Daniel called me yesterday. He asked me about what am I doing and those little unimportant things. But he didn't say one sentence that I wish he would say to me. "I miss you" is the sentence that I want him to say to me. It's been a while since the last time we met each other. I sometimes wish for him to suddenly pop up in front of my apartment door and give me a surprise visit.

Well, all of us always tell each others' schedule in our group chat. So he must know when I have my day off. But maybe he is just too busy. He is the national center, one of the most well-known celebrity in our country right now. I know, there are a lot of sasaeng following him everywhere everyday. It must have stressed him out a lot.

Still, I wish I could meet him soon. Actually it would be easier if I was the one who come to see him. But I don't have the courage to do so. I don't know why and what thing that makes me so hesitant to do so. It just.... feels weird if I'm the one who suddenly come to his apartment without notice. What if I disturb him in his resting time? Terrible. No, I shouldn't bother him and let him live his life peacefully.

Daniel has so much things to do. It's normal if he couldn't really hang out with us. I should be grateful that he still remembers to call me from time to time.

It makes me wonder whether he still likes me or not. Because... several months ago, he said that he likes me more than just a best friend. He even asked me if he could be my boyfriend.. which means we would be lovers if I accepted him. But of course I rejected him. That was not right. He has yet to achieve a lot of things in his life. What good will come to him if he has a male lover? He must be insane! Still, sometimes when I'm alone.. my mind will suddenly wander and think about him. Is he still feeling the same?

What about me? What is my actual feeling for him? Do I really love him just as best friend? Or maybe more.. but I don't realize it yet?

I don't know. It's a really complicated feeling for me. I do know about OngNiel shippers. I believe if we would be real couple, those shippers will support us. But how many of them will actually stay with us? We are celebrities now. And admitting to have a romantic relationship with another male would bring us a whole lot trouble, I believe.

No, no, no. We can't only think about us alone. Because right now, our lives are not fully ours. We must consider our family, friends and fans too. We shouldn't be selfish and do as we pleased.

That.. is me when I was in my right mind. But sometimes, I do wonder.. what it feels like if Daniel and I.. really are in a relationship.

I couldn't say it out loud, but I have had wet dream about him several times. I don't classify myself as a ert, no really I'm not. I just couldn't help myself every time I caught him staring at me with those burning eyes of him. My body feels hot everytime he does that. I hope nobody notices anything when we were in front of camera.

It was really fortunate that our WannaOne dorm has camera in some corners. It helped us to avoid doing nasty things. If I want to release some tension, I need to go to the toilet. But I need to make sure that I cleaned the toilet after, so that our younger members would not feel disgusted.

Life was quite hard when there were a lot of people living together. We couldn't really be free and we must always take caution when living with the underage kids.

Aahh, this is why I always seem so blank. My mind always wanders here and there. A lot of things came up in my mind at the same time.

So... How is he doing now? I actually miss him so much.