“You're like the stars.” I said one night as we gaze above nightsky.

We went to the other city so no one will see us freely strolling in the streets, hand in hand.

We do this twice a month in 1 year of this secret love.

We roam around different cities, away from everyone just to feel free.

Now we're in our secret place, where you can see the city lights below, and the pretty stars above.

I like it here.

Because I can be selfish on Lisa.

Because I don't have to pretend that I don't love her more than just a friend.

“Why?” She asked.

“Because you give hope to everyone. You shine for everyone. You give light to other people. But I don't like stars.”

“Why is that?” She asked again as she wrap the soft blanket around my shoulders to give me enough warmth in this cold night, then embraced me and rested her chin on my shoulder.

“Because no matter how pretty they are. No matter how much they shine for everyone. I can't have them. I can't have them for myself even if I really want to put them inside my pocket, so they would only shine for me. Pretty selfish, eh?”

She hugged me tighter and buried her face in the crook of my neck.

“One day, a star will come down and voluntarily hide inside your pocket so you can claim it yours. And when that day comes, you don't need to share it with anyone else. You can be selfish as much as you want.”

Her words made me smile.

“I can't wait for that day.”

“Me too.”

She cupped my face and rubbed thumbs against my cheeks. She stared at my eyes with full of love.

I can feel her love.

It overwhelms me sometimes, that I want to brag it to everyone.

But sadly I can't.

I closed my eyes as she leaned closer.

Her lips.

Her lips tastes like mint. I love it.

I love how soft it is. How plump it is.

I leaned forward to deepen our kiss. She nibbled and bit my lower lip and it made me open my mouth which she took as an opportunity to insert her tounge. Our tongues battled in sync. I savoured . I tasted every corner of it.

I rested my hands on her shoulders while her hands roam around on different parts of my body.

I can feel the electricity with her every touch.

“Uhmm..”

I couldn't help but moan a little because of the sensation she gives me. That only her could give me.

I pulled away as I gasp for oxygen, while smile is plastered on my face.

I rested my head on her chest.

I could hear her fast steady heartbeat.

“Can you hear how fast and loud my heart beats for you?”

I smiled. Her sweet talks never failed to make me smile.

“Hmmm.” I hummed in response.

“Remember that it'll only beat for you, Jennie. That it only beats for you.”

I looked up and saw her radiant smile.

“I love you Jennie Kim.”

“I love you too, Lisa.”

I hope we could stay like this forever.

Where we could say we love each other without saying the word ‘but’ after.

Where we can be selfish.

Where we won't mind other people's feelings.

But sad truth, nothing lasts forever.

***

“Be with me instead.” Said Jisoo.

“What?”

“Be with me instead of your selfish girlfriend. I can make you happy. I will make you happy. Just choose me.”

I couldn't comprehend what she's saying.

I have an idea, but I cannont accept it.

“What are you saying, unnie?”

“What I'm saying is, I like you Jennie. Ever since college. I knew to myself that I liked you more than just a friend. But I kept it in because I don't wanna ruin our friendship. And now that I see you suffer, I couldn't take it anymore. I hate it when you come at me crying because of that jerk. It hurts me, Jennie. So let me help you. I'll help you move on from her. Leave her and choose me.”

My mouth fell slightly agaped because of her confession.

Why?

Why now?

She should've said that when Lisa isn't still in my life.

When I haven't been trapped in her void.

Then maybe.

Just maybe, I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

Maybe things are different right now.

Maybe I would've fall for her.

Or maybe not.

But we're here now.

“It's too late, unnie. I love her. Even if want to go with you and forget her, I couldn't. I just couldn't. I love her so much that I couldn't leave her alone and suffer alone. Sorry, Jisoo unnie. I love you that's why I'm being honest with you. I won't use you as a rebound even if you tell me to. I can't do that to you. I'm sorry.”

I sighed.

“I need to go. I need to visit Chaeng.”

“Why are you being martyr? You don't deserve this, Jendeuk.”

Yeah..  Why am I putting up to this?

Is it because of love?

Because of guilt?

Because of pity?

I don't know.

***

“You ready?” Asked Lisa, before we go insid