'This is the perfect moment.' Kyungsoo thinks as Sehun nudges himself a little closer on the bed, a soft smile on his lips. They are alone in the house, that sweet spot after his sister has gone for her piano lessons and before his parents come back from work. So he should tell him.

 

But Kyungsoo has never been good with words, especially the part about getting them out of his mouth, so he doesn't know where to start. It's not like he hasn't practised because he has, in front of the mirror, in his mind on the way home in the bus, and everytime his teacher says something boring. He has tried out every possible version of confessing, from 'I think you're kind of beautiful', to a more direct 'Do you want to be my boyfriend?'. In his mind it's easy, because there he is in control, and 99% of the time imaginary-Sehun loves him back. But this is reality, and now he can't think about anything else but that 1% when he doesn't. When he's disgusted with him, when he doesn't want to speak with him ever again and tells the entire school that he's a repulsive who ually harrasses his friends.

 

Taking a deep breath, Kyungsoo tries to seperate anxiety from reality. Sehun isn't mean. He wouldn't do that. He's kind and friendly and smells really nice so he wouldn't do that to him. And if Kyungsoo never says anything, he will never know if Sehun feels the same and that would be horrible if he does. Because there is only one month left of school and then Kyungsoo goes to college and Sehun has one year left of high school, and they won't see each other as much. Except, maybe if they are boyfriends. So they need to be boyfriends. And for other reasons too. Reasons that have to do with touching and kissing, and now Kyungsoo's mind has gone off track, so he has to pull himself back to the present, which is also very nice, because they are cuddling on his bed, and Sehun is warm and so beautiful it hurts sometimes, and now is one of those times.

 

Building up his confidence, Kyungsoo tries to convince himself that Sehun wouldn't cuddle like this if he didn't like him back, so maybe he does. Because they cuddle a lot. A lot, a lot. And Kyungsoo isn't the type do that with just anybody and hopefully Sehun knows that.

 

They didn't start out so physically close. Only one year ago, Kyungsoo didn't even know him, because high school is huge and he's not the type to talk to strangers that much, especially someone who's not on his year. But six months ago Sehun joined his photographing club, which was great, because as the captain, Kyungsoo needed more people to keep the club alive to the end of the school year so he would get credit for his hobby. Contrary to the other members (who were just Kyungsoo's friends registering as a favour), Sehun actually liked photography. So, soon they went on short hikes or walks to take pictures, and afterwards they always ended up eating together and hanging out.

 

Kyungsoo remembers clearly the first time Sehun grabbed his hand. It was on a Saturday, and they were walking alone in a forest covered by snow. It had been freezing, but as soon as Sehun's hand touched his, Kyungsoo had felt warm, everywhere. At the time, he had thought Sehun only took his hand because it was cold and he had forgotten his mittens, but the next time he did it, they were inside, at an almost empty movie theater so it wasn't cold.

 

Because that was the thing, Sehun didn't only like photography, he also liked the movies, and he liked watching them with Kyungsoo. These days, they always held hands whenever they had privacy, and cuddled when they watched movies together at Kyungsoo's house.

 

This time, they have even forgotten about the movie. Sehun has come home with him after school to watch an old Japanese classic, Kyungsoo has ordered on Amazon and arrived this morning. But now they are cuddling on the bed and the movie is completely forgotten. Though that is a lie. Kyungsoo remembers about the movie. He just knows that if he starts it later, it will be longer until Sehun has to go home. So when his friend starts chatting on the bed, Kyungsoo is really happy to join him. Happier when their fingers entwine and Sehun comes closer, and it becomes harder to breathe because now he is really close, and their eyes are locked and he is the most beautiful being that Kyungsoo has ever seen.

 

They have stopped talking, which is another good thing about Sehun. Although sometimes he's fun and loud (especially when he gets excited about a new movie or if they are going on one of their photographing trips), he doesn't mind if it's quiet too sometimes. And he doesn't mind if sometimes Kyungsoo doesn't say anything, and never pushes him to talk more, which strangely makes it easier to talk. He never minds just staying together, like now and it's perfect. It's so perfect that Kyungsoo knows he might not get another chance like this so he has to tell him.

 

Gathering up the courage, he remembers all the things they have done together, and hopes that all of it means that Sehun likes him too. But as he's (almost) ready to say something, Sehun puts up a weird face and then says something first.

“Suzy came and talked to me today.”

Kyungsoo feels his throat getting dry. “Oh.”

Suzy is a girl on Sehun's year and in spite of what everyone says she is not the prettiest girl in school. Right now, Kyungsoo can't think of anyone else who could be, but it's not her. It can't be. Not when she's talking to Sehun and they are not even friends.

 

It feels like Kyungsoo's insides are all twisting into one gigantic knot as he waits for Sehun to continue.

“She...” Sehun hesitates, but then looks directly into Kyungsoo's eyes and says: “...she asked me to go with her to the spring dance.”

“Oh.” Like he was splashed with a bucket full of ice water, his skin hurts, his face hurts, his everything hurts and he hates her. Girls are not supposed to ask guys to the dance so she's clearly breaking the rules. And he hates her for being a girl, and he hates her because no matter how hard he tries to convince himself otherwise, Suzy is beautiful. The worst part is that they would look amazing together, like the school's dream couple. Even their names fit together. Sehun & Suzy. So he hates her name too and feels something inside him break. Everything inside him breaks.

 

Even though it's obvious and he shouldn't torture himself by asking, he still does.

“So what did you say?”

Sehun hesitates for a second and Kyungsoo's mind cruelly comes up with the answer he wants to hear: 'I said no because I want to be with you hyung.' But it's too horrible because that's nothing like the real answer.

“I... I said I would have to think about it.”

“What's there to think about?” Kyungsoo spits out, still secretly hoping for a happy ending. “She... She's the prettiest girl in school.” The words burn his tongue.

“You... Hyung, do you think so?” His voice breaks a little.

“Everyone thinks so.”

“Do you think I should go with her, hyung?” Sehun's expression is ambiguous and he seems surprised, maybe because Kyungsoo has never talked about girls before.

“Why wouldn't you?” He asks, and pathetically hopes for Sehun to say: 'Because I like you hyung'. He doesn't.

“No reason.” Both of them are silent but now it's not comfortable. After what feels like thousand years, Sehun mutters, “I guess I'll say yes then.”

“Yeah you should.” Kyungsoo says and hates himself.

He should just say it, anyways, even though it's too late now. At least that will kill that final glimmer of hope, that fantasy that won't die no matter how unrealistic it is. Maybe that will make it possible to get over him. But he's a coward and doesn't say anything because nothing is worse than Sehun hating him. Not even this. Though it's close.

 

The spark in Sehun's eyes dies, and he rolls onto his back, away from Kyungsoo's embrace until they are not touching at all anymore. Without saying anything, he just stares at the ceiling.

 

Kyungsoo's chest heaves in panic. The dance hasn't even started and he can already feeling Sehun slipping away from him. Oh god. The dance. He can't go. Anything else in the world but that. He can't watch Sehun with Suzy. He just can't. Maybe he can try to fake an illness, but his sister is in Sehun's year so he will ask her and she'll tell him that Kyungsoo is lying and then Sehun will know and he will hate him forever.

 

Without a warning, Sehun suddenly sits up, back turned to him.

“Hyung, you're a jerk,” he mutters so quietly that Kyungsoo definitely heard it wrong.

“What?”

“You're a jerk.” He repeats, this time louder, glancing over his broad shoulder, back at him.

 

“What?” Having no idea of what is going on Kyungsoo sits up too.

“You are supposed to say I shouldn't go.”

“W-Why?” His heart is beating so loudly that he can barely hear his own words.

“You are supposed to tell me you don't want me to go with her. You are supposed to be jealous.” Sehun mutters quietly down to his chest but now all of Kyungsoo's senses are alert and he hears him.

“I am jealous.” He blurts out unsmoothly and there are about million other things to say but they get tangled in a mess and the words betray him again.

“Now you made it worse.” Sehun grumbles. “You're not supposed to say it because I tell you to, you're supposed to feel it.” His voice cracks at the end.

 

Needing Sehun to believe him, Kyungsoo quickly moves across the bed and sits down next to him, his socks touching the smooth carpet.

“I am jealous. Really.”

“Jealous how?” Sehun glances up, pouting, and it's too delicious so Kyungsoo admits:

“I... I wanted to cut all her hair off so you wouldn't like her anymore.”

Out of the blue Sehun laughs, with his deep voice, dorkily and Kyungsoo loves him.

“Hyung that makes no sense,” his laughter subsides and he adds: "That would never work. You have super short hair, and I like you.”

Kyungsoo's heart expands like a balloon until it's filling up his entire chest: “I... I like you too.” and it doesn't sound half as nice as all the times he practised, but feels a million times better.

“Like me how?” Sehun asks brattily while pushing out his lower lip and he must know how adorable he looks, because nobody can look like that and not know it.

“Like... a lot.” Kyungsoo explains and it sounds awful, so he tries to make it better: “Like... more.” It doesn't get any better.

But like usually, Sehun understands him, even though he doesn't use that many words.

“Me too.” He smiles and Kyungsoo wonders if it's possible to die from happiness.

Because that's what Sehun wanted, and to make things clearer he says: “And I don't want you to go to the dance.”

Unexpectedly, Sehun pouts. “But I really wanna go.”

“Bu...”

“I just wanted... someone else to ask me.”

“Me?” And when he nods, Kyungsoo asks, “But you're a guy... and I'm a guy?” Admitting it to Sehun that he likes him is difficult enough without the school knowing too.

“We can pretend to go as friends.”

“Pretend?” Kyungsoo's chest is warm. “And the truth?”

“...boyfriends.” There is slight fear in Sehun's eyes as he adds, “You're okay with that, right?” and it's adorable.

“Mmm...” Kyungsoo smiles and nods, because he's too happy to speak.

Sehun's smile is kind of crooked, his white teeth showing and his eyes turn into crescent moons, knocking the air out of Kyungsoo's lungs. Nothing can be sweeter than this.

 

Sehun's hand grabs his, like always, but this time it feels even better, something Kyungsoo hadn't thought was possible.

“You should know though, that I'm a demanding date,” Sehun says cockily, but because of how his lisp becomes more prominent, Kyungsoo knows that he's nervous, but pretends not to notice, because it's too cute and he doesn't want to make him worse. “...So I expect a kiss after the dance.” He adds pretend-matter-of-factly.

“That's... not a problem.” Kyungsoo says simply, and a quick glance at Sehun's pink lips makes his heart race and he wishes the dance wasn't two weeks away.

“...And I want it to be perfect.”

“Oh.” Kyungsoo isn't sure about that part, however, because he hasn't had a lot of kissing experience. In fact, he hasn't had any experience, so 'perfect' sounds like an awful lot to ask of him. But Sehun has a solution.

“So maybe, we should... you know... practise a bit... before then.”

“Like... now?” Without planning to, Kyungsoo his lower lip.

“Now is okay.” Sehun's voice is kind of rusty, and he looks at him in a way that is kind of hot. “I can do now.”

 

Even when sitting down, Sehun is still taller than him, but Kyungsoo is older so he should take the lead. His heart is too loud and he wonders if it's possible for a teenager to die of a heart attack, but then Sehun's lips catch his eyes, and they are all he can think about. Sehun's neck is warm, as he pulls him down and then presses their lips together. Closing his eyes, he enjoys the soft feel of the cute lips, his skin getting comfortable warm before he backs away.

 

Sehun opens up his eyes slowly, then smiles, giggles a bit, and lets himself fall back on the bed. Unsure what this means, Kyungsoo lies down next to him.

“Was this... okay?” Eventually he asks because Sehun doesn't say anything and he has to know.

Turning to his side, facing him, Sehun moves closer and says: “Hyung I really like you.”

“I... like you too.”

“And I like kissing you the most,” Sehun is really close now, so Kyungsoo can feel the warmth of his breath as he whispers: “I think I'm in love with your lips.”

Until now, Kyungsoo has never thought about his lips, only thought they were useful for eating and failing him when trying to speak, but the thought of Sehun loving any part of him makes him so happy he can't resist and kisses him again.

 

This time, Sehun's mouth is slightly open, so Kyungsoo allows himself to taste him, his skin buzzing with tingling happiness. It is slightly awkward at first, but it doesn't take him long to figure out what he likes, and hopes it makes Sehun feel good also. It seems like it, because his body is warm, and he lets out small sounds of contentment, his hand running up Kyungsoo's back, over the shirt of his school uniform, but it still feels good.

 

He thinks about Sehun's stomach, which he has sometimes caught glimpses of, and wants to touch it, but doesn't. Because they are just getting started and they have all the time in the world to take things slow, to do things right. They continue kissing, and cuddling, and making out, and Kyungsoo doesn't dare to stop. First of all because he doesn't want to, but also he's afraid that if he does, he'll realize that this is not real, only his imagination. But the longer they kiss, the clearer it becomes that this has to be reality, because none of his fantasies have ever felt this good.

 

Only when they hear the front door open up, do they stop, freeze, and then giggle a little before sitting up again, tugging in their shirts.

 

“Kyungsoo! Come help me with the groceries.” His mom yells from the hallway, and they giggle some more because at this moment it seems ridiculous that something as mundane as groceries exist.

“Coming!” He yells back, eyes still locked at the most beautiful boy in the world, who tenderly fixes his hair.

 

“How do I look?” He asks to make sure his mom won't find out.

“Amazing.” Sehun mumbles, and Kyungsoo hits him, because he shouldn't say things like that when his mom is about to see him. But that only makes Sehun laugh and he mutters: “It's safe.”

“I'll be back in a minute,” he says but Sehun stands up too.

“I'll help too,” he says at seeing Kyungsoo's questioning face, and then adds cheekily: “I need to make a good impression on your mom now, since you're my boyfriend.”

Still not used to the word 'boyfriend' Kyungsoo blushes, and feels like he should say something too, something meaningful. But when Sehun looks at him like that, there is only one thing he can think of and accidentally the words are on his lips:

“I think you are beautiful.” That is way too embarrassing, so he quickly turns around. But before he manages to open up the door, Sehun has wrapped his long arms around him, hugging him from behind and whispers:

“I think you are beautiful too.”

That's plain unfair and Kyungsoo feels his face getting warmer, and the rest of his body too, so after indulging in Sehun's embrace for half a second more he opens up the door. Right before exiting the room, he hesitates and mutters softly:

“Maybe tomorrow... we can, continue practising.”

From the corner of his eyes, he can see Sehun smile, so blindingly beautiful it feels like it's impossible to look directly at him, and in his heart Kyungsoo knows that he is, without a doubt, the luckiest boy alive.