ilsan was a small city in south korea, near seoul. 

the city was mainly known for having the biggest artificial lake in all of korea, that which was surrounded by many other beautiful wonders. small plants and flowers littered the ground near the lake, where people walked for peace of mind, or perhaps to see the beautiful night at dark.

the people in ilsan are like any other people in the world. they had good days and bad days. they had jobs, families, and white picket fences. most of all, the people of ilsan all had dreams.

(the dreams that were crushed down by the people themselves, except for a few who never wanted to let go of that small hope).

the stars in the night sky are the most beautiful sight that someone could see, yet no one looks anymore.

the people had closed their eyes and forgotten how to dream.

all except for one boy.

 

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kim namjoon was a young boy with too many wishes for his young age.

he lived happily in his home, with his mother, father, and younger sister.

he went to his local school, where he always brought home diplomas and praises from his teachers that always earned him smiles and hugs.

on the weekends, his whole family would go to the center of the city to simply spend some time together, doing various things here and there.

and on special occasions, they would all go to the lake with a picnic, and would stay there until the night.

for namjoon, nights were always the best.

for him, nights meant resting after a long day. nights meant laying back, letting out soft sighs, and looking at the sky. nights meant watching the bright stars, and imagining anything and everything.

nights meant dreaming.

 

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every night he would dream.

sometimes, he would look at the stars and dream about becoming a superhero. he imagined the thrill he would feel every time he was able to save someone in need. he imagined having a cape in his back, and saving the good from evil.

other times, he would think about leaving for a new place. he would dream about finding a beautiful paradise on earth, and building a new life for him there. sometimes he would think about taking his family with him, but no, that wasn't right. his parents had made this home by themselves. he wanted to make his own home too, by himself.

the rest of the nights, he would dream about his dreams. he would close his eyes, feeling the light of the moon and stars upon his face, and he would smile.

because although it might be a long way before he accomplishes his dream, at least he had hope. and that was enough for him, for right now.

 

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my heart stopped when i was maybe nine or ten

 

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thinking back on those days, he doesn't remember when it started.

(when it stopped)

he thinks it might have been the first time he got a barely passing grade on a reading assignment that made his parents look at him in disappointment. 

perhaps it was when he said to his family how he wanted to be a musician when he grew up, and all they did was laugh at him, and told him to pursue something more "realistic."

it certainly had something to do when he began to be called ugly names in his new school, where everyone looked through the eyes instead of the heart.

somewhere along those lines, his work began to lose its creative spark. his comments became less about hope and more about reality. his eyes stopped looking at the stars, and instead, began looking at the ground.

somewhere in the middle of everything is when he began to think about other people first before doing anything. his heart beat slower every time he tried to fit the molds of society. 

soon, he forgot how to speak up. he forgot how to say his own opinions, and simply listened to those of others. he no longer spoke during dinner, and simply listened to his parents talk. he no longer raised his hand during class, because what is the point of knowing the answer when no one would hear?

and at night, he no longer opened his window to look at the bright outside.

he was simply content that the stars continued to shine brightly, even when he no longer had the strength to look at them anymore.

 

 

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no one called out my name, and neither did i

 

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music kept him going.

sometimes, when all he could do was lie on his bed, helplessly staring at nothing, music would be there to wake him up from those nightmares.

"wake up, man, and listen to yourself!"

music would always tell him to go outside and follow his dreams. music would inspire him enough to write his own songs, his own words, those which he had to regretfully hide unless he wanted his parents to rip them to pieces.

music would always give him courage to do things he would have never done.

but it would be a long time before he would hear his name spoken by music.

 

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they had expectations for him.

they told him that, with that mind of his, he had to follow a certain career path in order to became a successful man with a plain, but stable, job.

they told him what he was supposed to do, and for some years, he did everything that was asked of him.

until one day, he couldn't hide anymore.

"mom, i can become the number one with my dreams."

"i'm telling you, i can do it."

"i'll keep studying, but please let me do this."

"please, support me."

"i still love you, but please don't stop loving me."

"have faith in me."

"please."

"believe in me."

"mom, dad, thank you."

"i'm going to make you proud."

 

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joining bangtan was hopeless, at first.

fear followed him everywhere he went, especially since he was now the leader of six other young men, boys with dreams, like himself.

in the beginning, everyone would mutter insults at them, saying how they were never going to make it, saying how it was simply not meant to be.

they called them hopeless, and he just wanted to quit.

but it was the other members, the ones younger and older than him, that made him realize that his dreams were not over because their dreams were not over either. because since the moment they joined this band together, their dreams became one, just like they became one too.

and now, he can't help but be thankful that he didn't end up giving up.

because after all this time, he knows that his youth became the best moment of his life.

all because of his brothers that helped him accomplish his dreams, while he helped them with theirs.

 

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"BTS boy band has taken the world by storm" - DOGO WORLD

"If there's any boy band that's truly on fire in the year 2018, it's K-pop band BTS." -EliteDaily

"BTS may have started out as a boy-band underdog, but those days are long gone." - Comic World

"BTS is the first Korean act to debut at No. 1 on the Billboard 200, with Love Yourself: Tear, scoring the boys the top spot." -iheartradio

"The original music video of BTS' latest song "Idol" surpassed the 200 million-view mark on YouTube, 43 days after its release" -PressRelease

"On Monday (September 24), South Korean music group BTS made history and joined a list of influential speakers invited to talk at the launch of “Youth 2030: The UN Youth Strategy” and “Generation Unlimited Partnership." All seven members of the K-pop group took the floor as UNICEF’s goodwill ambassadors, but it was group leader RM, born Kim Namjoon, who addressed the floor." -PopCrush

 

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namjoon couldn't help but smile proudly as he sees the waves of army singing along with them, creating a beautiful sea. he smiles when he sees how excited and happy the others are, and how bright their smiles are. and if tears threaten to fall from his eyes, then no one needs to know. they are, after all, tears of happiness.

and at night, when he's laying in his room, body tired after a long day, the smile remains in his face.

because this was the moment he had been dreaming about, so long ago.

 

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he opened his eyes, and saw the stars again.

he never closed them again.

 

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and maybe i made a mistake yesterday, but yesterday’s me is still me. yoday, i am who i am with all of my faults and my mistakes. Tomorrow, i might be a tiny bit wiser, and that’ll be me too. these faults and mistakes are what i am, making up the brightest stars in the constellation of my life. i have come to love myself for who i am, for who i  was, and for who i hope to become.

- kim namjoon

 

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ilsan was a small city in south korea, near seoul. 

the city was mainly known for having one of the biggest lakes in korea, surrounded by other small wonders that never fail to bring a smile on the face of others.

mostly, though, ilsan is known as a city of dreamers.

 

every night, the people go outside to watch the sunset in a beautiful landscape, and they remain there, looking at the night sky as they try to count the stars in the sky. the people now share their dreams in whispered tunes, eyes bright as they speak without hesitation.

 

and a long time ago, people had forgotten how to dream. people had refused to look at the sky and spread their wings to fly.

that is, until one boy had the courage to fly on his own.

since then, people are no longer afraid to speak up.

they don't let themselves be discouraged by how difficult a dream could be, nor do they listen to the discouragement of others.

they simple smile, and keep looking at the sky.

 

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no matter who you are, where you’re from, your skin color, your gender identity, just speak yourself

 

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and now, standing in front of the other united nations delegates, namjoon felt his hands shake as he tried to convey everything he feels. he feels the same fear from his past try to crawl its way back into his mind. but now, the presence of his brothers behind him grounds him, with their silent support giving him the courage he needs. with every word he speaks, his hands shake less. near the end, he begins to smile.

"i’m kim nam-joon, and also rm of BTS. i am an idol, and i am an artist from a small town in Korea. like most people, i’ve made many and plenty mistakes in my life. i have many faults, and i have many more fears, but i’m going to embrace myself as hard as i can, and i’m starting to love myself gradually, just little by little."

 

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what is your name? speak yourself.