I walk back to the waiting room with hundred and one feelings suffocated in my heart. I feels like I just wanna go to the dorm, take a hot shower and sleep. This feelings is too much to handle. I nearly lose with my own emotions.

A walk to my waiting room takes minutes too because I just walk too far already. Plus there is some way that they closed since they are busily set up for the music awards. I take a uncrowded way to my waiting room as there is only a few people.

As I walks, I can feel someone is pulling me to his way and drag me all the way. I was like too shocked that I dont have a chance to look at the owner of the hand. All I know is now we are in a very quiet place that no one around.

When I take a look at the person in front of me, I suddenly feels regret that I have to look into his eyes. I cant handle him. I just want to go from here now. But as I took a step, he is pulling me back. I closed my eyes for a second and let out a heavy breathe.

Yoongi yaa.. Min Yoongi.. Why you do this to me?

"We need to talk" He start the conversation.

"Sorry, Suga ssi. But I have to go. My members are looking for me" I said as I tried to cover my unstable breathe.

"Are you going to act like this?" He said with no emotion. His face is emotionless. And it makes me angry so much. What did he take me for?

"I think we have no issue to talk. Now, please excuse me" I said while turn around to move from here. But as my hand on the doorknob, I heard his voice, the soft ones.

"I miss you, Jennie yaa" And here, after I promised to myself not to lose, I once again lose. My eyes is tearing already. I closed my eyes for a minute and open it back.

"Don't you ever said that word in front of me again" I said without looking at him back.

"I really mean it. I miss you" He speaks with a very soft tone and I hate that it makes me feels so weak.

"I dont have anything to say. Lets just pretend like we never know each other. Thats what you want. Whats wrong with you now?" I turn around and look into his eyes. I have mixed feelings now. Sad, angry, hurt.

"Cant we make this right, once again? I miss you. I think I'm going crazy from missing you. I miss you calling my name. Can I ever hear that again?" His eyes is looking at me, the pleading ones.

I took a moment for being quiet. Actually more to fight with my own emotion. I took a deep breathe and try to smile a bit.

"You know what? You used to said that you treasured me a lot before. You also promised that even though anything happened, nothing can changed us but you proved to me, that is just a words. And look what happened to us now" I stop for awhile to catch my breathe and let out a heavy sigh.

"I already forgot the past. I only prepared to live for future. And your name is not here anymore. Min Yoongi is gone. For me, you are just BTS's Suga, my sunbaenim and I guess it will always be like that" I continue with calm voice, turn around and open the door.

 As I go out and closed the door, I heard a loud thump. He must destroy anything in front of him now but whos care? I'm so done already. I cant turn around back.

***

Seoul Music Awards is already starting and all idols are sitting at their places. We, blackpink get a same table with Red Velvet. I'm happy since Red Velvet is our buddies too so we can freely have a talk about everything.

And I also quite relieved that BTS's table is not close to us so my uneasy feelings is not too obvious. I cant explained how uncomfortable I am being near him. And since his back his facing me, I dont have to worried in case we did eye contact because it wont happened. 

Seoul Music Awards is one of the prestige end of the year awards and we are having fun enjoying all types of performances. It is a show that are showing who's artists that doing well for their music for that year and the awards is like an appreciation for them. 

We Blackpink also got some awards and it makes us so happy. We grabbed the New artist of the year and Digital awards. Both are so meaningful to us. It means like we are really doing well for this year. We become best new artist and also digital awards as people really enjoyed our music. We couldn't ask even more. 

Seeing other singers having fun on stage and performing wholeheartedly, this greatly boosted our enthusiasm as a new artist. It looks like music and we, can be one. Moreover, we can also feel the excitement of the other artist when they won an award. Its like you are appreciated by your fans and people who listened your music. 

When it comes to BTS performance, you can heard their fans cheering so loudly and their fanchants also no joke. They have a really big fandom. Suddenly I feel insecure. Even if we make it right, it will be so wrong, right? We cant never expressed our feelings openly since he need to care for his fans too. Sigh.

I got back my focus when I heard his voice.

'Even my blood, sweat and tears
Even my body, heart and soul
I know that it's all yours
This is a spell that'll punish me'

I caught that he slightly look at me but I choose to chase out that feelings and pretend like nothing happened and try to just enjoy the stage. 

'Kiss me on the lips lips,
Our own little secret
I wanna be addicted to your prison
I can't serve anyone that is not you
Even though I know, I drink the poisonous Holy Grail' 

This time I think he is really crazy. He rapped on his part while his eyes are burning on me. Cant he think that fancams maybe will caught that? He will be dead for sure. And not to forget, he will bring me too in this situation. Oh my God. 

"Eonnie, am I the only one that think BTS Suga is expressed his rap to you? He keep looking in your direction, eonnie" Lisa is whispering to me. This girl have an eagle-eyed. I can see Chaeyoung also nodding her head. I guess she heard what Lisa said. 

"I dont think so. He did look at this direction but not me. Maybe he look at Red Velvet members. Who knows, right?" I whisper back to her. Lisa is like thinking something for awhile before nodding. 

"Maybe you are right. I heard they talked to each other too so maybe they are interest in any Red Velvet members" Lisa said it in minimum tone so that Red Velvet members wont hear it. 

I hate to admit it but hearing what Lisa said is suddenly make me feel uneasy. I guess BTS members are close to Red Velvet. And maybe what I feel just now is just my delusion. Yeah, maybe he is not looking at me but at other person. Shame on you, Jennie. You make yourself look stupid. 

The end of the year awards are going to end and all artists looks so tired already. We've been here for hours and also perform the songs so its kinda tiring but you can see as much as we tired, we are having fun too. 

After we bid a goodbye to our fans, all artist are bowing to each other and coming back to backstage to their waiting room to go back home. Or their own way. 

I walk along with Jisoo to go to our waiting room. As we reach there, Jisoo straight away lay down to the couch. This older eonnie feels so tired already. I just smile looking at her. Other members, Chaeyoung and Lisa also already yawned and looks so worn out. 

Our manager suddenly have some urgent matter to attend. He said he will reach here as soon as possible that he can so we have to wait for him. Stylist eonnie and all staffs are starting to tidying up their stuffs before they left. 

I'm tired but as much as I'm tired, I cant help myself to just sitting around only so I take a decision to go out taking a fresh air and walking around. I changed my clothes to something casual. I wear my trousers and black hoodies. I also put a cap on my head to my eye level. 

I didnt walk too far, I found myself walking to somewhere quiet where I can see that Seoul city is never sleep even at the late night. Even the city is busy as us. 

I close my eyes and take a deep breathe. Breathing fresh air can calm our hearts and minds. It is like we have no problem and it can lighten any burden. Thats why I prefer being alone. I can do anything I want and have a time with my ownself. 

"ehem" I open my eyes when I heard someone is fake-coughing.

When I open my eyes, I suddenly see an unexpected person here. The person in front of me now is BTS's Rap Monster. I dont know how long he have been standing in front of me. I can see that he also already wear a casual. A jogger pants with hoodies too. Also with a cap. I look around him to find anybody but no one around. I feel a bit relieved since who knows he come with s and Yoongi might be here too.

"Annyeong, sunbaenim" I greet him. "Are you here alone?" I ask him even though I can see nobody with him right now.

"Kim Namjoon. Just call me by my name. And yes, I'm alone" He said and smiling. His dimple is appear and it looks so cute, you know. His dimple is so deep.

"Namjoon ssi? Aha, arent you going back to your dorm?" I ask him also with a smile. 

"Just waiting for the staff to tidy up the stuffs first. Then, we will go back. But emm, Namjoon ssi sounds too formal. How about, 'Namjoon ahh'?" The way he said his name is bringing out the best smile on me. I found myself giggling a bit. 

"Namjoon ahhh" I imitate his tone and laugh. I can see his smile is widening showing his deep dimple. 

"I like that. ehe" He said while showing his teeth. "So, why are you here alone?" he asked me the same question I've asked him.

"Our manager have some emergency call. So, we are waiting for him. And I feel so trapped inside the waiting room so why not, I take a fresh air, right?" I answered him and he is just nodding. 

"Oh, I see. Well, by the way, congrats for the awards. You guys deserved it" He offer a handshake. I look at him and see he wriggle his eyebrows. I smile and accept the handshake. He gave me a friendly vibe, you know. This guy is making me comfortable around him even we are only talking for a short time.

"Thank you. And congrats too. You guys are the best. BTS jjang!" I sincerely compliment them because they are very good, to be honest. After a moment, I pull back my hand from him.

"Thank you. You guys are the best too" He said while smiling widely.  I just do it the same. Smile widely to him. 

***

Finally we arrived at the dorm. As usual because we are too tired, we all straight away go to our own room to rest. We fell asleep in the car all the way to the dorm just now. 

When I got to my room, I went straight to the bathroom to clean myself. I open a warm shower and soak my body under it. It is very calming. After done with shower, I open my wardrobe and pick my favorite silk pajamas. 

While brushing my hair in front the mirror, I heard my phone vibrated that signed for a message. It must come from my family, my friends or people in my company for congratulating us for the awards that we won tonight.

I walk to my bed and cover myself with the comforter. I took my phone beside me and flips on the phone. I frowned when I saw it is actually a message from unknown number. I open the message and read the content.

"Good work for today and I hope we can get close in the mean time"

Suddenly it hits me. Ah! It must be from Namjoon. He asked me my phone number before we go to our separated way. I'm not expecting hm to message me this fast. Since I comfortable being around him so I'm not feeling hesitate to give him my number. Plus, he looks like a nice guy. 

Even though deep inside I'm a bit worried since he is BTS members. Min Yoongi's member, Min Yoongi's friend. But I guess I shouldnt give a damn about that. Call me selfish but I can do anything I want. I'm just being friend with Namjoon so I dont see any wrong there.

"Namjoon ahhh? Aha, thank you and good work too. Just say Hi when we are passing by each other"

I smile and sent my reply to him.

"I hope I can hear my name from you right now. Like a night lullaby"

And here now I cracked. Why he sound so cheesy tonight? aha.

"Go to sleep now, Sir. You are drunk" 

"Aha, I'm going to now. You also, sleep well okay? Goodnight, Kim Jennie" 

"Sleep well, too. Good night, Kim Namjoon"

I smile and drive away to my dreamland.

A/N: So guys! I make desicion to make Namjen as a love triangle. Namjen is my first choice tbh and here I present namjen for you guys. Actually I afraid that I may write namjen better than main couple, Yoonnie hahahaha but its okay. I will try my best to improve my story. dont be silent reader. tell me what you think T_T i love you guys xoxo