Steady deep breaths. Take it easy, be patient, just work hard and it will be alright.

Life in Korea was as hard as Yanan expected it to be. He knew what he was starting the moment he set his foot on the plane, mind full of worries, but heart beating fast in excitement, full of wishes and hopes. Life in Korea was also easier than he expected and he knew the main reason for that were amazing people that opened their arms to him the moment he walked into the new place he will have to slowly embrace back as his new home.

Back in China the fog that were his dreams allowed him to only see vague forms, edges blurred and deceptive. The air in Korea was different. It provided a clearer view of his goals and a clear path he had to follow to achieve them. It was comforting and unsettling at the same time – now he knew what he was supposed to do, but the road was much scarier than he imagined it to be. No one said it would be easy and Yanan might have still been a child, but he wasn’t stupid.

Sometimes it was hard to breathe, Yanan felt like suffocating. It was hard living in a foreign country, struggling with the unfamiliar language and having to work that much harder to be able to follow the people around him – the ones that were at home and also had more experience in everything they were supposed to do together. In times like that Changgu would be a breath of fresh air, allowing him to take it in and start breathing again.

Changgu provided protection and even though the Chinese boy didn’t really need it it was nice to have someone who openly showed that he cared. In Yanan’s opinion his roommate looked more fragile, the emotional, romantic boy wanting to be a support to both his hyungs and dongsaengs and really doing a great job. He knew the rest of the group would protect him if the need for it ever appeared, just like they would do for anyone else in their little Pentagon-shaped circle. But Changgu somehow always managed to be cheerful and appear stronger than he really was, doing his best to only bring joy, refusing to worry anyone even if he happened to have a hard time.

The air – not burdening anyone, even if there were times when they could sense the subtle changes in his mood, the slightly heavier days when Changgu’s air wasn’t so easy on himself, yet he still did his best to not make it any heavier on the rest of them. On those days Yanan was observing, noticing simple things like the older ones in the group extending a helping hand, gentle pats and words of encouragement – only to be met with another smile, a little less bright, but still so Changgu like. And the pressure would be gone after a moment, the air clear and light once again.

Even though he was aware of it from the beginning, with time Yanan truly understood the importance of Changgu in his life. The warm touch of a breeze carrying soft smiles, encouragement, help when it was most needed, effective, always on point, so effortlessly that the Chinese boy would be in awe when he would go back and think about it later – that’s who his roommate was, his one, most important, true friend. Pentagon’s Shanghai prince knew he would’ve survived without him, but it would’ve been much harder and he wasn’t sure if, after that heavy fog of struggles, he would’ve been the same person.

Changgu protected him alright. Embraced him harder than anyone, creating a shield around him with his own fragile body and shared all of his worries and bad moments before blowing them all far far away, making sure to make the shield stronger, better prepared for the future struggles.

The taller vocalist knew his friend did that for the rest of the family too, but it was different, more subtle and with what seemed to be less effort. And Yanan had mixed feelings, at the same time being slightly offended – he wasn’t a baby Changgu made him out to be, but also feeling special because of it. It confused him, but he couldn’t let himself to think much about it simply because he had so much on his mind in the first place. Life didn’t allow him to make things complicated with one person that mattered the most. So he just accepted Changgu for what he was.

He was a feather in the wind, floating from one person to another, filling their days with more smiles, more laughter, more love. The sound of his voice and of his own laughter echoed long after he’d leave the room, traces of his presence still evident in the air.

Changgu was maybe still searching for his place – after all, weren’t they all? Maybe he wasn’t even supposed to have a strict place, maybe his road was just different. They were all different, special in their own way – and Yanan thought that maybe this was Changgu’s special thing.

At the same time he was everywhere, like the air, surrounding them all. And like the air he was needed – for balance between them, for bringing joy in his own way, color to their music, love to their family – for making it possible to live.