four.

The chilly winter night was surprisingly comforting and Seulgi stood on her balcony that overlooked practically the entire city. Leaning on the railing, she swirled the dark red wine around in the glass before taking another sip and smiling scornfully to herself.

Pathetic.

Here she was, living a life that thousands of people would die to have. Living in a place that only a tiny percent of the population could afford, driving cars that only the richest would spend money on, and drinking any random bottle of wine from her cupboard that would be the equivalent to someone’s annual wage.

But then why did she feel so utterly miserable and poor?

She had chosen the sweetest wine yet it still tasted bitter and unpleasant in , making her swallow it forcefully like a child drinking medicine. She placed the unfinished wine on the table, sighing as she turned her sight back on the twinkling city lights.

Seulgi closed her eyes, feeling the cool breeze hitting her face gently; the only sense of comfort she could receive in this world.

“I wonder what it would be like to live in a place like that.”

“Like what?” Seulgi asked, tilting her head so that she could look at Joohyun.

“There.” The girl removed one of her arms from around Seulgi’s waist to point out into the horizon and Seulgi squinted as she stared out to the distance, unsure of what she was searching for. “The tallest apartments, in the rich part of the city.”

“Like where all the CEOs and celebrities live?” Seulgi mused. “You want to live there?”

“Not really.” Joohyun replied without even needing to think and her arm wrapped back around Seulgi’s waist. “I just wonder what it would feel like. To live that high above everyone else, to own a space that big and unnecessary. What if you lived alone? Wouldn’t you feel so empty?”

Seulgi hummed, leaning her chin atop of Joohyun’s head as they held each other close. “Yeah.” She murmured. “Being rich doesn’t mean being happy.”

“That’s why I’m satisfied with the way we are now.” Joohyun smiled contentedly, leaning into Seulgi and letting their bodies meld together, feeling the warmth radiating from the taller girl. “Even though our place is small, and we aren’t exactly rolling in money… I think, we are happier than those who live there.” She said, gesturing vaguely to the tall buildings with her hand.

Seulgi beamed, feeling a warm and fuzzy tingle spread through her body at her words. She hugged Joohyun tighter, wishing she would never have to let go and that they could stay in this moment forever. “I think you’re right.” She replied with a smile.

Seulgi opened her eyes again, wishing that when she did, she would be standing on the small balcony that belonged to her and Joohyun’s rented apartment, looking out to a view that really was nothing special, but having Joohyun in her arms made everything and anything special.

She drew in a shaky breath, hands clutching onto the railing tightly since she had nothing else to hold. “You’re still right.” She whispered. “You always were.”

…

Joohyun cupped her hands over and blew air into them to warm them up as she walked out of her office building at the end of the day. She stuffed her hands into her pockets and tilted her head side to side to stretch her sore and tired neck from being hunched over all day at her desk to finish a project report before tomorrow’s deadline.

Before she could get any further, something caught her eye and she wished she didn’t look in that direction in the first place. Parked right in front of her building in a no stopping zone, which obviously didn’t stop her, was a sleek black luxury car that caught the attention of anyone who walked past. Leaning against the hood of the car, looking down at her phone and ignoring the stares of passer-by’s, was none other than the person Joohyun least wanted to see.

She almost snarled at the sight of Seulgi with her expensive car, expensive clothes and expensive everything, acting superior to everyone else by parking somewhere prohibited and minding her own business like she was more important than everything else going on.

Seulgi happened to look up right before Joohyun turned to avoid her and she swore inwardly when Seulgi got to her feet, eyes never leaving her. Joohyun clamped her hands over her ears as she walked in the opposite direction when she heard her call her name out.

No, leave me alone.

“Joohyun!” Seulgi called again, running to catch up with her and she reached out to grab her arm to stop her from walking away. “Please, don’t run away. I just want to talk to you.”

“Don’t touch me!” Joohyun flinched from her grip, tearing her arm away and stunning Seulgi with her fierce tone.

“I-I’m sorry.” She retracted her hands immediately, hoping she wouldn’t offend her any further.

“Why did you come here?” Joohyun glared, possessing nothing but hostility in her voice.

“To see you.” Seulgi was fully transparent with her true intentions. “I wanted to see you and talk to you.”

“Did you consider that I wouldn’t want to see you? Oh right, of course you didn’t. Since when did you think about other people’s feelings?”

Seulgi raked a hand through her hair at the same argument being raised; she was sick and tired of hearing this accusation. “How many times do I have to tell you? I did think-”

“About me? And you’re going to keep telling me that everything you’re doing is for me too right?” Joohyun cut her off with a scoff of disbelief. “And you expect me to actually believe that?”

“I know it’s hard to believe at this point in time..” Seulgi protested weakly, but knew she wouldn’t win this argument. “Nothing I say now will change your mind, but I hope that you will realise my real reasons one day.”

Joohyun said nothing and just stared off to the side distantly, her arms crossed. Although she looked like she wasn’t giving her any attention, Seulgi knew she was listening.

“But I want you to know that I still love you. I never stopped.” She said determinedly, taking a bold step closer. Seeing Joohyun up close like this, made Seulgi realise just how much she missed her. She missed her smile that had the ability to power the entire city, the soft and sweet sound of her voice and laughter; and the gentle touches and skinship that never failed to make Seulgi blush and melt. She wanted so badly to reach out and touch Joohyun again; feel her soft skin beneath her fingertips to reassure herself that she still had her… But she didn’t, and the reminder came crashing down on her like a tonne of bricks.

“Does that matter anymore?” Joohyun asked, struggling to get the words out and Seulgi saw how her fists clenched in effort to stop her from shaking or losing control to her emotions. “I’m with someone else now.”

“But you don’t love him.” Seulgi said bitterly. “Why are you with him?” She asked, sounding more dejected.

“Because…” Joohyun took a sharp breath. “Because maybe love doesn’t matter anymore.” She said, her eyes showing a glimpse of pain. “Because I don’t believe in love anymore, so it doesn’t matter whether I love him or not. He was there for me when I was at my lowest, he gives me a sense of security and comfort and I can see a stable future with him. What more do I need?” She asked, turning back to face Seulgi who felt intimidated by the shorter girl’s intense stare.

A future with him. Seulgi repeated to herself in her mind, almost laughing out loud as a coping mechanism to how distraught she felt. That future Joohyun spoke of, could’ve been with her. It should’ve been with her. Seulgi beat herself up internally once again.

“Is it impossible for you to accept me again?” Seulgi asked, knowing the answer already but not wanting to accept it.

“Yes.”

“Even though you still love me?” She asked and Joohyun almost got fooled into saying ‘yes’ again, but caught herself in time and she was thrown by the question. “You don’t have to lie to me or yourself. I know your feelings for me are still there.” Seulgi continued calmly and Joohyun just stared back silently, unsure of how to respond to these claims that were (unfortunately) true.

“I…” Joohyun’s words faltered when their eyes met and she saw the deep, sincere emotions swirling inside Seulgi’s brown eyes. She felt herself falling and allowed herself to drown in those eyes that brought back so many feelings that she had tried so hard to suppress. Seulgi reached out and her hand grazed Joohyun’s, expecting the older to flinch and pull away again, but she didn’t. Joohyun was still trapped in her trance and Seulgi gained the courage to take Joohyun’s cold hand in hers, smiling to herself at the memories of always having to help warm her hands that easily got cold in the winter.

“Come back to me, Hyun.” She whispered sincerely, reaching up with her other hand to touch her cheek but just as her fingers almost came into reach…

“Hey!” Bogum’s voice snapped Joohyun out of her stupor and her eyes widened when she realised how close Seulgi had gotten. She flinched, staggering back to avoid the close proximity and Bogum had run over to shield her from Seulgi. “What are you doing here again?” He asked angrily.

“It’s none of your business.” Seulgi replied, huffing at how close she was to convincing Joohyun before he came to ruin it all.

“She doesn’t want to see you, if you ever come and bother her again I will call the authorities.” Bogum threatened.

Seulgi sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose before looking back at him. “Stop making a fool out of yourself, you really think you can be her proper boyfriend?” She couldn’t help the anger that was taking over her and the bitter taste in whenever she thought of them together. “You could never replace me. I’m the one she loves.”

Bogum appeared unaffected by her words and the lack of reaction was a little disappointing. “You only have yourself to blame, Kang. If you didn’t leave Joohyun to chase after your money dreams, we wouldn’t be having this conversation today.” He said and Seulgi hated how factual he sounded.

She opened to shoot back a snarky response but Joohyun spoke up first, walking out from behind Bogum. “Seulgi, you’re wrong.” She said, a lot more calmer and collected now. “I don’t love you.” She said, looking at her straight in the eye and Seulgi held her breath as her chest felt constricted at those words that directly stabbed her. “What I love is the idea of you, of us, when we were happy back then. I love what we had and all the memories we’ve made, but that is all in the past and now, I don’t love you.”

“You don’t mean this.” Seulgi said, shaking her head in denial. “You’re just saying this because-”

“I mean it Seulgi.” Joohyun replied firmly. “So don’t come looking for me again. It’s better if we pretend we don’t know each other from now on.”

“No, I-”

“Let’s go.” Joohyun tugged on Bogum’s arm and he nodded, shooting Seulgi one last look of warning.

Seulgi, for the second time since she was released from jail, watched Joohyun walk away from her with another person.

And it hurt like hell.

…

The burning liquid going down made her gasp and splutter after taking the gulp and she slammed the bottle back down on the table, coughing a few times before laughing to herself – laughing at herself.

“You’re so ing pathetic, Kang Seulgi.” She lamented, clutching the neck of the bottle. “So what if you’re rich? So what if you’ve got all of this?” She gestured to the house she was currently inside of and violently swept an arm across the coffee table, causing the candle holders to crash to the floor loudly. “You can’t even keep the girl you love.” She chuckled bitterly, bringing the bottle to her lips again. “You don’t even have friends to talk to so you have to talk to yourself like a psycho.” She mocked herself, wiping the remnants of the bitter alcohol from her lips with the back of her hand.

She pulled herself up and slumped back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling as she contemplated what her life had come to.

“I don’t…” She stuttered out, tightening her grip on the half empty bottle in her hand. “I don’t need her.”

Seulgi had pretty much everything. Money was definitely not a problem, and working for the chairman of Korea’s biggest company earnt her a lot of respect and authority. With her current social status and wealth, Seulgi could get anyone she wanted. Models, singers and actresses, all famous and wealthy, with beautiful visuals and hot bodies that had the entire country fawning over them.

Why settle for something so ordinary, so plain and simple, when she had so many other better options before her? Why waste her time mourning over the loss of something when she could replace that emptiness with a thousand more things?

Since she had chosen this path, this lifestyle, then she should live it to the fullest and enjoy the benefits that came with it.

That night, it was decided; Seulgi didn’t need Joohyun.

…

a/n: okay i think the next two/three chapters will start clearing up what really happened in the past
but yay! here you go, seulrene met :)

all this angst ;-; please bear with me for a little more..
and trust in seulgi a little more