A year or so since he moved to Seoul and it was Hakyeon’s biggest gig yet.

Excitement far outweighed the anxiety. Hakyeon was even lucky enough to, despite the nervousness, get a good night’s rest.

He usually was the mood maker of the group, but now more so than ever. The others were a mess, most of them tired and edgy, but Hakyeon was there to help. He skipped around the dressing room, helping with everyone’s outfits, hair and makeup all while humming or singing, doing anything to put everyone in a good mood.

And before long it was show time. Hakyeon only wanted to check his messages before he went onstage, but his phone just had to betray him in the last moment. He sighed as he watched it bug out. He locked and unlocked it, hoping for it to calm down and when the screen lit up again, Hakyeon saw that a conversation was open.

A conversation he hadn’t opened in over a year.

Before closing it again Hakyeon noticed that his last message, one which was letting Taekwoon know that he’d be moving that day, was suddenly on ‘seen’. He had no idea when the checkmark had turned blue, but he tried not to think about it.

He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it, but he was fortunate. The entire thing was forgotten the moment he stepped onto the stage and completely shoved to the back of his mind when he started dancing.

The event went on and so did Hakyeon. He was exhilarated, he wanted to go up on the stage again and again, no matter the fact that he was absolutely exhausted.

But he had friends to catch up with; Wonshik and Jaehwan, now dating had come to see him, as well as Sanghyuk and Hongbin. As they chatted and sipped their lemonades, Hakyeon caught a glimpse of a familiar face.

Hakyeon barely recognized him. His hair wasn't dark like it had been years ago at the camp. It was now bleached blonde and longer, it made him look even more transparent.

Hakyeon's heart dropped and nearly came to a stop; right after that it sped up impossibly. Suddenly he could hear the rush of his own blood, tuning out whatever Sanghyuk was saying at the moment.

“Guys, guys.... I’m really sorry, just... I’ll be right back,” Hakyeon told them and thudded his glass into Hongbin’s hands. Without waiting for a response, he started pushing through the crowd.

Taekwoon didn’t see him at first. It took until Hakyeon was a meter away for him to even look up.

And when he did, Taekwoon choked on his drink and started coughing, nearly dropping the glass and stumbling backwards. There was really no time to run.

Hakyeon moved with impressive speed and in a matter of seconds had his arms around Taekwoon, pulling him into an unexpected hug.

That time Taekwoon did drop the plastic glass. But he didn’t hug back. He stayed frozen, shoulders tense.

Hakyeon pulled away, but didn’t let go of Taekwoon. He wouldn’t have been so pushy otherwise, he was always patient especially with him.

But now? Hakyeon had two years worth of frustration, sadness and hurt built up. He was trembling and before he knew, tears blurred his vision and streamed down his cheeks in tiny rivulets.

“Where have you been?” He asked and his voice cracked quite noticeably so.

Taekwoon was in shock. He definitely hadn’t expected Hakyeon’s reaction to seeing him again to be so drastic. He wasn’t sure he’d even seen Hakyeon upset before then, let alone him crying.

Taekwoon wanted to respond but Hakyeon stopped him by taking his wrists.

“No, you know what, no. I’ll listen to your excuses later because you need to know—Taekwoon, you hurt me! For years I had to chase after you just to get a simple text and then you-you just disappear! Just like that! I’ve tried, all these years I’ve been protecting you because honestly... I would have suffered so much more were I to give into my anger, but damn it all I was upset and worried and I was only pushing that away for your sake. I... ing hell. Whatever it is that made you act so stupid, I hope it’s better now. I hope you’re doing well.”

It was odd. At this point right here it was evident how big of a rift was between them, just how much things had changed.

Hakyeon was sobbing and clinging onto Taekwoon for any kind of support, while Taekwoon was still with a blank expression, staring ahead of himself. Some years ago in a situation like this he would definitely have shed a tear, but now... He just seemed numb.

He yanked his hands away. ‘I’m sorry.’ He then shoved them in his pockets as if he had nothing else to say. No explanation, nothing.

“That’s it? That’s it!? A year, Taekwoon! And all you have to say is that you’re sorry? Great. Yeah, that’s perfect.” Hakyeon took a step back and angrily wiped his tears.

For a second they just stood in front of each other; despite everything, neither of them wanted to leave.

“So what are you even doing here?” Hakyeon muttered.

‘I wanted to see you.’

Hakyeon knew that statement was supposed to mend things, but it made him more furious. Taekwoon had come there to see him, and what had he done exactly? He ruined Hakyeon’s entire day.

“Yeah, well, you saw me. Have fun.” As Hakyeon turned to leave, Taekwoon stepped forward and took him by the wrist to stop him.

Hakyeon tried to pull away, but Taekwoon wasn’t letting him go. And so he was in a difficult position because if Taekwoon wanted to explain himself he needed to let go of Hakyeon and there was no saying he’d stay. On top of that Hakyeon was refusing to look up at him.

Taekwoon realized he had to compromise. He wrapped his arms around Hakyeon’s waist and pulled him close. He knew that it was something Hakyeon wouldn’t be able to resist; even though he tried to fight it, wanted to push Taekwoon away and leave, he couldn’t.

Hakyeon crumbled and clung onto the other, sobbing quietly into his shoulder.

Taekwoon was sniffling a little himself, but he wasn’t crying. He was doing his best to comfort Hakyeon, gently his hair.

When Hakyeon pulled away, he still needed a moment to calm down, to wipe his eyes and stop sniffling. Then he looked up with a frown and crossed arms.

“Jung Taekwoon, you have two minutes to explain yourself.”

Not that he was going to measure, but it sure sounded authoritative.

And it worked. Taekwoon gave a sharp nod and began, hastily, ‘First of all, I’m sorry. I know you won’t forgive me, not right away at least, but I am truly sorry. I went through a horrible time in my life, a crappy relationship, trouble at home. I pushed a lot of people away while trying to protect myself, I did a lot of things I regret—‘

Hakyeon assumed he was referring to the whole pushing people away thing but it also crossed his mind that Taekwoon was wearing a long sleeved shirt at 40 degrees Celsius. And suddenly Hakyeon was wondering just how much he didn’t know about. He knew better than to ask.

‘—and I know that doesn’t excuse my behaviour but I was an absolute mess and I thought I’d never get better. Now that I look back I regret it, I hate myself for doing that to you and to everyone else and I’m just so sorry. But when I saw your name on that poster I knew I had to go. I had to see you if only to beg your forgiveness.’

Damn it all. Hakyeon swore he wasn’t a crier, but this, this was too much. He aggressively blinked the tears away.

“Taekwoonah... I forgave you the moment I saw you here today,” he whispered.

Taekwoon’s lips parted as he let out a little noise of relief and he covered his mouth with his hand, looking at the ground for a second.

When he looked back up there was something in his eyes that suggested he wasn’t done, however he didn’t add anything to his previous statement.

That day was full of surprises, it seemed.

Because in the little silence that occurred, as Hakyeon was trying to figure out what to say next, Taekwoon stepped forward and closed the remaining gap between them. He took Hakyeon by the waist and pulled him into a near desperate kiss.

Hakyeon didn’t hesitate a second, wrapping his arms around Taekwoon’s neck and kissing back just as desperately.

He hadn’t even realized how much he’d missed it. The mere taste of Taekwoon’s lips brought back all the memories, the night of their first kiss and all those that followed, when they got pranked and Taekwoon confessed, their departure. Hakyeon’s heart grew heavy, he missed Taekwoon and everything about him, just being in his presence.

Even as he pulled away he kept his arms around Taekwoon, holding him close. “Jaehwan, Wonshik, Hyuk and Bin are here,” he mumbled, unsure what else to say.

Taekwoon had to let go in order to free his hands, but Hakyeon kept his hands on the younger’s waist.

‘I don’t think I can do that right now. I hope you understand.’

Hakyeon nodded. “I do... But they’ll want to see you. Some other day, maybe?” He asked hopefully.

Taekwoon smiled faintly – the first smile Hakyeon had seen from him that day – and nodded. ‘Of course. I missed them.’

Hakyeon tightened his grip on Taekwoon’s shirt where his hands currently were. “But... I’d also like to see you... Just the two of us.” He looked up, searching for approval. “I would never push you, but... You kissed me. That had to mean something.”

‘Of course it meant something.’ Again Taekwoon appeared to be holding something back, but Hakyeon didn’t ask.

He nodded, relaxing just a tiny bit. “Good... Good. Then... I’ll call you.” He paused. “Taekwoonah, I don’t think you can blame me for this, but I kind of don’t want to let go. I’m afraid you’ll disappear again.”

Taekwoon shook his head and leaned in to press a light and brief kiss to Hakyeon’s lips. ‘I promise.’

“I’ll hold you to it,” Hakyeon said. He took Taekwoon’s hand and kissed the back of his palm. “I have to go.”

Taekwoon nodded and hugged Hakyeon once more.

* * *

Their second reunion wasn't nearly as heavy.

A week later when they’d agreed to go out, Hakyeon spotted Taekwoon by the Starbucks they chose as the meeting spot and he ran.

Taekwoon smiled brightly and quickly slipped his phone in his pocket in order to catch Hakyeon. Taekwoon spun him around and placed him back down, then pecked his lips.

It was odd, truly, for Taekwoon not to be as timid as he had been those years ago. Hakyeon couldn’t have even thought that Taekwoon would ever be comfortable enough to initiate a kiss, let alone in a public place.

“Where are we going?” Hakyeon hummed.

‘Wherever you want.’

 

They went to the aquarium. Taekwoon had watched Hakyeon skip from tank to tank, beaming at the various sea creatures, his bright smile illuminated by the blue light of the water around them.

Of course, they didn’t miss the opportunity to be the cliché couple and kiss in front of the jellyfish tank, in the near darkness with the colourful majestic creatures floating behind them.

When they’d parted they’d burst out laughing and of course they’d taken selfies all over the aquarium.

And then when they were going through the gift shop, Taekwoon had gasped and ran over to the basket full of plush seals.

“They don’t even have seals,” Hakyeon had said through laughter. He couldn’t help it; Taekwoon gasping, yanking his hand from Hakyeon’s and running to the basket was too precious. Hakyeon felt his heart melt then and there.

And when he saw how happy it made Taekwoon, him holding the plush toy to his chest with the biggest smile on his face, Hakyeon had to buy it for him.

This resulted in an extremely cheerful Taekwoon with a plush toy in his arms and that beautiful smile remaining on his lips and Hakyeon couldn’t be happier.

After the aquarium they found somewhere to eat – this resulted in a lot of aesthetic posts on instagram – then took a walk.

Before long it was time for them to part ways and needless to say none of them were very happy about it.

“Why don’t you come over?” Hakyeon asked suddenly.

Taekwoon was surprised by the offer. ‘I don’t want to be a burden.’

“Nonsense! I invited you, didn’t I?” Hakyeon said, smiling faintly. He was looking at Taekwoon hopefully. He knew better than to push it, but he truly hoped that Taekwoon would say yes.

‘Are you sure it’s okay?’

“Taekwoonah, I live alone there’s no one to bother aside from me and you know that you never ever bother me,” Hakyeon said softy.

Taekwoon pursed his lip then nodded.

Hakyeon tackle-hugged him in delight.

They grabbed snacks on the way home for a movie marathon they planned on the go. Hakyeon only wanted to use it as an excuse to cuddle with Taekwoon although at that point he was sure that he could just ask. It was still good to have a reason for it.

And lying on top of Taekwoon with his arms wrapped around the younger’s torso, Hakyeon was content. He forgot – or did his best to forget – the day he saw Taekwoon again. Hakyeon was kind of divided on it at that point. He was happy that it happened; he was happy that they got to talk and clear things up, but it still made his heart heavy and his chest tighten.

There were so many things he wanted to know but knew that Taekwoon would tell him if he wanted to.

The only thing Hakyeon could think of to make things any better was to shower Taekwoon with affection.

The movie was long forgotten on Hakyeon’s side as he hesitantly started pressing kisses down Taekwoon’s neck.

Taekwoon flinched a little at first but then he slid his fingers into Hakyeon’s hair and tilted his head to the side which Hakyeon took as an invitation.

The kisses were sending shivers through Taekwoon’s body, shivers that Hakyeon could feel because of the way he was pressed against him. They got more intense when his waist was touched.

Hakyeon smiled to himself, tracing Taekwoon’s side gently and subtly because he knew of Taekwoon’s insecurities. It made Hakyeon a little sad that the progress they’d made a few years ago was more or less gone now.

Hakyeon had an easy guess as to why, but he didn’t want to think about it.

He could feel Taekwoon tensing up under himself so he propped himself up and pecked Taekwoon’s nose.

“Are you hungry?”

Taekwoon shook his head, smiling faintly.

“Are you tired?”

Taekwoon shrugged with a tilt of his head in a gesture of indifference.

“There’s more room for cuddling on the bed,” Hakyeon suggested and Taekwoon let out a quiet giggle.

Taekwoon was the type of sweetheart who helped clean up in other’s homes as well which absolutely melted Hakyeon’s heart.

“Oh, will you need something to sleep in?” Hakyeon asked as they were putting away the dishes.

Taekwoon pressed his lips together and nodded.

Hakyeon stretched and yawned as he thought about a solution. “Mmm.... My clothes might not fit, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got something of Wonshik’s.”

Taekwoon frowned a little but shrugged.

Hakyeon’s gaze lingered on him; he was starting to get worried. “Taekwoonah... If something’s wrong you can tell me.”

Taekwoon’s first reaction was, of course, to shake his head in hopes of reassuring Hakyeon, but on a second thought...

‘He mostly wears sleeveless shirts.’

Hakyeon leaned against the counter, crossing his arms. He chewed his lip in thoughts. “Now that I think about it he does mostly leave t-shirts behind. He says I look good in boyfriend shirts, that’s why.” He smiled, hoping to cheer Taekwoon up. “I mean... I do have some stretchy shirts? You can always try that. And also, Woonie it’s okay. Really, it is.”

Taekwoon sighed and walked over, resting his forehead on Hakyeon’s shoulder. Hakyeon hugged Taekwoon around the waist and wiggled himself under the younger’s arms. Taekwoon moved his head from Hakyeon’s shoulder to instead rest his chin on top of the older’s head.

The anxious Taekwoonie Hakyeon remembered from the camp was back once he’d changed into one of Wonshik’s t-shirts.

It was black and, in Wonshik’s manner, rather large, with its supposedly short sleeves reaching Taekwoon’s elbows.

Hakyeon didn’t look for too long. He made grabby hands for the younger, asking for cuddles. Hakyeon clung onto him like a koala. He was doing his best to help Taekwoon relax.

Taekwoon seemed to find comfort in Hakyeon’s embrace which was quite the relief to the elder.

But he could still feel it, the trembling of his hand as he played with Hakyeon's hair.

Hakyeon shuffled a little to look up at Taekwoon, brushing the bright strands of hair out of his eyes. He could still hardly get used to a blonde Taekwoon, yet he had to admit it suited him.

“You know we can talk about this if you want, but if you don’t that’s okay too. We can just sleep, you seem tired...”

Taekwoon sniffled a little and wiggled away from Hakyeon to be able to properly sign, ‘I don’t really need to talk about it as long as I know you won’t love me any less.’

Hakyeon felt his chest well up with pride of some sort – he was proud of Taekwoon for believing in Hakyeon’s ability to love him unconditionally and for finally realizing it.

“Of course I won’t. You can always count on that,” Hakyeon said, unable to stop smiling. They pressed their foreheads together in a gentle embrace.

And yes, for the moment Taekwoon was smiling and he was radiating confidence Hakyeon hadn’t seen from him before.

But all of it was gone in a matter of seconds, swept away like a leaf by a gentle breeze. Soon soft sobs started escaping Taekwoon’s throat, ones he was clearly trying to hide but they only grew louder and more painful. They ripped through his chest and made his body jolt and ache. He brought his hand up to cover his face but realized that that way he was leaving his two year’s work on display and immediately shoved his hands between his thighs instead. He was trying to curl up, to crumble or disappear as he usually did.

Hakyeon didn’t let it unfold. He let Taekwoon rest against him, held him, kissed him, doing all he knew to comfort him.

It seemed to go on forever because for once Taekwoon wasn’t holding back. He’d always done it – as soon as he started crying he would force it down, not wanting to bother anyone with his tears for too long.

‘It makes people uncomfortable,’ he’d explained.

It wasn’t the case now. He couldn’t stop himself if he tried.

But perhaps it didn’t go on for as long as it could have because of Hakyeon. Because of his touch, because of his kisses, his quietly spoken reassurances.

Because of him Taekwoon managed to get the painful sobbing under control until he was yet again silent, with tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Love I don’t think you’re as alright as you’ll have me believe,” Hakyeon muttered and Taekwoon felt the burning of a sob in his throat again.

He straightened up and wiped his eyes. ‘I’m better, so much better than when it all started. I know I created problems by isolating myself but it also solved some other problems. The people I wanted out of my life are now gone and the people I wanted to stay stayed by my side.’

Taekwoon paused and buried his face in his hands taking a moment to collect himself. ‘I missed you so much. I thought you’d never want to talk to me again. I almost didn’t even try to fix things, I was terrified. The past few years have made me forget everything you’ve taught me about kindness. People didn’t treat me like you did, hyung. They acted nice at the beginning and when they couldn’t make use of me or when they didn’t understand me, they got angry and threw me away at best. Some did worse. It was difficult to find any support at all and I realized that I needed you. I needed you to remind me of kindness and maybe I can one day stop believing everything I’ve been told by horrible people, the things that made me despise myself.’

Hakyeon blinked. He was hardly able to take all of it in, but one thing was for sure; Taekwoon’s words hurt him deeply simply because he had to live through all of it at all, but especially because he’d gone through it alone.

“Taekwoonah... I wish I’d been with you—“

Taekwoon shook his head, ‘It’s fine. It’s my fault for pushing you away. I could have reached out so many times but I felt unworthy of help, of your presence even.’

Hakyeon raised his eyebrows. “I sure do hope you don’t think that anymore.”

Taekwoon smiled faintly. ‘I don’t.’ He sighed. ‘But I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I didn’t come here for you to fix me, you know I never wanted that. I came here to be with you because I missed you and I... I wanted to spend time with you. So let’s move on.’

Hakyeon nodded in understanding and leaned in to peck Taekwoon’s nose. No matter the atmosphere and everything that was just said, this didn’t fail to make Taekwoon smile.

“I would never try to fix you, but I am always here for you. I don’t feel used or lied to or anything else that pretty little head of yours may be telling you—”

Taekwoon giggled at this, although his gaze was apologetic.

“—If I did, I would have told you. You know I’m not the type to suffer in silence.”

Taekwoon gave a small nod. ‘I might actually be able to sleep thanks to you. You never fail to reassure me.’

Hakyeon smiled. “I have enough strength of my own right now, so I can share it when you feel like you have none even though I know you do.”

Taekwoon smiled and let himself fall forward, curling up into Hakyeon.

 

They did sleep rather well.

Hakyeon woke up well rested to the sight of Taekwoon, still asleep, drawing soft breaths with his lips parted slightly. It was a precious sight that melted Hakyeon’s heart momentarily and he decided to seal it with a kiss to the cheek.

They weren’t clinging onto each other like they had been when they’d fallen asleep, but Hakyeon figured that was alright; it made it possible for him to get out of bed without the fear of his movements waking Taekwoon up.

Although the boy truly seemed exhausted and he didn’t stir no matter what.

So Hakyeon went to make breakfast while giving Taekwoon more time to sleep.

Hakyeon was nearly finished when Taekwoon padded in with eyes still half closed, cheeks puffy from sleep. Hakyeon got the urge to squish and hug him all over again, but he stuck to the stove in order not to burn anything.

“Good morning, love,” he hummed, glancing behind himself to see Taekwoon taking a seat on one of the stools by the small bar. He’d changed back into his own clothes, sleeves pulled over his hands, which Hakyeon made no comment about.

Taekwoon waved as a greeting. Hakyeon smiled and turned back around to finish up the cooking.

But then something made him nearly drop the pan he was taking off the stove.

It was a small, barely audible, whispered out, “I love you.”

Hakyeon made sure to put the pan down before he dared turn around. For a long moment he just stared at Taekwoon.

“Did you just—“

The younger nodded. He hesitated, then spoke up again, “I trust you.”

And suddenly Hakyeon was fighting off tears even though there was no point. He was shaking with the realization that he was that someone Taekwoon trusted enough to speak to. Hakyeon had never thought about it because he thought that things were fine the way they were.

But now, when he finally got his “I love you” back and when he realized, when he was told how much he meant to Taekwoon, did anything else really matter?

Hakyeon took the few steps that were between them and slammed into Taekwoon nearly enough to knock him over. Hakyeon held him, pressed kisses to his cheeks and it was making Taekwoon giggle, timidly at first but as Hakyeon burst out laughing in utter delight, he didn’t hold back either.

Hakyeon only calmed down enough to say, “I like your voice. Could use some practice though,” before kissing Taekwoon deeply.