twenty one. 

She watched the clock on the wall with tired eyes, trying her best to focus on the small numbers and make sense of what time it was. The air smelt of coffee which was already getting cold in her mug and toast which she had forgotten to take out of the toaster.

Her mind had been in a constant state of cluttered thoughts since last night and that had taken a toll on her quality of sleep so she was surprised she could even somewhat function right now. It also didn’t help that she slept on the couch last night because now her neck was sore. She took a sip of the lukewarm coffee and winced at the terrible taste, realising she had put salt instead of sugar into her coffee. So maybe she wasn’t functioning properly but who could blame her?

The clock read 9am (she thinks, but she’s pretty certain she’s right) and she blinked, taking a moment to comprehend what that meant.

Right, it was one hour after Joohyun’s train left to Daegu.

She forgot about the coffee and absentmindedly took another sip, only to regret it immediately and spit it out into the sink. She cussed under her breath as she grabbed another mug to fill with water and rid of the taste of salty coffee.

After recovering from the unfortunate coffee incident, she picked up her phone from her desk and walked back to the kitchen counter while she waited for it to turn on.

A sigh left when she saw the messages flooding her phone and she drank some more water, feeling anxious about the consequences she was about to face. Most messages and missed calls were from Seungwan while some were from Sooyoung or Yeri, and the rest were irrelevant.

She scrolled through the messages, biting her lip nervously and tried to ignore the guilt that kept tugging on her conscience. Being too immersed in reading her messages, she didn’t hear the footsteps behind her, nor did she notice the soft voice greeting her.

Seulgi only looked up from her phone when she felt someone touch her shoulder lightly and she must’ve looked kind of dumb and clueless because Joohyun laughed a little before leaning on the opposite side of the counter and repeating her words so that she could hear it this time.

“Good morning.” She said, smiling that smile of hers that Seulgi didn’t think she would be able to see again in this lifetime. Judging from the sparkle in her eyes and the easy smile on her face, Seulgi assumed that she had slept much better than her.

“Yeah.” Seulgi let out an uneasy breath, putting a smile on her face although it took some effort to do so. “Good morning.” She replied, looking down and fidgeting with the phone in her hands and she wondered what to say to her. When she looked up again, Joohyun was holding the mug with the coffee Seulgi had forgotten to pour out. “Um, don’t drink-”

Joohyun drank it before she heard her warning and spluttered on the coffee as soon as the liquid hit her tastebuds. 

“-That.” Seulgi finished her sentence uselessly.

“What is this?” Joohyun asked, visibly disgusted as she held the mug far away from her.

“Um…An accident?” Seulgi felt herself smiling genuinely this time and she momentarily forgot about everything that was giving her a headache.

Joohyun raised an eyebrow as if to say, ‘you think?’ and she moved across to empty the contents into the sink. She washed the mug while Seulgi watched and neither of them spoke until she finished rinsing the mug. She was drying her hands on the hand towel when Seulgi finally said aloud what she had been thinking for the longest time.

“I’m not sure if this is the right decision.” She admitted and her voice came out quieter than intended. She saw Joohyun pause and worry flickered across her face when she looked at her. Just when Joohyun was going to say something in response, Seulgi’s phone started ringing and it was Seungwan again. Seulgi tensed up and stared at it for a few seconds, considering her options and weighing the pros and cons.

Just as she was about to answer the call, Joohyun deftly grabbed the phone from her hands. “Don’t answer it.” Joohyun said, letting it ring until the caller gave up and ended the call.

“Why not?”

“Because,” Joohyun turned the phone off, sighing quietly as she placed it back on the table. “I don’t want you second guessing your decision.”

“A bit late for that. I already have.” Seulgi said, pushing herself off the kitchen counter with a heavy sigh. “It seemed like a good idea last night but now I’m not so sure.” She turned to look at her after walking into the living room. “I think there’s a lot I didn’t consider properly.”

“There shouldn’t be anything to consider.” Joohyun stated before pressing the button on the coffee machine and waiting patiently as it filled the new mug with fresh coffee. Seulgi didn’t say anything, partly because she didn’t know how to respond to that and partly because Joohyun wouldn’t be able to hear her over the noise the coffee machine was making.

“Well.” Seulgi said doubtfully after the machine finally quietened. “That’s not actually true.”

Joohyun smiled despite Seulgi’s pessimistic attitude as she turned off the coffee machine and the house was quiet once again. “It was just a yes or no question.”

“Well.”

“And you said yes.” Joohyun looked at her, pausing slightly before adding, “Eventually.”

“Eventually.” Seulgi admitted, “But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing else to think about.” She protested, not understanding how Joohyun could be so relaxed and unworried. Couldn’t she see the thousands of problems that would arise because of their selfish decision?

Joohyun walked over to her until they were standing face to face. “Maybe there is. But I want you to think about only yourself for once and do what you want to do, not what other people want you to do.”

“I don’t even know what I want to do.” Seulgi said almost inaudibly and she couldn’t look Joohyun in the eyes. There was deafening silence between them and Seulgi hated herself for disappointing Joohyun, again, like she always did.

“Do you want me to leave?” Joohyun asked finally. “If you regret your answer last night, just tell me now and I’ll stop bothering you.”

“I don’t regret it.” Seulgi said quickly, and it was true. She couldn’t imagine how it would feel if she had woken up this morning knowing she didn’t take the chance to keep Joohyun. Yes, it was a selfish choice she had made and no, she wasn’t sure that it was the right choice, but it was what she wanted.

“I want you to stay.” She admitted, then she blushed a little. “With me.”

“Good.” Joohyun said with a smile and it looked like she had been expecting that answer. She reached for Seulgi’s hand, bringing it up to wrap her fingers around the warm cup of coffee. Her hand covered Seulgi’s and she let it stay like that for a while. “Then don’t think about anything else.” 

“But,” Seulgi hesitated.

Joohyun gasped quietly when she noticed the time. “I should go back home before Seungwan calls the police.” Joohyun said before Seulgi could continue her sentence. She turned to get her belongings from the couch, not even giving Seulgi any time to react or say anything. “I’ll call you later, okay?” She said, pulling her coat on.

Seulgi nodded slowly and Joohyun smiled, pausing her actions to look at Seulgi properly for a few seconds before she had to leave. “See you soon.” She said, leaning up to give her a gentle kiss on her cheek and Seulgi completely forgot what she had wanted to say earlier.

…

“You’re kidding.”

“Well.” Joohyun said. “Not really.”

Seungwan threw her hands in the air in disbelief, falling back against the couch. “I can’t believe you.” She exclaimed. “Are you insane?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Yeah, a little.” Seungwan repeated sarcastically. “After all that has happened, after all that it took to get to this somewhat good ending, you decide to give it all up on the night before you’re supposed to leave.”

“That wasn’t the ending I wanted.”

“Seulgi wanted it.”

“Not anymore.”

“That self-contradicting idiot.” Seungwan sighed, palming her forehead. “So, what now? Please tell me you have a good plan at least.”

Joohyun lifted her shoulders, smiling sheepishly. “We haven’t actually thought that far.” She confessed.

“Where will you go?”

“Anywhere.” Joohyun said. “I don’t mind where we go as long as I can be with her.” 

“Very romantic.” Seungwan deadpanned. “You’re really not thinking of any consequences, are you? I guess that’s what love does to you. Have you even thought about Bogum? Does he know that you’re dumping him?”

“He knew I was going to see Seulgi last night.” Joohyun said. “I think he saw it coming that I wouldn’t be at the train station today.”

“That’s still going to hurt.”

Joohyun nodded a little, looking the slightest bit guilty and said nothing. Seungwan didn’t say anything either and she took that as her cue to leave. She glanced at her suitcase that was by the front door and then at Seungwan again. “I’m going to go.”

“Already?” Seungwan’s eyes widened. “But you said you don’t know where you’re going yet!”

“I’m just going to stay at Seulgi’s place for now.” Joohyun explained.

“Right.” Seungwan said, concealing her disappointment as best as she could. “Of course.”

Joohyun bit her lip again, knowing that Seungwan wasn’t happy with her decisions and she felt like a terrible friend for letting her down. “I’m sorry.” She said. She received silence as a reply and with a sigh, she got up and walked to the door to take her suitcase.

“Hey, wait.” Seungwan broke the silence and ran over to her before she opened the door. “Um.” She hesitated and Joohyun looked at her patiently. She took a deep breath, “Although I don’t personally agree with the whole ‘running away from all your problems’ idea, in the end you’re still my best friend and Seulgi is- was my best friend and there’s nothing more I want than for you both to be happy.” Seungwan blurted out and Joohyun looked surprised that she wasn’t trying to talk her out of it. “So, if this is what you really want, then I’ll support you and I really hope that you can be truly happy with the choice you’ve made.”

“Thank you.” Joohyun said, immediately moving forward to embrace her tightly.

Seungwan laughed and hugged her back. “Just promise you and Seulgi won’t leave without saying goodbye?”

“I promise.”

“You better keep it then.” Seungwan warned in a playful tone and Joohyun laughed, nodding. It felt like forever since Seungwan had last heard her laugh or smile like this and for the first time in a long time, she looked so happy.

…

The door to the rooftop was unlocked already, just as she had expected and Joohyun gave a quiet sigh of relief when she opened the door and saw Seulgi on the other side. She had her back turned to her and didn’t seem to notice her arrival.

“I thought I might find you here.” She said, walking closer to her. Seulgi wasn’t startled by her sudden presence and she turned her head to look at her, giving her a brief smile.

“Recently it feels like this is the only place I go to.”

“A lot to think about?”

“Yeah.” Seulgi agreed, letting out a sigh. “A lot.”

“What were you thinking about just now?” Joohyun asked. “Before I interrupted.”

Seulgi laughed softly, “You didn’t interrupt anything.” She said and hummed, thinking to herself before answering. “I was just thinking about everything.”

“That’s a little vague.” Joohyun said, looking at her after she didn’t receive a response. She noticed that Seulgi was still in work clothes and she looked up at her face again, seeing the expression on Seulgi’s face that was a dead giveaway that she was troubled by something. “Are you alright?” She asked, touching Seulgi’s hand to bring her back to reality.

“Yeah.” Seulgi said unconvincingly, putting a smile on her face to reassure her. “I’m just a little worried.”

“About?” Joohyun asked, holding onto Seulgi’s hand to make her turn so that she was facing her.

“I think you know.”

“Then you should know what I say to that.”

“But it’s not that easy.” Seulgi sighed, looking down at their hands and interlocking their fingers instead. She fell silent for a while before speaking again. “There’s so much that I haven’t told you and so much that I want to tell you, but I can’t tell you yet.”

“That’s fine.” Joohyun assured. “Just tell me when you’re ready. We have plenty of time now anyway.” Seulgi smiled and nodded, grateful for how patient and understanding she was.

“And I don’t care about any of that right now. I just want to be with you and I’m willing to leave everything behind us.” She said. “I’ll give up everything for you.”

“I would too.” Seulgi replied and Joohyun was relieved upon hearing the certainty in her voice.

“So, you haven’t changed your mind?” Joohyun asked teasingly.

“Why would I?” She replied, tugging on her hand and bringing Joohyun one step closer. “I haven’t felt this happy in a long time and I think I want to keep this feeling forever.”

Joohyun beamed at her, holding onto both of her hands. “You can. I’ll stay by your side from now on, I’ll make sure you always feel happy.”

“I’ll do my best to make you happy all the time too.” Seulgi promised. “Have you thought about where you want to go?”

“Anywhere. I don’t care as long as I’m with you.” Joohyun said, swinging their hands lightly. “Where we go isn’t important.”

“I agree, but we still need to think of a place.” Seulgi said. “And when we’ll go, where we will live, what we’ll do when we get there, how we’ll…”

“You’re thinking too much again.” Joohyun interrupted.

“Sorry.”

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow. I just want to enjoy this moment with you without having to think of anything.” She said. “Look at the stars.” She tilted her head back to look at the sky and Seulgi did as she was told.

“What’s so special about it?” Seulgi asked, looking at her again.

“Nothing. They just look nice.” Joohyun smiled, still searching the sky for the brightest star. “Also, I just needed something to distract you.”

“How can you be so carefree?” Seulgi asked, genuinely curious. “Aren’t you worried about anything? Don’t you think about what might go wrong?”

“I do. But then I just think about you and how long I have waited to be with you again, and I forget about everything else.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

Joohyun released Seulgi’s hands and reached up to hold her face instead, making her look into her eyes. “Can you think of me? Just me and nothing else?”

Seulgi found that difficult because she could only think about how fast her heart was beating and how close Joohyun was.

She looked at Joohyun and she wondered if Joohyun was thinking the same thing. She also thought about how much she wanted to kiss her but before she could decide her next move, Joohyun had already kissed her.

It was gentle, short and sweet, and nothing too intense but it was perfect. Seulgi expected fireworks or her heart to burst out of her chest but instead, it was as if everything calmed down and she only felt peace. Her mind, which had not stopped running through a million thoughts that day, finally slowed down and let her focus on the one thing that mattered.

Joohyun smiled somewhat shyly before asking, “What are you thinking about now?”

“Just you.” Seulgi replied with a smile. “And how much I want to kiss you again.”

…

 

a/n: i know i’m late but happy new year!
it’s also been over 1 year since this was published haha well.
thank you to everyone who is still reading and for being patient with me im sorry for taking so long
i hope u dont mind the short update :(

anyway there isn’t much left to go! just two more chapters i think...