“Let’s have a proper hot chocolate and cookies.”

         Taekwoon would like to protest and to keep kissing Hakyeon. However his stomach just betrayed him and decided to rumble very loudly when he was still pondering over the opportunity to slide his hands under Hakyeon’s sweater. The unwelcome sound obviously ruined his plans but Hakyeon’s laugh and smile compensate for the lost chance.

         Hakyeon takes his hand and leads him to the kitchen. He wonders briefly if it will become a habit of them, to hold hands while walking, even for just a few steps. He really hopes so, although the sight of the disaster awaiting them in the kitchen interrupts his dreamy train of thought. The table is covered with spilled chocolate and some is still dripping onto the chair below and on the floor. Thankfully, the knocked over mug is miraculously intact.

While apologising profusely, he starts to take charge of the cleaning but it soon appears impossible for him to even help with his bandaged hand hindering all his movements. Hakyeon laughs at his clumsiness and makes him sit down while he takes over. Sheepishly, he has to settle for looking at Hakyeon doing all the work from a corner of the room. It’s not that bad. He enjoys being able to look at the other without fearing to be caught. Even as he takes care of the most mundane things, Hakyeon’s gestures are always so gracious that it often looks like he’s dancing. It always mesmerised him.

“I’ve made ginger biscuits earlier... I hope you’ll like them. They are really tasty dunked in hot chocolate... I think...”

Hakyeon seems a bit anxious as he waits for him to sample one of the star shaped cookies. The scene is actually very familiar. Hakyeon likes to bake a lot and to share his home-made sweets with his friends and co-workers. Taekwoon’s response was always very disappointing but in reality, he was the one sneakily finishing the treats. This time, when he bites in the flavourful biscuit, he doesn’t hold his pleasure and mumbles his contentment straight away, mouth still full of the delicious cookie.

“This is good.”

He’s rewarded with another radiant smile from Hakyeon and he wonders why he denied himself this for so long, the pleasure of making Hakyeon happy.

After Hakyeon is done with the preparation of their hot chocolate and has everything settled on a tray, they make their way to the couch in the main room. They decide on watching a special Christmas music show and make themselves comfortable under the red printed plaid Taekwoon spotted earlier when he entered Hakyeon’s apartment. So much happened since, so much changed that he feels like it was ages ago...

They spend some minutes in silence like this, sipping carefully at their hot beverage and munching ginger biscuits after dipping them into the rich hot chocolate. Like Hakyeon said, they’re even better like this. The performances they’re watching are nice and Taekwoon laughs whenever Hakyeon tries to imitate some of the song’s key moves.

After they drank their hot chocolate to the last drop, Hakyeon cuddles closer to him, resting his head against his shoulder and letting out a contented sigh.

“This is nice... being cosy like this. It’s the best Christmas date ever...”

He then lifts his head towards Taekwoon, biting his lower lip a bit nervously.

“It’s a date, right? I mean...”

Taekwoon doesn’t like the insecurity suddenly shadowing Hakyeon’s eyes and he interrupts him right away.

“Of course, it’s a date... Should I ask you out properly?”

Hakyeon laughs and resumes his comfortable position against Taekwoon.

“I can’t wait to tell the others! They will be so surprised...”

Taekwoon lets out a dramatic sigh and hides his face behind Hakyeon.

“Please, I won’t hear the end of it... especially from Jaehwan...”

He can already hear the scolding of his best friend. Then the thought of Hongbin’s joy at the perspective of a new opportunity of teasing him with the complicity of Sanghyuk draws a groan out of him...

He expects Hakyeon to offer him some comforting words but nothing like the heartbreaking proposition that follows his complaints.

“We don’t have to tell them, you know... if that makes you uncomfortable... it doesn’t have to be official... Just, whatever you decide... I’ll be fine with it.”

Except Hakyeon’s small smile and wavering tone don’t match his words at all. He tries to bear Taekwoon’s scrutiny but it only takes a pointedly unconvinced look to make him drop the act and look away, a sad look darkening his face.

“Well, maybe not totally fine but I figure that you need time...”

Taekwoon takes a deep breath and gently takes Hakyeon’s head between his hands to make him look at him properly. He feels a surge of guilt when watery eyes meet his. Given his past behaviour, he realises that of course Hakyeon would be a bit wary but he can’t accept it. He doesn’t want Hakyeon to doubt him or their relationship ever again.

“Hakyeon, I’m so sorry for all the times I acted like a jerk with you... I’m sorry for all the times I hurt you..."

"Oh, Taekwoon, it’s fine... I understand... I’ve been there. I know it’s not easy to admit your ual preference when it’s not what your family or friends are expecting of you and...”

Of course Hakyeon would find a way to reassure him even when he can’t forgive himself yet. He also seems ready to go on with the subject but Taekwoon shushes him by placing firmly his bandaged-free thumb on his mouth. It proves to be effective and he can resume his apologies after removing his thumb back on Hakyeon’s cheek.

“Please, listen... I’ll say it again: I’m sorry... I’m so sorry... There was no sense in trying to hide who I am and whom I really like just for the sake of ‘fitting in’. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. And I don’t want to lie anymore, to myself or to others. I’m... I’m so happy tonight, spending time with you, laughing with you, kissing... I’ve never been so at ease since so long, I don’t want to go back. I want to keep holding your hand and not be ashamed about it. I want to talk about you with my best friend. I want Hongbin to stop thinking I’m a stupid homophobe. I want Wonshik to congratulate us with a big goofy smile and to see Sanghyuk round eyes when we will share the news with them...”

Hakyeon nods and whispers a small “I want that too”. He’s smiling again and Taekwoon will never get tired of it.

“We’ll tell them. And I’ll tell my parents, and my sisters too”.

Hakyeon’s smile drops a bit as worry paints itself on his face.

“Taekwoon, it’s okay for you to take your time. It’s not a decision to rush... You could wait...”

“No, I’ve waited too long already... I know they may never talk to me anymore but... I feel stronger now, with you”.

He feels himself blushing under Hakyeon’s eyes. They somehow ended up holding hands again and Hakyeon’s light pressure against his uninjured one tells him everything he sort of already knew but only realises tonight, that he won’t have to carry that weight alone anymore.

“I... I love you.”

The words are out before he has time to process them but his heart is so full, he wouldn’t have been able to keep them inside. Besides it’s so worth seeing Hakyeon beaming at him that he doesn’t mind if maybe it’s too soon or whatever.

“I love you too.”

The kiss that follows Hakyeon’s words is so passionate that Taekwoon soon feels completely lightheaded.

“Honestly, I was dreading this Christmas so much... Being alone when everyone else is with their family or their lover. But it turns out as the best Christmas ever... Thank you.”

They are kissing again and Taekwoon can’t agree more. Embracing the man he loves is certainly the best way to spend Christmas.

This time, when thoughts of sneaking his hands under Hakyeon’s sweater come to his mind, Hakyeon’s hands are already under his own. It really is a perfect Christmas.