25 years old; Present

If things were already hard before, I guess, nothing could beat how hard an adult’s world was. I learnt about this as soon as I graduated a bachelor’s degree from Yonsei University.

I took up Fine Arts as a major in college, but I learnt that only a rarely few—and the most privileged one at that—succeeded in making a living out of it. So, I doubled a major in Architecture to widen my chances of finding a job and getting better profit. Mom always said anyway that in this world nothing was more important than being the best version of the person you were—with a stable job, a good disposition in life, a great personality, skills, etc.—to have a good life. I didn’t really take her words seriously at first, but life had its way of making me realize that the world I was living in had its own double standards.

You couldn’t just be good. You had to be extremely good at something and exceed expectations.

Meeting people’s expectations was something I wasn’t good at. I wanted to please them but I couldn’t because I wasn’t ‘extremely’ good at something. Yes, I learnt back in college that I could draw, I was creative, but not ‘extremely’ good at doing so. There were many other people in South Korea who were much better than me and that was something I hated.

I was always not enough. Why?

It made me think back to the past when I was ‘just’ Lee Seoyeon. Insignificant and a no good. People didn’t think much of me or took me seriously because I wasn’t the ‘pretty’ Lee Seoyeon, who could do everything and be everything.

I didn’t understand how such a person could exist. Or why they existed. No. I hated that perfect people like her existed. Because they always owned the spotlight. They were always prioritized and people like me—who were common, average—were always just next in line, waiting to be called if the first person didn’t suffice.

Maybe this was me only ranting, but how could this twentieth employer only tell me ‘they will call me’ if I was picked?

“We’ll call you Ms. Lee if you pass the third round of interviews,” the office secretary advised me. I unsurely nodded, feeling at loss for words. It was the twentieth company I applied for in six months after five years of being in college!

How could they just tell me that so casually as if they didn’t just strip me off my last hope so harshly? I worked so hard for every single interview I went to! I wanted to get a decent and well-paying job so I studied really hard before the interviews. I researched every single question I thought they would ask me and I took time to also know the companies I applied for.

I went to different heights just to earn a living and not disappoint my family. They already did so much for me and spent so much on me. So, I thought it was time for me to pay off the debt they had because of me. I was going to, but now all I did was embarrass myself because I was from a prestigious university and yet I couldn’t get into a single company, not even the small ones.

What more did I lack? What was missing?

I lifelessly snuck inside the bar me and my friends always went to. It was one of those quiet bars that lit up at night to welcome lonely customers who just wanted to drown in their misery. They were already on our favourite spot in the middle of the bar, drinking to their heart’s content. The sad song the bar singer sang complimented the mood.

“Hey,” I sat down across from them, quickly counting how many bottles they already emptied. It wasn’t just a few. Maybe seven or eight. That didn’t sound so good. It only meant they also didn’t have a good time. And drunk friends weren’t the best company at all, because I knew I had to take care of them afterwards.

Hae Soo lazily smiled at me and pointed a dainty finger at my direction. “You didn’t get the job again, did you?” She giggled when I just loudly sighed in admittance. “Typical you. You always don’t get the job even if you work hard. Doesn’t that only mean you should give up?” That hurt. “Just have yourself set up for a blind date and marry a capable man!” She waved a dismissive hand and chugged down the contents of her beer bottle. Her face crunched at the bitter taste of the vile liquid, but she ignored it, wiping at with the back of her hands in a very unlady-like manner.

I shook my head, pouring myself some beer in the empty glass one of the hostess handed me. “So, what happened to the two of you today? Hae Soo looks so out of it than you do So Jin,” I mused, changing the topic deliberately.

So Jin smiled wistfully and said, “You remember that college club reunion we went to?” I nodded. It was supposed to be today, now that I thought about it. I knew they went and I couldn’t because I went to two job interviews today.

“What about it?”

She pointed at a drunk Hae Soo and informed me, “her ex attended the club reunion too.”

“So? Wasn’t she already moved on from that guy? They broke up two years ago.”

She nodded, acknowledging what I said. “He went with his girlfriend today. Remember Kim Minjoo from the Humanities Department? The girl Baekhyun dated three weeks after they broke up?” I nodded. “Apparently they are still together and now this girl is so sad and bitter because Baekhyun knocked up Minjoo and she’s pregnant. Her belly’s already protruding and Hae Soo just couldn’t stand the sight of it.” I gasped. So, that was why Haesoo was getting drunk. Same reason why they left the reunion early.

“You know how hung up she is on him no matter how she keeps on denying,” she added, sipping her drink. I felt sorry for Haesoo. She was such a chic girl, but because of that Byun Baekhyun who broke her heart, she couldn’t even date properly. Now, he was to start a happy family with the girl he replaced Mijoo with? Unbelievable!

I wanted to punch someone. Guys were really jerks.

“Well, what about you? You’re drinking too,” I pointed out. I knew that Sojin wasn’t the type of person to share her personal life, but she knew I always listened. That I won’t judge her.

But she just shrugged, taking another sip. “I’m just drinking because of her. Alcohol’s just the best company sometimes. You forget things…” She didn’t trust me enough now, but I knew she must be going through something too.

I stayed silent, sipping more alcohol than I could consume as we silently listened to the sad song the bar singer was singing. Afte