“To Jennie: We have to stop doing this.”

Too short.

“To Jennie: I don’t think this is sustainable.”

Too formal.

“To Jennie: What am I doing with my life?”

Joohyun muttered a string of curses to herself before shutting the phone off. Beside her, a slumbering Seulgi let out a snort of agitation. Joohyun wrapped an arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders and pulled her close. The younger girl smiled slightly and cuddled against Joohyun’s chest. Even while she slept, Seulgi managed to look stunning; those cute, tightly shut monolids, the way hung open ever so slightly, the few wisps of chocolate-colored hair that tickled at her forehead and cheeks.

    Why do I do this to you?

    Seulgi had to know by this point. It was far too obvious, far too brazen. Joohyun ducked all her questions, stayed out late at night, and used similar excuses every time. But, at least to the older girl, it seemed like Seulgi didn’t want to accept it. That she believed too hard in her sweet, caring girlfriend to let her mind settle on the clear, disturbing answer. Hell, even the other members had picked up on the fact that something was off. It was only a matter of time before they caught on.

    So, why couldn’t Seulgi see? Why couldn’t Seulgi accept it already? Why couldn’t she just break up her disgraceful, cheating girlfriend and move on to someone who deserved her? Like Seungwan. Joohyun wasn’t stupid. She could see how the shorter girl eyed them wistfully, how she stole glances at Seulgi when she thought no one was looking. And, to be honest, Seungwan should have Seulgi. Seungwan would never do this to the poor, innocent little bear that was snoring so peacefully, as if she wasn’t sleeping next to someone who was actively breaking her heart at every chance afforded to her.

    However, the mere thought of Seungwan laying in bed with Seulgi, all tucked in under the covers with her, sent spikes of jealous rage into Joohyun’s mind. She knew it was irrational, knew it was unfair and hypocritical, but she couldn’t help it. Seulgi was hers.

    Joohyun couldn’t even think of why she was doing this anymore.

    It wasn’t that she no longer loved the younger girl, because she did, very much.

    (Then why are you cheating on her?)

    Joohyun didn’t know what it was about Jennie that captivated her so strongly. Was it the way she was willing to bend to the older girl’s every whim, to obey her commands without question, to be so easily persuaded into staying, despite the emotional turmoil that Joohyun constantly put her through? Was it her unique brand of beauty that Joohyun knew she wouldn’t find anywhere else (a factor, she realized, that was also the reason she had taken a liking to Seulgi in the first place)? Was it the thrill of hooking up with someone from another company while she was in a relationship? Joohyun had no clue. And she wanted to stop. She really did. She wanted to tell Jennie it was too much, that they couldn’t do it anymore, that the risk was no longer worth the reward. Jennie had no idea about Seulgi, and that was fine.