"the deal"

❀

Minzy colours his world.

Aside from the red that haunts him behind closed eyes, Kai’s starting to see other shades every time they’re together. The silvery peals of her laughter, the honey glow of her eyes under the sun and her pink-tinted smiles.

He likes it; he’s addicted to it. Makes him realise there are still some things left to appreciate in life. It makes him want to treasure her, hold her in the palm of his hands to ensure her light never dies out. But Kai can’t.

'Because they’ll never let us.'

“Minzy.” He’s sitting on the sofa, facing the balcony. He can see the waned edges of the sunset. Saturated orange bleeding into dark blue of the evening. Even in her apartment, everything is more vivid. Minzy hums in response, fixing them both cups of tea as per routine. "How long have you been working in the club now?"

She raises a brow at him all the way from the kitchen.

"Why the sudden interest?"

When he can only come up with a shrug, amusement sparks in her eyes. She starts making her way towards him, steaming cups in both of her hands. Kai accepts his with a small thanks and the space next to him sinks under her weight.

She takes a thoughtful sip after sitting.

“Almost two years now.”

He nods at this slowly, letting the heat of the liquid trickle down his throat. He relaxes. That was a bit longer than him joining Jiyong’s gang, but more or less the same.

“How about you?”

“A year or so.”

“Rookie, indeed,” she comments with a grin and he can’t help but roll his eyes. She remedies her teasing with her head on his shoulder. It evens out the wrinkle on his brows.

They bask in silence, watching the sunset dip further into the horizon until all is black. City lights blink from a distance and Minzy gets up to collect their mugs.

“Do you plan to work in the club forever?” He finds courage after spending all that time thinking about his future. Her future. It’s the first time in ages he let his mind wander forward and not backwards.

Minzy freezes mid-track on her way to the kitchen. “I haven’t really thought about it.” She picks up her feet again and Kai isn’t convinced with that tone she used.

He insists. “So you never thought about leaving at all?”

Seconds pass without an answer. Clinks eventually resound in the sink but that unsettling aura is back and it’s obvious with the missing smile on her face.

It’s a hint for Kai to retract his curiosity but the image of Minzy and her clients clouds his discretion. She colours him too; with emotions he hadn’t felt in so long. He’s green with jealousy.

“You’re not really thinking of serving them all your life, do you?”

Minzy stays silent. 

Kai isn’t an idiot. He understands. Who knows until when she’ll have to keep them happy? It’s not like Kai has the power to steal her from this life when he can barely save himself. It’s just infuriating. Feeling helpless and inferior.

The evening resumes as usual but Minzy is aloof throughout. Kai feels cold. Icy, blue cold with the distance she puts between them. Once again, he only gains courage under the moonlight. He can’t help it as he draws her against him, burying his face into her hair.

It’s when she doesn’t push him away does he breathe again.

❀❀❀

Green turns into black.

It’s inevitable when he keeps tainting himself with misdeed and crime. This is why a part of him latches to her. Minzy’s colours overpower everything and Kai can pretend he isn’t condemned.

But Minzy isn’t here right now, multiple feet underground where not an ounce of sunlight can reach. He’s a void; a void as black as his Boss’s eyes when he carved nonsensical patterns on their victim's face with a knife.

He congratulated Kai. About the guy he caught hiding as he and Lu Han were leaving the warehouse where the shoot-out occurred. Maybe he should’ve let him escape but it’s too late now as the lackey sits bound to a chair, barely breathing and alive as a result of Jiyong’s anger.

Jiyong doesn’t like traitors; evident in the fingers he hacked off with each question the victim failed to answer. He only had four fingers altogether before he spilled. Yet his Boss almost looked disappointed that the man gave in, his fun spoiled. 

“Why don’t you do the honours?” A gun is shoved into his hands. Jiyong’s eyes glint through the blood decorating his face. “You did apprehend the guy and bring him to us. Without him, we wouldn’t have known where our ‘friends’ ran off to.”

He doesn’t refuse. He knows he can’t as Suho eyes him from where he stands while Lu Han looks just as eager. They want him to finish the job and it's a supposed to be an honour. 

So he does, not remembering exactly when he accepts the gun. Doesn’t remember much but the responsibility and the weight it adds to his shoulders. It drags him down, deeper and deeper into an abyss where his sins reside. He thinks back to Minzy out of habit.

‘It’s just either this or the streets,’ her voice echoes.

Everything turns monochrome.

Kai fires.

❀❀❀

“Krystal!”

The female beside Minzy turns towards the doorway, one hand fastening an earring on. There’s an evident furrow on her brows as she acknowledges the blonde woman by the door.

“Yes?”

“Mr Zhang’s here,” Chaerin snaps. “Hurry the hell up. Don’t make a client wait.”

Krystal bristles. “Yixing, of all people, probably won’t care, but okay,” she says under her breath but Chaerin catches it with a sneer.

“Are you talking back, Jung? I don’t think Mama-san will be very happy to hear another complaint about you.”

The warning halts the girl’s hands rummaging through Minzy’s jewellery box. Krystal narrows her eyes and judging from the twitch of her lips, Minzy knows she’s about to retort and it won’t end well.

“That’s okay, she’s just about done,” Minzy interrupts with a meaningful glance at her friend. “Right, Krys?”

Krystal hesitates at the look Minzy’s giving her and complies with a huff. Minzy lets out a soft giggle, fixing the other earring into her friend’s ear. The string of diamonds glimmer under the light, peeking through the silky curtain of Krystal’s hair.

“There,” Minzy says affectionately. “Now go and have fun, Krys.”

Begrudgingly, Krystal gives her a quick hug as thanks and leaves the dressing room, but not before bumping shoulders with Chaerin on the way. The older girl’s lips twist into a snarl and she’s about to snap again when Minzy calls her.

“Unni.” Chaerin stops immediately. “Will you help me zip up my dress?”

Turning back to her dresser, Minzy pulls her hair over one shoulder. She knows the sight will be too irresistible to ignore. She just wishes she wasn’t right when heels start clicking her way.

“I don’t understand how you’re friends with her,” Chaerin’s voice is gentle now as a hand that lands on her back. Minzy tries not to flinch as Chaerin tugs the zipper ever so slowly. “You’re nothing like her.”

“Krystal’s actually a really sweet girl,” Minzy exhales, ignoring a lingering hand that’s dipping along her curves. “It’s how she copes. We all have our own ways, don’t we?”

The hand her back pauses.

“You’re right,” Chaerin says after a while. Hands turn into a pair of arms sliding around Minzy’s middle. “We all have our ways,” the older girl buries her face into the back Minzy’s neck. “We can’t help it.”

The younger girl blinks slowly, a languid reaction to the distaste flooding .

Can’t help it? She repeats in her head. Can’t help it even if it hurts others? Make them feel disgusting and unworthy because of the way you touch them? Because it helps you cope? Then, how about me and what I feel? Has any of you ever asked me—?

She inhales sharply, calming, then smiles.

“Of course,” Minzy forces out and Chaerin pulls away. She lets the other girl spin her around. As usual, she doesn’t try to resist from Chaerin’s hands that cup her cheeks. Doesn’t acknowledge the repulse from being taken advantage of and closes her eyes when Chaerin kisses her on the mouth.

She could take control and fool herself that she wants this too—like she always does—but not right now. She has to save all that pretending for someone else.

Chaerin stumbles back a little when Minzy twists away from her. Minji wipes the lipstick from her lips.

“Minz—” Chaerin is stung by the action but Minzy knows her answer will be enough to silence her.

“Please, unni,” she says resignedly. “I have Jiyong tonight.”

By now, Minzy is numb and Chaerin’s like an appetiser.

And the night is just getting started.

❀❀❀

There’s a golden locket she keeps among the treasures she hoarded throughout her career.

Inside its gilded confinement is a picture of a family. Two daughters and their parents. The ol