Smal footsteps pitter-pattered down the long hallway leading into a large home office.

"Appa! Appa, come play with me!!" 

Looking down at the red-faced boy standing besides his work desk, the older man smiled, "Okay, Bin-ah. Let appa finish up and I'll take you to play basketball at the park. How's that sound?" 

The small boy beamed up at his father in delight, "Okay appa, can we bring Yoyo too?"

Ecstatic that his 7 year old son was finally getting along with some of the other boys in his first grade class, the elder happily complied, "That's fine. Go ahead and call him, Binnie." 

And the boy ran off excitedly, smile as bright as the moon. Arriving breathless at the main parlor, little Hanbin rushed up to the white mantel where a gold and white vintage telephone was slitting. Standing up on his tippy toes, the young boy reached up to grab the receiver.

Huffing because he couldn’t quite reach the phone, Hanbin pouted, about to run off to find his dad again. Luckily one of the housekeepers coincidentally—or maybe not—shot through the French doors leading into the parlor, and strode towards Hanbin, picking the phone up at ease and handing it to the adolescent.

“Hanbin-ah, who are you calling?”

The little boy grinned up thankfully, “Thank you, noona! I’m calling Yoyo to come play basketball with me and appa!!”

The housekeeper smiled softly, “It’s been a while since Mr. Kim has spent time with his son. This will be good be for them both, I’m sure.”

Hanbin dialed his best friend’s phone number-that he memorized by heart- and tapped impatiently, waiting for Yunhyeong to pick up.

An older woman answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hello auntie Kim! Can Yoyo come play basketball with me at the park? Appa can bring us!”

Then woman on the other line chuckled, “Hello, Hanbin-ah. I’ll put him on the phone and you can ask him yourself. “

Hanbin nodded eagerly, “Okay auntie. Take care!!”

The corners of Mrs. Song’s mouth curled up, silently thinking, “What a polite boy. Yunhyeyong should learn a thing or two about manners from him."

“Hanbin-ah?”

“Hello hyung! Do you want to come play basketball with me and appa? He said he will take us!!”

“Really?”

“Yes! Come to my house right now!!”

The older boy, Yunhyeong, giggled on the line, “Okay, Binnie. I will ask my mom to see if she can take me now. Hopefully I’ll see you soon!!”

About 15 minutes later, Yunhyeong was dropped off in front of the Kim mansion located on the outskirts of Gangnam. Instead of being buried deep in the heart of Seoul, Hanbin and his father lived in a wealthy community full of upper class elites who chose to be isolated from the busy-ness of the city. Yes, the drive to work and school everyday was a bit much everyday, but Mr. Kim’s personal assistant drove Hanbin to school and picked him up whenever the elder was busy—which was most of the time.   

Jogging up to the heavy double doors of the mansion, little Yunhyeong knocked excitedly, cheeks flushed red from the biting wind. The housekeeper opened the door and as soon as the small child bowed politely, Hanbin appeared from behind her, peeking his head out to stare at Yunhyeong with wide, innocent eyes.

“Yoyo-hyung!"

The taller boy at the door smiled brightly, “Hi Binnie!! I brought you something,” and then he ed a sunflower that was a bit limp in the stem from Yunhyeong’s tight grip towards Hanbin.

“Wow, hyung!! It’s so pretty.”

“Not as pretty as you, though.”

Hanbin flushed a pretty pink, ducking his head at Yunhyeong’s words. He was only seven years old, not old enough to fully understand what that meant because he wasn’t a girl, but Hanbin knew enough that it made him feel warm inside.

“Come in, Yoyo. I’ll call appa so he can take us to the park!”

The older boy nodded and mused Hanbin’s hair, messing it up fondly.

“Yah!!”

“Hey, I’m your hyung, Bin-ah.”

“Yeah, but you don’t act like one.”

And then Hanbin was running off into the hallway towards his father’s office, eyes bright with mirth, while Yunhyeong was left speechless in the hallway, mouth opened in shock.

***

Mr. Kim sat on a bench, watching Hanbin  and Yunhyeong pass the basketball back and forth, dribbling it between their legs, and taking turns shooting shots at the hoop. He watched fondly, saving this moment in his mental memory. I wish it could always be like this. I’m sorry appa is so busy, Binnie.

Being the successful businessman that he was, Mr. Kim didn’t spend a whole lot of time with Hanbin and he regretted it deeply. Work consumed him, he knew it, but he wanted to ensure that his only son lived happily with the best of the best. His son was his only family since his wife left him years ago when Hanbin was just a baby; his parents dead before he was born.

The elder knew that money wasn’t the link to happiness but Hanbin was still so young and he didn’t understand what the world was about yet. Mr. Kim wanted for his son to live oblivious to the evils of the world so he traded precious time with his son to make sure he’d live comfortably. It’ll all be worth it in the end. I’ll do you proud, Hanbin-ah. 

“Appa! Appa look!!”

“Hanbin-ah, get down from there!!”

~

Hanbin woke up drenched in his own sweat. He’d just had a nightmare pierce his sleep. Nightmare—meaning he’d dreamt of his youth, reminiscing spending time with his father. He relived his younger days when his father was still alive where he didn’t have a care in the world.

Tears burned at his eyes, and Hanbin let them fall onto his pale cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away. I miss you, appa. I miss you every day. I miss you so much, it hurts. It hurts so ing bad, appa.

Hanbin’s head hurt. The memories were painfully clear in his mind, and it was like they kept replaying, over and over again until Hanbin was drowning in his past.

He reached for his phone on the nightstand and checked the time. 4 o’clock, where are you? It was four in the morning and Hanbin couldn’t feel worse. Not only was is o’clock in the morning, but he had to be at the office in a few hours. Hanbin sighed and opened Kakao Talk to check for any new personal messages.

Yunhyeong had sent him a selfie of him and his boyfriend, Donghyuk. They were taking a short vacation and had flown to Paris for a weekend getaway. Hanbin smiled down at the photo, genuinely happy for his best friend. It was bittersweet though because Hanbin could only wish he ever feel the happiness his best friend felt. He longed for the warm, fuzzy feeling bubbling in his stomach that his best friend had described to him whenever he talked about his lover. 

Most of all, Hanbin just didn't want to feel empty. 

Hanbin sighed. He sluggishly got up out of bed and grabbed a thick hoodie that was slung over of the arm of the black leather couch that was across his bedroom. Pulling the sweater over his head, Hanbin made his way into the master bathroom.

Standing before the mirror, he looked at his reflection. Messy brown hair, puffy, lifeless eyes marked by dark circles, pale skin that looked almost sickly, and bitten red lips stared back at him. Hanbin tiredly splashed cold water on his face, rubbing tiredly at his sunken eyes.

Not stepping out of the bathroom, Hanbin peeked his head into his room, eyes focused on the digital clock standing on the nightstand. 4:26. Knowing he couldn’t go back to sleep even if he tried, the boy brushed his teeth and decided to go on a run to Han River.

Pulling on a pair of basketball shorts, Hanbin grabbed his keys and was out the door, cloudy eyes and a