Seven years ago

Twenty year old Zhang Yixing paused as he heard music streaming from one of the SM practice rooms in the early hours of the morning.

How strange, I’m usually the only one who comes so early.

Curious, he followed the sound of the music and poked his head into the room where it was coming from. His gaze fell on a lone dancer in the middle of the room, and instantly found himself transfixed on the young woman dancing. Her body flowed effortlessly to the beat of the music, every twist and kick as fluid as flowing water. Her long black hair was tied up in a neat ponytail at the back of her head, loose strands fluttering loose from the strength of her dancing. Then, as she attempted to pivot back onto her right foot, the girl slipped and fell onto the floor.

“Ouch!” She grumbled as she sat there for a moment, catching her breath. Before Yixing could stop himself, he stepped into the room and over to the girl’s side.

“Are you alright?” He asked. The girl looked up at him and smiled.

“Yes, I’m alright.” She answered, “That move has always been giving me trouble.” Yixing smiled and extended a hand to help the girl up.

“I remember learning that move when I first became a trainee.” He said, “Would you like some help?” The girl grinned brightly.

“That would be great!” She chirped happily, “Thank you!” Yixing chuckled.

“You’re welcome.” He replied, “I don’t think I’ve seen you before. Are you a new trainee?” The girl smiled and bowed.

“Yes, my name is Huang Ruolan, I’m from China.” She replied, “I’ve just been training for a few months.” Yixing smiled.

“It’s nice to meet you.” He replied, “I’m Zhang Yixing, I am also from China.” The girl’s eyes widened.

“You’re Zhang qianbei!” She exclaimed, “All the Chinese trainees say that you’re the hardest working trainee in SM!” Yixing laughed softly.

“I just don’t let myself stop until I’m perfect.” He replied, “Now, how about that help?” So began their first training session together, with Yixing helping Ruolan master a dance move that had been troubling her for a while. Before he knew it, time had flown by, and it was time for Ruolan to go to vocal training.

“Zhang qianbei?” She paused by the door. Yixing paused from where he had been patting his face with a towel.

“Yes?” He asked. Ruolan hesitated before speaking.

“If it’s alright...can I ask you for some more tutoring sessions if I need it in the future?” She asked shyly. Yixing chuckled.

“As long as I can spare the time, I’d be glad to help.” He replied warmly. Ruolan’s eyes lit up, and she bowed quickly before hurrying off. And so, one training session together turned into a second, then a third, until it became almost habitual for them to spend two hours dancing together every week. Ruolan was a fast learner; she worked hard, and with a little extra guidance from Yixing, she was able to improve to become the top of her class. At the same time, as days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, Yixing found his admiration for Ruolan grow. In a way, Ruolan was just like him; stubborn and entirely focused on only one goal: debut. For that, she was willing to put in as many hours as was necessary to be victorious. Yixing found himself looking forward to their training sessions together; he wasn’t sure why, but it made him excited to think that he could dance with the younger trainee every week. There was something that continuously dragged his attention to Ruolan whenever she was nearby, making him feel like she was the only woman in the world. Of course, training together didn’t come without a cost; at the same time as she was improving, Ruolan was becoming a target for trainees who became jealous of her close relationship with Yixing, and he had had to step in more than once to stop a fight from breaking out.

I won’t let anyone hurt you, Ruolan…

That was the thought that ran through his mind every time he thought about someone bullying Huang Ruolan. A fierce sense of protectiveness welled up in his chest every time she was unhappy or was the target of nasty rumors being spread around the company. Despite all the troubles though, he had thought life would follow this same regular pattern until they debuted. Until one day…

When it had almost been a year since Ruolan began training under SM, she and Yixing were practicing together as usual for their weekly tutoring session. Ruolan had been put into the predebut lineup for SM’s next girl group, and she was more determined than ever to stay in the group until debut. The trainees were learning how to carry the y concept, and to help get into the mood, Yixing had suggested they dance the moves she had just learned together. And so, the two of them were dancing in quite close proximity to each other, with his hands on her hip and her body leaning slightly into his chest. Together they twirled and twisted to the music together, forgetting for just a few moments that they were simply trainees practicing for a possible debut. As the music faded away however, Yixing found himself holding Ruolan in his arms, except this time, she was facing him, which meant that their faces were merely centimeters apart from each other. He froze in his place, unsure of how to handle the sudden closeness. He could feel the warmth of Ruolan’s body radiating up from his arms, and he could feel the steady beat of her heart pounding in her chest from the exertion of dancing. Ruolan didn’t move either, her eyes wide as she also seemed to realize how close they suddenly were. Yixing swallowed hard, then slowly, his hand moved from her hip to rest on Ruolan’s flushed cheek. Something at the back of his mind told him to stop before things went too far, before he regretted what he was doing, but he couldn’t make himself stop.

“Yixing...qianbei?” Ruolan asked hesitantly, her voice barely above a hesitant whisper. Yixing hesitated for one more moment, then leaned in and kissed her. A soft squeak of surprise slipped from Ruolan’s lips, but she didn’t push him away. After a moment of hesitation, her body relaxed, and Yixing felt her return the kiss. Time seemed to stop at that moment, and it wasn’t until what felt like years later that they finally broke apart. Ruolan’s eyes were wide, and she slowly reached up to touch her lips, pink from the strength of his kiss.

“Qianbei…” She whispered, “Do you...like me?” Yixing swallowed hard.

“Huang Ruolan…” He said finally after a few moments of silence, “I don’t know why, but I can’t get you out of my mind. I know that as trainees, it is wrong for me to be saying this, but I have to say it now. No matter what comes out of the future, I think it’s only fair that you know this much at the very least.” Ruolan stared at him in shock for a moment before a soft laugh bubbled up to her lips.

“Oh qianbei…” She said softly, “I’m so glad you feel that way!” She folded her hands in front of her and smiled brightly at him.

“I like you too, Zhang qianbei!” Ruolan declared, “I have for some time already, but I didn’t want to scare you away by admitting anything, so I’ve been keeping quiet this whole time.” Yixing stared at her in surprise, then started to laugh. He hesitated shyly for another moment, then reached out and pulled her into a second kiss.

“Then…” He murmured softly against her lips, “Let us secretly date?” Ruolan’s eyes were wide.

“How would we do that without anyone finding out?” She asked, “We’ll be kicked out of the company if someone finds out!” Yixing grinned and cupped a hand to her cheek.

“I’ll take care of that.” He replied, “Don’t worry.” Ruolan’s eyes sparkled in happiness as she looked up at him.

“Qianbei…” She said softly, “You’re too good to me!” Yixing smiled and claimed her lips in a third kiss.

“Call me Yixing.”

____________________________________________________________________________

Present day, Seoul

Yixing sighed as he leaned against the back of the driver’s seat. He and Ruolan had secretly dated for a few months after that practice room confession. Those three months had felt like something from a dream; they were never able to do anything openly together, but every moment had certainly been sweet. Even just seeing her in the practice room when all the trainees joined together for lessons had made him happy, knowing that Ruolan had a place for him in his heart. Of course, all good things had to come to an end. A few months after they had been together, one of the jealous female trainees had taken a picture of Ruolan giving Yixing a kiss on the cheek and given it to the company administrators. He and Ruolan had immediately been called in separately for interrogation, and Lee Soo Man had warned him that his place in Exo was at stake depending on how he answered. At that point, when Yixing thought about how hard he had worked to debut, how many hopes his parents had put on him when they had sent him to Korea, there was only really one answer he could give. And so, he had chosen to betray Ruolan, pushing the blame onto the younger trainee so he could save himself. Yixing rubbed a hand over his face with another deep sigh.

“Xiao Lan...was I wrong to make that decision?” He whispered softly, “If I asked for your forgiveness now, would you give it to me?” Now that they had been forced to be together, it was becoming clear to him that his attraction to her hadn’t changed. He still wanted to protect her, to keep her from harm, to be by her side as much as possible. When he had saw her father about to strike Ruolan, he had barely given a second thought before rushing over to pull her away.

But how much of that is stemming just from my own guilt at nearly ruining her career?

Yixing groaned as he looked up at the night sky.

Huang Ruolan, you make me feel so conflicted.