Oh God, a year has gone by after I updated last >.< I did not even notice. My life has been so hectic, but I never stopped writing on this or any other story of mine. Please enjoy!

Yerin's POV

Today had been messy, I knew that. I should have been firmer, more focused on our image, on how our members portrayed themselves. But I just couldn’t. It had taken us days to return to our beagle-like behavior that our fans adored so much. How could I possibly tell my dongsaengs to tone it down a bit when they finally started having fun again? Would they even have listened, if that order had come from me? The person who was usually responsible for causing chaos? Who was I to boss them around? They would have never taken me seriously. Being the unnie and interim leader or not.

I smiled at the cameras and the fans as I led the girls to our car. On the inside, my worries were killing me. What would Sojung think, if she saw how we acted without her? I knew someone had already told her that I had lost my phone privileges in case she wished to contact me. She was probably so disappointed in me. I was the second oldest of our group, I was supposed to step up and take on the responsibility, but all I did was making one mistake after the other. I could never do anything right.

The drive back to our apartment went by in a flash. In my mind I kept going over every performance and every interview we had done since we started our schedules again. Had it been very noticeable? Would it cause problems? I knew I needed to watch the fancams and maybe read the articles and comments to see how bad the damage was. I had to know in order to do better next time. I needed to step up. I had promised Sojung. I could not let her worry about our group when she had much bigger concerns.

The manager caught my eye in the rearview mirror right as he parked the car. “You did well today, girls. But try to tone it down a bit next time, okay?”

It was the only confirmation I needed. I lowered my head in shame and nodded. A lump formed in my throat as my members muttered an apology. I had screwed up. My eyes burned as I opened the car door with a force that made the door bounce back slightly, but I barely noticed.

I stepped outside the car and waited for the girls to leave the car after me before closing the door again and following them to our apartment. I was not fit to be a leader. Interim or not. First the mistake of cancelling an event on my own, then being unable to cheer up our members, and now I was endangering our image as well. Something we had worked years to build up.

A small hand intertwined with my own, shortly afterwards an arm was slung around my neck. As I looked up, I noticed that I was between the two Eunbis. Hwang Eunbi threw me a knowing look as she returned my gaze and shook her head while Jung Eunbi started to swing our hands back and forth, her thumb softly rubbing the back of my hand.

 “You’re doing it again, Unnie. Aren’t you?” SinB looked at me reproachfully. “Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re good. You’re really good.”

I swallowed thickly. “What do you mean? I’m not doing anything.”

“You have that look again,” Eunha mumbled and squeezed my hand without glancing into my direction. “You’re doing fine, Unnie. Stop beating yourself up. We all tried too hard to show our fans that we’re okay and might have taken it a little too far, but the point is –”

“The point is,” SinB continued, “that nobody will mind. Our fans need to see that we’re doing okay. We entertained them. In a time where everyone is worried about Sojung-unnie, we managed to take these worries away for a few minutes at least and made them smile. Sojung-unnie will be grateful.”

“Manager-nim is just being… Manager-nim,” Eunha added. “It’s his job to take things way too seriously. But it’s your job to look out for us and for our feelings and you’re doing great. You’re leading us well. Never doubt that.”

I squeezed Eunha’s hand and leaned my head against SinB as we walked up to our apartment door where Yuna and Yewon were already waiting for us. They looked at us with knowing eyes.

Of course. We knew each other too well as that I could hide my true feelings from them. I smiled weakly at them before Yewon gave me a small nod and opened the door to our dorm.

“Has anyone heard about Sojung-unnie by now?” Yuna asked as we kicked off our heels and I made sure that they were neatly put away. “This silence is killing me.”

“She just needs some time for herself,” Yewon answered, leaning against a wall and massaging her foot. “Unnie will contact us when she’s ready. She knows we’re here for her.”

“That doesn’t stop her from calling our managers and CEO-nim,” Eunha mumbled, a small pout on her lips.

From behind, I felt a pair of arms wrapping around me and the deep chuckle next to my ear told me who it was. I leaned against SinB and put my hands on top of hers. “Eunbi-unnie, remind me please again who is the maknae and the unnie between you two? Because right now I swear that you switched roles.”

Eunha whined cutely and she stomped with her foot as the others grinned. Her overreactions were just too adorable. But a few seconds later, she let out a deep sigh and her shoulders dropped. “It’s just… I miss her.”

The smiles faded slowly as her words lingered in the air. I knew that the members missed Sojung-unnie. I felt the weight resting on my shoulders again. It had never truly disappeared since Sojung-unnie had left with manager-unnie that night. What was I supposed to do? I missed her too.

Eunha shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry. I know she needs the time to herself and that she needs to be with her family. I’m being selfish.”

 “You’re not, Unnie. It would be awful, if we didn’t miss her. Because then it would mean that we would not care. And we do.” Yewon sighed. “It kills me that we cannot help her.”

I schooled my face and walked past the others into the direction of our kitchen. “Hot chocolate anyone? I think we earned it after this long day.”

“With cream?” Eunha asked, hopefully.

“And cookies!” SinB squealed. “Please, Yerin-unnie? Pretty please?”

I glanced over my shoulder and my heart fluttered at the rare show of aegyo SinB was displaying. “Hm, I don’t know. Hot chocolate and cookies? That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”

SinB pouted and Eunha quickly followed her lead. “Please, Unnie?”

“Yes, please, Unnie! Just this one time!”

“We even clean the apartment!”

“Yes, we…” Eunha snapped her head to the side to stare at Sinb. “Wait, what?”

“Chocolate cookies?” SinB whispered to Eunha. “It’s the least we can do.”

Eunha pressed her lips together, but eventually nodded solemnly. “Yes, Unnie, we’ll even clean the apartment.”

I raised my eyebrows. It was rare that Eunha volunteered to clean when it was not her turn. She even tried to get out of it when it was her turn. “Even the windows?”

SinB unsurprisingly nodded. She never left a mess behind and worked hard to keep everything as tidy as possible. We were very similar in that regard. “Of course.”

Eunha closed her eyes as if to gather her strength before she nodded as well. She made it look as if she had just signed away her soul. “Yes, Unnie.”

“Deal.” I held my pinky out and waited until they promised. Then I finally continued my way towards the kitchen. “I would have given out cookies anyway but thank you for your help.”

Behind me, Yewon suddenly drew in a sharp breath. “Wait, Unnie, aren’t those…?”

I did not look behind me. I didn’t need to. As soon as I reached the entrance of our living room, my legs refused to move at the sight in front of me. My eyes were fixed on the long figure laying on the couch in the dimly lit living room.

“Why are Sojung-unnie’s shoes…?”

I stared unblinking at the sleeping figure. My heart felt as if someone was squeezing it too tightly and a lump formed in my throat. My eyes started burning, but I could not even blink as my vision became blurry. I was afraid that even the smallest movement would make the sight in front of me disappear. I was almost too scared to breathe.

“Yerin-unnie? Are you okay? What…?” Eunha interrupted herself and gasped behind me. Her hands clutched my arm. “Oh my God…”

I heard the others coming to stand next to us as we looked in similar stages of shock at our sleeping unnie on the couch. Nobody seemed to dare to speak, too afraid to wake her up.

My eyes darted over her still form, wanting to take everything in at once. I noticed the dark circles below her eyes and could barely see the redness on her cheeks that could only come from dried tears. She was frowning in her sleep, the corners of her mouths turned downside. It was very different to her usually serene expression and told me everything I needed to know about the state she was in. I glanced down to the plushie that was tightly clutched in her hands and my heart broke a little more.

“She must be exhausted,” Yewon whispered so lowly that it was almost impossible to hear. “We were so loud…”

“Did anyone know…?” SinB asked equally quietly, only to receive shaking heads in return. “Should we… should we do anything?”

The hairs on my neck stood up as I felt four pair of eyes on me. I bit my lip as I contemplated our options. I wanted nothing more than to go over there and pull our unnie and leader into my arms, but I knew this was not about me. It was not about any of us. We needed to put Sojung-unnie’s needs before our own. No matter what. And right now, it looked as if she needed as much sleep as she could.

Determined, I shook my head and turned around to face the members. As predicted, all the attention was directed on me. It was fluttering and burdening at once. I was still unused to carry so much responsibility. And I knew that even though our leader was back, she was not entirely fit to carry it all on her own so soon after… after everything. “We’re letting her sleep and go into the kitchen. We close the door and quietly have our hot chocolate… and cookies. I will set something aside in case Sojung-unnie wakes up, but otherwise we will leave her be.”

Yewon immediately nodded and with a last glance at our sleeping leader, the others followed.

“She will be okay,” I reassured the members after seeing the concern on their faces. “Eventually, she will be okay. Give her as much space as she needs and just be there for her. Don’t give her additional headaches. She will be our priority. If you have any problems, come to me first. We’re a family. We get through this together.”

Another round of nods. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair as I took a last glance at our unnie before leading the girls into the kitchen and quietly closing the door. I was nervous, anxious even. I had tried to be strong for the members and lead them, but was I doing the right thing? Would we get through it? How would we be able to help Sojung-unnie now that she was back?

I had to hope that the love we held for each other would be enough to lead us through this difficult time and guide us. Hopefully it would be enough.