Prologue: Forget-me-nots

    On his way to work, Kyungsoo Do notices a man waiting outside the rundown railway station but never fully considers why. 

    In the short time he had lived there, Kyungsoo wasn't even aware of the station's existence until recently. Today, he finally laid eyes on it. It sat a mile east of Arisaig, hidden within a cluster of large meadow pine trees. Kyungsoo almost missed it completely as he rode past on his tawny bicycle. He dug his heels into the snow until they dragged against concrete to bring himself to a stop.

    There he stood, across the road, looking at the pitiful remnants of a piece of the past. Having never been on a train, Kyungsoo could only try to picture the original state of such a place. Looking at it now, large pieces of the structure's roof had since caved in on itself and sat in rubbles. Between the station and road, sections of track had been, by some great force, upheaved from the ground. The thick bars of iron curving out of their place looked strangely like flowerless stems stretching to the sky.

    But what stood out amongst it all was the platform which seemed untouched by the destruction around it. The surface of the stone had been chipped in spots but the slab as a whole still held together. As Kyungsoo looked closer, he could see tiny blue buds fill each crack. One, in particular, laid crushed under the leather sole of a man sitting on a metal bench beneath the veranda. There he loomed, hunched over, eyes stagnant on the snow-dusted tracks.

    Kyungsoo watches as puffs of wispy breath coil around the black figure. He can see the man's body quiver as the wind picks up and the snow swirls toward him. Kyungsoo thinks he should say something, but his body won't move. After a few minutes, the man finally notices Kyungsoo and angles his head from the tracks to the road where Kyungsoo stood half perched on his bicycle. The already short distance between the two feels immediately shortened as the man's pale grey eyes sink deep into Kyungsoo’s. And when the man's ashen lips part to smile, Kyungsoo finally takes into account the cigarette smoke he'd mistaken for exhale.

    All while they stand, unsure of each other, the blizzard thickens, and Kyungsoo finds it difficult to see. I need to get to work before this gets worse, Kyungsoo thinks as he brushes the accumulated snow off the wheel of his bicycle. He exchanges a last glance with the man before finally kicking up and pedaling off.

—

Part One: Blue Bell-fires

    As long as Kyungsoo could remember, he’d lived in Arisaig. His childhood was a blur, aside from the few photographs he’d held on to. Even if he wanted to, he had no time to relish in memories as he was into becoming an adult by the time he was 16.  

    In December, less than a month before Kyungsoo turned 16; he was escorted into the town hall by older men in suits. He remembered how tight their hands held him close as if to restrain him from wandering too far. They sat Kyungsoo down in an office cubicle toward the back of the building where he met a woman called Lucia, Luci for short.

    “Hi Kyungsoo,” She reached to shake his hand as she sat “ I’m sure you’re wondering why you are here. I want to just start by saying what I’ll say next may be scary and confusing but you need to stay with me.”

    She went on to explain how they found him sleeping out on the street with nothing but the clothes on his back,

    “We brought you to Chanyeol’s home, where you laid unconscious for a matter of days. When you finally woke, Chanyeol brought you into me.”

    Kyungsoo remembered waking up in a bed but didn’t think it that strange. A man, who he now presumed to be Chanyeol, let himself into the room. There he handed Kyungsoo a new set of clothes to change into and explained that he’d have to be ready as soon as possible.

    “While you were asleep we took your prints. Cross checked it in our system and couldn’t find anything on you. No family, no identification.”

    “That doesn’t make any sense.”

    “That’s what we thought. So we looked in again but still couldn’t find anything conclusive. You, my friend, don’t exist in this world.”

    She gave Kyungsoo a moment to process the information he was having trouble believing in the first place. While he knew it was normal for people to have families, he never felt that he ever had one.  He pondered it a moment, but all he could make out were empty silhouettes taking up negative space.

    “I know who I am. My name is Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo Do. Says so on my belongings if you don’t believe me, here.”

    Kyungsoo pulls a wallet from his jacket pocket and hands across the desk to Luci. Inside amongst other photos was a portrait of Kyungsoo as a toddler, inscribed on the back was his full name: Kyungsoo Lou Do, Birthday: January 12, 1923, and what he assumed was where it was taken: Crehcester.

    “See I do exist. I just don’t got any family.”   

—

    Kyungsoo was an orphan, evidently at an age where he couldn’t even recall it. He didn’t have any traceable records in Arisaig, only a name.

    They sent Kyungsoo home, back to Chanyeol’s home, where they’d place him until they found somewhere more permanent for him. Chanyeol Park seemed the perfect fit as he wasn’t much older, having just graduated college and gotten the job at child services. Unlike most his age he had a lavish house, furnished with intricate looking paintings of landscapes and marble tables. The best addition in Kyungsoo’s opinion, a Yorkie pup, called coco. 

    The first-night Chanyeol and Kyungsoo ate together but rather silently. At first, Kyungsoo thought it was because he was unlikeable but later came to realize Chanyeol was just introverted. He was neat, kept things in order and often spoke only when spoken to first. 

    “Mr. Park, I have a question.”

    “Chanyeol. Go on.” 

    Kyungsoo watched as Chanyeol circled the food on his plate with his fork, scraping against the surface aimlessly.

    “Does it get better? This whole life thing.”

    For the first time, Kyungsoo sees Chanyeol laugh, revealing deep dimples in his cheeks. Kyungsoo feels compelled to add a chuckle but doesn’t understand the humor behind his question. 

    “It’s just; it seems like you have everything figured out. Hours ago I didn’t even ‘exist’ and I’m just worried that’s all I’ll ever amount to.”

    Chanyeol sliced off the last piece of meat from the lamb carcass and pulled it onto his plate. He glanced at Kyungsoo as he cut it into bits. 

    “I don’t have those kinds of answers, that’s something you need to find out yourself.”

    After three months together, Chanyeol became more like a friend to Kyungsoo than a foster parent. Chanyeol opened up more and Kyungsoo found him to quite humorous under his unexpressive exterior. 

    When the likelihood of finding a family declined, Chanyeol officially took Kyungsoo in. He was free to live under Chanyeol’s roof until Kyungsoo felt stable enough to live on his own. Although happy, Kyungsoo still felt skeptical about Chanyeol’s willingness. Pestering him with questions even after the documents had been signed.

    “I really don’t mind. Keep asking, and I’ll change my mind!”

    “ So… What you’re my dad now?” 

    “Please… never say that word ever again.”

    —

    Chanyeol helped Kyungsoo get his first job at 18 delivering newspapers to the residents in town. Often it would take him all day, running from house to house. Soon enough the straps and soles of his sandals wore down and eventually became completely unwearable. Kyungsoo became quite the topic of gossip as they nicknamed him the ‘barefoot paperboy.’ He was still growing, and he didn’t have the money for new shoes.

    At first, Kyungsoo got blisters, cuts, and bits of gravel in his heels