Someone had once asked her:

"Why are you still hiding from me?"

She had once replied:

"Because I'm scared of what I could do to you."

Jinsook looked up, trying to keep the tears from falling down. It proved to be foolish, however, because sooner than later she could feel as a single teardrop fell right above her right hand. Quickly, a pair of hands held hers, and she didn't need to guess to know they belonged to Juyeon. Jinsook felt like she couldn't speak, as if her words could betray and spit out everything that was going on inside her head. Her mind was full... Full of memories. Of words that were once spoken softly and turned hateful... Of images she tried so hard to forget but that came back to her so fast it was like they never left. It felt hard to breathe, and just as she thought about storming off and going to her bed – which would certainly attract attention to her since she could see the bright tv lights from the corner of her eye – one of Juyeon's hands moved to her hair, caressing her head, trying to comfort the younger girl. The little movement started to calm her and she felt confident enough to face Juyeon.

"Unnie...", she said, her voice barely a whisper while struggling to keep a straight face. She knew how she must've been looking like: trembling lips, red wide eyes and a sorrowful expression. Juyeon looked so concerned, and even if Jinsook didn't want that to happen, she felt something warm in her heart spread all around her. The older girl turned very quickly, her hands still on Jinsook's, and whispered something to the person next her; Hyunjung. They both nodded to each other and Juyeon got up, softly pulling her hand up so that the younger girl would follow her. She led her to her room, and Jinsook couldn't help but look back to see if anyone had seen them; to her relief, no, no one had. Half of the girls were asleep, probably too tired from practicing all day. Xuanyi and Jiyeon were making little jokes between themselves, while next to them Luda tried to draw something in a little notebook while struggling to move her arm from the weight of a sleeping Xiao on her shoulder. That warm feeling got even bigger; she loved her family so much.

They got inside the room and Juyeon closed the door, never letting go of her hand.

"Are you alright, Reum-ah?", she spoke carefully, as to not spook her.

Jinsook hesitated for a second, but soon said:

"I don't think I am, unnie... But can we both pretend I am? I don't think I can talk about it...", she couldn't finish it, but Juyeon understood, as she just nodded with a little sad smile on her face. She didn't question or pressed her for more and for that Jinsook was thankful.

"That's alright, Reummie,", judging by her expression, Juyeon seemed to be taken by a moment of pure certainty. "You know, I care a lot about you."

For a second Jinsook had almost forgotten to catch a breath. "I... I care about you too, unnie." 

Juyeon got a little closer and hugged her, welcoming her into a close embrace. Her skin was warm, and Jinsook could hear Juyeon's heartbeat as clearly as her own, and if both were just one. The hand, the same one that touched her hair before, came back to it. It was as if the touch said "I wasn't here, but now I am. I am here, so things will be okay." Everything about Juyeon felt like that: like home. Conflicting feelings aside, nothing could change that Jinsook felt safe with her. She didn't know when it had started, or if it had always been there and she was just now realizing it, but, regardless of the why's and the how's, she couldn't deny just how big that feeling was, like a promise of something she had dreamt for so long and that seemed more and more likely to happen. Even if she was breaking her own rules, Jinsook decided to have that little moment. Maybe, in a future where she would no longer have such thoughts and wishes, she would look back at it and see it as something sweet, a piece of something that belonged in the past. And she would smile to herself, a smile no one else would be able to recognize, and maybe things would be alright for a while. 

"I wish I could live inside a moment...", she muttered, quietly, more to herself than to anyone else. If I could, it would be this one, she thought, as such thoughts had no place on being spoken in that time or place. Not hers, in any case. If she could, however, Jinsook didn't know what she might have said. Maybe it would start with Unnie, I can't stop thinking about you lately. Or Juyeon unnie, I have to be honest with you, I can't get you out of my mind. And maybe, a small part of her believed, she could simply say Son Juyeon, I think I'm starting to like you. What if I tell you that my secret is so similar to yours?

But no, that just couldn't be, because just as she learned two years ago, the price of honesty sometimes could cost more than the debt of lying. 

Instead of letting her thoughts to be known, Jinsook took a step back, making Juyeon's arms fall back from their embrace.

"Do you want to go to sleep, Jinsook-ah?", she didn't look or sound worried, but her fingers continually traced the palms of her left hand, almost as if she was nervous, which seemed strange. Juyeon can't read my thoughts, what reason she would have to be nervous right now?

But then, Jinsook started to noticed some little details she hadn't focused before: Juyeon wasn't wearing pajamas, instead she wore jeans and a pretty red off the shoulders top. She had mascara on, and her shoes were both comfortable and stylish, the perfect combination for a night out. Jinsook glanced quickly to Juyeon's bed – it was a little messy, but she quickly spotted a leather jacket and keys.

"Unnie... Where are you going?", she asked softly.

Juyeon stayed quiet for a second, probably trying to come up with a solution. In the end, she simply asked back:

"Reum-ah... I can trust you, right?"

"Of course.", she didn't have to think twice.

"There's a place I was invited to go... It's just a small friends' reunion, don't worry, I wouldn't go to a public party or anything like that. It's just... Hwang Eunbi, Sinb, asked me to go, and I can't say no to her. You know we are close."

Oh, Jinsook thought. I see.

Before she could answer, however, Juyeon held her own hands together, squeezing them tightly, and let them go. The younger girl's eyes followed the movement, seeing as the hands moved in the air until they stopped still.

"Maybe... Do you want to go with me?"

Jinsook's eyes widened, incredulous. 

"I... Won't we get into trouble, unnie?", the possibility both excited and terrified her. Going out with Juyeon unnie to a party seemed so mature, like she was finally in the big girls' club. But if Sinb unnie was going to be there, maybe... Maybe Juyeon wanted to go to see Eunha unnie? But why invite me, if that's the case?

"Only if someone sees us sneaking out and that just won't happen, Reum-ah. I've done this before! Don't worry.", her tone was full of reassurement, and Jinsook couldn't help but to trust what the older girl was saying. She nodded, slowly, and Juyeon took it as a confirmation. "I will borrow you some clothes, you can't go with your cute pink pajamas.

Jinsook blushed, embarrassed. "You're right, unnie." They both shared a look and a little smile. 

Right away, Juyeon started to look through the clothes that were already in the bedroom. She knelt and Jinsook couldn't help but to notice her shoulders, the way her back curved, how everything fit perfectly... Please, no... Stop.

"I found something, Reum-ah, I think it could fit you.", the older girl said while standing up, a bright blue sweater and leather pants. "I have the perfect dress for you but it's too cold for it, ah!  Are you okay with these? I can borrow you some boots too, if you want your feet to stay warm."

"It's perfect, unnie, thank you.", she said, not really giving much thought to the clothes. It wasn't really important. "Can you... Can you turn around?"

Juyeon's nodded and didk what she was asked, and, without really knowing why, Jinsook felt disappointed there weren't any teasing or snarky comments. She put on the clothes as fast as she could and looked herself in one of the tiny mirrors inside the room. The lipstick Dayoung had used on her was still there, so Jinsook just adjusted her hair, for a second missing wearing a beret. "Unnie, can you borrow me the boots?", she asked for instead. 

Juyeon turned around and Jinsook felt pleased with the reaction; even though the younger girl wasn't using anything too revealing or too stylish, her unnie still looked impressed. While Jinsook was putting on the boots Juyeon had just handed to her, she thought of how simple yet important that little moment was. It was a position she had been before; when you realize that maybe, just maybe, the person standing next to you isn't just a person, but the person you like. And everything changes, as these things usually do. It wasn't even about the fantasy or the wishes that perhaps they could be together. It was that feeling... She felt proud and happy in a way that made her want to climb mountains if it meant that the person she liked would be on the other side. If the other person were there, cheering, willing to hold her hand while they celebrated, then everything would be worth it. The after didn't matter because it wouldn't happen. Even if... Even so, Jinsook wouldn't do it. Just as she knew what it meant to like someone, she was also aware of the consequences. She had learned her lesson already and not even one of all of her bones were willing to make the same mistake twice.

As they were sneaking out, Jinsook thought more about a lot of things; her head was a place, a loud place, and it was never quiet. She thought that night would be the last one she would allow herself to feel such things, and even so Jinsook wouldn't do anything about it. She would feel and that would have to be enough. When they put on face masks, caps and thick jackets, she thought how soft Juyeon's hands were, and how right it felt to hold them. While they got in a cab, she thought about going back and telling Dayoung everything, ask for forgiveness and wish she would forget it all. At the same time they arrived in silence in a part of the city she had never been before, Jinsook thought about asking forgiveness for Juyeon instead, for being so curious, for remembering, for wanting. For a reason she couldn't understand, her surroundings felt both alive and foreign. The colors seemed too bright, and the sounds felt as if they were playing inside someone's head and it was so loud she could hear it faintly. They walked closed together in a dark street, the light could barely shine there in a way that reminded Jinsook of a little insect trying to fly only to find out their wings were stuck and that they had no other choice then to sit there, slowly and slowly giving up on flapping their wings. Juyeon stopped then, in front of a little brown establishment without any plates or numbers. A strong green light could be seen through the windows, though, and the thought of getting there seemed like the perfectly right choice just as it felt like the biggest mistake she could ever do. 

"Are you ready to spend time with your unnie, Jinsook-ah?"

Jinsook could only nod.