3 days earlier

It hadn’t been the first time that week Joohyun looked at the clock and realized that she should’ve been home from work by this hour.

It also hadn’t been the first time that week she had ignored Seulgi’s messages, asking when she’d be home.

However, it was the first time this week she wasn’t in her desk hiding away until the janitor would look at her strangely as he swept the floors around her.

It had been another boring day at work for the most part, filled with tense meetings and deadlines and her boss wandering around as if he was going to point at the next person and fire them. Everybody seemed confined in their own desk, going through numbers and letters all in the hopes of getting everything perfect. Even conversations during breaks seemed quiet and lackluster compared to before – it was just weeks ago people would be excusing themselves to the water machine just to chat with their coworkers about their weekend. Now, rushed steps fill bottles with water and hasty fingertips type on the computer as if it is their lives depending on it.

When the day had come to an end, most of her coworkers had gotten up and gone home for the day. Especially since it was Friday, they were eager to head out and get their weekend started either by partying or staying at home or whatever these kids did nowadays. Joohyun, on the other hand, stayed behind this day too. Not necessarily because she had work to do, to be honest she was finished with her tasks for the day before the clock struck 4 o’clock, but she decided that she could get a head start on Monday’s task - though she knew that was a lie because there isn’t much one can do at this point, and she was staring at the computer screen rather than doing anything.

It takes a nudge on her shoulder to awake her from the endless staring, which admittedly had strained her eyes to the point that it nearly hurt looking away. She shuts her eyes for a brief moment to stop them from watering, before looking up at the familiar person. “You’ve been staring at that screen for an hour now,” Jennie says before she casually hands Joohyun her gray coat. “It’s not good for your eyes, you know,” she continues later with a soft smile amidst the harsh lights from the ceiling.

Joohyun doesn’t really say anything, she’s not in the mood to talk, and only nods before grabbing her coat from Jennie’s hands. She shortly winces however by the slight touch that naturally occurred. “Your hands are freezing,” she comments despite her better judgement.

However, Jennie simply chuckles. “I just washed my hands,” she explains then as she puts on her own coat. Joohyun can’t help but notice how fitted it is to her frame, with silver buttons contrasting the sleek black shade of the coat. “Aren’t you going to go home this time either?” Jennie asks back then as she adjusts her black leather gloves.

Joohyun simply shrugs but figures she doesn’t really have anything in the office to do either way. She shuts down her computer and grabs her purse sitting by the desk, before she puts on her coat and scarf. Though she can’t help but wonder how Jennie noticed her being overtime almost every day, but she doesn’t ask. She figures most people in the office must’ve noticed by now, anyway. They probably just didn’t bother to comment it, which Joohyun finds good, because she hates it when people talk about her for no reason. Shaking her head slightly, she figures she should answer the question asked. “Soon,” she answers later, not wanting to go into details.

They head out the office and towards the elevator, where the silence is mostly comfortable. Joohyun enjoys this, not feeling forced to engage in small talk. Though Jennie is the one who initiates their conversations for the most part, it doesn’t seem to bother her. Maybe it’s because she senses how timid Joohyun can be at times, or maybe it’s just because she likes talking. Who really knows?

When the doors open to the ground floor, they step out at the same time. Joohyun can’t really say she’s excited for the outdoor weather, the wind had been extra harsh and cold lately, and it made her feel like she was going to freeze to death. “Any weekend plans?” Jennie asks as they near the exit.

Joohyun shakes her head, she doesn’t really do much stuff during the weekends anymore. What previously was reserved for movie nights, restaurant visits and late nights of intimacy was now replaced with Seulgi in the living room doing her things and Joohyun for the most part locking herself in their room. Maybe her room at this point – it had been nearly two weeks since Seulgi slept in there, preferring the sofa instead. Her excuse was that it was to write and that she couldn’t sleep much anyway, but that was pretty much a lie in Joohyun’s eyes. She sometimes entered to get some clothes or fresh towels when she was going to take a shower, but they only spoke to each other as if they were roommates and not in a relationship.

She’s about to bid goodbye to Jennie, she really should be getting home, but she’s not in the mood for the awkwardness at the apartment. It nearly shocks her when she opens and asks Jennie if she wants to do something tonight, despite the other woman already on the way to turning around and leave. She expects a half-assed white lie from Jennie, probably having something to do already or maybe she’s-

“Sure!” she says with a bright smile as she faces Joohyun with the wind nearly covering her face with hair.

It almost takes Joohyun off guard, not prepared for such an enthusiastic reply for a question she just randomly blurted out without much thought. She had been more prepared for her saying she was busy, and she could just brush it off and go home. That would’ve been easier, she figures out now, because now she probably has to suggest something for them to do. They could go to a bar, but that would probably be weird and too noisy. No interesting movies are going right now as she knows of, and it’s not like she wants Jennie to visit her apartment as things are now.

A few seconds pass before Jennie speaks again. “You want to grab something to eat?” she suggests later.

Joohyun nods, and they find themselves entering the closest restaurant that wasn’t a fast-food joint. It’s small and seems pretty quaint with round tables in dark wood and gray seats. They get a table fairly quickly despite being a lot of people there already, and Joohyun tries not to let it bother her that most are couples and holding hands over candle-lit dinners while simply enjoying each other’s company. Things her and Seulgi used to do on the weekends.

For a moment it almost feels wrong to be there, even if Jennie was just a coworker and they were just getting dinner. It’s not as if Jennie even showed her any interest, and to be honest, Joohyun was pretty sure that her coworker wasn’t into women. Though she may never know unless she asks, and even if she was, it doesn’t mean she is into Joohyun. It’s nothing wrong with getting dinner with your coworker, right?

Seulgi probably did this all the time with Jisoo, and they don’t even work together.

She tries to ignore her thoughts as her stomach feels strange, probably from a mix of hunger and anxiousness brewing up inside her from thinking about Jisoo. For all she knew, they were together somewhere and doing things. For all Joohyun knows, they might have had an affair for a long time despite Joohyun not wanting to admit it, if it’s true that is.

A small wave awakes her from Jennie, who is sitting on the other side of the table facing her. “He wonders if you want some wine or anything else to drink,” she tells Joohyun calmly, and the waiter seems to be giving her an odd stare but doesn’t say anything.

“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” Joohyun says because she’s honestly too lazy to think of anything. She doesn’t feel like eating up the waiter’s time by looking at the menu.

Jennie suggests getting a bottle of wine to share, and it nearly surprises Joohyun that she picks one that she herself likes a lot. They agree on that one quickly, before the waiter disappears to get them some glasses and the bottle. While he pours them each a glass, Joohyun can’t help but think how this looks. The place is filled with couples, and she wonders if Jennie notices it too.

She doesn’t need to speculate for long, however. “One would’ve thought it was Valentine’s day or something with all these couples,” Jennie comments as she looks around her. “Maybe we should’ve gone somewhere else,” she says but doesn’t seem to mean it in any particular way. She doesn’t seem awkward about it, at least.

“It could have been worse,” Joohyun remarks before sipping some of her wine. The instance the flavor hits her tongue, she feels herself relax just a little. It’s not much, but it does make her shoulders drop just a little, and she hadn’t even noticed how tense they were at that moment.

When they finally order some dinner, they began chatting mostly about work and what had been going on in the office recently. The conversation generally flows lightly, the more wine they drink the less small talk they engage in, however. Somewhere along the lines they begin speaking about themselves and more about how they spend their time outside the office. It’s comfortable, and though Joohyun doesn’t want to admit it, it feels nice talking to someone without a lot of tension. Someone she could be friends with – and someone who didn’t seem to check their phone every second.

They finish eating eventually and the last drop of wine disappears somewhere along the way. When they pay for their meals, splitting the bill, Joohyun wonders if it’s time to go home or if they were going to do anything else.

Again, she doesn’t have to ponder for too long before Jennie suggest going to her place, if Joohyun was up for it. Apparently, she had been really into watching Stranger Things these days. It wasn’t a series Joohyun particularly liked or watched, but she took her up on the offer anyway.

On the way to her apartment, it was walking distance from the restaurant, they continue chatting. Even as they enter a small kiosk to grab some popcorn and soju, even when they get through the blue door with stairs of stone leading up to her apartment on the fourth floor, the conversation continues.

Joohyun begins laughing of something particularly funny about Jennie’s mishap with destroying the microwave the last time she made popcorn, as they enter her place. It’s warm inside, probably because of the lack of wind hitting their faces. They take off their shoes and coats, before Jennie begins showing her a bit around.

The apartment itself isn’t large, but it’s very luxurious. A flat screen TV that must’ve cost a lot was on top of a white and silver table, in front of a gray sofa which Joohyun had been eyeing when she went online shopping and had wanted for a while despite being way too overpriced for her budget. Other than that, the color scheme is very minimalistic with neutral colors in black, white or gray, yet very sleek and modern which made Joohyun realize that either Jennie has a lot of debt for this apartment and furniture, or she must have rich parents. There was no way her pay at the office could afford this kind of place.

Jennie walks over to the kitchen, with Joohyun eyeing state of the art modern appliances and a big island which overlooks the living room – marble counters and all. She follows shortly, hesitant steps not feeling quite comfortable in the apartment. It reminds her of when she went to high school and hung out this one time with the richest guy in class, and she was so intimidated that she didn’t even dare sit on the white leather sofa, afraid that she’d spill something on it even if she wasn’t drinking anything.

“You don’t have to be so nervous,” Jennie says while finding some glasses from the cupboards. “Just make yourself at home,” she continues before giving her what seems to be a reassuring smile. For some reason, it makes Joohyun nearly even more anxious as her fingers start playing with the hem of her shirt. However, not wanting to be rude or awkward, she finds herself quietly sitting down on the grey sofa and keeping her hands to herself, afraid that even the slightest movement would knock over anything expensive.

Jennie returns to sit next to her while placing the drinks and snacks on the coffee table, apologizing promptly that she didn’t have any shot-sized glasses for the soju, so they’d just have to use regular ones. She pours a small amount into each glass, and even if Joohyun finds her own hands trembling either from the cold weather outside or from being uncomfortable, she takes the drink and politely drinks it.

It’s not awkward, per se, but it does feel a bit weird being in someone’s apartment, even if it’s just Jennie. Especially knowing that she should’ve been at home like every other day, being with her girlfriend, or maybe working things out. Hell, even if nothing remotely wrong was happening here, she still felt guilt hunch itself in the pit of her stomach.

She attempts to drink away the unexplained guilt by doing another shot, hoping it would at least ease her trembling.

The TV turns on and Jennie barely has to press a button before Netflix appears on the screen. Nothing really happens, and they don’t say much as she flicks through the many thumbnails before she stops on the show she was talking about. However, when Joohyun turns around as she had been hovering on the image for a bit too long, she notices that Jennie is looking at her phone. She’s probably replying to a text of some sorts, distracted by whoever is talking to her, and for some reason it even causes a knot to form from her stomach and to . It dries up and makes her want to cough, and at the same time, it makes her head flood through many instances about how somebody would always be on the phone and that she already knows who that person was and she couldn’t control any of it.

And even if it’s Jennie that’s on the phone and not Seulgi, it still leaves her feeling helpless. It’s as if a sort of déjà vu hits her all at once, making her nearly drop the empty glass on the probably expensive carpet. The only thing that stops her is some part of her working on auto-pilot, because she can’t remember putting down the glass and feeling her hands run through her own hair as her head falls down between her lap.

Get yourself together…

She hears it run through her head in a voice she can’t recognize, but it gets overshadowed by the constant images of Seulgi on her phone. Seulgi forgetting their date in favor of Jisoo. Seulgi confiding in Jisoo and not in her. Seulgi probably being God knows where with that woman, and even if she has no evidence of them actually doing anything, the thought of mere suspicion leaves her stomach with a bang that nearly makes her hurl. Even by this point she could feel her sweaty palms dampening onto her long hair, though the only thing her eyes can register is the white carpet surrounding her clashingly yellow socks.

Those yellow socks aren’t even hers. They’re Seulgi’s. It’s only now that she registers that.

When she can honestly say she feels her heart ringing up to her ears so piercingly that it tightens her chest and leaves her dizzy, she knows that this isn’t normal. Even when she can physically hear Jennie talking, she doesn’t want to listen. She just lets her fingers curl together so tight that if it were possible, it would snap anything in her grasp in two. They tug her hair, and sharp pain runs through her scalp by her own hands. She tries to breathe in and out – in and out – in and…

Something round appears in her vision, and she barely registers the hand holding onto a glass with clear liquid. Her nose doesn’t pick up a scent, so she’s fairly sure it’s plain water. Water that is so still and just formatting around the glass in such a pure form that anything appears with its true colors beneath it.

Then the water ripples, small circles forming itself to waves until it continues to ripple like clockwork, and eventually she realizes the drops are coming from her own eyes.

Will she still be home tonight?

A warm hand does her back slowly, though her body is a small distance away as if to give Joohyun space. And it’s just in that moment she doesn’t want space, but there’s nothing she can do about it this time. It doesn’t seem like Seulgi wants to be close to her. Not when she sleeps on the sofa most of the time or goes to bed when Joohyun is at work. Not when they lead so separate lives that they have nearly turned into roommates.

It takes her a couple of shaky breaths, but eventually Joohyun manages to somewhat piece herself up together to face the fact that Jennie is probably confused as hell to what just happened, and even if Joohyun doesn’t owe her an explanation, she figures she might as well just clear the air that it isn’t about her. “I’m sorry for… that,” she manages to muster out from her cracked voice, tears rapidly slowing down until they turn to dry streaks down her face. Her makeup must look like a total mess.

Jennie leans down and rummages through a drawer until she hands Joohyun some makeup remover. Smiling with a bit of force, but still with gratitude, she takes a couple of them to wipe off her probably destroyed face with streaky mascara and patchy foundation. Jennie doesn’t ask or pry too much, and Joohyun appreciates the silence despite the awkward encounter that came out of nowhere. “Do you hate Stranger Things that much?” she jokes lightly as she puts away the glass of water and takes the used removers and puts them on the table for now.

It isn’t really that funny, but Joohyun manages to get a small chuckle out despite. She shakes her head roughly, before removing some strands of hair from her face. “I just had a random moment,” she explains vaguely, not knowing what to say other than that.

Of course, she understands that Jennie doesn’t know what is going on, but she’s not sure if she’s supposed to tell her. Wouldn’t it be weird? Telling stuff like that to someone she isn’t sure is her friend? She doesn’t qualify Jennie as a stranger, but more of a friendly coworker who she just got to know better recently. Sharing information like this feels like too much, even if she can feel her lips tremble to the point that they want to just burst out every single thought running through her head with .

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” she says then before leaning onto the sofa. It’s in a manner that Joohyun interprets as if she can choose herself – Jennie is all ears, but she probably would understand if she kept shut. “Do you want to go home? I can call a taxi if you want to,” she suggests, and Joohyun hopes it’s not her being kicked out for being a nuisance. Yet, she doesn’t reach out for her phone to do anything.

Joohyun hesitates, but figures that through all the wine and the small amounts of soju, she might as well just tell her something. “I really am sorry,” she says again as if she loves repeating every word hat escapes . “It was just, the texting reminded me of thoughts I had tried to suppress,” she continues on. She’s not really sure what is appropriate to say anymore. “It has nothing to do with you,” she adds on later when her breathing calms down and her head is spinning less.

From the corner of her eye she spots Jennie nodding slowly. It grows silent for a couple of minutes, the reflection of the television going blank after the inactivity. Joohyun swears she even hears the fridge running from the kitchen. “I hope you don’t find me too forward,” Jennie suddenly says after the extended pause. “But I think I know what it is that’s bothering you,” she mentions later. Joohyun peaks her head up with curiosity, her eyebrows following. She wonders what the other woman beside her is about to say. Granted, Joohyun herself knew she had been a little off, but she figured that everyone at work was so busy with themselves that they didn’t notice her. “Always lingering at the office after work, not really talking to anyone, spacing out a lot, your date not showing up…” Jennie mentions this and a few other things that Joohyun is surprised for that she noticed. “I figured out it had something to do with your girlfriend,” she explains later on as they sit there.

Well, it’s not a lie. Actually, it’s about the truth in a very simply explained way. “You’re sure the relationship expert,” Joohyun says in what she perceives as a neutral tone, but it wouldn’t surprise her if Jennie took it the wrong way. She fills up her glass with some soju and takes another shot, though not knowing what for anymore. Even her cheeks had begun to feel hotter – she really isn’t good with alcohol.

But it’s that shot that makes her explain everything. How one day things seemed so perfect, but as soon as Joohyun took her to the company party something happened. Suddenly it was Jisoo this and Jisoo that – having her over, late-night conversations that involved things not even Joohyun knew about, and the fact that she was apparently so important that Seulgi forgot a date to hang out with her, made everything even worse. No, she doesn’t tell Jennie absolutely everything because that would be horrible to out Seulgi like that, but she does mention the disappointment in her actions. As she speaks, she knows well that is straining. Not only because of the pure mess of emotions going on, but also from the fact that she is quickly beginning to realize she hasn’t talked that much in a while. For some reason she’s pretty sure that if she were to speak another word, would cave in and no sound would come out. “I think I had a panic attack,” she says somewhere along the mess of her life recently. “I feel like such a right now,” she knows she’s pulling onto self-pity, but she lets the alcohol that rapidly went through her veins speak for her.

With a couple of seconds, Jennie turns to face her properly. Joohyun isn’t sure what is going through the other person’s head, if it’s judgement or pure annoyance or confusion or even pity for her, but she keeps a fairly neutral expression. At this point, she has no idea what her response to this will be. Maybe she even won’t reply, who knows.

A short but noticeable breath is taken by the person beside her. “Do you trust her?” she asks, surprisingly enough. Joohyun was sure she was just going to say it will all be okay and just end it at that.

It does make her think though. In the past, Seulgi had never done anything to break her trust. She had to be honest, though, it wasn’t as if she could depend on her partner for everything. Sometimes she’d be lazy with cleaning up after herself, leaving a cup or two on the table without putting it in the dishwasher. There were even times when several bills were due and Seulgi hadn’t earned enough to pay her share. Small things like that made Joohyun feel like the more responsible of them, however, it didn’t give her a reason not to trust her with other people. “I do, for the most part,” she reckons then after a while of thought. “I just don’t get why it always has to be her all of the sudden,” she nearly let herself pout despite her better judgement. Instead, she finds somewhat solace in leaning back on the pillows, trying to keep her expressions in check after that random episode earlier. She doesn’t want to come off as too much.

Jennie seems to be thinking herself, and Joohyun doesn’t expect her to hold any answers. It’s complex enough for Joohyun alone. “How many friends does she have?” she asks again, probably on to something that Joohyun herself can’t see.

Joohyun takes another sip of soju along with Jennie then. “Well, she has one special one obviously,” she nears the sound of bitter resentment at this point. She really does need to get it together.

“I know,” Jennie says before pouring some more soju in her own glass. “But I remember when I met her on that party a while ago, she said you guys met in Japan,” she continues with her eyes focusing on pouring enough to drink. Joohyun nods slowly then, not really knowing what that has to do with anything. Jennie seems to sense her confusion, so she stays quiet.

The silence leaves her a bit anxious again. “What are you trying to say?” she asks Jennie who is drinking a bit of her soju. At this point it felt as if they were treating it like water instead of alcohol that would definitely leave Joohyun with an obnoxious hangover the day after.

 “I’m saying, maybe Jisoo is the first friend, except for you obviously, that she has made here,” Jennie tells after a moment of putting her glass away. “You know when you’re in that honeymoon phase with your partner and you want to be with them all the time?” she continues as Joohyun only nods – very clearly remembering when Seulgi moved in after getting all her work-permits clear and how they spent nearly every second together. “It may sound weird, but some people get like that with friends too, especially when you really connect,” she explains further.

It’s not wrong, what she’s saying, after all Seulgi doesn’t really go out much as she used to back in college. Maybe the thing was, as she thought more about it, that they were in need of other people. Most of the time they only saw each other, had dinner every day together, watched movies all the time or mostly only spoke to each other. She gets wanting to hang out with other people… but with that thought crept another fear into her mind. Maybe Seulgi was tired of Joohyun and wanted something new.

Jennie continues to speak then. “If you think about it, I get both sides,” she then says vaguely. “She probably hasn’t had a nearby friend in a while, so her wanting to spend time together with her and probably give you some space to do your own thing makes totally sense,” she says before taking a new sip of her drink. “But if you want to work it out you got to talk to her,” she ends it there before drinking some more.

Joohyun nods in understanding, seeing the situation in a sort of new light. “You really are a relationship expert,” she muses to Jennie then, because she did notice something Joohyun herself failed to pay attention to. Even if it doesn’t solve everything, at least it made her calm down a little with the suspicions of an affair, even if she can never be too sure. “You’re sound like such a Carrie,” she begins rambling on then thinking about one of the few American shows she had watched in her life.

The other woman lets out a sudden chuckle then. “I am so not a Carrie,” Jennie says before nudging her, but no harm intended. “If anything, I’m a Charlotte,” she continues and almost seems to slur. She takes another sip. “Anyways, I’ve been in love a couple of times, and had my fair share of breakups that probably could be avoided,” she mentions coolly while spinning the glass in her hands, making the liquid nearly fall out.

Joohyun feels her curiosity peak by that, realizing that for someone who talked a lot about their own love life, she didn’t know anything about Jennie’s. “How come?” she asks, but before she can really let Jennie answer, she finds herself blurting out the time Jennie was seemingly crying. “Was that about some douchebag?” she says, although feels her words turn a bit to mumble.

She’s not sure if it’s too personal, but it’s already been asked, so she doesn’t try to take it back. Jennie lets out a sigh. “Well, yes and no,” she mentions lightly. “He wasn’t being a jerk, it was just a misunderstanding,” she leads further on as they sit on the sofa.

Joohyun gestures for her to go on, wondering what it could be about.

With another sip she lets in on who her current boyfriend is, who Joohyun had never heard of and was apparently named Jongin, and he was a very sweet partner but sometimes he could do dumb stuff. She explains how she also thought that he was cheating, because he was very distracted most of the time and working late very often. One day, she was going to surprise him with some macarons during her lunch break while he was working. Instead, she came in to the office to notice him talking to a woman, and he seemed very immersed in the conversation to the point that it made Jennie so uncomfortable that she just left before he noticed her. “I mean, they were just talking and looking back at it he was just paying attention but combined with everything else made me think of the worst,” she confesses then.  

Joohyun nods then, getting how that would easily upset her too. “But what was his reasons?” she can’t help but ask back. “What happened?” she asks further.

This makes Jennie laugh. “After that breakdown at work, I nearly demanded to talk to him about it a couple of days later, preparing this speech about saying that if he was tired of me, we should just end it, right?” she says then as her hands begin to move a lot as she speaks, making her nearly spill all the contents in her glass. She goes on to say that when she explained how she felt, it didn’t take long before her boyfriend felt so bad that what he thought would be a fun surprise turned out to be a huge misunderstanding.

“Surprise?” Joohyun asks then.

Jennie nods. “When I thought he was being shady, he was really just planning a trip for us to Paris,” she says gleefully, her eyes lightening up with a huge grin that follows. That explains how he had been working a lot and not making as much time for her as earlier. The woman who he was talking to was just giving him tips on how to get the best deals, as she had been there numerous times, and Jennie had forgotten to notice how he literally was writing down everything she said. Then she squeals a bit, but in more of a cute way than obnoxious, before finding her phone to show some pictures of the hotel he had booked. It was clear from the advertisement and the images that it wasn’t cheap and very luxurious. Jongin clearly wanted to get the best of the best, so much that he also took up a part-time job at a dance studio to earn extra cash that would go exclusively to the surprise.

Even though she is happy for Jennie, since everything got cleared up and she is smiling from ear to ear, she can’t help but wonder about what would happen if Joohyun sat down to talk to Seulgi about everything. Would they also be going through a huge misunderstanding? She doubts her girlfriend is taking her to Paris or anything as extravagant, but maybe her being so close to Jisoo was just what Jennie said – there’s a misunderstanding between her and Seulgi that probably hasn’t been resolved.

Maybe it’s true that Joohyun is looking too much into it in the wrong light. It doesn’t excuse everything that happened, but it doesn’t have to mean that Seulgi is cheating. After all, Jisoo is the only person she has befriended since she moved in with her, and Joohyun had been so busy with work that it wouldn’t surprise her if her girlfriend took her absence the wrong way.

Jennie lets out a short cough, awaking Joohyun from her zoning out. “What I’ve learned is, maybe you two should just sit down and talk to clear the air before there are any more misunderstandings,” she mentions as she drags them back to the previous subject.

Joohyun nods slowly, forgetting how much time had passed as they sat and chatted about everything going wrong with her life. It takes her only a second to find her phone, but the battery is dead. She sighs before tucking it away. On the TV there is a clock which glares with red numbers how late it is, stating that it’s already way past midnight.

With that, they get up from the sofa and walk towards the hallway, with Joohyun insisting to help her clean up. Jennie only shrugs it off, saying that after all it would take her less than a minute to tidy up. Besides, Joohyun is too tipsy to coordinate herself much. Even taking on her shoes needed teamwork and involved both of them stumbling around and nearly breaking something. However, it’s fun and laughter and it doesn’t seem to annoy Jennie at all.

For a moment it turns silent as Joohyun manages to put on her shoes properly, feeling lighter after the conversation they just had. “There,” Jennie suddenly says after a moment.

Joohyun can only give her a confused look back. “What?” she asks to the other woman, who only laughs a little in reply.

“You’re smiling,” she says then. “I haven’t seen you do that in a while, so I hope that it’ll get better for you from now,” Jennie continues as they stand there.

Joohyun buttons up her coat, and even if she’s dizzy and feeling rather not herself, she still lets out another content smile that doesn’t feel forced. “I hadn’t really noticed,” she mentions, although it does make her think. Maybe the fact that she can just sit down and clear the air would make everything better, and maybe, just maybe, it would be okay.

Jennie insists on calling a cab, but Joohyun doesn’t feel like being driven and could use the fresh air. Besides, it’s not that far away that she needs to pay extra to get home. They don’t discuss it for long, Jennie only sighing and asking her to send a text when she gets home.

When the door closes after bidding goodbye, Joohyun turns around and heads towards the stairs. However, she is surprised when another figure walks up in the opposite direction. She instantly recognizes the dark brown eyes framed in long lashes, her defined face and lit up smile that had annoyed her for the last couple of months.

“Hello,” Jisoo greets her with a polite smile, halting her steps as they get closer to one another. She stands still then on one of the steps, Joohyun a couple of stairsteps over. She looks a bit away from her. Judging by the keys in her hands, she probably lives in this building too.

Now, had she been sober, she would just politely smile back, say yes and leave. However, tipsy Joohyun didn’t think that was a good idea. Because tipsy Joohyun was standing there long enough to notice things sober Joohyun wouldn’t because she wouldn’t stand there as long. Noticing how Jisoo’s usually perfect hair is now disheveled, that her pink lipstick has been smeared out of the corners of her lips, and how something red was barely poking on the edges of her shirt that was buttoned the wrong way as if in a hurry. If she didn’t know better, it’s as if she just had…

Wait no, Jisoo has definitely hooked up with someone. There’s no way she’d come up the stairs looking as messy as this and trying to adjust her collar as she did now. Even her hands were seemingly trying to cover away the lipstick that had faded, probably from kissing someone. The woman just stands there, and they don’t speak, and Joohyun feels her muscles tense. “Well, have a good night,” Jisoo says softly, as if she was embarrassed with the way her eyes dart a bit away from her and look down. She can’t hold eye contact.

“Have you been with Seulgi today?” Joohyun asks rather forwardly, and it wouldn’t surprise her if Jisoo understood that she had been drinking.

A confused look enters her face, but she does confirm that yes, they had seen each other earlier.

Joohyun tries to breathe, thinking that this isn’t it, thinking that she’s overreacting, thinking that…

A sudden sound echoes through the silent hall, vibration following, and Jisoo excusing herself while finding her phone. It’s about as if she’s going to say something to Joohyun, but she doesn’t wanna hear it. She doesn’t want to stay there for another second, thinking that if they saw each other and she just came back from their apartment looking like that, and her phone buzzing probably because she was getting a text. She hoped to God it wasn’t Seulgi.

Instead, before she can collapse from the sheer pain that enters her heart when thinking about it, wondering if this could be true even if she doesn’t know, she runs down the stairs without saying goodbye. She just leaves Jisoo there, probably confused, but she doesn’t care.

How she got to their apartment this fast she can’t even remember through her drunken haze, only making it up the stairs and opening the door to get in. She’s not even sure of what she’s hoping or not hoping to find out, but she gets in anyway after kicking off her shoes and slinging her coat away.

She hears the shower running, and it’s odd why she’d be showering this late. As Joohyun walks towards the kitchen, trying to convince herself that a glass of water will calm her down, she sees Seulgi’s phone on the counter.

Just grab it…

Joohyun smacks her own hand away, probably some logical part of her warning herself that if she looked through Seulgi’s phone then it would make everything worse. She has to trust Seulgi, that’s what lasting relationships are for, right?

Taking deep breaths, she gets herself that glass of water, letting the cool liquid run through her previously burning throat. With that, she feels her head slowly leaning down until it touches the counter. Joohyun is sure that another headache is on its way and is going to leave her cursing in the morning.

She swears the counter vibrates, but before she can shout earthquake, she lifts her head up enough to notice it’s just a notification from Seulgi’s phone. The screen brightens ups instantly, a text message on the display. Now, normally she wouldn’t have read it, but her eyes dart towards the phone anyway noticing the text that just came in.

“I had a good time tonight” it says with a suggestive emoji, the name one she had heard so many times before. No, no it can’t be Joohyun tries to convince herself. But the sight of Jisoo looking like she did, the fact that a text like that is sent to Seulgi not long after, and Seulgi being in the shower this late…

Her knees nearly give in at that moment, her arms swinging to hold onto the counters as she feels herself falling apart little by little. A second passes by and she feels as if she could shout so loud as if somebody was punching her right in the stomach. Her fingers retract themselves together, and her chest feels so tight she wants to burst.

This can’t be a misunderstanding, can it?

The shower stops running, the rustling of a body moving around to probably dry up and get on some clothes pierces through Joohyun’s ears.

She knows she should just confront Seulgi and get it over with. Tell her that she can’t do this, that if Seulgi wants Jisoo this much then she should stop being a coward and just leave her. Because she had enough, this wasn’t going to work, she can’t handle it anymore.

Instead, she finds staying shut the moment Seulgi steps out of the bathroom, looking at her with a surprised gazed before it quickly turns more serious. “Where the hell were you?” she says sternly, holding the towel that covers her tightly. “I have been calling you all night,” she mentions later.

The statement makes Joohyun laugh, but it’s not funny. It sure as hell isn’t funny. “You don’t have to lie,” she finds herself saying and not really paying attention to what goes out of . “I know what you were doing,” she accuses as she stands up properly, her body surprisingly good at acting unaffected despite wanting to curl up and cry.

“If you mean wondering where you were and waiting for you to get back home, then yes,” Seulgi says as she steps closer, but still keeps a fair distance.

Hadn’t they been speaking like this and hadn’t Joohyun been so infuriated, she would probably find the way Seulgi stood there with her towel draped onto her body funny or even adorable. However, the thought didn’t last long. “I’m pretty sure you probably enjoyed waiting, huh?” she asks back, feeling the anger seep through. “It wasn’t as if you were alone and waiting by the phone for me to call, you know why?” she steps forward, already feeling the anger make her voice louder. “Because apparently you had enough fun when I was gone,” she says then.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Seulgi nearly makes a grimace, Joohyun knows how often she does that when she gets angry or accused. Soon enough, she takes a longer look at Joohyun. “Have you been drinking?” she asks then. The shorter woman scoffs before walking past Seulgi and towards their her room, feeling every step making her more and more agitated. She can hear footsteps follow. “I asked a question,” Seulgi voices as she stops by the door frame.

A snarky reply is earned her way, because right now all Joohyun wanted to do was sleep and forget this last thirty minutes. Right now, she didn’t even want to look Seulgi in the eye. “Just leave me alone,” she says with a hoarse voice from the alcohol and the tears and the general emotions she was going through. “I can’t do this anymore, just go away,” she finds herself saying as coldly as she can, despite knowing that she probably sounds emotional as hell.

She’s not sure what she’s expecting from Seulgi at this moment, but those arms that used to be so familiar and warm wrap themselves around her, and it’s a touch she hasn’t felt in a long time. It startles her, and for a moment she almost sinks into the warmth. She almost gives in, and for that split second, she almost feels like everything is fine. As if she could just drown into that once familiar touch that used to make everything okay again.

But it’s not helping, not this time, it only leaves her realizing that if she asks Seulgi the truth, she’s pretty sure she doesn’t want to hear it. She doesn’t want to hear how somebody else stole her heart and that Joohyun wasn’t the one writing their happily ever after. That maybe, in some ways, Seulgi was trying to write herself out of Joohyun’s life. That right now she was only postponing it for dramatic effect.

The tears fall again, but she tries to be strong. She doesn’t need this, though she knows silently that Joohyun is also extending their ending page. That instead of pushing her completely away, she just stands there helpless. Not knowing what to do, only knowing that with every second of them close together, she fears that it only makes everything harder. “Just tell me you’re sleeping with her,” Joohyun demands then.

“I’m not,” Seulgi says softly and a lot calmer than earlier. “I don’t understand why you’re saying this, but there is nothing going on between us,” she explains later. Her face ends up buried on the space of Joohyun’s neck and shoulder, her breath nearly tickling her. “Trust me, Joohyun,” she nearly pleads. “You have got to trust me when I tell you nothing is going on,” she says with a shaky voice.

The worst part is, Joohyun can’t tell if she’s lying or not. She can’t even get a hunch about which side to believe – the one Joohyun is observing or the one Seulgi is telling her. Nothing is objective, everything is biased… and it’s all wrong.  She knows they should talk it out, that they should get down to the problem. But she can’t right now, the only thing she wants to do is sleep.

She can’t be near Seulgi right now, not like this.

With that, she wriggles free from Seulgi’s grasp, not saying another word before she opens the door to the bedroom and locks Seulgi away from her. Maybe it’s better to be distant, just for a while longer, just until she can collect her thoughts to separate observation and what she’s being told. They could talk after she had calmed down, or so she thinks.

Her body falls onto the bed, her pillow filled with mascara stains and scratches from her nails trying to hold herself together. She hears the door knock a lot through the space of the night, but she can’t get herself to stand up.

She falls asleep in her tears.

She thought that if she could just calm down it would be fine. That how she smiled so optimistically earlier with fresh ideas of hope would return to her and make her see that everything was fine. That this was the beginning of the calm of the storm. 

However, she knows that it doesn’t end like that. She can’t shake off the fact that even if she hadn’t seen them together, that text and the sight of Jisoo made it nearly impossible for Joohyun to consider anything else. Even if Seulgi didn’t sound to be lying, she couldn’t quite add up the facts for it to make sense in her head.

Was Seulgi cheating?

Or was Joohyun overreacting?

She doesn’t know anymore.

She was supposed to smile and be okay, like everything always was.

The things that used to make her smile, like the way Seulgi laughs or how she would adorably point at something cute when she saw it, would feel like a distant memory for now. She feels like they grew even more apart, to the point where they are standing at the hall, wondering who is going to rewrite everything and clear up the air.

Or they stand there, simply wondering who is going to write The End first.