Yanan was a big boy. It seemed like no one actually saw it as he was always being labeled as the baby of the group, his hyungs and even dongsaengs treating him like he had a long way to growing up, like he was the precious little innocent kid. It felt good to be pampered and somewhat sheltered – as much as a kpop idol could be. Yanan went through a lot, much like all of his band mates, if not more, considering that he was away from home, working and living in a foreign environment in a foreign language. He figured his looks and nature weren’t the only reason he got to be treated like a child, but the need his Pentagon family felt to protect him and help him out was only an addition to that. He was grateful for it as it helped him slip into the life he was leading now much easier. Yet he knew the time for him to stop being perceived as a child had to come and he found himself craving to break free from his baby image more and more often as time was passing.

In fact the feeling of wanting to break free became overwhelming at some point and Yanan finally felt like the little boy everyone saw him as should step away, give into growing up. The itch to try out new things – things he childishly labeled as bad in the past and things that scared him, to experiment and maybe even be reckless was a new kind of excitement and it was making him feel somewhat anxious, but also eager. He wanted to embrace that feeling, the scare of the unknown being incredibly tempting. He was aware it was childish, but that’s what he was – a child that needed to experience it all to grow up. Rushing into it all was a part of it as well, right?

At first he decided to just shyly show interest, pay more attention to his hyungs and their behavior, feeling like learning by observing wouldn’t do any harm. It was easy and not out of ordinary to keep quiet and just watch. However, soon it wasn’t enough as Yanan realized no one will take him seriously unless he changed his own behavior or showed what he wanted for himself. So, he started doing just that. And the most important person in his new family couldn’t understand it.

Changgu was the one who had always had his back. There was no time when the shorter vocalist wasn’t by his side ever since Yanan moved to Korea, throughout his training life, survival show, debut and after. Changgu’s name became synonym to Yanan’s life in Korea, to the life he has been living for some while now and the one that he expected to live in the future too. They were best friends, lifetime friends – Yanan said so himself. Having that friend wanting to protect the child in himself so desperately was heartwarming, cute even, until it wasn’t. Until it became annoying and suffocating, even though Changgu would probably be the last person in the world to suffocate the Chinese boy, the love and care for him so evident. Yanan was sure Changgu would never do anything to hurt him. Maybe because he was a child in his best friend’s eyes, something fragile and pure that should be handled with utmost care. And that was exactly why it was so annoying. Changgu just couldn’t understand.

When they made a decision for their next title track Yanan felt like the time has finally come. The eagerness was bordering with anxious panic, irrationally feeling like he will miss the opportunity, the last train to adulthood if he doesn’t do something now. The lyrics to Runaway hit him full force, they sounded awfully familiar, mirroring his emotions, his need to seek more of everything. It was time.

Lifetime friend who has always supported him couldn’t do it this time. So Yanan turned to seek support in other people, each heavy step he took further away from his best friend feeling that close to his goal. And he got a bit colder, the warmth his hyungs provided short lived, but that was what he signed up for. There were other ways that could replace that feeling of something lacking, right? So many changes he’ll have to go through, so many things he will gain in the end. He just needed to endure and everything will eventually be alright, it will all fall into place.

That’s how he started his run, speeding up with each step he took, the scenery around him soon blurring and the road ahead of him looking foreign, a bit scary, hence thrilling. It was a fall into unknown and it was strange because he was holding onto people around him, trying to find that feeling of safety he was used to. His family was far from unknown, but the feeling of peace still wasn’t there. However he just continued his run, running away from all the silly thoughts that reminded him of his childish image, trying to appear tougher, more grown up, seeking the adult world. Trying to overcome it all, hoping the peace and safety will wait for him in the end of the road.

Yanan ran, doing exactly what he was trying to escape from, childishly, foolishly leaving the only person he actually needed in his life behind.