Seeing  him was the definition of pain. You stood there paralyzed from the PTSD you were  scarred with, came rushing back making you want to vomit on the roller coaster ride you was about to embark on.  He noticed you instantly and his eyes were undetachable - unreadable, a bunch of hesitation in his movements, because you know he had to remember. He had to remember That you were done with his games.  you only screamed it in his face a hundred times  that one day last month. That melt down you had. You called it the melt down month.

Because you couldn't take it anymore you couldn't take it from Kim Jongin anymore. He was always doing this thing with you. Making you a wreck and then fixing you to his liking only to tear down what he “fixed” it was like cat and mouse with him except he wasn't really chasing you. He would and then he would let you run on your own with no intention in catching you. Making you look like the you were. The you knew you were about to be.

Now you didn't even want anything at the convenience store you couldn’t take it any longer so you turned the other way, but wait there's more, and he followed after you. There was always more when it came to Kim Jongin. It would be him if it wasn’t, it wouldn't be him to keep runiening  your life the way he has.

All the way to your house a clear ten minute walk,no talking, him just following behind you like a lost dog. Because that’s what he was: a ing dog. Plus he didn’t belong here so he was a lost piece of . Why? because he was doing it again. Even after he agreed not to. Even after you screamed on the top of your lungs that you didn't want anything to do with him again- here he was. A real live piece of .

You hesitated opening the door -your back to him. But when he was pressed up against you with “open it “breathed against your ear you couldn’t help it. You felt obligated to open it.  You opened it and he grabbed you close to him your back against his chest as he walked you to your bedroom. you still haven’t looked at him since you seen him in the convenience store and you didn’t want to look at him. You didn't want to be disgusted.

That ing degrading monster the one that used you the way he did, even when he said he would stop but it was hard when he lived in your area and upon seeing you it drove him insane for him to be close to you again. But why?

But he always chose the other girl right?!

It just didn’t make any sense to you why he would be with someone else when he couldn’t stay away from you. He was always cheating on his girlfriend with with you , even when he didn’t have a girlfriend he still came to you because his deprivation.

It was old it was getting real old yet you still let him do this to you.

He pushed you down on the bed head first, you face smothered into the bed. He ripped your pants down aggressively and no one said anything and you still had not  looked at him  because you were guilty and  emotional for not telling him off,but you wanted it just as much and it made you disgusted to want to be treated like that. Because it was Kim Jongin. It was your fault as much as it was his truly.

Your was exposed and he ran his roughly manly hand across it before he violently smacked it. Your yelp into the mattress. He held his hand there as if to mask the pain letting his finger dangle to your woman hood and pressed it in. You instantly .

With the other hand he unbuckled his pants and his sprang free he put his thickness against you and you squeezed your eyes shut anticipating the wait and then he shoved it it earring  scream from you that not even the bed could mask.

If you could see his face you would know that his eyes rolled to back of his head after not being here in you for about a month. If you could see his face now as he ed the out of you from behind like that you would know that he couldn't take his eyes off you. He loved making you squirm for him and moan like that it was him that dd that no other guy did this for you and that's how he liked it.

He violently took it out on you, not being around you for a month took a tole on him,  you knew because the way he was ing you making it hurt so good. Something must have happened and you were there to ease the pain. Always. Even if you didn't see him at the convenience store he would have probably showed up a few days later on your doorstep because simply Kim jongin didn't go away no. he gave space but he wasn't done until he wanted to be done no one could ever tell Kim jongin he wasn't welcomed. And you knew that whatever argument you had with him was a waste of breath.always.

He had both of  his strong hands guiding you back and forth on his as hard as he could and that you could barely take but you bit down with pride and took it because when you relaxed a little and  didn’t think about it it felt so ing good. Pain mixed with pleasure.

Finally, he pulled out and grabbed you up to finally look at him. The moment of silence. He calmed for a second the monster in him calming and he caresses his face as he looked into your eyes you looked down and he motioned for you to look up. You grimaced under hs stare,  and he kissed you picking you up turning around and sitting on the bed with you on top of him he made out with you hungrily and he held you close to his body as close as possible. Like he didn't want to lose you.

His man hood brushed against your aching mound and you wanted more you disgustingly wanted more. And he gave it to you when he reaslied you wanted it that you finally gave into him again making him smile. he slid in easily and help you rid him while sitting on the edge of the bed.

He never stopped kissing you either he kept your lips hostage as he ed you making you want to let go because you wanted to let go but you couldn't completely let go because you still had to keep your guard up with him. Being with kai was dangerous. And you were damaged goods.

It was almost like he was making love to his long time girlfriend but you knew you were far from that. Just some ex best friend of his who he used friends with benefits with  because you both had ruined your friendship a month ago when you had that meltdown you had catched feelings and he catched another girlfriend. But he kept coming back to you using you whenever he seen you or popped over. And it was a drag. And you were never going to get out. It was dragging you down deep into the dark. You weren’t the same and it made you depressed

He moaned finally letting go of your mouth his hand swept over your and it caused you to shiver while his thick ed you.

“Jongin, you moaned. And there it went. No man had ever made you but Kai they tried but you faked it every time but this man this handsome bastard of a man could. No wonder you were hooked on it. Why you let him do whatever to you because he had you by the .

“That’s good baby girl, hold on for me,” he growled in your ear both hands grabbing you to his body as he sat on the edge of the bed ing you he put his head in the crook of your neck and you tangled your hands in his hard you could feel him deep down inside you and he swelled a little he was about to .

“ baby,” and with no , no protection,and  without you taking any birth control he came inside you. You feeling it as it squirted out inside you. And even with the circumstances Jongin only had unprotected with you. the only thing you had on all those girlfriends of his but still you were the one losing.

And you didn't know why.