Baekhyun takes a deep and heavy sigh upon arriving at the area, disappointed to see that the person he only came for isn’t there. For the past few weeks and so, he has been feeling grouchy and irritable but more of sullen, really. He feels incomplete and he knows something is missing. But what makes things worse, he knows what is making him feel this way but it bothers him so much because he doesn’t know why and he feels so, so helpless of what to do.

“What’s up?” Joonmyeon asks his peer as soon as the latter shows up, sitting down on a chair with a heavy soul.

He gets the attention of everyone making his other friend, Jongdae, follow up, “Yeah, what’s with the face?” Him, Minseok, Chanyeol and his two other female friends: Doeun and Raeen, have their eyes on the male, having the spotlight focus on him.

Being not in the mood, Baaekhyun dares to raise an eyebrow with a dark but the same time, vulnerable gaze. He wants to tell them what’s wrong but he just can’t bring himself to. He doesn’t want to make himself look ridiculous and needy. But it even gets more frustrating for him because the desperation inside him has accumulated so much that he feels himself he could explode. He has never felt himself like this and he doesn’t know what to do.

Without anyone saying anything, another girl of the circle comes in and naturally notices the eerie silence. She frowns slightly and takes a seat. “What’s with everyone?”

Chanyeol shrugs, explaining, “He came in, looking already pissed.” The lady glances at the male on the spotlight. “He might tell you what is wrong though.”

Minseok then asks a question that sparks everything that is dead in Baekhyun’s body. Hearing her name, the very name of the girl why he’s been feeling like this: lost, frustrated and disoriented, he can’t help but glance at the lady who just arrived, eager to hear her answer and just know where she is, if she’s okay or even if she’s coming.

“I just saw her downstairs.” answers Shin. Baekhyun is so close from springing up from his seat if not for what the girl says as she continues, “But she left. She said she’s going out to see a friend.” And that itself is enough to make Baekhyun feel deflated again. It seems like he’s not going to see her again today, he thinks. That itself is enough to make him feel empty again, putting out all the spark inside his body dead. Hopelessness creeps onto him again.

“Damn.” Chanyeol comments. “It’s been so long since she properly got to hang out with us. She’s been skipping all our sleepovers and house hangouts too.”

“Right?” Shin sighs, noticing the same thing as the tall male. “We see her everyday yet I still miss her.”

Baekhyun subtly scoffs at that. He can’t relate. He hasn’t seen her properly for weeks now and even if he does, it is nothing. He feels like he did something wrong but as he beats himself in recalling all the times they were together, he knows for sure, he hasn’t. Or has he been that ignorant and preoccupied of his feelings that he failed to notice.

Doeun presses her lips sadly. “Yeah, same.” She lets out, agreeing with what Shin said earlier.

Raeen asks curiously, “Do you guys think something is wrong? She’s been like this for the past few weeks now.”

“Not that we know of…” Jongdae comments. “But it’s hard because she doesn’t really share stuff.”

Doeun then verbalises the observation Baekhyun has been holding as well. “Well, if you guys think about it, she tends to be not here when he’s around.” She says, bobbing her chin towards the vexed male.

And that is more than enough to make Baekhyun sigh again. He knows she’s right. It’s not really an observation anymore as per say. It’s already a fact, not to mention how everyone agrees with it. Regardless, he’s not dense to not notice. The girl is fine with the rest, she always hangs out with them. She’s there when he’s not around. But then, it’s like when she knows that he will come and join them, she leaves. He can’t help but think it’s intentional, particularly when she leaves the second he arrives and it’s not like he can ask her what’s wrong because she always seem to find a hole to escape with, to escape him. She would always look at him, to acknowledge his presence but it’s as though, they’re back to being strangers again. Back to the times before they first met. To him, it’s clear she’s avoiding him but he doesn’t know what he did wrong. Has he been that oblivious to his actions that he did something to her that he didn’t even realise. He isn’t sure. He’s dumbfounded that it is enough for him to throw himself from a rooftop building or rip his head in half. He’s so frustrated.

“Nothing is wrong.” Shin, knowing both Baekhyun and the girl more than the rest, smoothly diverts the idea that has been brought to light. The male is grateful for that. She states. “I know that for sure.”

Fortunately enough, everyone goes to the flow, agreeing with what she said because it’s true and they know that. Now that they think about, the girl has been treating them all the same, nothing has changed really but just the fact that she doesn’t stay with them as long as they used to. It’s just that… she’s always away when Baekhyun is around. But then, Chanyeol has another thought that’s ready for the vexed male to feel a big pang on his stomach.

“Maybe—” Chanyeol stops, making everyone’s head turn to him, including Baekhyun who had his gaze down the entire time.

“Maybe what?” Raeen prompts.

“Maybe she’s seeing someone?” He deduces unsurely.

Baekhyun’s heart constricts and stops. He can’t breathe. He feels like someone is choking his throat. He feels sick. Is that it? Is that the reason why? It’s not that she’s avoiding him but because she’s seeing someone that’s why she spends less time with them? And it’s that timing has to really play harshly with him?

“No...” Shin reacts. “I don’t think so. I would know.”

“But it’s not impossible.” Minseok asserts, now that the topic has been brought up.

True, Baekhyun thinks and once again, apparently he isn’t the only one to think that when Jongdae says, “She’s a very pretty and kind girl. It would be no wonder if a man would want to be her boyfriend.” The rest agrees with him. In fact, it’s always been a wonder to them why the girl never had a boyfriend before. Clearly, she’s so attractive and likeable. It would be impossible if no one would like the girl at all.

But to Baekhyun, the image the tall man brought up makes him feel bitter. There’s no way. She can’t be with another man. No other man can see her smile the way she does with him — that sweet smile of hers. Baekhyun knows that he gets an exclusive kind of smile from her because he hasn’t seen her smile like that even with their other friends. And Baekhyun doesn’t mind that. In fact, he loves it because it makes him feel so special.

The frown on Baekhyun’s brows deepens as he indulges himself with thoughts of her seeing a man. No way. She can’t have another man’s jacket to keep her warm like he has always done to her. That should only be him. Okay, he admits, at the start, the boys do that to her, the same they do with the three other girls. But then, as they spent more time together, it came to a point where she only receives his jacket whenever her body is looking for warmth, the same time, he only gives his to her and no one else. It’s like he only wants her to wear them. Because at some point, it really became like that.

Of all the guys, she is the closest with him. He knows she fully trusts him and he’s so happy at the times he feels her being reliant on him and not anyone else. He can’t have anyone have that from her. He can’t have the trusts she has for him to someone else.

Baekhyun is her friend! Her close friend. It should only be him.

Man, he has never over-thought anything. Not even the time when he used to like the lady next to him, that is Shin. When she rejected him and wanted to keep their friendship, he didn’t feel bad. He understood. But that wasn’t enough for him to feel awkward with her. Their relationship remained the same and Baekhyun realised that what Shin said was true, they met just to be friends. No less, no more.

But with the girl, it’s not even rejection that happened but why does he feel like the whole world is falling on him? Why does he feel like with him losing her, he’s losing everything? Baekhyun doesn’t like what he’s feeling. It makes him uncomfortable, so uneasy and he knows, he just needs to know why she’s doing this. Why is she being so distant from him? Why is she so far away from him? He’s hurt and he knows he just needs to know why? Baekhyun misses her. He misses her so much that he can’t feel his heart beating anymore. It feels so tight, he can’t breathe. And if this goes for any longer, he—

He doesn’t know. Baekhyun feels like he is so close to losing half of himself. She is so precious and important to him that if she ever steps out of his life, he’ll feel lost and he knows he has to stop it before it happens. Maybe, Baekhyun likes her more than he thought he did.

Baekhyun misses her. So much.

And he just wants her back, he just want the times they are together back. The time after they first met.

Few weeks before meeting her, he already noticed her presence. She always caught his eye and his attention whenever she was around. And few weeks into meeting her, Baekhyun knew he was already attracted to the girl. She already has caught his attention without even her trying so hard to do so — not that she did try. And even more into getting to know her, he knew that it was more than attraction he had for her. Because even after many months of getting to know her, she grew only to be so important towards her.

He knew that his affection for her was beyond infatuation. He likes her. Really. And so much.

He won’t forget the first time they met through Shin. When he went to meet his friend, only to get a pleasant surprise that he would finally meet the girl who he’s been noticing for the past two weeks prior. Her soft features made her look so angelic and her voice was something he would never forget thus, the another ordinary day turned to be the most memorable one in Baekhyun’s life. And the days that came months after are the days he is so, so thankful of.

And as she is so precious to him, he didn’t want to risk the friendship they built over the past year. He didn’t want to confess to her and tell her his affection in the fear of losing her altogether, if they do get awkward after he does so. Baekhyun wanted to stay in the safe side and keep her to his side for as long as he can stall as keeping the friendship is the only assurance he had to hold. Baekhyun preferred the assurance he currently had over the risk there was in wanting to be more than just a best-friend to her.

At this point though, feeling so helpless and powerless, the male is starting to think twice.

He realises he can’t afford to be just the best friend to her. He wants to be more than just that. He wants to be more in the girl’s life.

The day lasts longer than it should and just like what he thought, he doesn’t see her again.

On his way to the parking lot though, he sees the girl talking with a tall man standing beside a car. She’s wearing a friendly smile as they stand from a safe and comfortable distance but to Baekhyun, it’s just a little too close to his liking.

They are talking comfortably with each other and he feels a prick inside his heart. A crease between his eyebrows form, completely bothered by the scene before his eyes. He stays in that position for a while and the more he watches them, the stronger the dose of jealousy he feels inside his heart. He doesn’t like the sight he’s seeing. At that minute, Baekhyun makes a wish he never thought he’d make: to be that stranger the girl he misses so much is talking to.

The frown in his face turns into a surprised, flustered and frozen one when the girl glances to her side and their eyes meet. She smiles at him and nods her head, acknowledging his presence and Baekhyun feels like he’s flying. It’s been so long since he last saw her smile at him. For a moment, he feels so happy to the point the flavour of bitterness inside almost faded away if not for the reason she turns her head back again, away from him. Baekhyun realises he’s a greedy man. He wants more. He wants her attention. He wants— He needs her.

So Baekhyun doesn’t think twice when he takes a step towards them only to be surprised the next he looks up that the girl is already walking towards him. He glances at the man who briefly watches her before walking around the hood of his car to get inside his car. The next time his eyes lands back at her, she sees him at smiling at him.

“Hey…” The girl greets. Somehow it feels like it’s just been so long since this last happened between them.

The male on the other hand feels in disbelief. Is he dreaming? She’s here, right? She’s really talking to him and is not on her way to leave somewhere, right?

Baekhyun is breathless when he greets back, “Hi.”

“Done for the day?” She asks.

The male hums, still coming into putting his senses together. “You?”

The girl bobs her head. Her smile is soft, merely enough to get her heart pounding so hard inside his chest. “I just finished studying. I’m on my way home to grab something to eat.”

Not wanting her to leave so quickly, it is instant when he asks, sounding almost a little too desperate. “Do you want to get something to eat with me? It’s on me.” Maybe, he is that desperate. His heart pounds anxiously. He deeply hopes she won’t reject him.

“I’d love to but—”

“Please?” He cuts her off, wishing that she isn’t finding him rude. “It’s just that… It’s—”

Karma hits him rather too quickly when she doesn’t even let him finish what he’s saying as she says, “Maybe next time, Baek. I promise, next time.”

And with that, without any words, with his brain halting from functioning, he watches her take steps away from again and Baekhyun has got to admit, how hurt he’s feeling now is nothing close to that time Shin outrightly rejected him. He feels so hurt; so broken.

Tuesday, second week into the first semester of Baekhyun’s second year, he walked to meet his friends at their usual spot ever since University for them started. As he reached the top of the staircase, he entered the area and his eyes quickly roamed around to find his group of friends. His eyes however stopped once it landed to one particular girl who was sitting against the wall. She had her head down, writing her notes and then back up when she looked at the screen of her laptop. He quickly snapped out of it though when he heard his friend called him over. He swallowed and cleared his throat, walking over to his group. Throughout that entire time, as his friends came and go, Baekhyun found himself stealing quick glances from the girl. She always had her earphones plugged inside her ears and was alone.

Days followed, just like how his group had always that area as their spot, he always saw her sitting there — for most of the time, she was writing notes, at times she was watching a lecture (he assumed) and then writing notes or reading. But whenever she would have friends over she would be there, talking to them and doing nothing else. He would admit he liked that. He appreciated it. She always gave her full attention to her friends and it only showed how amiable and kind-hearted she was a person.

Days were followed to weeks and it turned out that he wasn’t the only one who noticed her because everyone in the group did as well. Unlike every other student, just like them, she was also there, almost everyday and as seldom as every odd day. There were days they didn’t see her but they’re guessing that for most of the time she was at the campus, if she wasn’t in class, she would be there — at the spot she always sat at.

It wasn’t until a month and half when he finally met the girl and through the person he would’ve never guessed, Shin.

Shin never stayed back at University like most of them did and considering the fact that their group was fairly big, one was never alone. And if it weren’t for his friend attending another tutorial to catch up from the original class she missed, he would’ve not met her.

He just finished from attending a two hour lecture when he received a call from his friend, telling him that she was at UNI and was with a lovely she would love for the group to meet.

Shin was always a woman full of surprises and she did not fail to surprise him the very second he saw her with the girl that has been snatching his attention.

She was a shy and quiet girl if Baekhyun would describe. Her eyes were shiny and her smile was very soft and pretty. Up close, he would admit, she was a lot prettier (not that she wasn’t when he always had seen her when they were meters apart).

“She’s the girl I told you about just then.” Shin chirped up, excited for him and her friends to meet her. She introduced her, letting know her name and how she saved her from feeling so shy, embarrassed and alone from attending another tutorial class.

Baekhyun eyed at the girl and smiled shyly, shaking her head with her cheeks blushing a little. It was adorable. “Nice meeting you.” He greeted and she returned the same words cordially with a very soft voice. He briefly wondered if there was a need to mention that he always see her or would that make her feel uncomfortable? Surely, he doesn’t want the latter.

However, even with that thought, he found the means to mention it. “I always see her around — me and the others.” He said softly, sincerely hoping he won’t feel creeped out.

“What?” Shin gasped and turned to the girl. “Really?”

The girl nodded. “When I’m at UNI, I always stay around in this area. I see them very often too.” She admitted.

Baekhyun felt himself breathe in relief because she didn’t feel uncomfortable but the same time surprised because she too noticed them. How he wished she noticed him more, though.

“What? Why didn’t you guys tell me?” Shin questioned, squinting her eyes towards the male.

“How are we supposed to?” He threw back. “You’re never at UNI.” He reminded as he playfully flicked her forehead in a soft manner.

The lady yelped dramatically as she kept her fingers over her forehead with her bottom lip jutting out.

Baekhyun shrugged that away and continued, "And we didn’t know, anyway.” Referring to the fact that, they were enrolled in the same subject. Because, really, who would’ve thought? If he knew, who knows, he would’ve met her earlier.

At that lady pouted even more to no one in particular, slightly regretting but at least, she met her now than on a later note or worse, not at all. Little did anyone know, or even Baekhyun himself, that he was on the same page as his friend.

If only.

The girl giggled and Baekhyun swore it was the most pleasant and cutest thing. His lips couldn’t help but twitch in an amused smile and thank God, she didn’t notice.

“Do you have any more classes today? Or all done?” Shin asked, now forgetting how she was momentarily upset.

“Done for the day but I have to meet my group for an hour now.” He answered regretfully. If he knew that his friend would introduce the girl he has always noticed then he would’ve cleared the day. Cancelling his meeting with them sounded so tempting — he would’ve done it if the due date for their subject wasn’t two days away. He just came to see her friend but he didn’t think that something so pleasant was waiting for him.

“Oh okay. We’ll see you in an hour then?”

Baekhyun’s answer was quick to come when he said, “Definitely.” Glancing towards the girl who kept listening, perhaps not wanting to give an impression of being rude, “See you later?”

Shyly, she nodded her head. “Yeah, see you.”

Just before he left, he let them know, particularly Shin, “Oh and the others are coming! I’m sure they would love to meet her.”

“I think the same.” Shin said, chuckling.

With that, Baekhyun thought their first meeting was sweet but little did he realise that the girl had her sixth sense with her, not making it hard for her to figure that his interaction with her was enough to make her see the feelings used to have for her a long time ago.

So maybe, what was sweet for him, became rather bitter for her.

Because little did he know that the girl he always noticed, had her eyes always with him, hiding a silent admiration towards him. She did not just notice him, it was more, more than that.

Author’s Note:

OH MY GOSH. Uhm, I struggled to write this first chapter. Originally I was writing it in the girl’s POV but I thought of changing it to Baek’s POV just to make things a tad more exciting. But for some reason, I don’t even know how I did or how I went? Grr. But yeah, if this chapter is a bit of a blur, if it’s not too much, please give me a chance and wait for the following chapters??? I apologise. I just really struggled approaching it even though I have everything on my mind now.