Hwang Eunbi’s eyes stung and she took a deep breath to keep herself from crying.

Don’t show any weakness. You’re stronger than this. Don’t let them see you cry. Idols don’t cry. Be professional.

She clenched her jaw and glared into the mirror as the team leader continued his rant. Nobody had to tell her that she was lacking; she already knew it.

The harsh words washed over her as the voice of their team leader became louder with each passing minute.

She had tried and failed at showing aegyo for the hundredth time. It was no wonder that the patience of their team leader was running thin. But she could not help it. Doing aegyo felt wrong and awkward. She had no idea how the other girls were able to pull it off. Whenever she tried it, she wanted to die. She wanted the ground to swallow her. She wanted to disappear.

“And keep your facial expression under control! What is wrong with you?!”

A lump formed in . Eunbi lowered her eyes to the floor and bowed. “I’m sorry. I will work harder.”

She hated how weak her voice sounded. How it quivered.

Be professional. Idols don’t cry.

The team leader sighed and shook his head before heading towards the door. “Practice is over. Go home, everyone. Get out of my sight.”

They listened for a few minutes as his footsteps faded in the hallway before anyone dared to speak.

“What in the world was up with him…?” Yerin whispered, obviously still wary of his foul mood. “Are you okay, Eunbi-ya?”

“Don’t take this personally, Eunbi-ya,” Sojung said. “His tone was uncalled for.”

“I’m fine,” she muttered, still not looking up from the ground. She was afraid that if she did, she would burst into tears. Her hands fiddled with the hem of her shirt. She could not cry. That was unacceptable. “I’ve heard worse. This company has nicer staff than many others. I know I should work harder, but aegyo…”

“I get it, it feels weird,” Yerin said. “I know I’ll die the day my parents or my brother have to watch me do that. The thought alone makes me cringe.”

“At least you can do it,” Eunbi mumbled, twisting her shirt. “I’m not cute, I can’t do cute. I can’t…”

“I’m sure it’ll get easier with time. Everyone has something they’re not good at. It’s not a big deal.”

Eunbi snorted. “We’re supposed to be good at everything. We want to be idols.”

“That does not make us any less human.” Sojung sighed. “We are not perfect. We will make mistakes, no matter how hard we train. But we’re a team, Eunbi-ya. We help each other. Everyone has something they’re not good at, but we help each other to overcome it.”

“Sometimes I just…” Eunbi trailed off and finally looked up. She was met with five equally concerned pairs of eyes. “What if the fans won’t like us? What if they won’t like me? I know I’m not… I know I can be a cold person. I know my facial expression is not… the most welcoming one. What if - what if I scare them away? What if they don’t want to be our fans as long as I’m in the group?”

“You won’t,” Sojung answered resolutely. “Eunbi-ya… you’re not a cold person. You’re the opposite and the fans will see that. That is your charm. You are a huge contribution to our group and we are proud to call you one of our members.”

Yerin smiled and before Eunbi could even think of moving away, she was caught in a bear hug. “You are the softest person I know and your tough exterior makes you even more endearing! Our fans will get to know you and they will love you for who you are! We love you, Eunbi-ya. Our little maknae!”

“Stop that! Unnie!” Eunbi grimaced as Yerin gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. She tried to wiggle out of her arms, but Yerin was too strong. “What the hell!”

“Yerin-ah, don’t choke her!” Despite the serious tone in Sojung’s voice, Eunbi could still detect the hint of a smile.

With much effort, Eunbi broke away. She inched closer towards her Eunbi-Unnie and draped an arm around her shoulders. Her unnie gave her a strained smile. She had not been the only victim of their team leader’s foul mood today.

Her unnie leaned her head against hers. “Do you want to head over to my place for the night?”

“No, it’s fine. My mom wants me home.”

“It’s pretty late.” Sojung looked at her wristwatch. “Eunbi-ya… I don’t like the idea of you going home by yourself at this hour. It’s dangerous. God knows what could happen to you.”

Eunbi shrugged, carefully keeping her expression nonchalant. “It’s okay. I always take the last train back.”

“I really need to talk to CEO-nim about dorm arrangements,” Sojung mumbled to herself, glancing back and forth between the two Eunbis. “I’m sure your mom would not be opposed if you stayed with Eunbi-ssi for tonight, would she?”

“I can call my mom and ask her to call yours,” her Eunbi-unnie suggested, but she shook her head.

“It’s fine. Nothing will happen to me.”

Eunbi picked up her bag and started to throw her stuff inside it. She was highly aware that the others were watching her every move. She appreciated the offer and the concern, but tonight she just wanted to be alone. She did not want to be surrounded by one of her group members, even if one of them was her childhood best friend.

Sojung sighed. “Alright. Then let’s call it a day. Everyone, don’t take any words from our team leader to heart. I saw improvement in all of you and I’m proud of you. Let’s start tomorrow with a fresh state of mind.”

The others mumbled in agreement and one by one left the practice room. Some went to the nearest bus stop, others waited for their parents to pick them up.

After catching the last train, Hwang Eunbi started the eight-minute walk from the bus stop near her parents’ home. It was dark and, despite her earlier words of bravado, her steps fastened and her heart raced with each suspicious sound that reached her ears. It would have been just her luck to get robbed or worse after the day she had.

She was only able to relax once she closed the door of her parents’ apartment behind her.

“Eunbi-ya? Is that you?”

“Yes, Eomma, it’s me.”

With her last bit of strength, she slipped out of her shoes and dragged feet to the living room. Her parents were sitting on the couch and watching TV, a bowl of popcorn between them. How much she wished that she could join them…

Her mother gave her a stern once-over. “You look tired. Did the training go well?”

She hesitated. Then she gave a curt nod. “It was fine.”

“I hope you’re giving your best, Eunbi-ya. This might be your last chance to debut.”

“I know. And I am.”

“It would be a shame for all these years to go to waste, would it not?”

Eunbi bit her lip and nodded again.

“How is the new girl doing? Is she finally catching up?”

New girl. Eunbi knew that her mom did not mean her Eunbi-Unnie. There was only one person she continued to call the new girl. “Yewon is doing well, Eomma. She has some raw talent and lots of determination. I think she will be ready for debut.”

“That’s good. And Eunbi? How is she doing?”

She leaned against the door frame. “She’s starting to get used to the trainee life again. It must be difficult, but she’s a fighter.”

Her mom hummed in agreement. “As expected.”

“Honey, I think our daughter wants to go freshen herself up after this gruesome training.” Her dad winked at Eunbi, smiling warmly. “I think we can stop the interrogation for tonight, don’t you?”

“We barely get to see her! And once she moves to the dorm with the other girls, it will be even less!”

“I know, Honey, but the poor girl is exhausted. Let her rest for today, okay?”

Eunbi smiled gratefully at her dad. He was always able to look behind the mask she was so accustomed to wear. “Thank you, Appa.”

“No need, Darling. Off you go. Have a good sleep.”

Her mom frowned but eventually relented. “Good night, Sweetheart.”

She gave her parents a quick kiss goodnight before going to her bedroom. Once the door closed behind her, she slid down towards the ground and let her carefully suppressed emotions overcome her.

The lump in hurt worse than before and tears started to roll down her cheeks. She tried to be as quiet as possible and leaned her forehead against her pulled up knees to muffle any sound.

Her mom was right; this was her last chance to debut. She could not let her down. Years upon years, her parents — and especially her mom — had stood beside her and given her everything so she could succeed.

And what had she done? She had screwed up, time and time again. First with her shoulder. Oh, how she would love to turn back the time to stop herself from receiving this injury. She had to work extra hard to compensate for it and yet it kept hurting and dislocating regularly.

Now she had finally found a company that would not mind letting her debut with this injury, even as the main dancer. And yet, another problem arose. Her inability to act cute.

Something was always wrong with her. Nothing was ever good enough. Why couldn’t she be perfect? How could she become an idol, if she was like this?

Eunbi clenched her fists as the harsh words of their team leader echoed in her mind.

“What is wrong with you?!”

Eunbi did not know. Probably a lot. A lot was wrong with her. She was lacking a lot. But she had to become perfect. She owed it not only to the other girls but especially to her parents. She would do anything to not let them down. To not disappoint them any further than she probably already had.

She had to do better. She just had to.