1. shine on, diamond

The people who dreams of being on stage—surrounded by adoring fans, screaming out their names—know of the hardships they got to face first. Eat less, sleep less, practice and practice and practice until their tier perfect, until there is no flaw (but Soonyoung knows, no matter what he does, they’ll always find a flaw. Humans can’t live without it. It is the backbone of everything).

Soonyoung lays down on the floor of the dance practice room, catching his breath. When he checks the clock, it is 2:38 AM. He’s been here since dinner (Mingyu couldn’t let him go until he’s finished every bite).

He stands up to change the same loop of music on his playlist to a different one when he hears a slam on the desk inside the small room at the back of the dance room.

He looks at the clock again. 2:40 AM.

It’s Jihoon—it has to be.

As years go by (as their debut gets pushed back again and again, as they get more frustrated, as a few of them slowly gives up), Soonyoung learns that both of them are always the last to leave the building. Sometimes they go over their dance routines, but most of the time Jihoon finds retreat in the small room—a “mini studio”, the others call it.

(Soonyoung hopes Jihoon gets a studio of his own if they debut.)

He stretches, feeling his muscles aching, before walking towards the small room.

“Knock knock?” he says instead of actually knocking because he’s funny like that. And because he wants to hear Jihoon’s laugh.

Sure enough, there’s a small laugh from behind the door. “You can come in, Soonyoung.”

“I heard a sound and I wanted to check up on you— Oh.”

There are crumpled and ripped papers everywhere. The waste basket is full. When Soonyoung takes a look (really takes a look) at Jihoon, there are tear stains on his face and ink stains on his arms.

“I got a little… frustrated.”

It’s one of these nights, again. Jihoon is chewing the end of the pen.

“Jihoon—”

“The— the words. They don’t sound nice. People won’t like it. We won’t debut. It will be all my fault. I—”

Soonyoung grabs his shoulders so that he turns to face him instead of the computer screen (God knows how long he has been staring at it), “We’ll make our debut, people will love us—love you. It’ll be okay.”

“And what if it’s not?”

Soonyoung smiles, taking the pen away from Jihoon and putting it on the desk—you’re done for the day. Let’s go home. “Then it will be okay afterwards.”

Jihoon looks at his work, then back at Soonyoung. He smiles.

Soonyoung is in love.

He waits as Jihoon packs up his materials and when he goes to turn off the lights, Jihoon pulls him down to kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you.”

(Soonyoung hopes Jihoon gets a studio of his own when they debut.)

 

 

2. ‘cause passion is passion

Soonyoung couldn’t believe it when he heard their song being played on the screen as a way to announce the winner—

We’re the winner/Seventeen/Seventeen won/We won?/First win—

He couldn’t believe it even when he heard Carats screaming. He couldn’t believe it as the MC congratulates them and there’s confetti flying and he’s being pulled into a group hug and everyone’s jumping.

He sees Seungcheol through tear-filled eyes pushing through to grab the microphone. Almost all of them are crying. The screams are louder as Seungcheol tries to form any sentence at all but he couldn’t. At the very moment, he couldn’t (Soonyoung can’t blame him—no one can; they all knew of the blood, sweat and tears that came and go as the years went by).

Seungcheol gives him the microphone instead and Soonyoung’s laughing, he’s crying, he’s trying to say something. He looks at s. He thanks the people he can remember while being flashed with memories of the hardships, of the most bitter memories.

When he’s finished, he passes the microphone to Seungkwan who’s crying a river.

Soonyoung glances at Jihoon. He’s leaning over Junhui and almost laughs when he remembers Jihoon’s doubts that they’ll never win.

 

(He’s about to press PLAY when Jihoon suddenly says, We won’t win.

Soonyoung raises an eyebrow, fingers hovering over the PLAY button. What are you talking about? We will, someday.

What if we don’t? Jihoon’s not looking at him. He’s looking at himself in the mirror.

Their eyes meet in the reflection. Someday means a lot of days. Have a little faith in yourself, Jihoon. Trust yourself.)

 

He snaps back to reality. It is May 4. They just received their first win. Junhui and Minghao are thanking in their mother language.

The MC takes back the microphone, says her goodbye and their song plays again. An encore stage, Soonyoung thinks, this is really happening.

(Later, Jihoon says his thanks backstage.)

 

*

 

Jihoon and Soonyoung sits next to each other in the van on the way to the dorm. An unspoken decision between the two, an unspoken understanding from the others.

Halfway through, Soonyoung takes his eyes off the road and turns his head to look at Jihoon. The latter’s already looking at him.

“Hey,” Jihoon greets, a small smile forming on his face.

“Hey,” Soonyoung greets back, “Told you we could win.”

Jihoon hums, “Yeah, yeah. You were right.”

They laugh softly, quietly (because the other members are sleeping, and they wouldn’t want to bother them. They worked hard). Soonyoung looks away, closing his eyes because his cheeks are turning pink and it’s not because they just won, and he cried a lot.

He can still feel Jihoon’s eyes on him, and the next thing he knows, soft lips are pressed onto his cheek. “Rest well.”

 

 

3. let’s stop running from love

It’s a few minutes after four in the morning when Soonyoung as well as Junhui, Minghao and Chan stumble in their dorm, tired and sleepy. They just finished filming the music video for HIGHLIGHT, and all they want to do now is sleep, maybe eat a little, but mostly sleep.

Mingyu texted them a while ago that he saved them dinner to eat after shooting so Junhui shuffle towards the kitchen, legs wobbly after so many hours, while dragging Minghao and Chan with him.

Soonyoung shakes his head when they asked him if he was going to eat, saying he just wants to sleep until noon.

As he takes long steps towards his room, he notices someone taking a nap under a blanket on the sofa. When he pulls the blanket to see who it is, he’s not surprised it’s Jihoon.

Soonyoung smiles fondly. Jihoon, feeling a disturbance in his sleep, groggily opens his eyes.

“Oh, it’s you,” he mumbles once his vision clears. He sits up.

“It’s me,” Soonyoung moves a few strands of hair from his face. “Why are you sleeping on the couch?”

“I just came back from the studio. How was music video filming?”

“It was fine. Let’s go sleep?”

Jihoon nods, opening his arms and Soonyoung laughs before helping him up. Jihoon plants a kiss on his cheek, muttering good night and Soonyoung wonders if he’s imagining it because he’s too tired to think.

He’s not complaining.

(As they walk towards the room, Junhui and Minghao nudges each other in their direction, and Chan is singing a love song Jihoon recommended a few days ago.)

 

*

 

((Jihoon wakes Soonyoung at noon for lunch, just the two of them because everyone else suddenly had plans of their own.))

 

 

4. i die every night with you

It’s rare, so rare, but they finally had an actual break—a long one. Everyone knows they must savour this because they’ll have to start practicing for their upcoming comeback next month.

Another thing that’s rare is Jeonghan bringing a few bottles of soju into their dorms. The last time they had drinks was a few years back, way before they debuted.

“This is our only chance. The young ones aren’t here,” Jeonghan whispers when he doesn’t have to. There’s a sly smirk on his face. Almost everyone went home to their family and the only ones who stayed were Soonyoung, Jihoon, Seungcheol (because they’re the unit leaders), Junhui (who came back from China a week before) and Wonwoo.

Junhui raises his hand, “I’m not interested in getting drunk tonight.”

“Who said we’re going to drink until we’re drunk? Just a few glasses, that’s all,” Jeonghan said, passing everyone a glass.

“I will get drunk if I have ‘just a few glasses’. Good night, I’m sleeping early.”

“Joy killer!” Jeonghan shouts and Junhui sticks out his tongue before walking off.

When Jeonghan pours the drink into Jihoon’s glass, he knew it was a bad decision. But he’s right—it’s been so long since they did this. it, he thinks before drinking the whole thing in one go.

Seeing Jihoon drink caused a domino effect and soon, everyone had drunk way too many shots.

 

*

 

“I’m about to puke,” Wonwoo slurs, throwing his head back to rest his neck.

“Don’t puke on the carpet!” Jeonghan hiccups, swatting him away. “Mingyu is— Mingyu is going to kill us.”

“He can’t kill us. That’s illegal,” the other deadpans before gasping dramatically for an effect, “What if he does it secretly?”

“You… you’re so dumb, Wonwoo,” Seungcheol mutters from where he’s sitting—on the sofa across them.

“They’re all so dumb,” Jihoon giggles into Soonyoung’s shoulder. They’re squished onto the smaller couch. Jihoon’s warmth is more intoxicating than the God-knows-how-many glasses of soju he drank a few hours ago.

Soonyoung laughs, his cheeks, “You’re not wrong, Jihoonie.”

They hear the bathroom flush, and a few seconds later, Junhui comes back into the living room with a disapproving look on his face. “Really? You guys are not done yet?”

Seungcheol motions to the bottles on the table, “We finished all of them. I think? Did we, Hannie? Did we really finish it all?”

“Yes, you big baby.”

“Okay, time for bed, everyone. I’m not taking care of you if you have the worst hangover of your life tomorrow,” Junhui announces, grabbing a few blankets and throwing it at Seungcheol’s direction before laying one over Jihoon and Soonyoung.

“That’s— that’s okay. Mingyu can make us soup. His chicken… chicken soup is really good. Have you tried it, Junhui?” Wonwoo asks.

Junhui rubs his face, “Yes, I have tried it. We all tried it. Come on.”

He pulls Wonwoo so he can stand on his feet and drags him into his bedroom (because he knows Wonwoo hates drunk sleeping on the couch).

Seungcheol passes out after saying good night to no one in particular. Jeonghan drags his feet so he can sleep on top of him, saying something about being warmer, pulling the blanket over both of them.

“I’m going to regret this tomorrow, right?” Jihoon asks, after he hears Wonwoo’s bedroom door closes with a click.

“Yeah,” Soonyoung nods, “you are.”

They stare at each other for a few minutes before bursting into laugher.

“We have to be quiet, Soonyoungie. Junhui will have our—” he hiccups, “—our heads off!”

“Oh, really?”

Before Jihoon can say something else, Soonyoung is attacking him with tickles as he laughs and catches his breath—all while trying to swat Soonyoung’s hands away.

“Stop! Stop! Soonyoungie—Ah!”

They were moving so much, they ended up falling off the couch. Jihoon landed with Soonyoung on top of him.

“We fell.”

“We did.”

Then, they’re laughing again, but this time it’s softer. The giggling dies afterwards, but the smiles on their faces remain.

“I like your stage name, Soonyoung,” Jihoon says, with no hesitation, “It means star. You have stars in your eyes,” Jihoon brings his hands to cup the other’s face, “You’re a star.”

“You’re my star, Jihoon.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“You shouldn’t.”

Jihoon frowns. “Why?”

“We won’t remember.”

Jihoon hates that he’s right, but still, he wants to kiss Soonyoung. He raises his head to plant a soft kiss on his cheek instead. “Do you want to sleep here?”

“On the carpet?” Soonyoung asks.

“It’s pretty comfy.”

“Sure.”

Jihoon pulls the blanket over their bodies.

 

*

 

(The next day, they pretended they didn’t remember what happened the night before.)

((The shy glances mean so much more, now.))

 

 

5. living for your every move

It’s a winter wonderland. There’s snow everywhere.

Jihoon can see Jeonghan and Wonwoo on top of the small hill, having their own snowball fight. Seungcheol and Joshua are talking to the directors and camera men, and Junhui is on his phone—probably talking to the younger members.

They just finished filming for another One Fine Day episode, and they’re allowed to do whatever they want to do for the rest of the day.

What Jihoon wants to do now is sleep in the hotel room because it’s too cold and his hands are numb.

Life doesn’t go as planned, like usual.

He’s hit with a snowball from behind. He turns around to glare at Soonyoung, “Uh, excuse me?”

Instead of answering, Soonyoung hits him with another snow ball.

He grumbles, “Fine. Game on.”

He gathers the snow in his hand to make a decent-sized snow ball before chasing Soonyoung and hitting him when he sees a good shot. He snorts at Soonyoung’s reaction, and runs off when he sees Soonyoung, crouching down to prepare for another attack.

“Get back here!” Soonyoung shouts, eyes still on the snow ball he’s making and Jihoon takes the chance to hit him with a smaller snow ball.

Soonyoung’s eyes shoot up when he hears Jihoon snickering. “You have awakened the monster,” Jihoon laughs at his joke. When he tries to get away, he slips and falls on his back (thankfully, the snow cushioned the pain).

Soonyoung stares wide-eyed, immediately running towards him.

“Are you okay?” he asks once he’s by Jihoon’s side.

“My back hurts,” Jihoon lies.

Soonyoung looks alarmed. “Oh, God. We have to go get help. Stay here—”

Before he could get up, Jihoon smacks him in the face with a snow ball.

“Oops, sorry,” he snickers.

“You—”

“I’m not hurt, don’t worry.”

“God, don’t ever joke like that again. You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“You worry about me that much?”

“I always worry if it’s you, Jihoon.”

Jihoon’s face softens. He sits up and kisses Soonyoung on the cheek. “That’s sweet of you.”

 

*

 

(Their faces are both bright pink, and when asked by the members, they answer it’s because of the cold.)

 

 

+

 

6. i got my tongue between your teeth

“That wasn’t an actual kiss.”

“What?”

Soonyoung sighs. He’s making a big deal out of this, he knows it. During the interview, when Jihoon asked who should he kiss for 2018’s luck or something, and Seungcheol answered Hoshi, the latter grinned from ear to ear.

But Jihoon didn’t kiss him. He placed his hand on Soonyoung’s face, and kissed the top of his hand instead.

That wasn’t fair.

“The kiss. It wasn’t really a cheek kiss. You had your hand on my face.”

Jihoon’s expression goes from being surprised to being amused, “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

Soonyoung looks away. They’re in the back of the car, waiting for the other members and they had a comfortable silence up until Soonyoung ruined by speaking without voice filter. It’s quiet again for a few seconds before—

“And you’re angry because of that?”

“I’m not angry!” Soonyoung snaps. He realizes he raised his voice when he turns around to face Jihoon, who’s giving him the are-you-sure-about-that? look. “, sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I just—”

Jihoon is listening. Soonyoung thinks to himself: Shut up, before you say something worst.

“You always give me kisses on the cheek so when you… when you didn’t actually do it at the interview a while ago, I was kind of… surprised? Wait, no. I was disappointed. I… I wanted a kiss.”

“It’s always you who I kiss. Do you think you’re being a little greedy with my kisses, hm?” Jihoon teases.

Soonyoung’s cheeks turn bright pink. “It’s not like that—”

“Do you like me?” Jihoon is leaning towards him. Soonyoung forgets how to breathe. He’s moving closer, closer, closer and Soonyoung can feel his head on the car window already. Jihoon giggles. God, he’s— he’s—

“Take your time on answering. The members are still probably stuffing their pockets with snacks,” Jihoon smiles. His tone is teasing, but his eyes are hopeful, a little scared but hopeful, nonetheless.

“I do,” Soonyoung finally says. This time, he leans forward.

They close the space between them, and Jihoon is kissing him on the lips and when he pulls away, they’re grinning from ear to ear.

The stars in Jihoon’s eyes are brighter and Soonyoung feels like he’s on the Moon by now.

“I like you, too,” Jihoon whispers but it’s loud and clear to Soonyoung.

 

*

 

(Remember when you said I was your star? Jihoon asks.

Soonyoung snorts. You think I forgot about that night?)

 

 

 

 

 

a/n: henlo

things that actually happened in this fic:
- svt’s first win (duh)
- the not-really-a cheek kiss from the gda interview

all the number titles are lines from troye’s my my my! as well