"Will you marry me?" 

"W-what?" 

"We could do it, you know. Fly to America and get married in ing California or something."

"I-I don't.. I don't know what to say, Bin." 

"Say yes." 

"I- I.. okay. Okay. Let's get married." 

Neither of the boys had brought up Jiwon's treatment options again, fearing for another fight to break out. Instead, they acted like everything was painstakingly fine, Jiwon was going to class everyday and Hanbin was back at the office. The barista still came in to paint the mural almost every night, and he made it his primary goal to get it done. 

But everything was not fine and nothing was okay.

Wet clothes sticking to his skin, Jiwon slid down the shower wall, salty tears mixing with the hot water streaming down. He brought a hand to his mouth to cover his muffled screams, other hand gripping his hair tightly as the world around him spun in circles. His head hurt and hurt and hurt and he couldn’t ing breathe.

“B-bin..”

Jiwon stumbled out of the shower, hand still pressed against his mouth to cover his sad whimpers. Bangs dripping with water, he staggered towards the bathroom counter, struggling to grab his medication with shaky hands. Popping two white pills into his mouth, Jiwon looked up at the mirror, staring at his reflection. He couldn’t recognize the bloodshot eyes and deathly pale face staring back at him. The barista gripped at his hair, gasping for breath as another migraine hit. He tried steadying his hands against counter to support his weight, accidentally knocking the prescription bottle to the floor, white pills spilling out.

Oh no, no, no, no.

Jiwon fell to floor, trying to scoop all the pills back into the bottle, failing miserably. Salty tears blocked his vision and the steam from the shower made the room so suffocating, and once again, Jiwon was struggling to breathe. He wanted so badly to just give up and pass out on the floor, but he wouldn’t-couldn’t- let Hanbin find him like this, lying helplessly on the cold bathroom marble.

Jiwon pulled himself to sit up against the bathroom cabinet, rocking himself back and forth, waiting for the migraines to pass.

“Baby?”

“Jiwon, where are you?”

The barista hadn’t meant to fall asleep on the bathroom floor, in soaking wet clothes with white pills scattered around him, but when he opened his eyes and looked around him, he knew that’s exactly what had happened. He quickly scrambled up, trying to shove each and every pill back into the bottle before his boyfriend came up to find him.

Too late.

“J-Jiwon?”

Hanbin walked towards the door of the master bathroom, tie loosened around his neck, brown hair messy from being pulled at in distress. He opened the door slowly and his heart dropped to stomach at what he saw. His small boyfriend was sitting up on the white marble, wet clothes sticking to him like a second skin, as he made grabby hands to pick up pills that were scatter all over the floor. Hanbin trailed his eyes to Jiwon’s face but the younger’s eyes were covered by his raven bangs.

“W-what’s going on here?”

Hanbin watched as Jiwon put on a shaky smile and looked up, eyes dull and bloodshot. He spoke softly, “H-hey Bin, I-I was just going to take a shower and I guess I somehow forgot to take my clothes off,” A fake chuckle left his lips and he wouldn’t meet Hanbin’s eyes, “I just-“

“Please don’t lie to me, Jiwon.“

Hanbin looked at the barista on the floor with dark, worried eyes. When he realized that Jiwon wouldn’t answer him, Hanbin sighed. He crouched down to the marble and plucked the pills one by one, putting each one back into the bottle. Jiwon watched with wide eyes and unsteady hands but his mouth stayed silent.

Once Hanbin finished putting all the pills back, he stood up and put the bottle back onto the counter and turned around to grab two fluffy white towels from the towel rack. He walked back to Jiwon knelt down to wrap one towel around the smaller boy’s shoulders and used the other to towel dry the barista’s raven wet hair. When the ends of Jiwon’s hair were no longer dripping, Hanbin threw the towel onto the counter before he picked the barista up in his arms, towel still wrapped around him, and carried him out the bathroom. He gently set Jiwon down at the edge of the bed and turned to walk to their shared wardrobe to grab fresh clothes for the barista.

Only a few steps in, Hanbin felt a wet body pressed against his back, arms wrapping tightly around his waist. Salty tears dripped down to his collar bones, and he could feel Jiwon’s hot breath against his ear.  “D-don’t go. P-please don’t go, Bin.”

Without breaking the hug, Hanbin replied softly, “I’m just getting you fresh clothes, bunny.”

Jiwon cried even harder at the pet name, burying his face into Hanbin’s back, tears soaking through the thin material of his white dress shirt. “I-I’m,” but the barista couldn’t get his words out, whole body shaking from the anguished cries slipping from his mouth.

Hanbin flipped them around so that he could face Jiwon, wrapping his arms around the barista’s slim waist. Jiwon’s arms immediately went around Hanbin’s neck, almost like muscle memory, standing the tiniest bit on his tippy toes and burying his face into shoulder. “B-bin.. I’m sorry, so, so sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I-I can’t..”

Hanbin hummed softly, letting the boy know he had all the time in the world to answer. But Jiwon was shaking in his arms and the former knew he was going to catch a cold if he didn’t change out of his soaking clothes soon. He let go of the barista gently, “Jiwon...”

But Jiwon’s eyes widened in panic, latching onto the other boy, “No!! Please, don’t go.”

Hanbin couldn’t understand why Jiwon was acting the way he was but he couldn’t let the barista get even sicker than he already was. He gathered the boy into his arms and carried him bridal style to their wardrobe before setting him down gently, the barista standing on wobbly legs. Hanbin grabbed a pair of black sweatpants and a white knit sweater, from his own side of the closet because he knew Jiwon felt safe in his clothes.

“Baby, can you lift your arms for me?”

The barista nodded, his arms felt heavy but he lifted them up enough for Hanbin to slip his soaked black T-shirt over his head. He pulled his light wash jeans gently down Jiwon’s slim legs before towel drying his whole body with the fluffy white towel. Once he was satisfied and Jiwon was no longer dripping with water, Hanbin pulled the black sweatpants up and slipped the sweater over his head.

“All done, baby!”

Jiwon smiled softly at his boyfriend, eyes sad, “I really don’t deserve you, Bin.”

“You deserve the world and more, my love.”

The barista’s smile broke before he bit his lip, looking up at Hanbin with watery eyes, "Can we go to bed together? I'm really tired." 

Hanbin went silent, strong facade breaking for just a second as he fell into Jiwon's doe eyes. He spoke softly, brushing the barista's bangs away from his face, "Of course, baby. Just let me shower and get dressed and I'll meet you in bed." Nodding weakly, Jiwon took Hanbin's hand in his and padded towards the huge king-sized bed before he let go and slipped under the black silk sheets, head heavy as it hit the soft pillow below.

"I love you, Hanbin." 

"I love you too, Ji. More than you'll ever know." 

Jiwon's eyes glossed over and he quickly flipped over onto his side to avoid Hanbin's eyes, "Go shower, Bin. I wanna cuddle." 

But when Hanbin stepped of the bathroom, clean hair and fresh pajamas, he found Jiwon already sound asleep, flat on his back. Before padding to his side of the bed, he pressed fleeting kisses to both of the barista's eyelids, then his cheeks, and finally a soft peck to his rosy lips. As soon as Hanbin slipped under the covers, Jiwon's eyes shot open, unshed tears threatening to fall as he stared into the darkness. Eyelashes clumped with heavy tears, Jiwon brought a hand up to cover his silent sobbing; he couldn't let Hanbin hear him cry. 

Little did the barista know, Hanbin was trying to control his own crying, slippery tears sliding down his pale cheeks as he lay next to Jiwon.

The next morning, once Hanbin was off to work, Jiwon got onto his knees and looked under the bed, reaching around before his fingers made contact with a rectangular black box. He pulled off the lid and slipped his hand inside, grabbing his old camera from when he used to be interested in photography. It was a small camera, slim and black, but the quality was decent and it was all Jiwon had. He slid the box back under the bed and stood up, padding to the living room. 

He sat on the couch for a few seconds fumbling with the buttons on the camera before he setting it down on the glass coffee table in front of him so that the lenses was facing him. Jiwon hadn't even realized tears were slipping down his cheeks, but when a tear hit the table, he quickly wiped at his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater.

Jiwon leaned forward to hit the record button on the camera, and when the small red light flashed constantly to show it was recording, his eyes filled up with tears again. This is actually happening.

The barista looked at the camera, smiling the best he could, but failing when a single tear slipped down. I can't ing do this. Breathing deeply, he tried again, looking directly into the lens with a small smile on his lips. 

"So I'm making this video.. b-but who knows maybe you'll never see it. I hope you never see it. If you ever somehow find this, it probably means I-I'm.. g-gone. O-oh god. I-I can't—"

His voice trailed off, not strong enough to go on, but Jiwon knew he had to.

"Hanbin, I love you. I-I really, really love you. And I want— I want you to live on even if I-I'm not here anymore."

Jiwon took closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before looking at the ca