"I'll be leaving for Japan in 4 days for my concert. I hope by the time I come back , you can sort out your feelings for me ... And our future" jongdae said as he picked up his suitcase and dragged it towards the front door . His heart beating loud and heavy with pain as his eyes filled with tears and throat clogged with a lump. He stood right in front of the main door of his 3 years boyfriend Minseok's apartment . Even if he wanted to turn and look at minseok before he left his apartment , he knew if he did he wouldn't be able to leave. 

His hands reached out to the door knob still waiting in anticipation that minseok would say something or do anything but the pin drop silence proved that nothing's going to happen. Jongdae's heart clenched in pain and fear but needed to do this . He kept reminding himself . He was tried of his and minseok's relationship. No , he was not tried of minseok but he was tried of this arrangement of keeping their relationship a serect. 

" No matter what decision you make ... I promise I'll be prepared to hear it." Jongdae said as he let few tears fall on his face and not caring if his voice is breaking . "Just remember I LOVE YOU". With that he left the apartment.
                                      ×-×-×-×-×

"You look tried ... Are you sure you're alright?" Asked Eris as she put make up on Jongdae's face. It's been 5 days since he left minseok's apartment. Minseok didn't try to contact jongdae in anyway for the past 5 days. And today was the day for his Japan concert. The past 5 days were a nightmare for jongdae because he didn't have his sweet and cuddly boy friend next to him . He kept his phone next to him for every second of the day because he didn't want to miss any messages from minseok telling jongdae that he doesn't need time to think and he is ready to go public with their relationship or instead just a sweet message saying "I love you...and miss you " but Jongdae got nothing. The fact that he and minseok were 2 solo idols signed under the same company didn't make it any easier . There were times in the past 5 days were he would pass minseok on the corridors or there were times when they would see each other in the cafeteria. Every time jongdae would look over at Minseok only to see minseok give him a cold shoulder or ignore Jongdae's existence. It would break Jongdae's heart even more. There were even nights where jongdae would cry himself to sleep thinking of how he had to go and ruin his relationship with minseok. 
                                       ×-×-×-×-×

"why are even having this conversation" minseok said as he rubbed his hands on his face clearly irritated by the conversation he and jongdae Were having . It was suppose to be another sweet date at minseok's apartment until one of minseok's friend had to drop by. minseok treated jongdae as he was just another friend who he was hanging out with at his place . This is not what got jongdae all worked up it was the fact that the friend was female cast member of minseok's up coming drama.the actress openly flirted with minseok in front of jongdae while minseok equally flirted back . Jongdae knew the latter was not doing it because he wanted to but he was doing it because he had to in order to hide his actually uality. The actress didn't leave for another hour to Jongdae's dismay. It annoyed him even more but more than the feeling of being annoyed jongdae felt sad , from the fact that he couldn't just walk up to the actress and tell her that minseok was off the market. That minseok was dating him and only him. 

After she left , minseok and jongdae continued on with their movie date , while minseok enjoyed the movie Jongdae's mind still revolved around the same worries and questions relating to his and minseok's relationship. 

Jongdae was so deep into his thoughts that he didn't realise that minseok had mute the movie and was intensely staring at jongdae. He snapped out his thoughts when minseok pulled his chin, making jongdae face minseok. 

" What's on your mind!?" He questioned jongdae with soft and worried eyes.

Jongdae just shook his head and smiled "nothing" he whispered slowly . Deciding not to tell minseok of his worries.

"Please tell me what's bothering you chen" minseok said sweetly giving jongdae the assurance he needed. Jongdae then nodded his head and said in a low voice " I was just thinking about our future" 

Minseok raised an eyebrow giving jongdae the "please-continue-look". 

Jongdae took a deep breath . "I was just thinking about when and how will make our relationship public" no sooner the words left Jongdae's mouth ,minseok dropped his grip from Jongdae's chin and stared at jongdae with horror.

"You want are relationship to go public ?" He questioned jongdae . Fear clearly shown in his voice . Jongdae immediately regretted his words. He shook his head quickly. "No no no.. I meant I was just thinking .... I didn't mean that we should" he said slowly as he slowly placed his hand on minseok's shoulder. Minseok flinched . But then clamed down and relaxed. He let out a sigh. 

"Thank god!! I thought you were serious....don't scare me like that jongdae" he said as he let out a laugh.

Even if those words were meant to make jongdae happy . It didn't, it made him feel worst. Because from the way minseok spoke , jongdae realised that minseok would never want their relationship to be public at all. At this point he realised he had to do something now or he was going to break his heart in the future. 

"Minseok" he said in a heavy voice as be stared at the floor mat. "What do you see in our future?" He questioned. 

Minseok looked at jongdae in a confused face. " What do you mean ?" He asked jongdae.

Jongdae finally looked at minseok. " I mean ...what does the future of this relationship hold....you know where do you see us in the next 10 years???do you see us as a happy married couple who are free to go around in public being a couple or do you still us as this secret couple that we are being since the past 3 years?" He asked minseok in a serious tone.

This question brings us to a very irritated minseok and a insecure Jongdae. "We're having this conversation because I'm tired of keeping our relationship a secret minseok" jongdae says in desperation. " I don't care if we don't go on foreign vaccination or fancy dinner dates ... All I'm asking is Why can't I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?Why can't I say that I'm in love?" He said as he held Minseok's collar . Clenching them with tightly trying to reduce the pain in his heart. Jongdae stared right into minseok's eyes with pain and tears.

Minseok slightly pushed jongdae away. "Your crazy jongdae .... Do you know what will happen if we do that ??? Did you forget that were are 2 most successful idols right now .... If do come out it's going to ruin us" minseok literally screamt.

Jongdae stared at minseok. " I know that ... But those are old reasons minseok....people are more open about their uality now a days... What are you afraid of people accepting us?? Chanyeol and baekhyun came out about their relationship and they are getting nothing but love and acceptance. Our contact doesn't stop us from dating nor does it contain anything against being gay !!!! What are you afraid of ??" Jongdae screamt too. His emotions were flying all over the place . 

He was sad , angry , hurt , disappointed everything at once . When minseok didn't answer jongdae let out a dry laugh though his tears.

" Tell me minseok did you ever plan to take our relationship to the public ?" Jongdae said as more years fell down his eyes.

The silence next to that moment broke Jongdae's heart. It broke Jongdae's heart as well as fueled the anger inside of him . 

"Or are you too embarrassed to tell people your dating me?? Or did you ever take this relationship seriously??? Was this all just a time pass for you ?? Date a guy until you find a perfect girl to get married too then leave the guy?? Was this your plan all along ??" He rambled angrily as more tears fell from his eyes. 

He stared at minseok waiting for him to speak anything . "Oh my god !!! You were using me weren't you !!" Jongdae gasped slowly.

This sentence brought minseok back to life. "No ..no ...I wasn't I meant it. Jongdae ... I mean it when I say I love you " minseok said slowly . Jongdae stared at minseok with a look that was void of any emotion. 

"Prove it to me then... prove that you mean it!! Prove it by accepting us and making our relationship public. Don't talk to me until you have made up your mind... Because if this relationship has no future I don't want to waste more time loving you" with that said Jongdae made way to minseok's and his room he removed all his clothes and fillied it in his suitcase as he cried.

" I'll be leaving for Japan in 4 days for my concert. I hope by the time I come back , you can sort out your feelings for me ... And our future" jongdae said as he picked up his suitcase and dragged it towards the front door . His heart beating loud and heavy with pain as his eyes filled with tears and throat clogged with a lump. He stood right in front of the main door of his 3 years boyfriend Minseok's apartment . Even if he wanted to turn and look at minseok before he left his apartment , he knew if he did he wouldn't be able to leave. 

His hands reached out to the door knob still waiting in anticipation that minseok would say something or do anything but the pin drop silence proved that nothing's going to happen. Jongdae's heart clenched in pain and fear but needed to do this . He kept reminding himself . He was tried of his and minseok's relationship. No , he was not tried of minseok but he was tried of this arrangement of keeping their relationship a serect. 

" No matter what decision you make ... I promise I'll be prepared to hear it." Jongdae said as he let few tears fall on his face and not caring if his voice is breaking . " Just remember I LOVE YOU". With that he left the apartment.                                                                                          ×-×-×-×-×

" It's okay... It's okay" jongdae heard soft whispers in his ears. That's when he realized that his was being hugged by his make up artist who was like a big sister to him. He smelled her perfume which gave him a feeling of safety. So he hugged her back and cried. It shocked jongdae how he had tears left after crying for the past 5 days.

Tomorrow after he flies back to Korea, he will have to meet minseok and talk about their now broken relationship. From the way minseok was treating jongdae , jongdae knew what minseok's words would be . This thought brought more tears in his eyes. He hugged Eris tighter and cried heavily. Crying alone in the night is painful , so finally crying on someone's shoulder gave jongdae feeling of safety and love . It made him feel secure and made him feel free enough to let down all his tears.

Soon his tears Truned into sniffles and that when they broke the hug. " Do you want to talk about it?" Said Eris slowly as she combed Jongdae's hair with her fingers.

Jongdae shook his head a no . To which Eris just smiled back . "Okay!!! But remember I'll be here for when you want some one to talk to" with that her smile brighten causing jongdae to smile to. " Now let's fix this ruined make up of yours?" She said with a slight giggle.

Jongdae couldn't stand straight. He was finally feeling all exhaustion and triedness hit him at once. All the sleepless nights and no food was finally affecting his body . 

" This is the last song jongdae.... Last song then the concert will be over ... We can rest then. We've done good for the past 2 hours.. we can keep it up for one last song" he kept whispering encouraging words in his mind. Yet he felt slight darkness before his eyes.

Even before he could completely get ready for the next song , he heard a familiar music of "I'm not okay" start. Jongdae immediately found his heart started paining again. The lyrics fit his position so perfectly that along with the exhaustion he managed to feel tears creep up his eyes.

"joha boinde da igyeo.naen deusi

gwaenchanheun deut boinde naega naega

sun.gan ul geot gateun geol

gyeo.u chamgo sandan geol

keu nugudo keu amudo molla"

he slowly started singing he hoped minseok  would listen his performance and understand the pain jongdae was going through.

"annyeong mothae jal jinaeji mothae

mam hanjjoge neol derigo saneun na

haengbokhalliga eopjanha

gwaenchaneulliga eopjanha

wae moreuni

mianhan yaegijiman

jotji mothae manyang utjin mothae

neo ttaeme nal tteonan ne saenggake

saraitgin hajiman

saneun geot gatji anheun naya" 

jongdae sang his heart out by the end he didn't realise that there were tears flowing down his face. The last scene he saw was of his fans screaming for jongdae on top of their voices while waving their light sticks before everything Truned black and he gave in his exhaustion.

Jongdae felt his throat on fire. He slowly opened his eyes only to shut them back quickly due to the bright light hurting his eyes. He slowly whispered for water . every word that came our of his mouth burned . 
He still could open his eyes ... He felt his head lift up as a glass was pressed on his lips . He slowly opened his mouth and gulped on the water greedily. " More" he whispered when he left the water empty. No sooner he whispered that he felt the glass pressed to his lips . 

When finally his thirst was quenched . He tried to open his eyes to thank the person who had helped him. He couldn't open his eyes completely , but with the little vision he had he saw a retreating back. The back was quite familiar.... Jongdae closed his eyes and tried to remember the back that looked so familiar. 

Jongdae opened his eyes completely in shock realising who's back was it. It was non other than his boyfriend Minseok's. He hissed slightly and closed his eyes before opening it completely looking around for any trace of minseok. When he found non he felt sad. 

" Idiot why would he be here ?? He cant be seen in public like this !!" This thought hurt jongdae but before he could drown in self pity , doctors entered his chamber to examine him.

" You're alright now Mr.Kim you passed out for 48 hours due to exhaustion and lack of food" the doctor said as he looked at Jongdae's file. "Why ? Weren't you consuming or sleeping properly Mr.Kim it's very important to take care of your body" the doctor gave jongdae a look that made him feel guilty immediately.
He looked down at his intervened fingers . " I'm sorry doctor... I was just so busy with the concert and stuffs. I wasn't taking care of my self" he said in a low voice filled with innocence causing the doctor to burst out in laughter. " It's okay!! Mr Kim but make sure to take care of your self next time....at least of not for you but for once who love and care for you" he said as he patted Jongdae's thighs and left the room. 

Jongdae layed on the bed watching some drama on the hospital TV. Its been nearly an hour since the doctors check up since then no one entered Jongdae's room to check up on him. He was bored. Just then he heard the opening of his room. 

The person who entered in shocked jongdae . He rubbed his eyes even pinched himself to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. He saw Kim Minseok ... His Kim minseok make way towards his bed. Minseok didnt make an eye contact nor spoke a word neither did jongdae say anything but he stared at minseok with big eyes still confused about what was happening. Minseok took out few pills from the table beside Jongdae's bed and shoved them in Jongdae's hand before filling a glass of water and feeding jongdae the medicine. 

The silence continued as Jongdae swallowed his pills, he kept staring at minseok as Minseok looked down on the bed . "Look at me " jongdae wanted to scream but he didn't. He didn't want to be the first one to talk. Once jongdae gulped down his pills. Minseok kept the glass back on the table and without another word took the TV remote from Jongdae's bed. He then kept changing the channel , all long jongdae stared at minseok still confused as hell. 

Jongdae wanted to ask minseok so many questions. But he Waited for minseok to speak first. But minseok was to interested in switching the channels , this got jongdae a bit annoyed. just when he was about to scream at minseok , something on the TV caught his eyes.

" After Kim minseok's statement at the press conference of his up coming drama. His company SM ENTERTAINMENT also released a statement of confirmation . Along with this singer and actor Kim miseok was seen boarding the flight to Japan after the news of singer Kim Jongdae collapsing on his concert were came to notice. Further there is news from a source that Kim minseok was seen to be in Kim Jongdae's hospital room for the past 2 days. All these evidences point to one thing that is "Kim Minseok and Kim Jongdae" are officially dating and have been dating for the past 3 years"

Jongdae couldn't believe what he was watching , the TV then showed scenes of minseok publicly accepting that he was gay and was in a relationship with jongdae . It then showed scenes and images if minseok boarding the plane in Korea and of minseok sitting ourside Jongdae's room.

It's official they are dating the whole world knows. Jongdae didnt know he was crying until he felt a warm hand press on his cheeks wiping away his tears . " It's okay ..... It's alright..it's over now" he heard minseok whisper slowly as he rubbed more of Jongdae's tears aways while allowing tears roll down his own cheeks.

"Why didn't you ever call me or even talk to me?" Jongdae asked as he snuggled closer to minseok. Breathing in the scent his missed so much. It was around mid night , jongdae was suppose to asleep but instead he pulled minseok on to his tiny little hospital bed and cuddled to him . 

Jongdae still can't believe that this happening. No matter how this happened he was glad because finally he could jump on the roof and scream his love for minseok . They could finally be a normal couple and do normal couple things. this thought brought a smile on his face. He pressed his face deeper into minseok's chest hoping minseok didn't see him smile . 

" Me not talking or calling you is all on you...." Before Jongdae could oppose minseok quickly pecked his lips . Shutting jongdae immediately and continued. " You were the one who told me not to talk to you until I proved my self... So here I am proving my self to you..." He whispered slowly and sweetly.

"Kim Jongdae you are the best thing that ever happened or will ever happen to me . No , I'm not embarrassed of you nor you were a time pass until I found a girl" Minseok said equally sweetly . Jongdae let out a snort when minseok repeated the sentences he had said before.

" The only reason why i didn't want our relationship to go public was I don't know actually.... I actually don't know why I was so scared of it ... But I realized my stupidity when you left my apartment. I realized that I had no reason to be afraid. I had no reason to hide our self from the public and that i was making a mistake by letting you go." He said slowly as he placed a soft kiss just on top of Jongdae's head.

" But I couldn't stop you ... Not yet nor could I contact you Because you were right!!! I had to find a way sort out my feelings and a way to secure our future. When I finally did I heard the news of you collapsing...please jongdae promise me you will never do something like that ever again. I was so scared !!! " minseok said slowly as he kissed jongdae on the lips. It was a sweet yet a kiss that showed their love for one another.

" I love you " jongdae said as he broke out of the kiss. " I love you too" whispered minseok .