seventeen.

Seulgi watched the seconds tick by on the clock that was hung up on the wall across from her and it felt as if every second in that room was equivalent to an hour in the outside world. She felt herself growing more and more impatient with each passing second, eyes wandering around the empty room as if she would find the answers written on the bare walls.

She tapped her foot on the floor anxiously, her hands clasped together atop the table in the middle of the small and empty room. It was deafeningly silent in the room, forcing her to only hear her own uneven breaths and heartbeat that was pounding in her head.

She tried not to panic, tried to keep calm and reassure herself, but it was impossible until she knew for certain what had happened. She tried to distract herself with the blinking red light on the surveillance camera, counting the amount of times it disappeared then reappeared but she would always lose count before she even reached thirty counts.

The door opened and Seulgi stood up abruptly, almost knocking the chair backwards when the two police officers walked in to take the seats across from her.

“What happened to him? Is he alright?” She asked them impatiently.

The two officers glanced at each other but neither of them responded to her questions, making her feel even more irritated and unsettled. From the moment she got off the phone to when the police appeared at her door to take her back for investigation, she knew something terrible must have happened but she held onto that small sliver of hope that it wouldn’t be as bad as she was thinking it out to be.

She slammed her palms on the table, leaning forward and demanded for the answer they weren’t giving her. “Tell me what happened!”

“What is your association to Lee Donghae?”

Seulgi exhaled heavily, refraining from rolling her eyes at their unnecessary question. “He’s my lawyer, that’s it.” She replied quickly before asking for the third time, “What happened?”

“He was involved in a hit and run.” Finally one of them spoke up in a quiet and solemn voice, making Seulgi fall silent so that she could hear him properly. “He was taken to the hospital immediately but his injuries were too fatal.” It didn’t have to be said aloud for Seulgi to know what that meant.

“We’re sorry for your loss.”

Seulgi sat back down slowly, trying to breathe normally and keep a calm mindset. She couldn’t even react properly because it didn’t feel real and it took time for the news to sink in. Her hands were clenched into fists on her lap and she was trembling slightly. “Who did it?” She asked, lifting her gaze after a while. “Did you catch the driver? Was it intentional?” Her tone grew angrier with each question. The only thing that would make her feel better now would be to know the perpetrator was put to justice.

“We didn’t catch the driver, we don’t know who was driving the car. That’s why we asked you to come and assist us with out investigation. According to Lee Donghae’s phone records, you were in a phone call with him at the time of the accident.”

“Yes, I talked to him at 4pm.”

“Could you tell us what happened around that time? Did you hear anything or did he say anything to you that could give us some clues?”

“There was nothing special.” Seulgi said, shaking her head and looking down at her hands that were clasped together to refrain from fidgeting. “We were supposed to meet at 5pm, so I called him to see whether he would be on time. Then I heard some sort of loud crashing and the line cut off while we were arranging a meeting place. I tried to call again but it wouldn’t reach and then soon after, you came to my office.” Seulgi bit her lip, realising she was supposed to settle something important with him at their meeting today.

His death impacted her greatly too; besides the friendship they kind of had, he was responsible for a lot of the work-related side of things and often cleaned up the messes Seulgi made to keep her out of trouble with the law. It was going to be difficult to find someone she could trust enough to replace him.

“And during this call, you were in your office the entire time?”

“Yes.” She mumbled absentmindedly, still troubled over the fact that she lost someone so important to her and what this loss would mean for her plans.

“Can anyone confirm that you were there during 4pm today?”

“Yes, you can just check the system record-” Seulgi suddenly became aware of what kind of questions they were asking her. “Wait, you’re suspecting me?” She asked and saw the guilty looks on their faces. “That’s why you brought me here? Because you think I killed him?”

“We’re investigating every lead we have.”

“This is a waste of my time.” Seulgi said, angered by the unnecessary amount of time she had to spend here and the false accusations. “I’m leaving.” She stood up, walking towards the door that was probably locked but it didn’t stop her from attempting.

“You can’t leave.”

“I have to go.” Seulgi said, looking at the clock again to see that she was already late. She couldn’t believe her bad luck that this would coincide with one of the most important events to her.
“I have to be somewhere. I promised someone.”

“We aren’t done here, we can’t let you leave.” The stubborn reply made Seulgi turn around to glare at them, still standing near the door, hoping that maybe her angry staring could change their mind and let her go. “Take a seat, Miss Kang.”

“No.”

“Please cooperate with us.”

“I said, I have to go.” Seulgi repeated, losing her patience. “If you have evidence I did something, then arrest me. If not, let me leave instead of wasting my time here.” She saw the faltering expressions and for a second, she had hope they would let her leave.

The door clicked and she turned around quickly, her hopes plummeting immediately when she came face to face with the last person she wanted to see. She had been avoiding him for weeks, coming up with excuses so she wouldn’t have to meet and report her progress back to him, but now she was trapped and forced to see him.

“I’ll take over from here. You two can go now.” He said, looking at the two lower ranked officers who looked grateful to be sent away. Seulgi sighed a little too loudly, reluctantly walking back to her chair and prepared herself for the incoming lecture and scolding.

Jaejoong pointed to the surveillance camera in the corner of the room and Seulgi looked up, noticing the light was no longer blinking. “It’s off, the recording is also off and no one can hear us talk in here.” He said, clearly implying that it was time for her to tell him everything.

Seulgi pursed her lips and said nothing, only thinking about how she was missing Joohyun’s birthday without any explanation.

“Do you have something to do with this or not? We all know this wasn’t an accidental hit and run case.” Jaejoong asked, staying standing so that he was looking down at her as he demanded for an answer.

It was hard to believe that he suspected her too and although it wasn’t completely unreasonable, it felt like an insult to her and Seulgi stood up to defend herself. “Donghae worked for me. He was in the middle of doing something for me and we were supposed to meet today, so why would I want him dead? What benefit do I get from that? I’m still in shock over his death too.”

“What was he in the middle of doing?” Jaejoong asked and Seulgi couldn’t determine whether it was out of curiosity or suspicion.

Seulgi hesitated for half a second before replying, “Getting evidence against Jung’s money laundering.”

“You’re lying.” Jaejoong said before she even fully finished her sentence. Seulgi opened again to ask him how he could accuse her so easily but was shut up when he threw some documents down onto the table. “That’s not what I found.”

She glanced at the papers before realising what they were about and anger overcame her. “You monitored me?” She asked, hating that he was meddling with her business and invading her privacy. She scoffed, falling back down on her chair and crossed her arms as she looked away from him. “I was right, you don’t trust me.”

“You want to talk to me about trust?” He raised his voice. “I want to trust you but you’re not giving me reasons to. Why on earth was Donghae transferring 10% of J Corp’s shares to you? Why have you been meeting in secret with the stakeholders and making business deals in private?” He asked and Seulgi stayed silent, not even looking at him. “Kang Seulgi what are you doing? This isn’t part of the mission and you know it. So explain to me what you’re doing right now.”

“My job.”

“This is not your job!” He almost shouted at her. “Have you forgotten who you are and what you’re supposed to be doing? Has the temptations of this life really gotten into your head that you think this is really your job and your life?”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“No, I don’t think you do.”

“It was Sangmin, he killed him.” Seulgi said, changing the topic. “I don’t have proof but I just know it was him.”

“Because Donghae worked for you and you’re a threat to Sangmin.” Jaejoong said what she didn’t want to say out loud. “Can’t you see that what you’re doing is putting others in danger? A life has been lost today, Seulgi! You can’t keep being reckless and doing things by yourself.” He told her exasperatedly, hoping she could wake up from whatever trance she was in.

“I’m not stopping now. I have to finish what I’m doing.”

“What are you doing all of this for? You’re risking yourself and others by challenging Sangmin like this.” He said, sounding tired from arguing pointlessly with her and when there were no more responses, he sighed, moving away from the table and paced back and forth for a few steps.

Seulgi watched him and she knew there was nothing he could do to stop her at this point, it was too late to turn back, and Jaejoong was aware of that too. She was too far into this to give up now.

“Look, we both know what Jung is capable of.” He said. “After this tragic accident, I think it’s pretty clear that he sees you as a threat and wouldn’t hesitate in taking action to warn you. Be careful, Seulgi, that’s all I can say. Since you’re persistent in continuing to do whatever it is you’re doing, take care of yourself.”

She stood up, taking his warning as a sign that they were finished here and she was more than ready to leave. Putting on a confident front, she looked at him and said, “I will. I don’t need you to remind me of that.”

Jaejoong watched her walk to the door and she had only just opened the door a crack when he spoke up again, his words making her stop walking out the door. “Take care of others too. Especially those you love.”

…

“Seulgi, I have a question.”

“What is it?” Seulgi asked, hands tucked behind her head and gaze staring up into the vastness of the night sky. She felt Joohyun pull herself up so that she was no longer lying beside her on their picnic mat and she sat up to look down at Seulgi.

“It’s a bit strange.” She said as a warning.

Seulgi laughed, turning on her side and propping herself up on her elbow as she lifted her gaze to meet her girlfriend’s. “What drama did you watch this time?” She asked, knowing exactly where all of Joohyun’s random questions derived from.

“That’s not important.” Joohyun dismissed, slightly flustered that Seulgi knew straightaway. “But this is an important question.”

“Yeah?” Seulgi sat up as well, turning so that she was facing her and giving Joohyun her full attention.

“If…um…” Joohyun paused, becoming hesitant to ask the question and looked away, biting her lip nervously. “If…” She tried again in a small voice, unsure of how to word her question and Seulgi couldn’t hold back a smile at how cute she was.

“If?” She prompted.

Joohyun looked at the sky while she got lost in her thoughts and her hands instinctively reached for Seulgi’s hand, playing with her fingers like she always did for comfort and reassurance. “If, just if, hypothetically, you died…”

“Woah, okay.” Seulgi grinned, clearly amused.

“Would you want me to move on and find someone else to be with?” She asked, finally looking at her. “Or would you want me to remain single forever?”

Seulgi considered the question seriously for a few seconds before replying to her. “I would want you to do what makes you happy. I’d want someone to take care of you and love you, if I’m not able to.”

“Won’t you feel jealous?”

“Well, no because I would be dead.” Seulgi laughed when Joohyun hit her arm lightly for joking around during an important discussion. “But I’m being serious.” She held onto Joohyun’s hand with both hands, making her look her in the eyes again, all signs of playfulness gone.

“I would want you to be happy again, and if that means falling in love with someone else and spending your life with another person, then I would be fine with it.” Seulgi told her honestly, and even if it hurt to consider the possibility of that happening, she meant every word. “As long as they treat you well, and you like them, then nothing else matters.”

Joohyun intertwined their fingers, feeling the perfect fit of their hands together which never failed to make her smile. “I feel the same. I would want you to be with someone else.”

“But I don’t want to be with someone else.”

“And you think I want to?” Joohyun countered.

Seulgi laughed, shaking her head. “No. Or at least I hope you don’t.” She teased and Joohyun frowned, opening to reply, only she wasn’t able to because Seulgi leaned down to kiss her quickly before she could get scolded for implying Joohyun wasn’t devoted to her. “I’m only kidding.” She reassured, kissing her once more while smiling brighter than the stars in the sky.

“Good.” Joohyun said with a slight stutter and a smile of her own along with a blush on her face. She couldn’t pretend to be mad at her even if she wanted to and she turned around to gaze at the sky again, hoping her blushing wouldn’t be seen.

Seulgi did the same, looking up to admire the stars in the night sky. It was a breathtaking view and the sky was undoubtedly one of her favourite sights, but when she switched her gaze to Joohyun, she realised even the prettiest of night skies was nothing compared to what was really her favourite sight. She had to drive at least half an hour and find the perfect place just to be able to see the night sky in all of its beauty, but to see Joohyun, she never had to look very far.

“Hey.” Seulgi spoke up and Joohyun turned to look at her attentively. Seulgi was already staring at her and Joohyun could tell she was thinking deeply about something. Their hands were still intertwined with Seulgi running her thumb across the back of Joohyun’s hand in circles, her mind still elsewhere and Joohyun waited patiently for what she had to say.

“This might sound a bit crazy but…” She took a shaky breath, laughing softly and nervously. “Joohyun, I know we’ve only been together for three and a half years, but I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone else other than you.”

Joohyun was surprised by the sudden confession, a shy smile forming and her cheeks warmed from how sincerely Seulgi was staring at her. But she didn’t let herself get too happy just yet. “You’re just saying that now.” She said with a small pout.

“I’m not just saying this out of impulse, I really mean it.” Seulgi told her, holding her hands tightly. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and… I’m certain that you’re the only one I want to be with.”

“You might change your mind later.” Joohyun mumbled, not that she wanted it to happen, but she had to be realistic.

“I won’t.” Seulgi replied. “I love you.”

Joohyun smiled, amused but smitten at the same time by the younger’s confidence. “I love you too but… Wait, are you proposing to me?” She asked when it dawned on her why Seulgi would be saying this all of a sudden.

Her question made Seulgi laugh and she shook her head, denying it. “I’m not. Did you want me to?” She asked, laughing more when Joohyun looked flustered for guessing wrong. “But I will, one day.” She said with a look of determination in her eyes.

Joohyun blushed again, “Is this a promise that you’ll marry me in the future?”

Seulgi smiled just at the thought. “Yes.” She replied without hesitating, proving how certain she was. “But only if you’re willing to, and if you can wait for that day to come.” She added in case it was only a one-sided feeling and Joohyun saw the uncertainty on her face when she said that.  

She let go of Seulgi’s hands so that she could move forward and kiss her deeply, hoping to assure her and let her know that she loved her, because she really did love her so much, more than any words or actions could ever express. And when Seulgi kissed her back, kissed her like it was the only thing she knew how to do and holding her like she never wanted to let go, Joohyun knew that she felt the same way.

“I’m willing. Much more than willing.” She whispered to her, opening her eyes to look at who she was sure was the love of her life. “And I will wait as long as I have to.”

…

“Joohyun, will you marry me?”

The room fell completely silent, save for a few gasps and then everyone’s eyes were on Joohyun, watching as she registered what was happening and conflicted emotions showed on her face.

“What are you doing?” She asked, glancing around the room embarrassedly before looking back at Bogum who was kneeling before her and holding a ring. “This isn’t funny…” She said in a hushed voice that was only meant for him to hear.

“I’m being serious.” He told her, letting it sink in that this wasn’t a joke and Joohyun visibly panicked. Her immediate reaction was to look for someone who she didn’t realise had left just before Bogum knelt down on one knee. Her eyes continued searching the room, desperate to find her until Seungwan stopped her search.

“She left already.” Seungwan said, putting a hand on Joohyun’s shoulder, making her look at her and hoping to calm her down. “I’m sorry.” She added in a whisper.

“Seungwan, I need to talk to her.” Joohyun said, her voice shaky. “She hasn’t told me her answer.” 

“Joohyun…” Seungwan didn’t know how to break the news to her. She wasn’t sure whether she could bear to see her friend heartbroken again.

“I need to find her.” Joohyun tried taking a step towards the door but Seungwan held her back gently, shaking her head but not able to get the words out.

“There’s no point looking for her.” Sooyoung spoke up impatiently since no one else would and she ignored the look Seungwan was giving her, telling her to keep quiet. “Seulgi wanted this to happen.” Sooyoung blurted.

“What are you saying?” Joohyun uttered.

 “Sooyoung!” Both Seungwan and Bogum called out, trying to stop her from revealing the secret.

“What? She deserves to know the truth.” Sooyoung argued, turning back to look at Joohyun. “Seulgi told him to propose. She allowed this.” Sooyoung continued and it was only when she saw Joohyun’s eyes brim with tears that she regretted saying it, but it was too late anyway.

“Is this true?” Joohyun asked, looking at Seungwan who could only look down, too ashamed to meet her gaze. She looked at Bogum who didn’t want to answer, because he knew Seulgi would’ve wanted to keep this a secret too. “Is it true?” Joohyun almost shouted at him, frantic for an answer even if it was obvious that it was true. She was in denial, hoping that someone could tell her it wasn’t true and that’s not what Seulgi wanted.

“Yes.” Bogum admitted quietly.

Joohyun shook her head, still in shock and denial. “No, that’s not possible…” She mumbled. “She wouldn’t do that.”

“Joohyun, listen to me…” Seungwan grabbed her hands, trying to comfort her but Joohyun pulled herself away, shaking her head and Seungwan felt a pang in her chest when she saw the tears in her eyes.

Only one thing was on her mind now. “I need to talk to her myself.” She said before turning and running to the door, ignoring all the shouts of her name behind her. She didn’t want to hear what anyone else had to say or explain, she only wanted to hear it from Seulgi herself.

…

Seulgi released a heavy breath, falling back against her seat and shut her eyes momentarily to keep the tears back. She refused to let herself cry or start regretting her decision and she repeatedly told herself it was the right decision, hoping that would make her start believing it and that it would stop hurting so much.

She gripped the steering wheel tightly with one hand, turning the ignition key with the other hand and tried to stop herself from thinking about it and to just leave before she could be tempted to go back inside. She stepped on the accelerator and the car hadn’t even moved far when a figure ran out in front of the car abruptly. Seulgi gasped, slamming down on the brakes before the car could come in contact with the person and she looked up with stunned eyes through the windshield, the headlights of the car allowing her to see Joohyun standing in front of the car, preventing her from driving forward.

Seulgi removed her seatbelt hastily, getting out of the car to shout at her. “Are you crazy?” She slammed the car door behind her, walking towards the front of the car. “What do you think you’re doing?” She asked, angry only because she could’ve gotten hurt from doing something so reckless like jumping in front of a moving car.

“No, what do you think you’re doing Kang Seulgi?” Joohyun shouted back at her, startling Seulgi by how furious she was. She had never seen Joohyun as angry as this before and she was at a loss for words, only feeling confused and frightened at the same time when the shorter, yet more intimidating girl stormed towards her.

“How can you be the one to decide who I will be with? How can you make the decision for me? Who do you think you are, deciding how my life should go?” Joohyun demanded, forcing Seulgi to stumble backwards with each question as she walked closer.

“Joohyun.” She stammered, trying to speak but she wasn’t given the chance.

“Why did you tell him to propose to me and why do you want me to marry him when you know it’s you that I love?!” She shoved her harshly at the last question, making her back hit the car and Seulgi was too stunned to respond. Joohyun had started crying, or maybe she had been crying all along but Seulgi didn’t see until now. Her hand automatically moved to wipe her tears but Seulgi stopped herself before she touched her, clenching her hand into a fist instead and keeping it at her side.

“I can’t.” She said, her voice coming out weakly.

“Can’t what?” Joohyun asked. “Tell me Seulgi! Why are you doing this?” She demanded a clear explanation from her.

“I can’t give you happiness!” Seulgi raised her voice, the frustration evident in her tone. “But you will be safe with him. You will have a good future, a normal and secure life, a good family. Isn’t that what you told me? That love doesn’t matter anymore, that you don’t believe in love anymore so it doesn’t matter as long as you have a secure future with him.” Seulgi said bitterly, remembering the words that were said to her in the past that broke her and ingrained themselves deep in her mind.

Joohyun tried to argue but it was Seulgi’s turn to cut her off and not let her speak. “I want you to be happy and I want you to live a good life. You won’t have that with me.” Seulgi took a deep breath to keep her voice stable when she felt herself choking up. Tears were running freely down her face already because it was impossible to hold back, but she had to finish speaking. “You will forget me soon, it might be difficult now but it’ll only be temporary.”

“Do you not love me anymore? How can you hand me to someone else so easily like that?” Joohyun asked, the previous anger replaced by hurt and dejection. Seulgi couldn’t bring herself to look her in the eyes and she bit her lip, blinking hard to stop the tears from covering her vision.

“Sometimes…” She started shakily before forcing herself to speak properly. “Sometimes even when two people love each other, it doesn’t mean they can be together.”

“We can if we try hard enough.” Joohyun argued. “Seulgi, we can-”

“It’s too late.” Seulgi cut her off, sounding just as disheartened. “We can’t ever go back to what it was like before all of this happened. It has already turned out this way, so we can only accept it and keep moving on.”

“I don’t understand, why can’t you give me a chance? Give us a chance, we can still be happy.” Joohyun said, reaching out to hold onto Seulgi’s hand. “What did you tell me in the hospital? You told me to choose what makes me happy. I choose you, Seulgi, so please don’t push me away. Don’t give up on us.” She pleaded, desperately hoping that her words could convince Seulgi.

“You still don’t understand.” Seulgi used all of her willpower to remove her hands from Joohyun’s, looking to the side so that she couldn’t see the tears falling uncontrollably. “This is what’s right. Bogum is what’s right for you. We can’t always have things go the way we want to and that’s just how life is, we have to be realistic.” She said, reminding herself of it too.

“You asked if I would give up everything for you.” She continued, her voice sounding more stable now. “The answer is, I would.” She saw the confusion on Joohyun’ face and the flicker of hope in her eyes. “I would. That’s why I’m giving you up.”

“Why can’t you be selfish about this?” Joohyun questioned. “Won’t you regret making this choice?” Seulgi knew she would, but it didn’t stop her from making it.

“He’s waiting for you, Hyun. You should go back to him.”

Joohyun said nothing to that, only stared at her with teary eyes and she didn’t speak at all because she was waiting. Waiting for Seulgi to say something, waiting for Seulgi to change her mind, waiting for Seulgi to tell her that she doesn’t actually want this and that she’s the one she should be with and not Bogum.

But Seulgi doesn’t say anything.

 “So that’s it?” Joohyun choked out, not wanting to believe this was really the end. Seulgi didn’t even look her in the eyes, her gaze remaining on the ground but she nodded silently.

Joohyun felt numb and she suddenly became aware of how cold the night was and how the coldness spread through her entire body from deep inside and it was as if all life had been drained out of her.  

Seulgi didn’t say anything and she didn’t try to pull her back when Joohyun walked away from her, while Joohyun was still hoping that maybe, just maybe she would be stopped from leaving. But Seulgi only watched her leave and hoped, for both her and Joohyun’s sake, that this would be the last time they met.

Joohyun listened to Seulgi and went back to the house, back to the party, back to Bogum. Because if Seulgi had given up on her and on them, then maybe it was time for Joohyun to give up too.

With that thought in her mind, she lets the words ‘yes, I will’ slip past her lips and even though Seungwan and Sooyoung are looking at her with shocked expressions and Bogum is confused but nevertheless happy that she accepted him and everyone is cheering and congratulating them on what is supposed to be the happiest event of her life, she feels nothing.

…

“Let the stars be witness to my promise to you tonight. I promise, for as long as I live, I will only love you and you alone. I won’t marry anyone unless its Bae Joohyun.”

“You’re that confident you won’t change your mind?” Joohyun grinned. “No turning back on your word?”

“No turning back.” Seulgi replied resolutely.

Joohyun laughed, playfulness twinkling in her eyes as she took Seulgi’s face in her hands. “Then seal your promise with a kiss.” She said and Seulgi did.

“Now it’s official.” Joohyun whispered, gently holding Seulgi’s face and staring at her affectionately. “You’re stuck with me forever.”

“Forever.” Seulgi repeated and a smile spread across her face. “Forever sounds perfect if it’s with you.”
 

…

a/n: hello?! i didn’t take 3 months to update this time
but sorry for…the angst…i guess..
((technically seulgi didn’t break her promise because she’s not the one marrying someone else-))
i realised there’s actually not too much left to go until the end of this fic??
so don’t be surprised if it like, ends soon haha but i don’t even know for sure yet… what a mess..
also i’m curious who you think the end game will be! seulrene?? borene?? wenrene??? let me know your thoughts :-)