Joohyun ready to try again?

Maybe it’s the fact that Joohyun hasn’t been honest with herself. She could blame Seulgi all she wanted for her friendship with Jisoo that seemed suspicious, but she knew after a while that she herself wasn’t innocent either. Always brushing Seulgi off due to work stressing her out, not giving her the time to explain due to herself jumping into conclusions…

The silence stretches on again, there was so many things to say yet so few ways Joohyun could convey them. What is the right thing? To give them both a new chance to try again and work through it?

She feels the need to cough, it tickles in , so she tries to swallow it away. Her stomach is heavy, her legs feel shaky even if she has been sitting down for a while now. The coolness of Seulgi’s hands are the only thing stopping her body from overheating, her veins feeling as if they are filled with fire. Yet, she’s not angry. It’s more as if she is so conflicted about Seulgi’s return that her body can’t decide if she should be happy or sad or anything.

“Joohyun,” Seulgi says then. She’s still looking at her, and Joohyun just wants to cup her face and bring her closer, but she refrains. “What do you want?” she asks her then.

She feels a sigh escape her lips. “I think my problem is that I don’t want you to think you can’t have friends,” she replies to her honestly. “It’s just that I wish you didn’t spend so much time with her to the point where I thought you were having an affair,” she says what she has been thinking for a while.

Seulgi’s lips part then, but Joohyun still feels the need to speak. “I know nothing happened, I understand that I might have overreacted in some ways and that I should have just voiced my concerns,” she says and feels Seulgi clenching onto her hands a bit harder. It only lasts for a second, however, before she softens her grip. “But I don’t know why I couldn’t, maybe I was scared you would think I was controlling, or that you were going to her because she was better company,” she voices her concerns then. “I still wish you just talked to me too if you felt that I pushed you away,” she ends it there.

And that’s when it happens, a bubbling feeling ascending from her chest and through , creating pain in its wake. Her eyes begin to water, the fact only processed when she feels a lone tear fall down her cheeks. They soon turn into two until she stops counting and closes her eyes to try to regain herself.

A soft touch lands on her face, and it’s almost as if she doesn’t register it at first. But she feels her hands wipe away the tears on her face then, and Joohyun can’t help but lean into the touch.

“I hate myself for this,” she hears Seulgi say then. And when she opens her eyes to see she was too crying; it was pretty clear by the way her mascara was creating black lines around her eyes. “I never wanted you to feel this way, and maybe my own stress about the novel and my own insecurities made me like this, and that will never be an excuse, I should have been a better partner,” she says in a way that makes Joohyun’s heart flutter.

Joohyun feels another tear escape her eyes. “I hate myself too,” she says then. “But there’s nothing we really can do about the past,” she says because it is true. There is no way they can go back and rewrite what happened between them. Even if she wishes that Seulgi could just grab a pen and a piece of paper and just cross the last months away from their memories, she knows that will never happen.

There is no way they can change or rewrite the past.

“No, that is true,” Seulgi says then. “But there is always the option to work on the future, and work through past mistakes,” she mentions while slowly looking away. She spots Seulgi taking deep breaths then, as if to calm herself down. Her gaze goes back to Joohyun then. Her tears are still flowing, and her voice seems to turn into a mumble towards the end. “I just, I don’t know what I will do without you in my life,” she manages to hear her say.

Joohyun knows by the way Seulgi’s voice is calm and how her eyes look at her so intently, that she is telling the truth. How she is still holding onto her hands and being near her, how she doesn’t seem to be a single inch away from her, and how everything about them seemed to come crashing down on them.

What is past has happened, but it doesn’t need to mean that it can’t be worked ON.

A small chuckle then escapes her lips as the tears begin to subside, and she lets go of Seulgi’s hand to straighten herself up and wipe away the new tears that fell. Funnily enough, Seulgi’s laughter joins her then. It’s such an absurd situation, that there really wasn’t anything else to do. It wasn’t a hard laughter to the point that they would burst, but it was light, and it was sincere. The most freeing laughter she had had in a while, as they both looked like a hot mess.

Joohyun takes a moment to let her gaze wander to the window, seeing the gray clouds disappear ever so slightly. It’s only then a light ray of moonlight flashes between the fog, a sharp line reflecting itself on the glass table and onto the bracelet on Seulgi’s wrist. The one Joohyun gave her for her birthday, and even now she never took it off. She didn’t realize she forgot to turn on the lights in that moment, but feels the darkness works for now.

“I understand if you want to end it,” she hears Seulgi sniffle a little then. “I don’t want to let us go, I really don’t, but if that is what makes you happy…” she seems to struggle to say the next sentence. Joohyun can see that by the way her lips twitch downwards towards a faint frown. “I will leave you alone, even if it hurts, as long as you’re okay,” she ends then.

And it is in that moment, that Joohyun makes up her mind.

A small smile forms itself onto Joohyun lips then, not thinking about whatever way Seulgi might interpret it. “I don’t want to be okay, Seulgi,” she answers her honestly. “I want to be happy, and if I’m being honest, I want to be happy with you,” she says while looking into her eyes deeply. Her dark eyes also only fixated on her.

The look on her face changes then, looking at her with her eyes widening, almost in disbelief. “I’m not saying everything will go back to what it was, because you know it won’t,” Joohyun tells her as she reaches out to hold her hands again. Taking a deep breath, she looks over at her again. “But I am willing to work on this, because as cliché as this will sound… I still want to be with you and continue this story,” she says to her then.

A smile gradually forms itself onto Seulgi’s face, and in that moment, it gives Joohyun hope. Hope that after time and trying and maybe failing, they know that the right answer is continuing on with their story.

It doesn’t end here.

Maybe it will in the future, only time can tell. Yet as of now, with their hands together and the sun gradually shining down on them, it doesn’t seem to matter. Because in the end, what feels right in this moment, is being alongside with the woman she loves and wants to be with.

“I also want to be happy with you,” Seulgi answers as they both wipe away their tears. A smile creeps its way onto her face, and for the first time in a while, it all feels so simple again. Even if it isn’t in theory, at least for now, it feels right.

Sure, there wasn’t some grand gesture or some romantic way to show their feelings to each other. Not a song dedicated in her honor, or a book written about their love story for everyone to read. But them together in their home, in each other’s grasp, feeling the soft touch of their lips together press into a kiss that reawakened every single sensation all at once… It feels right. It feels like how it should be again.

It doesn’t mean things will be easy, but she’s pretty sure it will be worth it with Seulgi by her side.

Can they go back to those times when things were simple?
No.

But they can move past it and work on it, and that is what they do. Through therapy, through brutally honest conversations, through trying and failing and succeeding. Maybe things never turned into what they were, but they did turn into something stronger. Something that made them never want to let go again.

“And Seulgi?”

“Yes?”

“I love you too.”

**

A/N: Then it was finally finished. I know the ending is rushed and maybe a bit unsastifying for you. However, I felt it was right to at least give it some kind of ending. That's why I took the time to write this again after a year of no writing whatsoever. I am very rusty, and I have been through a few things mentally. I don't think any of the original readers might be here or probably gave up on this story, and I get it if you did!

Still, I rewrote these last two chapters a lot because I couldn't remember how I wanted it to end specifically, and wanted it to be more realistic than "grand". That's how I saw it at least. Yeah, and haven't proofread properly, so there might be some (or a  lot of) mistakes. Anyways... this is the end of Rewrite and their story. I don't think I will return to fanfiction after this, but maybe I will.
Hope you at least somewhat enjoyed it :)

- MyHeaven