*unedited

ONE MONTH AGO >

"Just ing get over the fact that all we do is and you'll feel the way that I do, which is amazing," he smiled up at the ceiling, answering your question like he had lost his mind. You had asked him how he felt about you in spun off into a small argument. Him replying like that. 

Who told a person that? What was the point of saying something like that to someone. Especially someone who was in love with you. How could you tell someone to not love you? To only accept the fact that you could only them and nothing more. 

You looked at him like he was stupid and you had to stop yourself from punching his lights out as he spoke to you like that. As if it was nothing- like you were nothing. 

Basically kim Jongin stated that you meant nothing,in so many words you were just another who he sticked nothing more. to him had no face and you were just another one of those. But he had some attachment to you because he kept coming back to you. He's done this to no other girl unless he was dating you. And if you were dating him prepare to be cheated on because he was unfaithful like a motherer. 

You blinked back tears as you tried to come up only to feel down about it. You just didn't understand why and how he couldn't catch feelings. You had over and over it didn't make sense as to why he hadn't felt anything for you yet. You both ruined your relationship and crossed a line- which you should have never done. Now it was beyond repair and what was done had been done. 

"Whatever," you said not wanting to talk about it anymore because every time you talked about it you felt a wrenching pain in the pit of your stomach- and you didn't know what to do as you felt like dying. 

You didn't understand how he made you feel angry and happy at the same time. Every Time he gave you something he would ruin it by taking it away. Making you remember why you wanted to hate him instead of love him. 

You had fallen in love with him and you had told him - but he just didn't seem to care, like how your relationship was which was friends with benefits and nothing more. 

"What why are you always getting mad? What did I do this time?" He said getting annoyed. " you act like you are my girlfriend. We both agreed that this wouldn't go beyond - and yet you keep breaking the rules" Jongin looked at you in annoyance and got off your bed and started to pull his boxes on searching for the rest of his clothes on the floor.

You watched him feeling a pain in your chest as he dismissed everything about you and how you felt. Your feelings didn't matter to him. He didn't care that you loved him. 

He sighed not even sparing you a glance as he zipped up his jeans and turned his shirt inside right which was inside out and pulled it over his head smoothing the wrinkled out in the process. 

"Don't come back," was all you barley manage to say and he paused looking at you his eye brows knitted together.

"What did you just say," he said in a tone that was angry. 

You gave him your undivided attention and looked him straight in the eyes, " I said don't come back," he didn't know how hard it was for you to say that. That every bone in your body felt broken and your soul felt like it was going to slip out between the cracks. 

No, he didn't know that your stomach was twisting and turning thinking about how you wouldn't be able to see him if he really didn't come back and that left you stressed. 

What he didn't know was that you were one strand away from losing all your senses your mind body and soul numb from all the pain and endurance you were hit with when he disrespected your heart, mind, body, and soul. 

Just why  couldn't you be the one for him why couldn't he love you. What did you mean to him exactly?

"Fine really if that's what you want," he began grabbing his things," but you know I won't be gone for long, you'll want me again even if I can't give you everything you want," he looked at you before exiting your bedroom. 

"Were done when I say where done, so figure out exactly what your saying and come find me or I'll find you," 

You got up your frame following him to the front door of your apartment. "I'm done!" You screamed, " I can't keep doing this   with you," 

"Y/n ..." he sighed. "You don't know what your saying, your angry-"

"No," and of course you began to cry. "I'm not some toy you can use when your nuts need to be emptied. You act like you don't care about me at all but I bet if some other guy ed me you would be pissed." 

"Go ahead someone else I don't care!" He laughed. You looked at him taken aback. How could he just- 

That was like a stab to the heart kim Jongin had done it again. He had made you feel even lower than you already thought you could possibly feel. He really just didn't care did he?

"FINE ILL CALL BAEKHYUN AND ILL LET HIM ME FROM NOW ON I DONT NEED YOU! OR HOW ABOUT CHANYEOL?!" You we're now screaming on the top of your lungs and Kai was taken aback by your outbursts. You looked insane. 

He became angry and started yelling back at you."Y/N I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS-"

You were in his face now. "BUT YOU SAID YOU DON'T CARE WHO I SO-"

He grabbed you to him and his eyes became darker from the anger pulsating threw him. "Your mine," he hissed.

You would have thought that you would feel good about him claiming you but you had only felt worse. 

You pushed him away from you, "NO I'M NOT YOUR ING PROPERTY -IM NOT YOURS WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT! YOU DON'T GIVE TWO S ABOUT ME!!!" You kept pushing him and pushing him and hitting his chest. Having a mental break down because kim Jongin couldn't do one simple thing: He couldn't love you. You were just a simple for him. to pass time with and everytime you thought about it it broke you down.

"I ING HATE YOUUU!!!! You sobbed. 

Jongin tried to hold onto while you broke down into his arms. His just staring at your broken frame. He held you to him trying to protect you from yourself. As you went insane over the whole situation. But what he really needed to protect you from was from him. Lucifer himself. He was evil, heartless- cold hearted. 

The way you cried in front of him made him believe you would become sick afterwards. 

"Why can't you stop?! You cried. "I want it to stop," you cried over and over. Hitting him and hitting him. 

Jongin wasn't for sure what exactly you were referring to- he was just so ing oblivious. He was so into himself to care, he was so ing blind. but he felt the need to tell you. "I'll stop, shhhh, I won't treat you like that anymore I'm sorry," He kept repeating it but you didn't believe him. You wouldn't believe him. Not when you were degraded

To the point of no return.

-end of flash back-

You stood in the shower trying to wash kim Jongin off of you. You felt like after you relapsed. You scrubbed your skin until it felt red because you felt so dirty. You felt cheap and disgusting. 

You let him have you again even after you told yourself you were done with him. But truth was  you weren't done. Even if you didn't want to admit it he was right. You would come back to him.  With angry open arms.

You dropped the puff with the soap on it and raked your hands through your hair letting the water drown every strand. The hot water opening your senses. 

You began to cry while Jongin laid in your soiled bed fast asleep. So here you were again huh? Creating turmoil and despair. You knew how you would end up so why were you playing yourself again. 

You tried to hold it in but you couldn't your sobs became cries and it filled the bathroom walls. You held your mouth to silence yourself sliding down the tiled wall. It hurt. It hurt so bad. How would you ever be okay with him around.  

"Baby," the door door to the bathroom opened and you froze. You wiped your face as best as you could and you stood up abruptly. 

Kai pulled back the curtain coming in behind you, "I missed you," you didn't say anything. You didn't want your interior to break. He kissed your neck and ran his hands all over your body. Circling you in his arms. 

"Your trapped, you'll never leave me," he smiled into the skin of your neck. "You'll always be mine huh baby?" You squeezed your eyes shut. "No other guy can touch you and you the way I can. You only for me okay," he contributed to touch you like that leaving you breathless. Your mind forgetting how upset you were because of him was some dark magic he had on you. 

He left no time and shoved himself into making you gasp out as he ed you under the shower water the sounds of the water trapped between your body with every he made into you. 

He pushed you forward and drove deeper into you. Making you cry out as pleasure filed your whole system. His fingers dig into your hips as his pace fastened and you felt like . 

He grabbed your and squeezed then let go as he felt you slipping from him. You cried out for him.  "Jongi-" you tried, but he kept hitting it in the right places. 

His face was full of lust as he lost himself inside you. You always made him fell pure bliss and if he let himself he could fall for you. But he wouldn't Jongin didn't know what Love was.  This was something you didn't know. And something he didn't know how to tell. 

As much as he didn't want to admit it he was addicted to you. Everything about you was so enticing. Your whole everything had him locked on you but again he would never admit that to you though. 

You screamed as you kept getting closer the feeling of him ing in and out of you making you feel so good. Too good. Your missed the way he felt inside of you and you hated that you felt that way. He would always have you by the .

" for me y/n," he growled, and just like that you did.  The sound of his voice getting you off like the cheap you were for him.