"Ring"

"Ring"

"Ring"

"Smack!" It was the weekend and I had the alarm on. I'm awake at 5 on a Saturday. I freaking hate my past self.

"well, I better make use of this..." I relay to myself. So I get up and prepare myself with a cold, motivating shower and athlete would require. It was like that boxing movie comprising the underdog everyone admired.

After drenching my hair into a string patch of blade like shapes, I got dressed with some athletics gear, Jennifer had bought for me last Christmas. It was a sports vest, some running shoes and gym shorts. I pull out my phone and open up some fitness applications ready for a good run.

This morning my adrenaline release, felt concentrated and optimistic so I aimed for a 10 Km run. I opened the door of my flat and stared out at the dark, cold night. A silent breeze was the only noticeable noise, apart from the casual rustling of plants near the gardens.

I stared out cold to the world, ready for a challenge. I always liked a good run, especially a painful one. What can I say? I'm a closet Masochist. I love physical exterior pain, and the joy of being out of breath. Sure, it sounds unorthodox to some, but you're probably a sadist then. Despite that, I climbed down the steps ready and began to pace slowly jogging. I was thinking of going up to Jaqueline's house, down and around the countryside with the grassy view and then up the square where a few people will be catching the early train and finally going back to Emma's house and then catching a rest at my flat again.

The plan sounded perfect, so I went ahead with it. Normally when I run, I have to slow down not because I'm really tired that I can't run, because the tendons in my foot start to ache uncontrollably. It's so agonizing that I am coerced to slow down to a walking speed. Even though I wasn't getting any ache, I got a stitch. I was pacing up to Jaqueline's house, and my abdomen began to suffer tremendously. I clutched it with right hand as I began to go up the sloped hill to her house. I began to gruel some obscene words to keep myself going.

I kept swearing, which was impossible of me to do; ever! My breathing began to accumulate as my oxygen began to deplete. I was jogging, and I was going to give up.

"No, frickin way!" I groan with force. "I'm gonna complete this goal! I have the energy to do so!"

"Every week, I have to fulfil my given goal!" I talk to myself. The pain sharpens like a knife now, as I feel like my ribs are being ripped off.

"Gahhhhh, come on!" My feet are now sprawling as I run, as I attempt to recede the sorrow. "Come on! Jaqueline will think you're a loser! You don't want that, you got to be strong! Do it! Prove to her!"

I am right at the gate of her house now at the end of the road, where I detour and jog back clutching the unbearable pain.

"Freaking stitch!" I was trying my best not to swear. I was forcing myself to deal with the pain. In the closet of my mind, was hoping that Jaqueline would witness, my perseverance. Being the isolated person I was, I was hoping she was going to witness, the determination I possessed.

Single people, they don't give up hope. There was me who though he lost hope years ago. I keep on running, ignoring a second glance for Jaqueline. The stitch dug in deeper, like an instrument of torture. I suppressed my wildly misinterpreted screams for fear of subsequent embarrassment. Besides what would happen if the school heard that the school president was seen making loud strange like noises. I shiver at the thought of it and just coerce myself into running further. I sprint past my flat, with a short static burst of energy, and slow down to a consistent manageable jogging pace again.

I jog past all the gardens and plants, whilst my pain begins to subside temporarily. Leaving behind a few dull aches, but manageable. I remove my arm from my abdomen and continue jogging. I had to complete this 10Km run, I had challenged myself like I was suicidal. My breath was now short raspy and gasping for air, eating it like a hungry wolf.

I was still yet to go 8 Km. 8Km of hell left. At least at the end of it, something good will come out of it? Right? I keep on jogging the dull ache completely removed from my body allowing me to jog smoothly. I did every Saturday at 11:00 where I could see everyone, wave to them and everything. Today it was isolated, silent, and dreadful. I kept running, running as if something were chasing me. My head was flooded with a war of chemical reactions as my eyes darted to the objects lit by the first cold light of day.

I had to do this. The grassy field was illuminated dimly but elegantly. I watched it in a mesmerized manner as I jogged past it. Bending so fluidly and non-opposing with the wind. The verdant landscape evoked inspiration into me. I closed my eyes and kept jogging as a car raced past me. The headlights flashing momentarily into my eyes. The whole run was like a poem sequenced wonderfully, at the right time, isolated, estranged yet charming. I would hate to leave this town ever. So much memories, so much people I had to leave, I didn't matter if I ended up alone in my home every day, as long as someone smiled at me every day.

5Km left. The whole trip to the station and back would take 2 kilometres, and then 3 more gruelling kilometres to my flat where I could rest in peace. My breath was now abnormal and rampant. My heart beat was pacing rapidly and violently as if it were to rip out of my body. Sweat was painted all over my skin like a painting. The pain, pure high octane experience. I smiled crazily as I began to run faster. 5 damn kilometres left. Frickin' yes.

I clench my fist tightly as the stitch remerged from its dormant slumber. Yes, more fun. I began to run up the steep slope that I had ran yesterday, but was beat by Jaqueline. Today I was going to run with no breaks. I was going to conquer that hill. I had to, there was no other way to prove to her, I was an equal.

My shoes trampled against the concrete as I ran up the hill. The muscles everywhere in my body aching, from pure exhaustion. I grinned as the sun began to catch up to me.

"Oh no you don't, ha, you're... not... ha" I mumble unintelligibly. I obligated to go up to the square. "I'm.... goi.... Going to.... Do.... this!" I huffed irrepressibly. I can't abandon my goal! I can't! My mind is corrupted with insane thoughts.

The top is now visible, which gives all the more determination to conquer like a king in a battle. I run faster and faster, breathing in deeper with every breath, my lungs beginning squeeze in and out.

"Ne.... Near...ly.... there!" I scream in hopelessness. My words spiralling into the abyss of the night. The top is now in full view. I run, stumbling and dying and all. 4Km left. 4 frickin kilometres to redeem myself! For redeeming the sins, I have not committed, to retract the guilt of my unknown actions, to revert my wrongful ideologies. I was completely nuts, but it was the only way to preserve myself till the end.

I reach the top, with my fist clenched and a devilish grin on my face. I did it I pushed myself to my limit. I did it! I swivel on my toes and my body in opposing direction now. From the edge of the vision stands a girl I recognized from school despite never personally meeting her. She looks at me with a tortured mask, a feeling of hopelessness. It must have Heidi Brines, the beautiful girl no one understood. There were tears running down her face as I began to run, huffing sweating and dying. I then diverted my attention aback to breathing. 4 Km, that's all. I slowed down to a jogging pace and began to drunkenly stumble the steep slope, sadly, I was still too early as only 3 people were at the station at this hour. No one I knew even.

I kept on running I had to accomplish what I have done. I kept on running away from the fears I suppressed, the desires I suppressed, the lust for normality. The envy of the blessed and happy. The greed for the lucky. My collapsed mentality motivating me to perfect victory.

Getting down was easier, people fall faster than climbing up to the top of something. Whether the hierarchy of society, or simply a promotion, it easier to lose something than it is to gain. My mind was flooded with thoughts, of art, philosophy, morality, inner conflict.

My fist clenched tighter, and the stitch diverted my attention.

"No, I can't!!!!!" I scream. "Gahhhhh! I frickin can't! Not now!!!" I scream. The pain was now diffusing across my body as I failed to subdue it. The dark energy that feasted off my fear.

I have to do finish it! In fact, I can't fail this! I can't fail myself of all people! I scream out all these crazy and insane self-motivation quotes, sounding like a madman. I was praying inside that no one was awake and hearing me.

3Km left. Sweat covered me in an oily sheen. I was stinking like a rat. A worthless rat, no one liked. I had to change their opinions! My lungs were on the verge of giving up. The tendons in my feet emanating a faint dull ache. My face was contorted into a crazy pain filled smile.

I began to sprint now, as I entered the road that saw the verdant landscape once more. The beautiful scenery. As beautiful as Jaqueline. Why didn't I tell Jaqueline, I liked her! In fact, why didn't I tell her I loved her! Why didn't I heed Emma's Mum's advice!

Jaqueline was perfect and I have 7 days to reveal an answer. I was going to confess my undying love. I enter the urban town again, isolated, alone and decrepit. It was as if had time travelled or envisioned what was to happen to this town in a few decades or centuries.

I was nearly there! I was going to die, but it was worth it. 10km, I was crazy! I pass Emma's house and pat myself on the back as I sprint the last two blocks. I run right across the pebble nearly slipping and collapse right in the doorway, which I had left open. Crap.

Training complete. I realized now, I did in fact undoubtedly, like Jaqueline. I had 6 days to confess it now. Because today knocks off a day. My heart is still violently rebelling against my body, as my lung subside and the sharp pain eminent in my abdomen begins to fly away with the wind cooling down my body.

"Holy crap," I hadn't sworn at all the whole journey, but I did use blasphemous terms. I didn't know if it counted but I just believed it didn't. I lay there in the idle doorway, where I feel alone and close to death. I couldn't believe I pushed myself that far, ever. I was completely crazy.

I was still huffing and puffing out air for at least a good quarter of an hour before my oxygen levels were neutralised.

"God, that felt good..." I close my eyes. I open them occasionally still to avert the possibility of drifting off with my door wide open. It was 6:30 now, so people should be getting out now, and waking up. I clutch my aching tendons and drag myself miserably into my flat. I remove my shirt instantly but slowly almost as my arms couldn't lift up anymore. I went ahead and the fan in my room. I lay on top of my cold blanket non furry blanket with the fan's blaring noise on my face, as cold wind calmed me down. I clutched my pillow and began to rest, possibly for the whole day.

The door was locked so I drifted off into a sleep, like some wicked curse or something.

"Ring"

"Ring"

"Ring"

"Smack" It wasn't my alarm as I knew. The sound was more high pitched as deafening. It had to be my phone. I d around my bed and clutched the cold satisfying metal case of my smartphone. It was still ringing so I bothered to pick it up regardless of who's calling.

"Eh? Hello, who is it?"

"Allan, you're lazy aren't you?" Jaqueline insulted me.

"Shut up, I ran a goddamn 10 km run at 5am in the morning!" I screamed.

"Good on ya, are you feeling alright? I gotta talk to you..."

"How'd you get my phone number?"

"Emma's mum gave it to me, when we were talking,"

"I see, of course she'd give it to you, without having to ask for a reason,"

"What."

"Never mind, sure, where do you want to meet?"

"At that nice café past the square..." I clutched my chest on hearing that, the hill was torturous to worst part of my journey. He weirdest and most messed up thoughts occurred there.

"Sure," I hesitantly answered. "When?"

"When do you want to? It's 11:00 now."

"Around 5 o'clock."

"Kay, bye, kiss, kiss,"

"What???"

"Hahaha, just kidding, see ya!" She hung up. Man, I had utterly desired those words had been true. This girl had truly won my heart over, and there was nothing I could do so about it. Now that it was 11:00, couldn't go back to sleep that late, so I dragged myself to the living room to watch anime, on the big screen. I was feeling to watch something mature, but romantic so I went for something Ecchi, which is basically the category for everything y. I ultimately settled down with a show about some high school teens who start a romantic relationship. It gave me hope to watch shows like that.

5 hours of anime later, of mature dramatic storylines and plot twists and uplifting comedy, I stood up and began to get ready. My aches had all vanquished now, I went ahead and chose a white cotton shirt with some normal jeans. My hair stayed in its iconic stringy, rampant way. It couldn't be anything special.

I walked out of the house, and began to walk towards the city. I wasn't going to run, not after that whole morning of hell. I couldn't even think like myself. I feel like my vocabulary has depleted. I amble along the pebble path outside my flat and walk towards the road with cars passing by constantly. One car would occasionally every 5 seconds. From behind or from upfront. The grassy fields were still there. They were still just there, sitting pretty, until they will be mercilessly crushed by urban expansion of our town.

It took me half an hour at my own pace to cross the hill to the top. The square was now bustling with people, especially on the weekends. Many of them were passengers of the nearby subway that was very busy. Most of them were young couples, or partners going for a date. The café was past the square, it was known as Montana Café. Which wasn't a flash name for a first impression but the service seemed to be redeeming.

I stepped into the moderately busy café, undeterred by the people's strange looks. My dressing sense was abnormal I admit. I sat down at the back table and texted Jaqueline that I was at the back table. I waited there for approximately 15 minutes before, Jaqueline had arrived. In that time, I had been carefully studying the body language of the individuals around me single, coupled and even married. One man was even cheating on his wife, while chatting to this lady. They were talking obscenely, and openly disgustingly so much that I refuse to relay it. "Hey, Allan," Jaqueline waved at me a she took a seat. Her hair was more golden, her eyes were sharper than ever, piercing into my heart. She was wearing a dress. A white cotton dress with blood red roses painted on top. She was wearing white heels, and a black purse. Her hair was loose like always and she looks as feminine as ever.

"uhhh," I shivered. I was awestruck to admit it. "Hey, Jaqueline" I shifted my gaze away from her seductive eyes. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Just about Valentine's day, its right in 3 weeks. Anyone on your mind?" She asks leaning forward on her hand.

"Yeah, but I'm not saying," I confidently answer.

"That's alright. So have you thought of your answer? You have 6 more days of a week?"

"It's only been a day," I assure. She creased her eyebrow and stared at me focusing on a particular feature, I failed to make out.

"Has your eye colour been special?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, It's an attractive light brown, the type you don't find commonly in brown eyed people,"

"Yeah, I've gotten it a lot,"

"Yeah, people didn't believe I didn't wear coloured contacts,"

"So is there actually a reason for calling me here?" I persist.

"No, I'm just bored, so treat me out,"

"Don't you have a job?"

"Don't you?" She replied instantly.

"Yeah, but why do I have to spend the money?"

"cause, the man treats the woman on a date," She smiled.

"This isn't a date!" I retort. I felt as if I was blushing. I wish I was blushing so she would understand my feelings in subtle way.

"That's what you think, but you're blushing," She looks down at the menu. "This is my first date to," She looks down at the menu casually. I fail to understand why she is just playfully teasing me, what is her intention? Psychological warfare as the student council president? So she can usurp my position?

"How do you know; I haven't gone out before?"

"You're scared to be around girls, to be honest; it's cute in a way," She smiles with her hand covering up half . "Hey, just take this as a learning thing, okay? Besides I'm bored, so I didn't have anything else to do today. My dad is doing shooting practice and my mum is going to 4-hour meeting. I heard about this café and I thought to bring you along,"

"That's thoughtful of you, I admit, but why me? Do you just enjoy teasing me?"

"No, I just find you interesting,"

"I find you eccentric,"

"That's very polite of you to say to your date," A few heads turn around to stare at us.

"Man, what a boyfriend, huh?"

"Totally, he's sounds boring as ,"

I shrivelled into a ball of shame, as Jaqueline patiently smiled at me. I waited there in silence for a minute until a waiter came to our table,

"Ordering anything?" He asks. Jaqueline pushes over the menu to me.

"I'll have a hot chocolate,"

"And the lady?"

"Cappuccino" Luckily this wasn't a fancy restaurant where the man ordered for the lady as well otherwise I never would have guessed she likes Cappuccino of all things.

"Coming right up,"

"Can I go to the bathroom?" I ask. Jaqueline looks up at me, her elbow on the table.

"Why're you asking me? You sound like a 5-year-old." She was right. I got up non-hesitantly and walked over to the bathroom. I pushed into the door and went over to the sink. The bathroom was in well state of hygiene. Polished floors, up to date facilities, and everything. It was not disgusting at all. The sink was ominous in size, like the teeth of a monster. I opened the taps and collected water into my hands, splashing it into my face. What the hell was I doing?

"hey kiddo, couldn't help noticing ya conversation," An older man walked up behind me. He rested his back against a stall door and stared at me. He was wearing sunglasses, with a short biker like beard. He was dressed like a biker as well. "Don't wanna be creepy, but things aren't goin' well between you two, huh?"

"Maybe, we're not on bad terms, this isn't even a date, I'm just entertaining her."

"Ha, what a load of bull, she likes you, kiddo." He debated. "You're not entertaining her, you're fulfilling a wish of her, trust me, I got a wife and some little demons running around, but I know women," He had a rough American accent on him.

"What advice you got?"

"Make her happy, and tell her how you feel, mate. You know the way she stares at you is the way a woman stares at man she likes. My wife told me that, on our table." I turn around slowly to face him. "ha-ha, sorry, you guys were interesting, she told me to give you some pep talk, otherwise you'd been left out to dry,"

"thanks a lot sir,"

"Names Malcom, now don't waste time, she put in a lot of effort putting on that dress for you anyway..."

"Thanks Malcom," I exited the room, slowly ready to go back to our table. Should I just admit it here and now? It looked now as if the world was being a matchmaker for us. "Hey Jaqueline,"

"The coffee's going cold,"

"yeah, sorry, I got caught up,"

"it's fine," She slowly said.

"Hey, Jaqueline..." I turned my gaze away from her. "Thanks, for dragging me out of my house today, it feels great to hang out here,"

"You're welcome!" She smiled.

"I just feel like a normal person now, I feel like I'm not special, thank you for giving me something genuine. Something that will hopefully change my outlook on life," I was just verbally vomiting out all my insecurities and feelings in one ramble. I didn't get the opportunity to observe how she was reacting to all of this at all. By the time I was finished I felt deflated but ultimately reborn. I was being honest with my feelings, I was implying that I trusted her greatly, but I never said what she wanted to hear. The answer to the question.

I managed to then ignite, a different conversation of the focus of me, where e cheerfully talked for an hour. It felt like a blessing, to talk openly to a friend; was I missing out on all this? We were laughing and chatting, giggling and sobbing at sad stories. When the time came to leave we were essentially dejected it had to end.

"I'm glad, I'm helping you," She quietly responded. "Well, it's time for me to go home now, my Dad doesn't like me leaving the house unguarded." She grabbed her keys, with the reflexes of a lizard. I felt guilty for not sharing my feelings. "Well, see you later, Allan" She fare welled, with her elegant smile. She turned her back against me and began to slowly leave the café. I observed hopelessly, as she left, with a $20 note, left on the table.

The automatic doors open and she ambles outside, with the aura of grief that encompassed her. I have hurt two girls now, the guilt feasted off my soul like the demons that yearned for it.

"Rough time? You guys broke up?" The waiter approaches me. I place my elbow on the table and look up at him.

"It was over before it even started,"