“Have you been overworking yourself again? Are you getting enough sleep?”

Minseok contorted his face as his mom’s voice echoed in his ears. He held his phone tight, as his eyes were looking afar.

“Mom, I'm fine. Don't worry, I can take care of myself.” He fidgeted with his sleeve.

His mom sighed from the phone. “Minseok…” Her voice lowered ever slightly. “This is the first time I've heard about this and the speculations from others aren't good. Why haven't you been careful?”

Minseok bit his bottom lip. There she went again, worrying so much on the simplest things. Minseok almost clicked his tongue, had he not remembered he was talking to his mother. He hels back a sigh. “Sorry, mom.” He leaned his head on the wall. This conversation would take them nowhere, Minseok knew and they would just be going round in circles.

“Is there something wrong? What's bothering you?” His mom changed her tone after a pause, softening her voice. It seemed like she had picked up from Minseok’s lack of enthusiasm in his response. He had to hold back a frustrated sigh.

“I'm okay, I tell you, I am. I'm already an adult, mom. I know what I'm doing. I-” Hesitating, Minseok closed his eyes before uttering, “... I can handle this.”

It took five seconds for the other line to respond, which was a long sigh. “Please rest.”

“I will.” The call ended after that, as Minseok bowed his head slightly. Little things like that stressed his mom out and it seriously worried him. He couldn't afford to make a mistake in public because it would surely reach his mom in a blink. He was normally careful in all his actions and he never made mistakes until now.

Letting out a tired silent sigh, Minseok slid his phone in his pants’ pocket, as he allowed his legs lead him to his room. After a right turn and a few more steps, he found room number 206 and instinctively punched the code and turned the knob.

“Aw, shi-” Jumping in surprise, Minseok squinted his eyes hearing an exclamation from somebody. He remembered that Baekhyun was in his room, and with that, he relaxed his stiffened shoulder.

“Baekhyun?” Minseok walked towards the tabletop and found his co-member, his back facing him. He appeared to be doing something, as a thermos was placed on the side.

“Ahhh! What the heck-” Baekhyun flinched in shock, as he turned around, his mouth blabbering nonsense. “Oh, hey... Hyung.” Baekhyun chuckled awkwardly, as he turned back to the table and poured hot water on what appeared to be cup noodles.

Minseok went closer to look at what Baekhyun was doing, his eyebrow raised. “What are you doing?”

“I'm making ramen, genius.” Baekhyun poured water on the other cup.

Minseok squinted his eyes. “I-I mean-” He shook his head. “When I entered the room you were cursing.” He then rolled his eyes to Baekhyun's hands, as the latter pulled his arm ever slightly.

Baek shrugged. “I just dropped a bit hot water on my hand, nothing serious.” He shook it off with a laugh, as he set the thermos aside.

Minseok sat on the chair he pulled, crossing his legs and arms. “You should have just waited for me.” Baekhyun looked like he was just about to argue, but decided not to and settled on pouting. It pulled a gentle smile on Minseok's features, as if he finally felt at ease.

Baekhyun sat on a chair as well, his right index finger anxiously tapping on the surface. “How's your talk with your mom?” After a few minutes of silence, Baek broke it and turned to his hyung.

Minseok pursed his lips, as he turned his body towards the cup, placing his hands around it. “The usual. She worries too much.” He blankly looked ahead, where he could see the window. It was closed with curtains and he wished that it wasn't so he could see the outside.

“Oh…” Baekhyun responded. “She's not different with my mom.” He sounded happy which made Minseok perk up and roll his eyes towards him.

“She also worries a lot, but thank goodness I have my hyung to keep her sane.” Baekhyun laughed shortly, and Minseok had to smile at that. He turned his gaze back to the curtains.

The silence was once again born. Minseok could feel Baekhyun fidgeting beside him. He then suddenly stood up from his seat, as Minseok watched him. Baekhyun opened the curtains, revealing a glass window that overlooked the skyline.

Rarely did Minseok ever share information about his family. Perhaps he did it unwillingly, mainly when he was intoxicated with alcohol, but he was so thrift with the words about them. In the past, he had a confidante but now that they're not by his side anymore, Minseok closed his shell once more. 

Not until Baekhyun opened up himself on him. He was transparent and never ashamed to tell things about him and his family to the members. Minseok thought that it was Baekhyun's way of gaining their trust, and he was totally impressed by that. In fact, Minseok oftentimes envy that from Baekhyun  

Minseok’s eyes popped, as the scenery was revealed before him. He leaned forward from his seat, as a smile slowly crept in from his lips. The night was deep, and despite being in the city, there were a lot of stars dotting the sky. The moon was in crescent and was gleaming brightly.

“Beautiful.” Baekhyun suddenly muttered, which made him turn to him. Their eyes met, both round in surprise before Baekhyun broke the contact and turned to the window.

“The night. The night is beautiful.” Baekhyun smiled at the scene outside.

Minseok flashed a smirk, as he indulged his eyes with the view from the outside. Silence ruled the room once more. He then looked at Baekhyun, who seemed to be totally into the view. Minseok had to smile at the sight. It was one of the rare moments that Baek could be seen so peaceful. It's contagious, and Minseok felt more than comfortable.

“So, let's eat the ramen?” Minseok said rhetorically. “It's getting cold.”

Baekhyun craned his neck and walked back to his seat. “Heh, let's enjoy the meal!” He picked up his chopsticks and raised it, beaming.

“Yep. Let's.” Minseok returned the smile and picked up his utensils.

The two started eating their noodles, both of them burying their faces in the cup. They were finished instantly, as Baekhyun let out a satisfied sigh.

“I cooked it good, didn't I?” Baekhyun said, setting the chopsticks on the table.

Minseok let out a snort. “You barely did. You didn't use a stove, it doesn't count.” He stuck his tongue out to tease the younger one, as he gathered the used cups and chopsticks.

“I used something hot, it’s still technically cooking.” Baekhyun argued back, sitting upright before crossing his legs.

After taking care of the trash, Minseok turned to Baekhyun with a plain and unreadable expression. He knew that Baek wasn't here just because he was bored or he wanted to eat ramen. It was of something more, as nobody dared to stay in his room for longer than Baekhyun had. “What is it?” He flicked an eyebrow, crossing his arms.

Baekhyun obviously feigned innocence, as his lips pouted, almost like a puppy. “I can cook.” He said, his voice an octave higher than usual.

Minseok just stiffened his expression.

“Okay, okay. Fine.” The younger guy stood up. “Let's get more comfortable, though?”

Baekhyun suddenly seemed to be avoiding Minseok’s gaze and it bothered the elder slightly. He noticed how awkwardly Baekhyun moved and he wasn't usually like that. Whatever was in the younger’s mind, it must be quite serious. Minseok didn't say anything about it, though. He wanted to make Baekhyun comfortable so there wouldn't be a second night of this.

“So…” Baekhyun started, his eyes locked on the floor. Minseok rolled his eyes in the display.

“Just say it, Baek. I don't bite.” Minseok finally spoke up, looking at the top of Baekhyun's head.

“Well… You see…” Baekhyun raised his head ever slightly, giving Minseok a little view of his eyes.

Minseok felt like this wouldn't be easy for Baekhyun, and he knew right away that he had to reassure him. “I won't judge, Baekhyun-ah. I never did, right?” He continued looking at the younger's eyes, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Baekhyun raised his head, and Minseok wasn't sure if he was seeing things because he thought that Baekhyun was blushing. It must because of the poor lighting. Now he was thinking that his dongsaeng was cute. Not that he wasn't, but it really felt weird.

“Ah… Hyung. You're really making me feel like this.” Baekhyun let out a sigh, as he looked at his hyung almost forlornly.

That pretty much broke Minseok's heart, to see Baekhyun so sad and conflicted. He was literally the light and he couldn't bear seeing him dull like that. Especially that he was the reason of it.

“Baekhyun…” He started softly. The younger seemed to relax, as his shoulders drooped and a semblance of a smile appeared.

“Okay. Minseok-hyung,” Baekhyun said, a bit loudly than he intended to. He was still fiddling uncomfortably, and he seemed to be contemplating of the right words he should say. Minseok thought that he had already done everything he could to make him feel at ease, this problem Baekhyun was thinking about might be either scary, embarrassing or both.

“Remember last night?” Baekhyun's eyes gleamed with the dim light of the room, which caught Minseok’s breath. It was maybe because of that or what Baek asked.

Last night. Minseok could barely remember anything, but now that the idea was refreshed, he couldn't help himself but feel extremely uncomfortable. He still didn't know what exactly happened and how the heck he turned out in Baekhyun's bed of all places. “Uh…” He stuttered, as he scratched the back of his head. Baekhyun seemed prepared for this, he was just looking at Minseok intently.

“I don't remember that much, though.” Minseok finally said after scrambling words inside his head. Baekhyun didn't falter.

“Well…” The younger traced circles with his toe, his lips trembling ever slightly, as Minseok observed. “Maybe you know that… uhm…”  Baekhyun flushed once more. Minseok was starting to get confused, his eyebrow raising automatically.

“What do I know?” That sounded pretty stupid to Xiumin’s ears, but he couldn't let Baekhyun embrace all the awkwardness alone.

Baekhyun raised his head, cocking it in confusion. “You don't know?”

“What?”

“That. We did that last night.” Baekhyun said rather blankly, catching Minseok off guard. How was he able to talk casually, if they really did something last night? His heart was hammering inside his chest, he gulped and it was suddenly awkward to find Baekhyun in front of him. Unwanted thoughts were already flooding his mind, as he closed his eyes and looked away.

It just couldn't be… He should have felt pain somewhere but there wasn't and-

“Hyung, no! Not exactly the other that, but-” Baekhyun groaned, slapping himself with both of his hands.

Minseok sighed, trying to look composed even if he was sweating bullets already. He wanted to approach the situation calmly and rationally, but his mind was blank, he couldn't think properly.

“I'm sorry for puzzling you, Minseok-hyung, but we only kissed.” Baekhyun intentionally highlighted his point, swallowing his lips and pouting in the process.

Minseok was distracted. He was unconsciously touching his bottom lip, looking at nowhere in particular. He wasn't aware how much of a nervous wreck Baekhyun was in front of him, who was a pinch near to losing it.

Did they really kiss? He and Baekhyun? His dongsaeng, co-member and friend? Minseok wanted to be swallowed whole by the ground, or just poof right from his seat. He was never put in that situation before, more so to a guy. He didn't know what to feel, or did he ever feel anything at all, as he didn't remember a thing.

Since he was the eldest, Minseok knew that he should be the one who would be responsible of whatever happened. Yes, they were both drunk, but only if Minseok didn't let Baek drink too much to be in that state, perhaps nothing would have happened. As the responsible hyung he was, he composed himself and gathered all his willpower to confront the issue at hand.

“Do you remember us doing that, Baekhyunnie?” The endearment escaped his tongue without him knowing, making Baek perk up.

“Uh. Well… Honestly, no.” Baekhyun smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

Minseok almost sighed dramatically, but was able to stop himself from doing so. Instead, he just tightened his lips in a thin smile. “Me too. I couldn't remember anything last night. So if somehow you'll recall the memories, just tell me. I'll do the same and let's settle it.” He gave a resigned smile, though looking at his co member firmly. He wanted to get his point across, so there wouldn't be any misunderstanding between them. They were a team, they shouldn't be awkward with each other.

Baekhyun frowned faintly, which wasn't the reaction Minseok expected. The younger seemed even more gloomy. “Okay, hyung. Let's do that.”

----------

Dizzy. Everything was fuzzy and Minseok felt like he had to throw up his insides. His brain was clenching inside his skull, as if it was bleeding.

“Hyung, you don't look so good. Let's call it a night.” A soft voice he recognized as Jongdae’s shook him slightly from his stupor.

A groan escaped his lips, and he found himself slumping his head on the table. “I don't want to.” Minseok lazily said, as he reached for another bottle. It was already empty, that was why he wasn't stopped by Jongdae.

“Look at this.” Another voice said. To Minseok’s ears, it was utterly comforting, as if putting him into the most relaxed state he could ever be. It almost had the same effect as his mother's, but it made his heart feel stuffy, unlike his mother's.

Minseok gathered all his power to look up from whose voice it was. He opened his eyes and recognized a face right in front of him. It seemed beautiful, he wanted to touch it. His hand was working its way towards the face and slowly, he was holding Baekhyun’s cheek.

“It looks like a gleaming snowflake, hyung.” Baekhyun spoke, and Minseok didn't remove his hand, instead he looked intently at how his dongsaeng said the words.

“Oh?” Minseok turned his eyes at the thing Baekhyun held; it was a cup with some sort of blue liquid in it. The thing sparkled with the light and as Baekhyun said, it was like gleaming snowflakes.

“Do you like it, hyung?” A chuckle was in between Baekhyun's words and somehow, Minseok felt drawn towards it.

“You?” Minseok pointed a finger at Baekhyun, and he knew he was smirking as he did so. Baekhyun's expression changed like the weather, shock evident within it. Gradually, Baekhyun’s face relaxed and was replaced with a gentle smile. Minseok heard another voice clearing his throat and recognized it as Yixing’s.

“I love the snowflakes, like you.” The words were very clear in Minseok’s ears, as if all his senses came back to him after hearing them. He remained stiff, and he was unsure if the alcohol finally flushed out of his systems.

Speaking of that, all of a sudden, he found himself retching, as his stomach churned. Chairs shuffled around him and everything was blurry once more. A hand was patting his back, and someone prepared a bucket in front of him.

“Looks like I really have to force you to stop, Hyung.” Jongdae said beside him and after he'd heard that, an arm slammed the table.

“Is liking me really makes you feel sick, huh?” That was Baekhyun, Minseok was sure. He wanted to see him, but his body wasn't letting him as he slumped forward. Thankfully, Yixing was there to catch him before he fell on the floor.

“You're so stupid and dumb if you haven't noticed anything.”

Silence. Nobody dared to speak after Baekhyun said all that. Minseok was fully conscious inside, he just couldn't control himself, or perhaps, this was all just a dream. He tried to close his eyes and open it again in hopes that he would wake up, but he was still in Lay’s arms.

He found himself moving. It wasn't because he did it to his body himself, but it just happened. He was not in control of his actions, he was just watching everything happen through his own eyes.

Minseok stood up and came to Baekhyun, placing his hands on his shoulders. “You don't listen to me.” His voice was cracking and his mouth tasted bitter from throwing up a while ago.

Baekhyun just whimpered under his gaze, his face dropped in effect of the alcohol and daze. But then, he could still see the fire from those pair of eyes. What really was happening and why was Minseok feeling trapped inside his own body? Everything felt real, but he couldn't control anything, not even the tight knot in his chest as he looked at Baekhyun.

“You're always pushing me away, you hate me, you'll never like me as much as I like you. It's not gonna happen, I'm a fool for thinking it could be. I'm a nobo-”

Baekhyun was shut up, and it took more than a second for Minseok to realize that it was him who did that and how sent Minseok in a frenzy. He was actually kissing Baekhyun and he instigated it. What shook him more was Baek kissed back almost immediately and hungrily. Another thing that sent Minseok to the edge was that he loved it. He loved how their lips tangled and how sweet Baekhyun tasted. It was a mix of wine, strawberry and beer and it made him want more.

Baekhyun clung onto his neck and stood up to match his height. Minseok held his waist and tugged him against himself, relishing with the contact. Minseok knew this was wrong, but it didn't feel so. It was really happening but instead of regret, he felt like it was exactly what he needed. He needed Baekhyun and feeling his touch sent shivers into his spine. This was a dream and he couldn't control it certainly, but he did not want it to end.

“Minseok-hyung.” Baekhyun moaned in his mouth, arousing him more. This was wrong, what he was feeling was irrational but he loved it and he couldn't stop.

“I think I love you.” Baekhyun pulled away, only to mutter those words carefully. Minseok’s heart threatened to jump out from his chest, as he just responded with another kiss, this time it was rougher and sloppy, but he liked it nevertheless.

It was wrong, but it felt so right.

It didn't take long before they were exhausted and basically almost half- after they tried to explore each other. The scene was clearer now to Minseok, as he could see Baekhyun's disheveled hair. His eyes were half-closed, and a smile graced his soft face.

“Jongdae, what the heck happened.”

Yixing’s voice knocked out some sense to Minseok and he was brought to reality...Or so he thought. He still couldn't control his actions and like he had theorized, he was dreaming.

The presence of Jongdae and Yixing pretty much unnerved Minseok. They had witnesses and they were probably weirded out. Minseok's rational self wanted to explain, but however he tried, no voice came out from his throat, instead, he felt nauseous.

Suddenly, Baekhyun slumped his weight against him, knocking them both over. Jongdae and Yixing rushed to them.

“I'm confused, Chen-ah. What is this?” Yixing asked and that was when his eyes closed. He couldn't open them, but his body was still awake, as he could still hear voices.

“I'm not sure either, hyung.” Jongdae lifted him up, draping his arms over Chen’s shoulder. Minseok was dragged by Jongdae as his eyes opened slightly.

“Jongdae, do you like me?” The question that came out from Minseok’s lips shook himself, especially Chen.

“You're the best friend I've ever had, hyung. Of course I do.” Chen was saying it carefully, and he was looking at Yixing, who was carrying Baekhyun on his back, for rescue.

Minseok chuckled once. “What about you, Yixing-ah?”

Yixing turned his head, as they walked towards the staircase. “I love you like my real hyung.”

Minseok heard himself chuckle once more, and somehow, he felt stuffy. “Baekhyun says he loves me.” He looked at the floor, as Jongdae paused.

“We all do, hyung.” Jongdae helped him take the first step in the ladder.

“Does he love me like a hyung or a friend too?” The question he asked tied a tight knot in his stomach, and he found a tear escaping his eye.

Jongdae and Yixing stopped as they looked at each other. “I think you should ask him later, hyung.” Jongdae almost whispered.

“Why did he kiss me, then? Why do I get hurt when he doesn't listen to me? Why am I feeling this? It's complicating and it hurts here.” He tapped his chest, as he hung his head.

What he heard from himself made him feel miserable. It was already confusing that he was assessing the situation as a third person, and he was feeling what this Minseok was feeling. It was indeed painful, and for the things he saw, the emotions were raw for him.

“I never thought I could feel this for Baekhyun. This hasn't happened since…” Breath was caught in his throat and he choked with it. He couldn't see the expressions of Yixing and Jongdae and he was unsure how they reacted.

Hadn't happened since he went away. Minseok knew too well what was going to be said next, and he had never told anybody about it. He basically kept everything for himself for the fear that people would see him differently. He'd been judged so many times already, he couldn't afford to let that happen again, so he didn't say anything.

“... since he left.”

Short gasps pierced through his ears, as he begged whoever had the control over dreams to look up. He didn't want to say anything more, he was in too much of a mess already.

“I thought I've gotten over this weird stuff but I guess…” Finally, Minseok raised his head and met Yixing’s gaze. He laughed bitterly and loud enough to stir Baekhyun in his sleep.

“I guess I'm really a freak.” If Minseok had a control over everything, he was pretty sure he'd broken down into tears already. He didn't have the courage to say anything if he was conscious of everything and in this dream, the luggage inside his heart was revealed and it felt even more real. By now, Minseok wanted this to remain as a dream. There was no way he could deal with this when he was awake.

“Hyung, what are you saying? You're not a freak, you'll never be-”

“I liked Luhan, Jongdae. He knew, but he ignored and pretended it didn't happen.”

Minseok gasped, but his body didn't. No way, he couldn't say that, he shouldn't and he wanted to wake up from this dream. This was already too much and he didn't want to hear anything from himself anymore. This was more of a torture already.

“I can't let myself like Baekhyun the same way I did with him, I'll be a fool again.” He heard another hollow chuckle from him. He wanted to unsee, he wanted to close his eyes. He wanted to be anywhere but here.

“Hyung, I think you just need to sleep. Let's go now.” Jongdae sounded panicked. Anyone would be, Minseok thought.

“Help me make Baekhyun unlike me.” Minseok turned to Jongdae and he saw a reaction he couldn't fathom. Was Chen disgusted of what he just heard? Perhaps he was just surprised and was trying to let everything sink in. Nevertheless, it just made Minseok felt heavier.

“Let's go.” Jongdae just continued to assist him up, Yixing with Baekhyun ahead of them.

“Jongdae, please help-” Minseok untangled Jongdae’s hold of him and being drunk, he quickly lost his balance and fell over.

“Minseok-hyung!” Jongdae responded immediately, catching him before he rolled on the staircase. His hip felt sore, but the pain was nothing compared to what he was feeling emotionally.

“What happened?!” In a split second, Yixing was beside them, as Jongdae now carried Minseok on his back.

“He let go of me.” Jongdae said with a faint click of his tongue. Minseok had closed his eyes by that time and he was slightly thankful he finally did. At least he wouldn't see Yixing’s and Jongdae's disappointed looks.

“I'll bring Baekhyun now inside.” Yixing’s footsteps dragged and Minseok guessed that he might be finding Baek heavy. For once, he felt lighthearted.

Jongdae opened a room which Minseok assumed as his. He was laid down and he found himself seeking for the pillows and covers for comfort. Jongdae sighed but he didn't leave the room yet.

“Good night, hyung.”

Minseok felt Jongdae leave his room and shut his door tightly. Now that was more like it. Perhaps, sleeping in a dream would wake him up in real life. He cherished the thought, but it was quickly shattered when he found himself standing up.

Where was he going? He wanted to go back to his bed where it was comfortable and probably would make him escape, but to no avail. He even opened the door and walked somewhere, until he reached another door. He couldn't see anything, his eyes were closed and he wanted to curse himself now.

His hand twisted a knob and entered there. His body instinctively found a bed and laid there. Finally, he was comfortable until his blood ran cold.

He felt another body pressed against him. An arm also wrapped around his torso. He thought this was extremely weird, but the body was giving off so much warmth, he felt relaxed until everything turned black.

_________