"Doyoung, I think I'm gonna call it a day now" Jaehyun said as he suddenly wasn't in the mood to hang around anymore

"it's still like, 4 p.m." Doyoung looked at his watch

"yeah but I remember I need to do something at home" Jaehyun tries to make an excuse

"Oh yeah okay sure, I'll see you at school then?" Doyoung asks

"yeah, sorry to end it so early!" Jaehyun feels a bit apologetic

"no its fine, text me if you're free tonight or whatever" Doyoung said as he leaves

Jaehyun walked back home, when walking back he asks himself why did does his mood change suddenly like that, it was all nice until he saw the girl with that Taeyong guy. He asks himself whether he have any romantic attraction towards her, but no, it's too fast, probably? Or not? It's all so confusing, all that he know is that he wished he can be as close to the girl as Taeyong was and he doesn't know why.

Arriving home, Jaehyun go straight to his bedroom to lay on his bed, unable to nap he gets up and get to his laptop again. While scrolling to Facebook he remembers about the note he wrote earlier and picked up the guitar beside him.

He strums the guitar continuing the song he's working on while making up new melody that will go well with the new part of the lyrics. After a while he smiles to himself thinking that the song is now halfway done. He decide that maybe it's time to record what he has made so far. He thinks to himself, what is the best way to do this then he remembers, someone can help him. Doyoung.

Jaehyun thought to himself, should he text Doyoung? After thinking for a while, Jaehyun decided that Doyoung would be the best help to him, as not only Doyoung is good musician, he also knows Jaehyun’s situation with his dad.

‘Hey you busy?’ - Jaehyun

‘Not really, why’ - Doyoung

‘Need your help with something LOL. Do you still play?’ - Jaehyun

‘Play??’ - Doyoung

‘Yeah, ok so, I’m making music again. Need your help with beats’ - Jaehyun

‘For real????????’ - Doyoung

‘For real LOL’ - Jaehyun

‘Ok. Come to my place, can’t do it at your house’ - Doyoung

Jaehyun smiles to himself at Doyoung’s reply before getting ready to go to Doyoung’s house. Doyoung’s house is only about 30 minutes away from Jaehyun’s house. During the busride to Doyoung’s house Jaehyun looked out the window, he was spacing out and the first thought that came to his mind was questions about who is Taeyong to the girl. Realizing he’s been thinking about the girl with Taeyong again, Jaehyun shakes his head trying to clear up his mind and focus on the song he’s making.What he should say and explain to Doyoung as he’s sure Doyoung would have questions on why he’s starting to compose a song again.

 

===

Jaehyun is sitting on a table by the window, mindlessly going through his notes for an upcoming exam the following week. He flips through pages of his bad handwriting, mentally noting that he has to consult the textbook since he’s having a hard time understanding whatever he wrote down. On tops of the pages were some words he’d carelessly written down while zoning out in classes. Words that rhyme, lines that seem meaningful to him.

It never leaves his mind that the university’s songwriting composition contest is coming up in two months. He’s got some weeks until the deadline for the submissions, and he’s been racking his brain for pretty words and phrases to fit the song he’s composing.

He knows, however, as a self-proclaimed connoisseur - he snorts - of the arts, that beautiful lyrics alone do not a song make. He has to be able to connect to the words somehow; otherwise, it wouldn’t be genuine. It is not a song unless someone pours their heart and soul into making it.

His phone’s voice memos app is full of recordings of him just humming out random melodies, some random guitar riffs, for him to go back to in case he forgets any progress he’s made. In his notes app are some stanzas, verses he thinks could go with the melodies he makes.

I don’t know what it is about you

I’m astonished at how I’m being

It’s true

Somehow, every step I take leads to you

He looks up as he hears the door open, happy to see the girl walk inside. She has her walking cane in her left hand, and her sling bag on her right shoulder.

“Jaehyun?”

“Over here.” The usual spot.

It’s become sort of an unspoken thing they have: on days when Jaehyun doesn’t have evening classes on his schedule, they always meet up in the library. It’s the same time every meeting, some time between the afternoon and evening, when the place is not as crowded since students are on their ways home. Sometimes, the girl gets there first, sometimes Jaehyun. And because the library was almost empty save for them, it’s given them a lot of opportunities to chat. Or bask in each other’s presence, in silence.

The blind girl always reads some book, sometimes listen to them in audio form through earphones. In between reading, they always strike up some conversation about their day to day lives.

“You look different today,” Jaehyun notices. The girl had walked over to him and is now sat on the table across from him. Some small sections of her hair are braided, coming together in a tight bun on the top of her head. With this, there’s nothing to hide the red spreading across her cheeks.

“Y-Yeah?”

“You look good today,” and Jaehyun means it. He’d also been accustomed to seeing her in greens, browns, earth tones, and she looks great in them. But he thinks she looks great in a baby pink sundress as well.

“You think so?” the girl asks, and Jaehyun sees her lips are tinted a bright red.

“Well, yeah,” you always do. “What’s up?”

“I just… decided to try something new, I guess,” she replies passively. She looks happy, but also maybe a bit shy, at Jaehyun’s compliment. She turns even redder, but she plays it off as if it’s nothing. “Just my friend, he just helped me pick out this outfit. Taeyong.”

Jaehyun brisks at the mention of the guy’s name. He blurts out before he can stop, “Taeyong?”

“Oh, that’s right! You’ve met before,” she says, clasping her hands together.

The memory brings a bitter taste to Jaehyun’s mouth. He feels uneasy in his seat.

“Yes, at the park the other week.”

“My dad drove me here, but Taeyong’s coming to pick me up in the evening.”

Oh. So that’s what the hair, the dress, the makeup is for. Jaehyun jokes about it, albeit it sounds a bit strained though unnoticed by the girl. “You must have prepared a lot for tonight, huh.” He doesn’t mean to sound so bitter.

Oblivious to the sour tone of his voice, the girl replies. “N-not much.” The girl fidgets with her off-shoulder sleeves, pulling it down, then up, then down again. Jaehyun can tell that she was nervous, shy, and he has a feeling he knows what she’s nervous about. He doesn’t like it.

The girl continues, “But thank you for noticing, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun hates that he noticed how pretty she looked tonight. For… for someone else.

Wait, what?

Jaehyun knows he doesn’t have a right to feel jealous. Just the thought of it - jealousy - the acknowledgment that jealousy is what he’s feeling… leaves Jaehyun confused.

‘Why would I be jealous? She’s not my… She’s just a friend.’ Crush.

Crush?

Jaehyun looks at the girl in front of him, and things start making sense. How happier he’s been the past few months of knowing the girl, how he’s found someone to talk to about his interests, how he’s felt so comfortable sharing with her parts of himself he’d never dare show anyone else.

And how interested he’s become in the life of the girl sitting across him. How interesting she is, her little quirks, her brightness despite seeing only dark… He’s become so curious about how she does it, how wonderful she is as a person. He always wants to learn more.

“You look great.”

The afternoon goes on, and Jaehyun doesn’t mean to cut her off every time she initiates conversation. He has a lot of things running on his mind, clouding his ability to think clearly. His replies are short, curt, a little distracted. The girl in front of him takes it as him being too immersed with his studying, and so she listens to something on earphones instead.

The happy look never seems to leave her face, though. Excited, maybe?

Jaehyun’s chest just hurts a bit.

Two, maybe three hours go in almost silence, little talk, and the girl’s phone vibrates on the table. Her hands look for it, before picking it up and pulling it up to her ear. She nods, whispers a ‘yes, okay,’ and ends the call.

She taps Jaehyun on the forearm, “I have to go, Jaehyun. Taeyong is outside.”

“Okay.”

Jaehyun helps her gather her stuff as she bends down to pick up her walking cane. They say their goodbyes before the girl leaves the table. Jaehyun turns to see Taeyong on the glass window outside, looking good dressed in semi-formal clothing, leaning against the side of his car.

The two happen to meet eyes with each other and Taeyong lights up in recognition. He gives Jaehyun a smile, before opening the passenger door to let the girl inside. For what, Jaehyun doesn’t know. To mock him? He looked genuinely happy to see Jaehyun, but maybe he just wanted to show off what - who - he has and Jaehyun doesn’t.

As the car goes out of view, Jaehyun scribbles on his notebook.

Hurt

Why is

love?

Does love have to be so painful?