On the next few days, Jinsook felt utterly confused, a bit lost and very distracted. Every time Juyeon used their manager's phone, Jinsook felt her heart beat a little faster. She started to feel too self conscious around the other girl, and as a consequence she decided it would be for the best if she spent more time with the her other members instead. It wasn't because of Juyeon's secret, she was her friend after all... No, It was because of her own. Don't, Jinsook, don't go there. She shouldn't think about that. 

Her mood must had been starting to show, because when she realized it, Hyunjung unnie was giving her a speech about making time to rest and to not let work be the only thing in her life.

"Trust me, I know that in this industry we always need to work hard, and improve ourselves more and more. But Jinsook-ah, lately you seem tired and unfocused, and I'm not saying this to criticise you, okay?", after Jinsook nodded, she continued. "I'm just worried about you, and so is Sojung, Soobin, Jiyeon... We are all worried for you. You're one of our maknaes, and that means we will help and support you no matter what."

Jinsook thought about her unnie's words and the fact that again, there she was, having to come up with a lie. Before... She had always felt that lying was a matter of survival, but lately it was becoming a burden. She just wanted to come clean, tell what was really troubling her, but how would she do that...? It was impossible. So she didn't have a choice but to pretend Hyunjung and her were on the same page.

"I have been a little tired, Hyunjung unnie, but that's because I'm still thinking about my admission exams... It's been harder to stay focused because I'm not sure I did well...". Right away, Hyunjung seemed to relax a little, comprehension quickly dispersing the worry on her expression.

"I'm sure you did great, Jinsook-ah. Trust yourself, alright?"

Jinsook couldn't help but smile a bit.

"I will try, unnie. Thank you for being so caring..."

Hyunjung let out a sweet laugh and hugged her, making Jinsook feel safe and like everything would be okay. And maybe it would... Just as feelings could grow and reappear, they could be cut out, or simply stop existing. Things would be alright.

"It's just movie night Dayomi, why do I have to use this lipstick? It feels a bit too much..."

"You look beautiful, Reum-ah! I just wanna pinch your nose right now!"

Jinsook laughed, hitting her friend playfully.

"Not if I pinch yours before!", she said, and both started running around the house, trying to catch each other before the other could. Dayoung almost slipped but quickly stood up, making a funny face. With that Jinsook couldn't help but start laughing more; Dayoung was adorable like that. 

Seeing that Yeonjung was coming to the living room, she gestured to her, trying to get her attention.

"Yeonjung-ah! Get Dayomi!"

Yeonjung looked at them both and said "alright!" at the same time Dayoung screamed "what?!"

Running around and laughing, they missed Sojung and the rest of the girls getting home. But, it wasn't the fake angry stare that Sojung had or the shocked expression on Dawon's face that made Jinsook stop. No, it was the way that Juyeon was staring at her, with a smirk on her face, her gaze daring Jinsook to stare back. Still smiling, as if she belonged in a still candid photography, the younger girl held Juyeon's gaze. 

"At least Jinsook seems to be feeling better", commented Meiqi. 

Juyeon nodded, still looking straight to Jinsook, and said:

"I can see that.", and a second later, added, "I like your lipstick."

Jinsook let out a startled laugh. She tried to relax and move around, and only then realize that Yeonjung and Dayoung were already talking with the others. How didn't she see them move? As if sensing Jinsook's confusion, Juyeon got closer to her. Those eyes... Did she look at me like that before? Is this... Is this from my imagination?

"Really, peach is a good color for you. So cute!"

"I think it would look good on you, unnie.", she said, and immediately wanted to hit herself. Why had she said that out loud? It wasn't... It wasn't what she wanted to say. She wanted to say thank you and be gone, the other girls were already getting ready to watch the movie together, they were the only ones still standing.

"Ah... Such a player, Jinsook-ah!", she joked, but Jinsook felt herself blushing.

"W-what are you talking about, unnie? Me, a player? That doesn't make sense...", she knew she was starting to ramble, but Jinsook couldn't help it. Apparently her reaction was amusing the older girl, because Juyeon only laughed and took her hand, taking her to sit with the rest of the members.

"You're so adorable, Reum-ah. C'mon, sit next to your unnie."

Jinsook preferred to not reply and just did what the older girl told her to. Since they got there last the only place she could sit was in the end of the line, Juyeon being the only person next to her. They had gotten some pillows and blankets so everyone would feel comfortable, and quickly Juyeon offered to share one of the blankets with her. 

"It's alright, unnie, I'm not cold."

"That's alright, but if you want it, just ask.", whispered Juyeon, whinking right after.

Oh.

Oh no.

Jinsook tried, but she just couldn't pay attention to the movie. A thought had hit her with the strength of a hurricane, and that had left her feeling even more lost: maybe, just maybe, her own reactions weren't about Juyeon's secret at all. Maybe it was about Jinsook's, and a past she tried so hard to forget. Maybe it was about a girl, that once thought she had the world in her hands, but that was left with nothing after a choice. A mistake. But, mistake or not, she had made a promise to herself, something she couldn't break not even if she wanted. Some people were made to live. Others, made to observe those who truly lived. Sometimes, if you were the latter trying to do the former, you would have to face the consequences. 

A secret, never shared, never even spoken:

Jinsook knew more than she let on. She knew that Xiao missed home so much she would go to Meiqi's bed crying, asking for her to speak their mother tongue so she would feel like she was home. She knew Sojung and Hyunjung were once best friends, always together, but that lately Hyunjung was spending more and more time with Soobin, leaving Sojung alone with her thoughts while she pretended it didn't hurt. Jinsook knew that Dawon was spending more time practicing then doing anything else, and that the lack of sleep because of all her hard work was starting to get to her. She also knew Yeonjung felt some sort of guilt sometimes, and that she always tried to make her unnies happy. She knew that Dayoung was aware that the latter was happening, and that was why the two had become so much closer than before. 

A new realization, never once thought, never once considerated:

Before, Jinsook thought that the way Jiyeon looked at Xuanyi was the way everyone's best friend looked at them. Lately, she realized no best friend looked at their other best friend like that. That look, reserved for soul mates and partners, was deeper, bigger and more intense than anything else. Before, Jinsook mistook Sojung's longing for loneliness. But now, she knew that wasn't the case. Sojung wasn't lonely. She was heartbroken. And... Another realization, a little hidden before, but evidently there: the way Juyeon looked at some of the girls. At Luda. At Xiao. At Jiyeon... At... Jinsook herself. She could recognize that look anywhere; she had looked at someone like that, once, a long time ago. It felt like a lifetime before, but sitting there, watching a silly movie with the girls that became her family, old feelings came back rushing. With that, Jinsook panicked.