Sometimes, Yongguk just gets surprised every time Kenta asks him things, for they were mostly at the most random and unexpected moments. He’d normally laugh at the dummy level questions, but will cry his heart out, at the deepest questions Kenta have asked. And this one, was somewhere in between, that Yongguk did not feel like crying. 

"Why are you here?" Kenta asked out of nowhere, while his toes fidget with each other, pertaining as to why Yongguk was staying in this hospital.  

Yongguk turned a page of the book he was reading, when the question was asked to him. He answered, "Because I'm sick. A lot." He chuckled, even if nothing was funny. He smiled, even if nothing was worth smiling for. "How about you?" The Chinese asked in return.  

Kenta hummed a monotone "Hmm...", and let silence take over for a while. But he shrugged, and said "I'm sick, too? A lot more than you."  

Maybe they feared disclosing what their chances of living are, for it would either make them hope or pity. After all, they've gotten closer, for the time being, and they both can't deny the attachment they've built from each other.  

But Yongguk, for some reason, had the courage to open up.  

"Hmm... I may not live that long, actually." He chuckled, again, more lifeless than ever. Kenta turned his head to the other’s direction, and on his lips, were a bitter smile. Because, he, too, may not live that long.  

“We’re the same, then.” Kenta replied, and scrunched his nose, making a goofy face.  

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“Yongguk-ah! Let’s go to the garden! Garden!!!” Kenta exclaimed on the top of his lungs which woke the hell out of Yongguk who was in a deep slumber earlier. 

Yongguk’s eyes shot open with frustration, and he was greeted by a jumping Kenta who was all around the room. 

How is he so energetic early in the morning?  Yongguk groaned in his mind, as he caught a glimpse of the time. 7:30am. 

“What garden?” Yongguk asked, unaware of the fact that the hospital just opened their garden which was renovated for quite some time. 

Kenta just smiled at him in the most mischievous way, which Yongguk did not fail to be mesmerized in an odd way. The elder stretched one arm in front of Yongguk, to which the other just stared at, unable to process what was happening.  

“Give me your hand.” Kenta says, quite excitedly. The younger just lightly placed his hand to the elder’s, and the next thing he knows, he was being dragged out of the room to probably the garden, at a ridiculously fast pace.  

Suddenly, Yongguk realized something.  

"Why didn't we use the elevator, though?" He asked the elder, who was still holding his hand tightly, as his free hand clutches on the fabric just above his chest while panting raggedly after running through 2 floors using the stairs. 

Kenta looked at the other like the idea of using the elevator never crossed his mind, and his eyes later widened with the younger's realization. 

"Oh? Why didn't I think of that?" Kenta asked himself, which made Yongguk slap him in his mind. "But, it's more exciting to take the stairs, hehe." Kenta said, and smiled, showing his snaggletooth. 

Kenta dragged him, through the hallway, because the garden was on the other side of the wing they are in. And once, again, Yongguk asks Kenta (but only in his mind) Why didn't we take the other stairs, then? 

As they covered more footsteps, Yongguk found it hard to breathe. Maybe he was exhausted from running a lot, or maybe it was because Kenta was holding his hand like it was the most natural thing to do? 

Did I forget to drink medicine, last night? Yongguk mentally cursed at the sudden thought of going straight to sleep after Shihyun left, and forgetting to drink his medicine, which resulted to him having difficulties at that moment. 

"Hyu...ng..." Yongguk breathlessly, almost no sound came out, called out to the elder. He tried pulling Kenta to stop, but he was in too much pain for him to even tighten their hold. His eyelids are becoming heavy, but he caught a glimpse of somewhat an opened door of a patient's room. The room had a clear glass window, so he could see through what was inside. And all of a sudden, it was as if time slowed down. 

What... What was that? The figure of a man lying on a bed, and beside the bed was a life-support machine. And somehow, it looked like the man who is currently holding his hand. 

Yes, he was in too much pain, and he might not have the best of his mind state at that time but, no, he was sure he wasn't seeing things. That. That was Kenta, lying on the bed, lifeless, and skinnier. 

Yongguk tripped on his own feet, as he slowly lost consciousness due to difficulty in breathing, which halted Kenta's movements. Kenta looked back, and his eyes widened in shock as he saw Yongguk. 

"Yongguk-ah! What's wrong? Yongguk-ah!" He shook the younger man, as he tightly held his shoulders, but Yongguk was not answering him.  

"I'll get help. Get a grip of yourself, Yongguk-ah!" Kenta said, and ran off, to where they came from, calling for help. 

Yongguk, on the other hand, was drifting into unconsciousness, as he pants quickly to breathe air despite the difficulty in doing so. His eyes recklessly wandered around, although it is unknown whether he was able to process whatever he saw. 

His eyes, although blurry, landed on the wall plaque of the room. 

Takada Ken-- 

Yongguk completely lost consciousness, and his head fell against the cold surface of the white tiles of the quiet hallway. 

But somehow, his auditory senses did not fail to hear the constant noise of a heart rate monitor, signifying loss of heartbeat of the person being monitored. 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

October 23, 2017 

"Maybe Kenta isn't real but is just the result of your desire for comfort, and company. You were quite miserable, back then, Yongguk-ah." Youngmin said, in hopes to convince Yongguk out of his delusions about the so-called Kenta. But it just confused Yongguk more than clear anything up. 

"Miserable?" Yongguk asked, with brows furrowed. 

"You always talk to yourself, and wander around by yourself. The nurses back then thought you were crazy. There was one time when you were just seen lying on the floor, two floors above your previous room. And the moment you woke up, you asked about that Kenta to me." Youngmin answered. 

The only thing Yongguk managed to reply back to his older friend was just "Huh?" And a frustrated frown, for he cannot remember anything Youngmin has told him. 

"Look, Yongguk-ah, how about you just forget whatever it is. You can't remember it, anyway." The elder continued, and finished off with a sigh. 

With that, Yongguk did not know how to respond. He didn't know what to do, he was drowning with confusing thoughts. Who was Kenta? How did he act, back then? What was he like, before? Is he... Crazy? 

"Can you leave me alone, hyung? I'm sorry... It's just..." He didn't know how to describe what he's feeling, nor can he decide on what to believe. Youngmin wouldn't lie to him, but he, himself, is refusing to let go of the memories of Kenta, despite the absence of a large portion of these memories. 

Youngmin left him, and there Yongguk exhaled so loud, as if he was trying to empty himself out. 

There was too much going on his head, yet he was just staring blankly onto the wall across him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

4 days left, and Yongguk will, soon, be discharged. And here came Youngmin, once again, silently peeling an apple for Yongguk who was busy reading another book for cats, because he greatly misses two of his cats. 

Youngmin, although still worried, didn't bring up anything about Kenta, anymore. And Yongguk never mentioned Kenta either. After a while, Yongguk got fed up of just staying in his room, because it’s just almost all white, and dull. Youngmin, who caught this, spoke up, “Have you gone to the garden?” Although he didn’t know where the garden was, he just asked, in hopes that Yongguk might want to consider going there for some fresh air.  

Yongguk absentmindedly shook his head, his hair going sideways along his response. So, Youngmin offered to accompany him to the garden. Yongguk slowly slipped off his bed, and took a sit onto the wheelchair Youngmin arranged for him. Yongguk, after all, cannot exhaust himself from physical activities.  

Youngmin wheeled him, out of his room, but stopped, ad said, “I honestly don’t know where it is, though. Do you?”  

Yongguk, although wondering how he knew the answer, replied, “Two floors above, on the opposite wing.” Youngmin uttered a soft, “Mhm”, and continued wheeling him into the nearest elevator.  

They arrived there, not long after, but Yongguk, as usual, was drowned in his own thoughts which are about Kenta, obviously.  

The flowers’ scents greeted them, as they passed through the doorway, and the man on the wheelchair knew this feeling was familiar. It somehow reminds him of Kenta, and now, he can’t keep his smile suppressed, because this time, he was sure. That Kenta is someone he met not long ago, yet he had feelings for him, dear enough to be remembered by the heart even if the mind doesn’t.  

“You’re thinking of him, aren’t you?” The elder teased, as he felt Yongguk reminiscing. The other just nodded his head, and closed his eyes.  

“I’m sorry, but I believe in him. And, I’m going to find him, no matter how, where, and how long it will take.” He confessed, making the elder sigh, and ruffle his hair. Yongguk looked up to him, and saw him smiling, as if he expected it, and that he understood his reasons.  

“Don’t come crying to me, if you realize I’m right.” He scoffed, and let go of his hold on the wheelchair. He left Yongguk to be alone, and think some more, but he didn’t go anywhere far just in case, an emergency came up.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Unexpected questions in an unexpected place, under an unexpectedly great weather, are the worst, Yongguk thinks. He had expected a dumb question, and then he’ll play along Kenta’s childishness by answering nonsensical things. But, he was taken aback by the question Kenta had come up with. 

“Aren’t you scared of dying?” Kenta asked, as he sat on one of the circular concrete seat walls that enclosed plants inside the circle, while staring at the full blue skies filled with cotton-like clouds scattered everywhere, though, the sun was out of sight because it was too early for the sun to shine directly above them.  

It doesn't take much for Kenta to notice that Yongguk is flustered at the question, because he had caught him staring, with a hanging jaw. The Japanese man can't help but laugh, the moment he saw the other. And the sound of his laughter brought back Yongguk to his senses.  

He looked up at the same sky Kenta was staring at, earlier, and thought of an answer, as he let himself indulge the soft tune of Kenta's hum.  

Sure, he may be dying, but he hasn't really thought of it much, because he's not the type to do so. He's just someone who takes what comes. But, it wouldn't hurt to think about this now, right?  

He took a deep breath, and looked Kenta in the eye. The other did the same. He smiled to the Japanese man, and spoke.  

"I've never been scared of death." He said, and Kenta just listened. "But, I am afraid of being forgotten because I know after some time, everyone will forget me. What I am, who I am, they'll all forget." He chuckled, while Kenta just stared at him.  

"People forget even if the person is there, what more is he or she's no longer there?" He stopped, trying to hold back his voice from cracking up, and stifle his tears from flowing out. His sight became blurry, and he was unsure if Kenta knew he was on the verge of crying, but he continued. "Even you, perhaps. You'll forget me, too. And, I don't want that." He stopped, again, and Kenta just listened.  

"Selfish, right?" He ended, and a tear fell from his right eye. It hurt him to think that everyone he loves, as a family or romantically, might forget the little things they've done, together. It hurt him to think that those memories might not hold a special place in their hearts in minds,   

"Strangely sentimental, aren't you?" Kenta teases, although, his eyes are also filled with tears. Yongguk chuckles, one that is lifeless, yet amused at himself for being able to chuckle, because after all, Yongguk knows in himself that he's the most sentimental, compared to the people he met in his entire life.  

"If it isn't true, then why are you crying?" Yongguk asked, the tears in his eyes had long been gone.  

But no, Kenta wasn't crying about being forgotten. He did not want to think about that, because he knows that, at the very least, his family won't forget him, and of course, Yongguk will remember, too. He cried because he couldn't promise Yongguk, anything. No matter how loud his inner voice has been shouting "I won't forget you." but his lips decided to betray, and seal itself on its own. 

No matter how Yongguk prayed in his mind, although not that religious, that Kenta says the opposite of what he expects, Kenta didn't. Kenta just cried.  

Because after all, Kenta's dead, and it would just hurt to promise something he cannot fulfill.