YAWN.

Yixing yawns for the umpteenth time tonight. He already had his second coffee and it’s not even 9 PM yet, and he’s sleepy already?

“You know Yixing, we can do this tomorrow night if you’re that sleepy already.”

You whispered softly as to not startle Baekhyun who was sound asleep on your bed beside you already. He and Chanyeol hung out while you and Yixing did your project. When Baekhyun suddenly fell asleep, it was Chanyeol’s cue to leave for the night. He gave you and Baek a kiss on the temple each before saying goodbye.

Yixing blinks his tired eyes as he sat up straighter on your desk and drank more of his coffee and was disappointed that he was out of.

“No, no. Let’s do what we can tonight. I’m gonna buy more coffee, do you want one?”

“You’ve been a yawn monster for at least 2 hours now. I don’t think you will last very long.”

You ignored his question. Your voice is laced with concern as you speak. Yixing rubs his tired eyes before looking at you.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t have enough sleep last night. I’ve been practicing dance with Sehun and Jongin and we didn’t realize the time.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Yixing.”

You smiled at him and immediately turn your eyes to the laptop in front of you as to not melt with his gaze. You already accepted the fact that you’ll never be with Yixing, your soulmate. And whenever he’s around, you can’t help but have these ‘what if’ thoughts and you feel like you’re ruining his relationship even though you’re not really doing anything and not acting upon it at all. You should, but choose not to. You’d never stoop that low.

It doesn’t help that you’re partners on a project in one class. Why does it have to be him, of all the people in your class, why does your professor has to choose him as your partner? It also doesn’t help that your uncle Taewoo had the idea of getting him the vacant apartment just 3 doors down from yours and now you and Yixing share the same group of friends. Was this fate being a jerk to you time and again?

“Thank you for not nagging.”

Yixing said and you can still feel his gaze burning on the side of your face. You hear him sigh minuscully and it made you twirl your head in his direction again.

“Why would I nag you? You’re an adult, you can do whatever you want, Yixing.”

Who would nag a person just because they stayed up late for something important like school work?

“I wish I can tell Sunye what you told me.”

His laugh was tiny and has no trace of humor and your jaw slacked with the notion. What in fresh hell?

“I - I’m sure she means well…”

You try to justify for Sunye even though you don’t really have to at all, you’re not even friends with her, to begin with. Sunye is known to be the quiet one, the elegant and polite type and you were slightly taken aback knowing that she nags Yixing like that. You feel your heart breaking a little bit knowing that your soulmate is getting scolded for being a diligent person.

“I’m sure she does…” Yixing said half-heartedly. “But I love her and she’s perfect for me.”

He added and his eyes twinkle with just the thought of her. Sigh...

There it was again, the pain. The pang in your chest whenever he speaks of her so highly. Like she’s the most beautiful person in the whole world. Like she can never do wrong. You’re just a freaking potato next to her, a potato full of dirt from the ground, a useless potato. A potato that accidentally fell from a sack of other potatoes and gets kicked and booted by people walking around the market.

Sunye, however, has everything you ever want. And she also has Yixing among other things.

—   — —   — —

“I’m telling you, auntie, he was rejected by his soulmate!”

Chanyeol asserts. He was talking about how one of his friends got denied and refused by their soulmate, you weren’t really sure because you were just admiring the fact that you’re hanging out with your best friends and your mother. It was her free day today, which is rare. Usually, she’s very busy up until the day before Chuseok. Baekhyun and Chanyeol decided to invite themselves to your supposedly ‘mother and daughter’ date. You were glad they tagged along though because your mother loves the two so much like her own sons.

“Nooo. That’s impossible, right?”

Your mother responds after taking a sip of her black coffee.

“I’ve read and witnessed about people getting rejected by their soulmates on books and television, but never this closely in real life.”

Baekhyun consorts with his boyfriend with the same wide-eyed expression as him. You can tell on their bewildered face that they were really surprised by the knowledge of someone close to them being jilted by the person who they were supposed to be destined with.

“We were all shocked when he was telling his story in front of Mr. Lee’s class!”

Chanyeol adds, his arms flailing around and above his head, being his extra self.

Presently, you feel really good. The weather is nice, not too hot and not too cold either. You’re wearing your cardigan comfortably, life is good and all is well. It’s nice to have days like this too. All your life, you’ve been waiting to meet your soulmate, anxious, excited and even scared to find out who they were and what they look like. How they will react to you and what they think about you. Do they find you pretty? Will they think you look cute in your favorite dress? But now that you have, the excitement died and the anxiety, the uncertainty, and the fear heightened.

The feeling of aging and dying alone eating you up the moment you saw her name on Yixing’s wrist.

You know keeping this to yourself won’t do you any good at all, but you don’t want to inconvenience anyone with your predicaments. There are much bigger troubles in life that are more important than your meager soulmate hitch. World hunger and drug issues sounded more important than your shabby heart problems, you’ll live even if you get rejected, right? Nobody dies of a heartbreak… Right?

The only soul who knows about your dilemma was Mr. Lee. He was nothing short of helpful since finding out Yixing’s name was tattooed on your skin. Your situation was already rare, to begin with, but your soulmate having a different person as theirs was new to him.

All throughout his thirty years of expertise in the subject, this was the first time he has heard of such case. He has asked friends and colleagues in the same field from different countries but none of them could answer. None could give you the right advice on what to do.

“Oh look! It’s Sunye! SUNYE~ SUNYE~”

Baekhyun suddenly bursts out, abruptly standing up from his chair as he waves his arms happily. Chanyeol joins in on his boyfriend's craziness. You crack your neck back to look behind you and sure enough, Sunye is running enthusiastically towards the table you're sitting on, on your favorite cafe while dragging a man who looks about the same age, maybe older, than your mother.

Your mother, who was looking at the same scene as you quickly held on to your arm for support. You focus your attention on her face, to the death grip on your arm and then back to her face again. Her eyes were blown wide, face very pale and slightly hanging open. She looks as if she has seen a ghost, she wanted to speak but her lips cannot form any coherent sentences.

“Mom… Are you- are you okay?”

You whisper the question and she shakes her head no.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It has been a few hours since Chanyeol and Baekhyun excused themselves as they have tickets to see a musical tonight, but you couldn’t understand why you’re still hanging out with Sunye and his dad. Sunye’s dad asked if the four of you could go grab some dinner tonight and what’s even more strange was your mother agreed immediately without second thoughts. Sunye just keeps shrugging her shoulders as a response when you look at her questioningly. You two weren’t even close friends, but were just civil around each other, why are you suddenly having dinner with your respective parents?

The whole table is eerily silent with only a few questions here and there from both folks, not helping that the four of you are in a private room in a posh restaurant and the place was also really quiet, just light music playing in the background with only a few people dining in.

“Can I just ask something?”

You suddenly interjects. Well, you didn’t have to interject to anything because nobody was speaking anyway, but it felt like you interrupted something you can’t put your finger into.

“What is it, my dear?”

Your mom squeaks out after she took a sip from her glass of red wine.

“What is this? What are we doing here?”

“Yeah, same question, dad.”

Sunye puts down her fork and knife on either side of her plate of food and speaks up as well, with more displeasure than you exhibit.

“We are eating, sweetie.”

Her dad answers in the calmest and mellow voice you have heard in your life. The man has the deepest voice you’ve heard in a person, even deeper than of Chanyeol’s, yet you can hear the love and affection he has for his daughter.

You suddenly felt a pang in your chest and started missing your own dad. Your dad who you haven’t even met yet. Who left your mother when she was pregnant with you. You wonder if he knows you even exist, that he fathered a child way back when he was a kid too himself.

You miss him even though you don’t know who he was or what he looked like. But now remembering the things he has done to your mother, you just hated him again. Hated that he didn’t even give you a chance to get to know him. To get to know the father you deserved.

“I don’t get it, dad. I - I mean… She and I aren’t even that close friends, no offense.”

Sunye said as her open palms were pointed at you. You reached for your glass of wine and crossed your arm over the other as you take a sip.

“None, taken.”

You smiled genuinely and set your glass down to start eating again. Sunye now looks like she’s fuming and about to ablaze, you think her anger was triggered by your question and to be honest, you’re pretty much enjoying this at the moment. Because you were also starting to get mad until now. Until Sunye blows up too, at least you don’t look like an like she does now.

“He’s your father!”

Your mother suddenly pipes and the utensils you were holding drops on the plate with a loud clatter. You hear Sunye gasp loudly across from you.

Your hands and head start shaking uncontrollably. You felt a cold and sharp sting rush up your spine, your mouth hangs open in disbelief. You look up to the man who had an equally shocked expression as you and tears are starting to well up on the side of his eyes.

The man, Sunye’s dad, and apparently your father too, stood from his chair and so did you. He was about to come closer to you but stopped himself midway when he saw you were retreating off from him.

“No, no, no, no…”

You look everywhere, avoiding his eyes. You look at Sunye and she’s looking at her dad as if he betrayed her trust.

“I didn’t know your mother was pregnant that time, I—”

“NO!!! I - I need to go. I need to go.”

“Honey… I’m—”

Your mother was about to speak to you, but you cut her off with you scrambling to your feet as you grab your bag from under the table.

“No, mother... I’m sorry… I’m so sorry but I have to go. I need to go right now.”

No one stopped you from running away but you still ran as if you were being chased after.  You don’t know how but you ended up running into Yixing. He caught you just in time before you fell on your knees to the ground beneath you.

“Are you okay?”

Yixing’s voice was etched with worry and his face scrunches some more when he felt your trembling and sweating form. Your eyes were the size of saucers and your mouth was slacked slightly, tears welling up on the sides of your eyes.

“_____? _____, are you okay? Answer me...”

“Ju-just… Just g-get me home. Please… Yixing, please.”

You’re tightly gripping Yixing’s jacket as you try to beg of him, his arms securely wrapped around you like you’re a lost child found by her mother. Summer is just ending and Autumn is almost here, the night air is not that cold yet, but your throat is frozen shut. From running for God knows how long and from the revelation your mother just smacked onto your face.

And home Yixing got you. Not only did he walked you home as he comforted you, not prying what happened to you. He also stayed with you, not letting his sight away from you even for a second. Forgetting what he was about to do before he ran into you on the streets.

“I guess our Chuseok plans are off, we won’t get to see Taewoo Hyung and the family?”

Yixing asks when you’re finally calmed down enough to stop shaking, crying, and fidgeting your hands. You look up at him from beside you on your couch as he sipped the tea he made for the both of you, from his own mug.

“I’m so sorry, Yixing. You can still go if you want. You can borrow my car and—”

“Shh, it’s fine. Your well-being is more important to me right now.”

Yixing cut you off with a soothing caress on your shoulder and you can’t help but lean on to his warm and weirdly familiar touch. You’ve never been this close with Yixing before until now.

With the night’s event slowly dissipating from your mind, the pull you have with Yixing is creating somersaults to your stomach, to your throat that's constricting with every comforting hand contact he gives you, and to your heart that just won't stop swooning for him even though you're currently not in the best situation. You hope to the heavens above that he can’t hear the strong beating of your heart inside of your chest, hope he can’t feel the tingles you feel whenever he touches you through your sweater. But at the same time, you also wanted him to feel the same pull you have for him. You wanted him to feel everything you can for him along with you, just like how normal soulmates does. But you’re far from normal, your fates are obviously different from each other and that’s what pains you every single day ever since you met him.

Why does he have to have a different soulmate? Why is fate doing this to the both of you? Why can’t you just fell in love and be happy with Yixing? Why can’t your story just be the natural and typical one?

You awoke the next morning with an itch in your throat. The sunrays were already beaming through your blinds so you decided to just get up even though it’s a Sunday. Tomorrow is the start of the three-day Chuseok Holiday and you were supposed to go back home with your mother and Yixing last night, but with the previous happening, you just wanted to be alone. The first time you refused your mother, and you know you will feel ty about it someday, but right now you deserve this. You deserve your alone time. You deserve to wallow in your own misery and self-pity!

The itch in your throat persisted so you stood up to go to your kitchen and do what you normally do when you feel a cough or a cold is about to happen, drink a shot of apple cider vinegar with a dash of honey.

You reached for your bottle of apple cider at the back of your pantry cabinet, but you suddenly felt your chest heave and your lungs deflate. You hit your chest with your fist as you rush to the sink to turn on the faucet. Before you can drink the running tap water from your appendage, you suddenly cough and keep coughing non-stop for a few minutes.

You felt it, the unmistakably soft texture exit your lips and onto your hand.

Slowly, you open up your palm to see what you never ever wanted to see in your life ever.

“No… No, please not this…”

There, inside your palm, sitting and staring at you like it has its own eyes, judging you like you're the most pitiful person on earth — was a single petal of a pretty peach rose.

“I’m ed.”

You whisper to yourself, throwing the thing at the sink as if it's a dirty and disgusting piece of garbage that you never wanted to touch ever again.

"Goodmorning~"

You heard Yixing greets from behind you and immediately ran the tap again to let the scanty piece of rose petal flow into the wash basin hole. You sway your attention to him to see him yawning and scratching his eyes in the most adorable way you’ve seen him do, as he lazily makes his way to sit on your kitchen island stool. Even Baekhyun would lose to Yixing with how cute he looks with his bed hair sticking up everywhere, and Baekhyun is charming in all ways you can think, but you guess you just really love Yixing now. That is very apparent with the rose petal you barfed out.

You sigh microscopically before speaking, pushing away your thoughts behind you. You have to discuss this with Mr. Lee once you get ahold of him after Chuseok. You also have to google about you puking out a rose petal, you’ve only ever heard about Hanahaki, but you’ve never experienced it or see it happen to anyone you know.

“Goodmorning.”

You replied simply.

“I heard you coughing really loud, are you okay?”

Yixing said as he examines your whole body, not in a erted way, but with a lot of concern. Why is he being like this all of a sudden?

“Yeah... I just have a little itch, I’m fine. Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.”

“No, the sunray shining in my eyes from Baekhyun’s window woke me up.”

He beams up at you.

“What do you want for breakfast, Yixing?”

“Pancakes sound so good right now, but whatever you want to cook will be fine too.”

You turn back around to grab ingredients from the cupboards with a smile on your face.

“Alright, I hope you’re not too hungry yet, I’ll make it quick, I promise.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Your apartment doorbell rang when you were about to take a bite of your food, Yixing’s sentence was cut midway too with the interference. Who would ring your bell at this early morning and on Chuseok too? Maybe it’s your mother, ugh you don’t wanna deal with her right now. You’re still not ready to hear what she has to tell you.

“Yixing, can you get that? I really don’t want to deal with my mother if it’s her there.”

You slowly put your table knife and fork down on either side of your plate, appetite slowly abating. Nerves and stress churning, taking over in your stomach instead. Your half-eaten pancakes and slices of bacon just sitting insipidly on your plate, it reminds you of yourself so much, bland and boring. Half-consumed by life. It spits you out and left you loveless because you’re not worth it. You were never worth anything.

“Sure,”

Yixing slowly stood up, careful not to make too much noise around you. He can feel your mood suddenly plummeting with just the thought of your mother. He knew something happened between you and your mother, but he never asked what it was.

He was really patient with you last night. He was there when you felt like your whole entire universe is crashing beneath your feet. He was there when no one knew you were falling apart silently.

“Yixing?! What are you—”

“Babe!”

You hear her voice. Sunye. Her voice slightly shrill from surprise. You wanted to laugh and mock her because with how Yixing responded to her sounded guilty. And he’s frozen now like a deer caught in the headlights. But you’re too down right now to even act like an towards her, you have no energy to deride and taunt the real out of her (from what you’ve heard straight from Yixing and encountered recently).

To be honest, you don’t know why you wanted to be a jerk to her, nothing really is her fault. It wasn’t like she instructed her dad, your father, to break your mother’s heart in the past. Leave her pregnant and useless in a ditch somewhere. She’s just much of a victim in this situation as you are.

Maybe it was the years of silent competition. Maybe it was your own insecurity slowly eating you alive and whole. Maybe it was because of Yixing, the man whose name tattooed on your skin ever since you were born. The sole reason why you’re too insecure about your skin showing even slightly.

The man who you know is meant for you only.

The man who you belong to.

The man who should be in your arms and not hers.

“What are you doing here, babe?”

Yixing finally squeaks out a small voice.

“What are YOU doing here?”

Sunye throws the question back at him. Yixing sighs out, gently held her hand and pull her outside. He closed the door silently behind him to give the two of them privacy.

It took more than ten minutes (not that you’re counting or anything) before Yixing came back with Sunye trailing behind him. She was slightly hiding behind Yixing, you’re not sure why she was doing that when all your life of knowing her, she seems very confident when faced with you. Now, she’s like a timid bunny concealing herself with Yixing.

“I think the two of you needs to talk…”

Yixing made Sunye sit on the empty bar stool beside yours and for the first time in the world’s history, Sunye was a mess. Her eyes were puffy, probably as puffy as yours. Her skin broke out a little bit and her cheeks sunken after just overnight. Your chest heaved when you saw her appearance. — What are those feelings now, you can’t be feeling sisterly towards her already?

“Do you want me to leave, or…”

“No!” Both you and Sunye exclaimed and actually smiled after being in sync like that. Yixing sat back to his position right across from you and started eating his food again with a smile on his face.

It took a long while with only silence and you decided to break the ice first.

“Have you… Have you eaten yet?”

You murmured a question and Sunye timidly shake her head no as she looks on the ground.

“No… And I haven’t slept either.”

She responded just as mum as you. You pushed your plate in front of her and Sunye follows your gesture.

“We should share this, I don’t have much of an appetite either. But we can’t waste food.”

You smiled when she finally made eye contact with you. Sunye’s eyes started watering and suddenly broke down sobbing as she took your hand.

“Why are you so kind to me? I’ve been nothing but a stuck-up to you, yet here you are still being nice. Eonni, I’m so sorry.”

“Please don’t say that.”

Your jaw laxed slightly and you grip her hand in a comforting way. She’s not bad after all, you thought to yourself.

You and Sunye bonded all throughout the days of your Chuseok break. You bonded over different things, talked about anything and everything, shared some secrets and actually became close to each other. Almost like real sisters. But you still left her in the dark about your deepest secret, that Yixing’s name was tattooed on you ever since you were born. She doesn’t need to know about that part.

You already accepted your fate and now that you found out about your blood-relatedness, you’re now willing to give up your happiness for your younger half-sister more than ever.

You learned of her quirks, he likes and dislikes. You found out that she only nags Yixing because he sometimes falls short of taking care of his own health. Too passionate about his love for dancing that he fails to think about some other things, other than his dancing and his academics.

You can’t blame Yixing, though because you sometimes do the same. You’d end up losing sleep or skipping meals without your knowledge because you were too focused on perfecting your essays and other projects.

On the last day of Chuseok, you and Sunye decided to meet with your parents. To finally shed some light with the issue at hand. Of course, Yixing was there for support, too. The three of you has been a constant to each other’s lives since that fateful day.

When your parents came to your apartment, together mind you, they looked like they just got back from a honeymoon. Aside from worrying about the two of you, they were feeling great. They reunited and everything was peachy.

Your father’s name eventually popped out on your mother’s skin and her name on his. Sunye was disappointed briefly because her dead mother’s name on your father’s skin is now just a faded memory. But she eventually accepted their rekindled love and actually trying to get to know your mother just like she did with you.

On the outside, you look happy. Your family is finally complete, you finally have a dad who you share a lot of characteristics and mannerisms. You are like a female reflection of your dad.

But deep inside you, you’re still empty. You’re still the same shell of a person. You still feel like dying with every single day the heavens above create, feel like the world is still ganging up on you, pushing you over the edge, mocking and poking fun at your misery. Because even though your family life is now well-balanced, your heart is still crying in agony. Still screaming for some sort of help that you know will never come. Not today, not tomorrow and not ever.

The pain of seeing the man you love, the man who makes you feel like you're going to combust any minute with how great he is, love another woman.

Your one-sided love grows and so your Hanahaki syndrome gets worst.

From coughing out 3 to 4 petals a day, you’re now heaving out enough flowers every hour, you can start a flower shop business immediately.

Your weight declining and the color of your skin paling.

“This is bad…”

You mutter under your breath as you flush out your full toilet bowl and the same shade of peach rose petals.