Yerin’s POV

As discreetly as possible I wiped my hands off my jeans and tried not to look as nervous as I was. CEO-nim had grown silent after he had demanded an explanation on why there was a notice that tomorrow’s performance was canceled. He had not offered me a seat and I was left standing awkwardly in front of his desk like a school girl who was about to get the scolding of her lifetime by her principal. I was indeed in huge trouble.

Had it been the right decision? Had I been too quick to make it? Would Sojung-unnie have done the same? Would she disapprove? Would she be disappointed? Had I just given her one more problem to her already complicated life?

I bit my lip as the doubts kept coming. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it? But now it was too late. The damage was done. The public had been notified.

But then I remembered how catatonic my dongsaengs had been back in the dorm. We were all mourning abeonim. Granted, he had not been our own father, but he had been an amazing person and we had been close. We had appreciated and adored him. He had become a part of our crazy patchwork family and we would miss him. Dearly. Not to mention our worries for Sojung-unnie – being unable to be there for her drove all of us to the edge.

I could only imagine how badly the performance would have gone. It definitely would have made headlines everywhere – and not the kind that we wanted.

“Yerin-ah, for how long have I known you?”

I glanced up from my feet, but he was still not looking at me. “For… a little over 5 years, CEO-nim?”

“You were the first one of your group who became a trainee for my company.”

“Yes, CEO-nim,” I answered, unsure where he was going with this.

“Throughout the years… would you say that I have ever made decisions that were not for your own good?”

Immediately the few days I was forced to spend in the jungle came to my mind, but I quickly vanished that thought. I had been selected to promote our group through shows like that. It had been an honor to be trusted with a task like that. No matter how much I had hated it. And in the end I did learn some valuable things from this experience. It had given me memories that I didn’t want to miss.

“No, CEO-nim.”

“What is your position in this company?”

I frowned. What kind of question was that? “I’m a member of GFriend, CEO-nim.”

“Is that so?” he drawled. “Are you sure?”

My heart stopped. “Y-yes, CEO-nim.”

“That’s interesting, Yerin-ah. Because I could have sworn you thought you’re the one sitting behind my desk.” Finally he looked me in the eyes and I gulped. I had never seen this coldness in his eyes. “What even made you think that you were qualified enough to cancel a performance just like this? Do you have any idea what the hell you have done?”

“I’m – CEO-nim, my group, we were not ready to perform tomorrow –”

“Is the majority of your group in the hospital due to some kind of medical emergency?” he asked sharply, causing me to wince.

“No, CEO-nim, but –”

“Is anyone not physically capable to dance?”

“No, but –”

“Did anyone of their immediate family die?”

I stopped trying to give him an explanation and simply shook my head.

“Then why,” he pointed at his opened laptop, “is there a notice of a canceled appearance tomorrow, Yerin-ah? No one is injured, no one is sick, and I can remember telling you that all schedules will be attended with the professionalism I demand of my idols. Or am I mistaken?”

I took a deep breath and gathered all my courage to speak. He was scaring me. I had no idea how Sojung-unnie usually dealt with a scolding because I already wanted to crawl into my bed and never come out again. “We’re emotionally not capable of performing tomorrow, CEO-nim. I thought that a cancellation of this event would be the best option for everyone.”

“Emotionally?” He stared at me for a second before he suddenly started to laugh. It was not a genuine laugh, it sounded hollow and cold. I winced and looked down at the ground. I had never seen him like this. “You’re telling me, you canceled a performance at a concert without asking for permission simply because you’re emotionally not ready to get on a stage and do your job?”

As if it was that easy. I tried my best to not show my frustration and nodded.

“Do you have any idea what you have done? Or how much this company worked to get you this slot at the concert? How much this will cost us?” He scoffed, but I kept my eyes focused on my shoes. I felt a lump forming in my throat and hoped I would not burst into tears. It would only make this worse. I had to control myself. “Of course you don’t. That’s why this company is handling these things and you’re the one going on stage to perform and look pretty, Yerin-ah. It is not your job to cancel appearances that we worked hard for you to get. Am I understood?!”

I clenched my teeth, but gave him a curt nod regardless. This was unfair. He was acting as if I just wanted a vacation. As if I was lazy.

“Look at me, Yerin-ah,” he said quietly and I hesitantly glanced up. “You know that I care about my artists, but I care about this company and all of its employees as well. I have a responsibility towards all of them. You have a responsibility, Yerin-ah. There are people depending on you. I understand that the passing of Sojung’s abeonim is affecting all of you as well, but you need to be professional and rise above. You need to trust that this company, that I do what’s best for you.”

“How are we supposed to act as if nothing happened after such a short time, CEO-nim?” I tried to make my voice sound as steady as possible, but I already felt tears forming in my eyes. God, I was such a crybaby. Sojung-unnie wouldn’t be impressed. She wouldn’t burst into tears. “I’m sorry that I disappointed you, CEO-nim, but if we had performed at that concert, it would not have ended well. I know that. I know my members. I know myself.”

He sighed and shook his head. “Very well. What’s done is done. Hand me your cellphone, Yerin-ah. I think, you and I can agree that you revoked your privilege to use one in the near future. I will give it back to you once you convinced me that you’ve grown up.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and took my phone out, checking for the last time if Sojung-unnie had texted me, before turning it off and giving it to CEO-nim. It was fruitless to not follow the order. I had already accepted every punishment he would bestow on me before I entered his office. It was worth it.

“Thank you. Furthermore, I will call your managers to keep an eye on you. You will not leave your apartment without asking someone for permission and one manager will accompany you to your destination. No matter where.”

I winced mentally yet nodded in understanding. It would be difficult and uncomfortable to get used on having a babysitter again, but I could handle it. Having no phone as a distraction was a much worse punishment.

“And lastly… there will be a training session set for tomorrow. If you don’t feel emotionally capable to perform, we will change that for the future.”

My mouth fell open in shock. “I – what?”

“I hope you can see this as a part of your training and an opportunity to grow as an idol.,” he explained calmly. “Tell the others to come to the practice room at 5 am sharp. I want you to practice your live stages – to all of your songs that have a choreography. See it as a revision.”

“The… the others? To… to all of our songs? Live?” I asked meekly. I was starting to feel faint. This was not what I had in mind for my members. They were supposed to rest and to have at least a little bit of time to mourn. They were not supposed to get punished for something I decided to do. This was not the plan. “For… how long?”

“Until I’m satisfied with your performance.” He nodded towards his laptop. “I will monitor your progress from here. It’s getting late, Yerin-ah. You may leave.”

I couldn’t move. I was frozen on the spot and stared at him, desperately trying to come up with something that would change his mind. This was not good. It basically meant that we would work until the evening if not through the entire night. I couldn’t let the whole group get punished for the call I made. They didn’t ask for me to cancel the performance. They would have gone to the concert, if it had not been for me.

I gulped and braced myself for what I was about to do before I took a deep bow. “Please, CEO-nim, it was my decision alone to call our manager. None of the other girls were involved or even knew about it. If anyone needs extra training, it would be me – not the other members. I take the full responsibility for my actions and am ready to work through my emotional state until you think I’m ready to go home. I’m sincerely sorry.”

The silence in the office was heavy. It was so quiet that I was almost sure CEO-nim was able to hear the fast beating of my heart. I lost every feeling for time. I didn’t know how long I waited with baited breath for CEO-nim to response.

After a felt eternity, I heard a deep sigh and hesitantly looked up. Gone was the coldness from his eyes. He looked more like a disappointed father which made my heart hurt even more. Without saying a word, he gestured towards the seat in front of his desk. I followed his request and sat down.

“Yerin-ah,” he said quietly, “did you honestly think I would have forced you to perform only a day after Sojung’s abeonim died? Have I ever given you the impression that your health or your emotional well-being are not important to me?”

I mutely shook my head. Until today he had never said anything that would have made me question his sincerity. That was probably why I canceled the performance without consulting him in the first place.

“When I started Source Music, I wanted to treat my artists and trainees with the respect and care they deserve and sadly often enough fail to receive. I specifically started looking for trainees who had a hard time in their current companies. Not because of their lack of talent, but because life dealt them a bad hand or circumstances beyond their control pushed their debut date farther and farther away,” he explained. “I hand-picked each and every one of you. I knew you were special and I wanted to give you the opportunity to show that. I gave you more freedoms and privileges than other companies tend to do because I knew you wouldn’t need restrictions to perform your best on stage. You girls are true professionals and nothing will avert your focus. I don’t know what I did wrong in your eyes that you felt compelled to do what you did tonight, Yerin-ah. I was about to cancel the performance myself when I received the message of what you had done. I wanted to give you a taste of the person you seemed to think I was.”

I winced and looked down at my lap. “I’m really sorry, CEO-nim. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to speak to you first. The only excuse I have is that I was overwhelmed at the time and my worry for my members clouded my judgment. I should have known better and ask you for permission.”

“You really should have,” he agreed when I met his eyes again. “But as I said, what’s done is done. I hope you will learn from your mistakes and not repeat them. And don’t worry, I will tell Sojung that she can still reach you from either your manager’s phone or from one of the members’. Stay at home with the rest of the girls tomorrow and support each other. Sojung will need you more than ever when she comes back, Yerin-ah.”

Swallowing dryly, I nodded. “Thank you, CEO-nim. We will not let her fall. Do you… do you know when she will come back? Did Sojung-unnie say anything to you?”

“She will come back when she’s ready,” he answered vaguely. “Until then please continue to fill in as the leader as well as you do. Don’t look at me so surprised, Yerin-ah. While I don’t agree with the way you handled the situation, your intentions were pure and your focus was on your members’ well-being. You knew that there could be severe consequences, yet you still did it and took the full responsibility.”

I furrowed my brow in confusion. That sounded more like a compliment than a scolding.

As if he had read my mind, he suddenly gave me a fatherly smile. “That’s exactly what a leader does. Sojung would have done the same. She will be proud.”