little did she know that right at that very moment, there was another person staring up at the very same moon with the very same conflicted feelings.

hyukjae was lying on his back on his bed that was right under the window – the curtains wide open so that the blue moonlight filtered into his room. His chest felt uneasy; like there was something sharp and annoying lodged inside jabbing him every time he took a breath.

‘a guilty  conscience pricks the mind’ he wasn’t even sure where he had heard that line – probably one of his mother’s church sermons – but it suddenly rang loud and clear in his mind.

he knew what he had done was unfair and mean even, but it wasn’t something he could have controlled – even if he tried.

3 days of stewing in anger had caused his explosion but the truth of the matter was that he was angry at himself. for all the bravado he put up on television, he – lee hyukjae – was a coward.

he had been in love with this great girl for what could possibly be all of his adult life but fear of changing what they already had - a beautiful one of a kind friendship - had stopped him from confessing to her.

so what did he do instead?

he got into one-sided jealous fits which either ended up with him avoiding her for days on end or purposely flirting with other female celebrities. but today was a first - he had lashed out at her and he felt so bad about it, he couldn't even sleep.

girls' generation american invasion? it was great and all but he couldn't help seethe with jealousy - it was taking his hyoyeon away from him. as if having her in japan for months last year wasn't bad enough! they were planning to have her continents away!

and all those fanboys screaming obscenities and ual comments about her - yes, he didn't know a whole lot of english but he understood those for sure. and it made him want to yell some choice words of his own back. it was wrong of him, he knew that; and that's what made the situation all the more worse.

he should be happy that his girlfriend girl friend was so well liked in america (something he had hoped the local fans would wake up to) but it was different seeing female fans scream "unnie yeppeoyo" versus manly males yelling "she's ing hot". and he didn't even want to get started on that ahjusshi who was staring at her on tv - world famous or not/ old grandpa or not - if he ever met that regis character - he was going to kick his saggy behind all the way to mars! 

yes, hyukjae was keeping tabs on all their performances, pictures and fancams - he was a regular netizen when it came to hyoyeon. and things were now better (or worse, depending on how you looked at it) with his band of comrades - the wonderful people who called themselves 'hyohyuk' shippers - who constantly tweeted him with updates.

a few days ago:

@AllRiseSilver: Eunhyuk oppa! Doesn't Hyoyeon unnie look so y? he clicked on the link and almost drooled on his ipad.

there were several more links and pictures and he clicked them on all (and right click-saved them in his 'forourfuturekids' folder as well). his heart was bursting with pride hearing the fans cheering so loudly during her lines. right on! if he wasn't a super junior member, he surely would have been a hyohunny - the name hyoyeon fans called themselves - he was told by another fan on twitter.

all was fine and dandy until one particular tweet showed up: @AllRiseSilver: Oppa who is this guy with hyoyeon unnie? heartbreak! :-'( I wanted hyohyuk to be real. 

hyukjae choked on his bibimbap - the rice spraying all over his screen but he could care less. 1. who was this guy? 2. why did he have his arm around her? 3. why was she standing in front of some guy's poster 4. why was she smiling so widely? 5.. 

the questions in his mind just wouldn't stop.he brought the ipad right up to his nose and squinted hard - where was her arm? 'it better not be around this ken wannabe's waist!' his nostrils flared.  he analyzed the picture till he was almost cross eyed - 'there is a  white space between them so that means her arm is not by her side' - so the only explanation was that it was around this mannequinn looking guy's waist.

he tossed his ipad on the bed and kicked his legs in the air.  it wouldn't be half as bad if this stupid girl friend stealer didn't fit her ideal type - tall with broad shoulders! manly.  so unfair! his height wasn't something he could improve on! why didn't god make him a few inches taller?  and again  why do they look so perfect... and couple-y! when he tried to hug her at the seoul music awards, she started hitting his back and here they were, without a care in the world -  hugging for all the worldwide web to see!

"this is it!  no more," he spoke with determination as he viciously deleted his web history and unplugged the device.

he would move on.

------------------------------------------------------- tbc --------------------------------------------------

this was written in a drowsy state // i dont  even know where the ideas came from. bad? good? let me know