In Kenta's vocabulary, "Lie" was a word he had been constantly crossing of in his mind. He hated lying so much. He had always believed that the truth should be told to the people involved. Lying destroys trust, an essential thing Kenta valued so much, no matter how much people told him to trust them yet, resulting to the undesired results of broken promises or failures.

"Trust me, Kenta. You'll get better." That was what the people around him always said to him, as he breathed through a respiratory equipment, staring at them, looking quite lifeless and pitiful.

"Just hang in there, for a little more, okay?" They said, as they held his hand, to which Kenta barely sensed, anymore.

They kept repeating those words, but Kenta got no better. His health was deteriorating day by day, which soon, led to a sleep no one had wished for, but Kenta. Kenta knew he himself wanted to give up. How much longer was he going to endure? How much longer was he going to feel the pain? How much longer was he going to fight back?

Please just tell me the truth. I'm not getting any better. Please stop. He wished, because those lies were just a cover up for what was his real condition. And, until the end, he hated lies for keeping the painless life he was silently calling for, away from him.

But not until a Chinese man with foxlike eyes, staring with a blank expression, came into his life.

I'm not lying. He convinced himself. True enough, he wasn't deceiving the younger male with lies, but he was keeping him out in the dark. He was keeping him out of the truth.

That man Yongguk saw when he fainted? That. That was Kenta. The Kenta he couldn't talk about. The Kenta he couldn't even live, anymore.

Kenta woke up, the temperature seemingly matching to his liking -- just how his body can manage, unlike the usual temperature that nearly froze him to death, every day.

Oh? But strange enough, he could wiggle his toes without much effort, lift his gaze with ease, and take in deep breaths stably.

The crushing pain from the day before, was no longer in his senses. It was as if he had really gotten better. Maybe those assurances of him getting better were true, in the end.

He felt lighter, and his eyelids did not feel heavy. Moreover, he felt strong -- strong enough to get out of that bed he had been occupying for too long that Kenta himself doesn't remember how long anymore.

He felt an overwhelming strength that actually let him get out of his bed and stand on his feet.

Kenta heard the door rustle and turned towards the direction of the door.

He saw the usual nurse who regularly checked up on him, and greeted her with a smile, although amused at the fact that he has the energy to form a smile.

But something was wrong. The nurse didn't pay him a look. She just went straight to the heart rate monitor. And there, Kenta saw himself - lying on the bed with his eyes closed.

What was happening? Was he dead? But he can't possibly be dead, or the monitor should've went off.

Amidst all of this confusion, there stood his family, faces of despair and misery as tears stream down their cheeks but not wanting to go near Kenta's bed.

Soon, Kenta just found himself watching the Kenta on the bed get wheeled away from the room of 6 patient-capacity he had grown accustomed to.

Was it sometime around May? Honestly, Kenta doesn't remember anymore since when he fell under comatose, but all he knew was that he was living his life out of his physical body since then. And, although he has a lot of things he cannot do, he was fine. Because finally, he truly felt better. Maybe it would be just temporary, but Kenta did not care. He was free.

In a span of a month, he learned that no one can see him. He cannot go beyond the hospital entrances/exits nor can he touch things, except if that thing touches him first. Yet, he can slide doors using his feet, lean on things like the wall, and lie on his bed.

A month, and all of these still felt surreal to him, why and how did he even get to this situation? All he remembers was that he wished. He wished to stop all the pain, yet not wanting to leave this world. Because no matter how much deeper he drowns in this pool of pain, he did not want to leave the world he lived in.

Ever since he was declared comatose, his physical body was transferred two floors above his previous room and was now occupying a solo room. But somehow, he still went back to his previous room. How many months did he spend here? Or was it years?

But maybe, it was a good choice, because he met Yongguk, in the end.

~~~~

At times, Kenta was on the receiving end of the unexpected questions, while Yongguk was the one questioning. And Kenta won't deny that when Yongguk asks something, it's a matter of confirmation, not an actual question which means, he has no way in avoiding it.

"You dragged me there, on purpose, right?" Yongguk suddenly brought up. Kenta just furrowed his eyebrows, not wanting to say anything, in case he lies.

"Where?" Kenta cautiously asked back to the Chinese.

"Who are you? What are you?" The other asked, again. He can see through Kenta's wavering eyes, and he would be lying if he didn't feel guilty for asking. They were fine, after all. Everything was fine, if he just pretended that he hasn't been doubting Kenta since that day. Since the day he fainted right in front of the room of someone whose surname is Takada, too.

Kenta fell silent. What do I do?

Yongguk sighed, this was going nowhere. He smiled, and looked at Kenta, eyes soft, and loving, that tells the other I'm here for you, trust me. Because he really was there, for the older male. There's no way he would leave him hanging in the air. "Tell me, will you?" he pleaded, piercing right through the other's sparkling yet nervous eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~

October 11 2017

Life is unfair. But somehow, Kenta has learned to be selfless along the run.

To someone, this day might've been the worst day ever, but to someone else, this was a day that gave a new light of hope in one's life. While you are mourning for your loss, there will be people who are crying tears of relief and joy for the blessings they were given to.

It has been quite a while ever since Kenta felt cold, even if the air conditioner was set to the regular temperature. He has been feeling weird, recently. He felt emptier as days pass by, with him just wandering endlessly in this hospital building that was like his second home, but still felt unusually lonely.

It was as if he had lost a part of him.

Kenta knew he'd be better off without listening to what the doctor was about to say to his parents, but who cares? It's not like they know he was listening, anyway. Besides, he'd rather learn about it himself than hear the sugarcoated words they're going to whisper to him. He didn't want to see the tears in their eyes, as they lie that he'd get better.

Kenta snapped back to reality, as he heard a sniffle from his mother. He was standing right behind them, but he didn't realize that he was preoccupied with something else, and mentally slapped himself for not paying attention.

~~~~~~~

While Kenta was going through, perhaps, the worst of the worst he could ever go, Yongguk was just inside his room, reading a book, silently waiting for someone to barge into his room. And of course, someone did. It was a day of blessing for Yongguk, after all.

"Yongguk-ah!"

Yongguk lifted his gaze from the book he was reading, to the man standing by the door, with one hand grabbing his knee as he panted quickly from too much running, and excitement.

It was Youngmin, now with a hair color of a shade of something that looks like orange or brown. He was smiling from ear to ear, despite the loss of proper breathing. The man on the bed just looked at him, blankly yet, questioning. Why did his friend run all the way here, anyway?

"What's the matter?" Yongguk asked him, with a chuckle.

Youngmin huffed and jumped his way to the younger's bed, and with a smile, he brought an unexpected news to Yongguk, unconscious about the fact that someone else was in the middle of suffering from different emotions.

~~~~

How does one pinpoint what they are feeling when emotions can be vague? At this point, Kenta honestly did not know what to do nor what to feel.

His wish has been granted.

He was supposed to be happy. He was supposed to be relieved. He was supposed to be anything except sad. But why do tears keep on falling from his eyes? Why does his heart ache so much? Why do his hands tremble? Why can't he process anything?

What was his wish again? Oh. Right. To end all his pain.

And so, his pain did go away. The physical one, yes, but the emotional pain was still there, and perhaps, it will continue to stay inside of him.

His mother was weeping because his son has gone beyond the point where he can no longer wake up no matter how long they wait nor try. His father had his arms wrapped around his mother from beside her. And by the sight of it, Kenta knew he wanted his wish to be retracted. He wanted to live more. He wanted to listen to those lies for false hope. He wanted to see Yongguk with his real self. He wanted to wake up. He wanted to live.

The doctor informed them of Kenta's progress of which, in this case, has been for the worse. Or worst.

He was beyond saving. He wasn't literally dead, but medically dead.

Kenta had come from being in comatose to being brain dead. It was irreversible, and his brain has stopped functioning, yet his heart is still beating with the help of a machine.

Staying in that room was hell for all of them, but it was inevitable. And eventually, they had to talk about what they'd like to do with Kenta.

Around a week from then, everything would come to an end. A week from then, there'd be no Kenta in everyone's life. A week from then, Kenta would no longer be there, wandering around the hallways, or just being adorable in his own way.

October 18, 2017.

D-Day. A goodbye for Kenta, and a new chance for Yongguk. An inescapable end for one, and a hopeful start for the other.

And at this time, despite Kenta's world crashing into millions of pieces, being the selfless of a person he was, he just wished for Yongguk to not forget him, ever. He won't, right?

"If you go before me, then I can promise you that I won't forget you. Even if you can't promise me anything. Whatever lies in store in our future, even if only one of us will remain, in the end. Even if you leave me behind. No matter what, or how long, I'll always think of you." The younger male assured, as he shot a concerned look to the older male who has been crying continuously for a few minutes. Yongguk grew worried because it looked like Kenta wasn't going to stop crying anytime, soon.

Kenta tried speaking, but all Yongguk heard was gibberish words in which he can't formulate anything with.

The Chinese man chuckled at the sight of Kenta looking like a kid, wiping his tears.

"And if it happens that the odds would be against me, and I forget a part or the whole of you, then I would try. I will always try to remember. Can you, at least, not forget about that?" Yongguk added, earning rushed nods from the crying older male.

"Always remember, that I'm here, and you have the whole of my heart. I have no means of getting it back, nor do I want to. But it's fine. It's you, after all." Yongguk concluded, and engulfed the older in a hug, to which Kenta returned with a bone-crushing one and buried his face against Yongguk's neck.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

 

"I'll hide. You'll seek."

"Okay."

"You have to find me, alright?"