Holy chiz, subscribers already D:

.... I Can't Look at You.

Dongwoo collapsed onto the couch dramatically, splaying out with a water bottle clutched in one hand and the other lifeless on the cushion beside him. His lips, however, were curled into a grin. It had been a hard practice, but he loved the exhilaration that came from the strenuous activity. It was when he danced that he felt most at peace with the world. It was easy to drown out everything else, then.

As the others shuffled in, equally as tired though a little less enthusiastic, Dongwoo let his eyes slide to Howon for only a moment, not really trusting himself to look longer. The anxious tightening in his heart told him today wasn’t a safe day, those few precious moments when he could look at Hoya and not feel like he was dying a slow, painful death from the inside.

Straightening into a sitting position so the others could sit if they wanted to, Dongwoo unscrewed his water bottle and drank deeply, using the cool liquid as a distraction.  The feelings he got around his friend weren’t right. He knew they weren’t. But logic could take a nosedive into the shallow end of a pool, for all the good it did. Reality reigned supreme, and He was kicking Dongwoo’s but good.
          Vaguely, Dongwoo noticed the mostly heatless argument concerning who would shower first, and so on, but he didn’t take part in it. Somehow, he ended up sixth in line (with Sunggyu last. Something about being a good leader).

The joking and ribbing ensued once the members were cleaned and feeling (barely) more alive. Just like any other day. And yet, it all felt different. The calm before the storm. It was like… there wasn’t even a Korean word to describe it. Deciding it was just his imagination, Dongwoo shook off the feeling, laughing along with the other members as each stumbled into their rooms.

When he heard the shower turn off a fifth time, he immediately got up to get his things, putting everything else to the back of his mind but that very moment.

~야동~

Hoya stared at the mirror for several minutes in total silence, distantly aware that with each passing second the image became blurrier and blurrier, the shower’s steam billowing out from behind the simple shower curtain. With effort, he wrenched himself out from his thoughts, got into the small space, and quickly washed himself in the scalding water.

The heat didn’t really bother him. On the contrary, he almost welcomed the feeling of the near-boiling liquid sliding over his skin, pooling at his feet like the last bit of water in a forgotten pot.  He didn’t know what was wrong with him—well, actually, that wasn’t true. He knew exactly what was bothering him, but he didn’t want to admit it to even himself.  Even now, in the quiet confines of the bathroom, closed off from the world by the thin curtain and a locked door, he didn’t want to know.

So, he didn’t think. He rushed through the necessary motions, spending no more and no fewer time than absolutely necessary. With the task complete, he shut off the water, stepped out onto the tile floor, and toweled off.

Dongwoo’s image remained lodged in his mind, the look on his face barely an hour ago, and the ones he had been throwing off for several months now.  Yeah… the power of suggestion was a lovely theory and all, but why did it always fail him? No matter how many times he convinced himself he wouldn’t think about the hyung, it always happened.

Disgust. That’s all he ever saw anymore. He didn’t know why Dongwoo looked at him like that, even though he always looked away quickly. So Hoya wouldn’t see. But he did. He saw and it tore at him for reasons he couldn’t explain. Was there something wrong with him? A physical or personal flaw he couldn’t see?

Why was it fair that his heart only hurt more each time he looked at the older male, but Dongwoo just seemed to like him less and less?

A/N: *sighs* The curse of the first chapter :/ I promise, future chapters will be longer ^^;;